Apple's Angst

by Rebecca Eckler

  Apple would have to remember to tell Happy that Fancy Nancy had complimented her boots. Happy would love that.

  Apple, walking slowly and unsteadily, followed Fancy Nancy to the end of the hall. Fancy Nancy walked fast, as if she were late for an important meeting. Apple was not sure she would have been able to keep up with Fancy Nancy’s energized pace even if she had been wearing flip-flops or was barefoot.

  “Have a seat,” Fancy Nancy said when they entered her spacious office, pointing to two black chairs. She sat behind her large oak desk. There was not one stray piece of paper. Apple had never been so relieved to sit down. She could swear she felt wetness on her pinky toe, which could only mean that her feet were blistering and bleeding. Great, thought Apple. How disgusting.

  Apple looked out the window behind Fancy Nancy to the stunning view of the mountains. It was so beautiful. She found it depressing that Fancy Nancy’s couldn’t see the beautiful scenery as she worked. She also wondered how Fancy Nancy remained so pale—almost ghost-like—when 285 days of the year were sunny where they lived. She must pile on the level-50 sunblock every hour. There was something fascinating about seeing someone look so pale and young and yet so stylish at the same time. It was kind of like seeing a vampire. Apple was also amazed to see a treadmill and a spinning bike in her office.

  “As you know,” Fancy Nancy started, “we saw you on that very touching show a while back. Ever since, everyone at Angst has been pretty obsessed with you. The way you admitted what you had done to your best friend, all for a guy! The way you cried! It was so deliciously evil. I mean, of course, we’ve all been there. But it takes a special someone to go on television and own up to that. It takes someone with courage. Even I wouldn’t have done that. You’re one brave girl!”

  “Thanks,” Apple said. “I think,” she added.

  “I don’t mean that in a bad way. Truth be told, we also just never knew that Dr. Bee Bee Berg had a daughter who fitted right into our target demographic. And you were so well spoken, so real, that we all think you will fit in quite nicely here. We’d been talking for ages about having a teenage advice columnist, but we had forgotten about it until we saw you on the show and thought, ‘Bingo. That’s her!’ You have that real quality, and if I can be truthful, it doesn’t hurt that your mother is so well known. We love celebrities around here. We live, eat, and breathe celebrities and their lifestyles.”

  “Thank you, I think,” Apple said again, hating herself for sounding so unsure. All she had said so far was “Thank you. I think.”

  Fancy Nancy probably thought she was a moron and was regretting even offering her the gig, Apple thought, her confidence waning. She had the urge to tell her, “It’s okay. You can change your mind. You don’t have to have me here,” though the thought of breaking that news to Happy and her mother was distressing.

  She glanced out the glass door into the hallway. Everyone moved with purpose. Surprisingly, Apple suddenly could imagine working here. As Brooklyn would say, the place had a good vibe. It was electrifying.

  “Things are getting very exciting here at Angst,” Fancy Nancy continued. “We’re branching out, too. We’ve just got word that we’re starting a television show—once a week, but hopefully they’ll pick it up at least a couple more days. It will be called Angst TV and will be aired on a cable network and as a podcast.”

  “Wow. That’s great!” Apple said. “I had no idea.”

  “You had no idea that we were working on Angst TV,” pressed Fancy Nancy, with a hint of annoyance. Apple picked up on the change in Fancy Nancy’s tone immediately and realized she had misspoken.

  “Oh, sure. I mean I’ve read that it was in the works, but I had no idea that it was actually happening. That’s awesome,” Apple said. She was sure her voice sounded meek.

  “It is great. We’ve been working on it for a long time. We’re hoping the readers who love Angst will also watch Angst TV and download the podcast from our website. We’re going to be bringing the print magazine live on television, with fashion tips from famous designers and interviews with celebrities we feature that week in our magazine. We’re also hoping that viewers who happen upon Angst TV will start reading the magazine. You must be comfortable on television, since you grew up around it, right, Apple?” Fancy Nancy asked, looking Apple directly in the eyes.

  Apple didn’t want to disappoint Fancy Nancy and tell her that she rarely even watched her mother’s show, except when Happy and Brooklyn forced her to. But Apple was loyal to her mother. She would never admit that she didn’t particularly care for the guests on her show, or for the idea of the show, to anyone except her very best friends.

  “Of course. I’ve watched every episode,” Apple found herself saying. “I’m very comfortable in front of a camera. I’ve grown up in the television world, as you said.”

  Apple couldn’t believe how easily the lie slid out of her mouth. Why was she lying? She didn’t have to lie to Fancy Nancy. She could have told her that she was a complete novice when it came to television, that she had no idea how her mother had done it for so many years or why viewers found the show so appealing.

  “That’s good. Really good. Because we want you on Angst TV. There’s something real about you,” Fancy Nancy said. “It will be great to get someone who looks real on Angst TV. Of course, we have a main host. She’s television-ready, you know—well spoken and pretty to look at. But you’re … well, you’re human. And real.”

  Apple was beginning to hate the word “real.” How many times could a person use that word in a sentence? What did “real” mean, anyway? Did that mean Apple wasn’t good-looking, didn’t look like she belonged on television?

  “Now, let’s get down to the business at hand. We need a teen advice columnist, and that will be you. And you’ll also have a spot on Angst TV doing the advice thing for teens. But before you think this is an easy job, it’s not. I think your … background, being the daughter of the country’s most famous talk-show advice host, right off the bat gives you what people will see as experience. They’ll trust you immediately. Which is good. But, Apple, I need to know how committed you are to Angst,” Fancy Nancy asked. “Which is why I wanted to meet with you in person.”

  Apple suddenly felt she was guilty of something and on trial. She sat up straighter, feeling unprepared. But Apple was going to “fake it until you make it.”

  “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t committed. Of course I’m committed,” Apple said, while thinking, My feet! My feet!

  “Here at Angst we want people to really be part of the family,” Fancy Nancy continued. “How do I say this? We don’t want you just to do the advice column and share that advice on television. We want you to be here more than that. We want you to learn all the ropes of this magazine, from answering phones to organizing the fashion closet. We want you to eat, breathe, and live Angst.”

  “Okay,” Apple said slowly.

  “We need you here two days a week at the very minimum. After school, of course—we want our interns to do well at school. We need you to set a good example. And we hope you’ll be here on weekends. Saturdays, Sundays. It takes a lot of work to put out this magazine. And with the new television show, the more help the better. You’ll be working with a variety of editors, and basically doing whatever they ask and need you to do. If they need you to photocopy something, you do it. If they need you to take photos of clothes on racks, you do it. If they need you to go out and get them a sandwich, you do it. And, of course, you have to get your advice column in on time and practice for your television spot. Almost everyone here starts from the bottom rung and works their way up. I can’t have my other employees thinking that just because you are the ‘daughter of,’ you can get away with receiving special treatment, even if you will have such a sought-after job from the start. Everyone around here wants to be on Angst TV, but not everyone is going to be. You are. They’re going to be jealous, so you’re going to have to prove yourself more than anyone,” Fancy Nancy said bluntly. “C
an you deal with all this?”

  Apple looked at Fancy Nancy, wide-eyed.

  “Of course I can deal with it. I don’t want to be known just as the daughter of someone famous either. I never have,” Apple said, nodding in agreement with Fancy Nancy. “I will prove myself.”

  “I’m glad to hear that. And your school schedule will allow you to be here every Tuesday and Thursday for a few hours? Because to launch this show and do your column and help out with other things is going to take up a lot of your time. And I mean a lot. You’re going to have to be very organized and get your priorities straight. Your social life will suffer,” said Fancy Nancy solemnly, as if she knew what she was talking about. Apple wondered if Fancy Nancy was single. Could someone as accomplished and sexy and fashionable as Fancy Nancy really be single?

  “I understand. My grades are great,” Apple said. “Wait … Tuesday? Like, you want me to start tomorrow?”

  “Yes, tomorrow. Will that be a problem?” Fancy Nancy asked. “Angst TV launches in one week. We need to get you prepared. We have so much to do before-hand that everyone around here is working 24/7.”

  “Of course. I understand. I’ll be here,” Apple said. “It’s no problem.”

  “And weekends? Is that a problem?” Fancy Nancy asked, her eyes piercing.

  “No, not at all,” Apple said, though she wasn’t as sure about that. Weekends were usually her time to hang out with friends and spend time with Lyon and watch bad movies in her pajamas eating popcorn.

  “Good,” Fancy Nancy said curtly. “I can’t babysit you either. So I need to know that you are 100 percent committed.”

  Was it just Apple, or had Fancy Nancy been a heck of a lot nicer when her mother was around?

  “I am. I promise I won’t let you down,” Apple said. She wanted this meeting to end sooner rather than later. Apple would have promised Fancy Nancy her firstborn child if she let her out of there. Her feet were now one completely numb, her toes probably maimed for life.

  “Perfect. Who knows, maybe there will be two stars in your family. At least that’s what we hope! Go out and see Morgan and she’ll get you a pass. When you arrive tomorrow, Michael, the head of the interns, will show you where you’ll be working and explain in more detail what it is you’re expected to do. You’ll be sharing the office with another intern named Emme, who is fabulous and ambitious. I’m going to have to end our meeting now, because Emme is coming in. But it was such a pleasure to meet you and your mother.”

  “You too,” Apple said, getting up. Thank God that was over. She could feel the sweat under her armpits. She should have doubled up on the deodorant. Had she even put on deodorant? She couldn’t remember. She was leaning toward not.

  “And, Apple?” Fancy Nancy said, looking not at her but at something that looked like an invitation.

  “Yes?” Apple asked.

  “You screw up at Angst, and it could be the end of your career in magazines and television forever,” said Fancy Nancy.

  “I won’t,” Apple gulped. “I promise.”

  “Good. Can you find your way out?” Fancy Nancy asked.

  “Yes. Thank you. It was nice to meet you,” Apple said.

  Her new boss didn’t look up as Apple walked herself out.

  “You screw up at Angst and it could be the end of your career in magazines and television forever.”

  Fancy Nancy’s warning (or was it a threat?) raced through Apple’s head as she worked her way through the maze of hallways to get back to the reception area. She was serious, this Fancy Nancy. Suddenly Apple couldn’t help feeling in her gut that there wasn’t anything she wanted to do more with her life than work in magazines and on Angst TV, just to prove to this Fancy Nancy—and everyone else, including herself—that she could do it.

  It would be a good challenge for Apple, to say the least. She had never even had a part-time job before. But there was something about Fancy Nancy that not only terrified her but also made Apple want to impress her.

  Apple made it back to the reception area and saw Morgan, the receptionist. But her mother was nowhere to be seen. Apple was annoyed. Her feet were killing her. She wanted to leave NOW.

  Just as she took a seat to wait for her mother to appear, a super-cute guy who was walking out, one Apple could swear she had seen before, momentarily distracted her. Then it hit her. Oh, my God, thought Apple.

  Was that What’s-his-name walking past her, leaving the Angst offices? No, it couldn’t be. But was it? Apple could have sworn she saw—Oh God, what’s his name? That guy on that music video channel who interviewed all those famous musicians? Happy would know his name. It was on the tip of Apple’s tongue. Happy had forced Apple to watch the show—it was one of her favorites—more than once. It aired daily right after her mother’s show, on a different channel. What’s-his-name was cuter in person but shorter than he looked on television.

  According to her mother, most television personalities were shorter in person (and also had bigger heads).

  “I dig your hair,” said What’s-his-name, smiling at Apple. “It’s very cool.” Apple blushed. What’s-his-name smiled at her again, this time for what seemed like a while. He looked down at her—rather, Happy’s—boots and smiled appreciatively. She almost jumped back as he reached out and pulled one of her boings.

  “Cute!” What’s-his-name said. Apple didn’t mind that someone she just met had pulled on one of her curls without asking.

  Apple called out, “Thanks!” but wasn’t sure if What’s-his-name heard her. He had already walked out. This day certainly has been strange, thought Apple, wondering if she had dreamed What’s-his-name’s presence.

  “Hey, Morgan,” Apple said, trying to be brave. She would have to see Morgan a few days a week, so Apple knew it would be better to start off on the right foot and at least try not to be as shy as she really was.

  “How did it go?” asked Morgan, seemingly sincere. Then she whispered, “I know Nancy can be harsh.”

  “Well, it went,” Apple responded. “I think it was okay. I’m supposed to get a card from you.”

  “Yup. Already done. Here’s your pass. Every time you come in, you swipe this card and the office doors will open for you. Nancy explained that you’d be meeting Michael tomorrow, right? You look a little wary,” Morgan said, eyeing Apple. “Don’t worry. Michael’s a charmer. You’ll love him. He’s a true doll. Everyone adores him.”

  “I’m fine. It’s just that Nancy was a little …” Apple didn’t know exactly how to describe how she felt, and she certainly didn’t want to say anything that might offend Morgan or get back to Nancy.

  “I know. Like I said, she can be … well, harsh. But that’s why Angst is the number-one-selling teen magazine in the country. You don’t get to be the editor of something like this unless you’re harsh. You can’t be a success unless you really are forward-thinking and make sure people hear you. But don’t worry. She’s a teddy bear underneath. Or at least that’s what all of us employees say. We say it. We’re not sure if it’s true, though,” Morgan laughed. “With Angst TV launching, she’s under extra pressure.”

  Apple didn’t want to talk about Fancy Nancy anymore. She wanted to know about What’s-his-name, the cute guy she’d seen on television who had complimented her, pulled her hair, and smiled at her.

  “Um, that guy who was just leaving. Was that … ?” Apple asked. “My brain is totally fried. I can’t remember his name.”

  “Sloan Starr? Yup, that was him,” responded Morgan. “Cute, huh?”

  That’s right, thought Apple. Sloan Starr! She wanted to slap herself on the head. How could she have forgotten his name? Happy is going to be so jealous, she thought. She’d have to play it down. It was enough that Apple was going to work here, let alone actually meet celebrities. It would put Happy over the edge.

  “What was he doing here?” Apple asked Morgan, trying to not sound overly curious. She knew if she didn’t get the details, though, Happy would kill her.

  “Oh, c
elebrities come by a lot to meet with our editors. They think it will help them get good press if they meet us in person and take some photos with us,” Morgan explained. “You’ll get used to it. Think of it as a perk of the job,” she added, with a wink.

  “Does it?” wondered Apple. “Does it help them get into the pages of Angst?”

  “What do you think? Of course it does. They’re nice to Angst, and Angst is nice to them. Plus, all the fabulous musicians love Sloan, so we love him too.”

  “He said he liked my hair,” she admitted, realizing she was smiling.

  “Oh, no. You already have a celebrity crush and you haven’t even started here yet! Be careful,” advised Morgan. “He’s known as a womanizer. But then again, what male celebrity isn’t? I have a rule to never date anyone in the entertainment industry. They’re too self-obsessed.”

  “He only said he liked my hair!” Apple said, defending herself. “Don’t worry. I have a boyfriend.”

  “You don’t fool me,” responded Morgan playfully but knowingly. “You’re all flushed. I can tell you’ve just been bitten by the celebrity bug! It’s always exciting to meet your first celebrity in person. Well, aside from your mother.”

  As if! thought Apple. She wouldn’t admit just how out of touch she was with the world of celebrities. In fact, Apple was thinking it might be a good idea to ask Happy to give her a crash course on that world and tell her what websites she should be checking out.

  “Speaking of celebrities,” Apple said, “do you happen to know where my mother is?”

  “Last I saw her she was regaling a group of fans in the kitchen with stories of the best and worst of the Queen of Hearts. I wish I could have stuck around, but if Nancy saw me away from my post, she’d kill me. I have to be at her beck and call practically 24/7. People just love your mother, don’t they?”

  “Yes,” Apple said, trying to put on the kindest smile she could muster. It was so like her mother to get all the attention on the day that was supposed to be about her.