Apple's Angst

by Rebecca Eckler

  “I’m not pissed because I didn’t get to meet Sloan Starr and you were hanging out with him, even though I’m obsessed with how gorgeous he is and envy his job,” Happy said crankily. “I’m pissed because you invited us out and then forgot about us! And you’re the one who asked us to meet you there.”

  “I’m so sorry! I just—” Apple started to say. “Wait! How did you know that I was hanging out with Sloan Starr?”

  She watched Happy and Brooklyn exchange glances.

  “What?” Apple pressed her friends. “How did you guys know?”

  Brooklyn handed her her iPhone. Apple grabbed it and looked at what was on it. She couldn’t believe what she saw on the website Brooklyn had pulled up. It was a photograph of Apple looking very cozy with Sloan Starr. It looked like she was practically sitting on his lap. Had she really been that close to him?

  “I don’t believe this!” Apple cried. “What site is this?”

  Happy told her it was one of the gossip websites—one that Apple had heard of but had never checked out.

  “You’re a celebrity now,” Happy said, sounding not overly friendly. “It says so right here under your picture. ‘Apple Berg, of Angst magazine and daughter of the Queen of Hearts, getting cozy with Sloan Starr.’”

  “Obviously, you were having too good a time with Sloan Starr to remember your old friends,” Happy continued.

  “That’s not true, Happy. I invited you!” Apple protested. She thought Happy was acting immature. But her mind was on the photo on that website. How had it gotten there?

  “How do you think Lyon is going to feel when he sees this?” Brooklyn asked. “I mean, you know what I mean. I would feel bad if I were him, seeing my girlfriend like that.”

  Apple hadn’t even thought about that. She was still so shocked her photograph was on a gossip website. It was true that the photograph made Apple look very cozy with Sloan, and that she was spending time with another male who wasn’t her boyfriend. Plus Apple knew now she couldn’t tell Lyon that she had worked late at Angst, as she had planned to do if he asked what she had done on Saturday night.

  “It wasn’t like that!” Apple protested. “We just talked! I’ll make it up to you guys. I promise. Please don’t tell Lyon.”

  “Of course we’re not going to tell him,” said Happy, speaking for both her and Brooklyn. “But people are talking about it. All Sailor’s friends are asking her for more information about it. Lyon is going to find out, unless he lives under a rock.”

  Apple grabbed Brooklyn’s iPhone one more time to look at the photo.

  “I do look good, though, right?” Apple asked. “I mean, I don’t look fat or ugly, right?”

  Her friends simply nodded. Apple pretended not to notice the look they exchanged—once again, it was meant to happen behind her back, but Apple saw it, right in front of her face.

  It was at that point that Apple realized her life really was changing drastically. She felt like she was having an out-of-body experience. Students in the hallways were looking at her and whispering as she walked by. Obviously, many other students aside from Brooklyn and Happy had seen the photo of her and Sloan. Apple wasn’t sure if she felt embarrassed or pleased. But then, Apple thought, how many people get to hang out with Sloan Starr at a cool nightclub? Of course they’re talking about her. Who wouldn’t?

  “I just don’t think we’re working out,” Lyon said a couple of weeks later. He was driving her from school to Angst magazine. He had waited patiently—though, Apple noted, with a gloomy look on his face—as some of the younger students talked to Apple, asking for her autograph. A couple of them even asked if she was dating Sloan Starr. Apple just smiled politely. She didn’t want to let them down, since they seemed to adore her and to want her to be dating Sloan. She felt that if she admitted the truth she would let them down. Apple barely spent any time with Lyon anymore. They saw each other briefly in the mornings, but Apple had been arriving to school later and later each day as she focused more and more on her appearance. Apple could only half blame this on choosing an Angst-worthy outfit. She had been staying out late at night a lot as well, going out to trendy hotspots with Emme after work, making it nearly impossible to drag herself out of bed in the mornings. Lyon had never mentioned the photo on that gossip website of her with Sloan Starr. She had a feeling that he knew about it, and she was grateful that he didn’t ask about it or demand an explanation. What could Apple say? She was not guilty of anything. She hadn’t done anything but have some fun and meet new people. Apple hadn’t brought it up either.

  “Are you breaking up with me?” Apple asked. She was genuinely surprised. She wasn’t expecting this, especially from Lyon, who only weeks ago had adored her.

  “Well, I think we both should acknowledge that this isn’t working right now,” Lyon said.

  “What’s not working?” Apple asked, playing dumb. She wondered if this was how Happy had acted when she was trying to break up with Zen. But what else was she supposed to say?

  “Us! This relationship,” Lyon said, hitting the steering wheel in frustration. She had never seen Lyon so angry before. “If you can even call it that.”

  “You’re the one breaking up!” Apple protested. “I mean, don’t you want to at least work on it?”

  “Oh, come on, Apple. We haven’t gone out together in so long. We barely speak on the phone. The only time I see you is when I’m driving you to or from work, and now that you’re getting your own driver, I won’t even get the privilege of being your chauffeur,” he huffed. “Obviously, you just don’t have the time, or want to make time, for me.”

  All of what Lyon was saying was true. A few days ago, Fancy Nancy had been walking into the office when she spotted Apple waiting outside to be picked up. Michael had already told Apple that Fancy Nancy had seen the pictures of her with Sloan Starr, and he said that she had seemed amused and even proud of Apple. Fancy Nancy had told Apple that she shouldn’t have to wait to be picked up. She told her to go ask Morgan to give her the number of a car service, and Morgan explained that whenever Apple need a drive, she should call the driver ten minutes ahead of time, and he’d drive her home. Permission to use a car service was one of the perks of being a VIP employee at Angst. Michael, Celia, and Charlotte, the head stylist, all had drivers. Emme had been so jealous at this news, but Apple assumed that Emme would be tagging along with her.

  “This is not what I want in a relationship,” Lyon continued. “Let’s face the facts. We haven’t known each other that long anyway. It’s not like we’ve been a couple for three years or anything.”

  “I can’t believe that just because I’m busy you’re breaking up with me,” Apple said. “And right before I have to work!”

  “It’s not just that you’re busy,” Lyon said. “And there’s no good time for me to have this conversation with you. Everyone is busy, but they still find time for their boyfriends. Maybe you really are too busy right now for me. When I met you, you were different. You didn’t like going to clubs. You were just … you were just different.”

  Apple didn’t know how to respond. She knew she hadn’t been spending time with Lyon, and she felt bad about it. But she’d always just thought that he’d be there for her no matter what. Or at least wait it out a little longer. Who gave up on relationships so quickly? She thought of her mother, who said that your partner should be loyal like a best friend—always there for you and supporting you. Lyon was throwing in the towel so easily. It angered her.

  “Fine,” Apple said, getting out of the car. “Have a nice life!” She slammed the car door. She usually didn’t do mad. When she was mad, she fumed silently.

  Apple continued to fume as she walked into Angst. How dare he break up with her? How long had he been waiting to do this? Didn’t he know what he was missing out on? Didn’t he understand that she was working hard at Angst, and that part of her job was to be social?

  When Apple walked in, Morgan threw her the latest issue of Angst magazine.

 
“You’re going to die when you see this,” said Morgan excitedly. “You look beautiful.”

  Apple had completely forgotten about the photo shoot. It had been a few weeks since it happened.

  Apple flipped the magazine open.

  She couldn’t believe what she saw. In the three-page spread, two of the pages were dedicated to photos of Apple. On the third page, there was a small photo of her mother, her aunt, and her father.

  “I can’t believe this,” Apple said. “We spent two hours taking photos and they just used the ones of me? What about my mother? I thought they wanted a behind-the-scenes look at the life of Dr. Bee Bee Berg.”

  “Well, you are more the demographic of Angst,” Morgan explained. “I thought you’d be thrilled! It even mentions that you hang out with celebrities. It’s so cool. You should be honored. They have a quote from Sloan Starr saying that you’re a ‘cool chick.’ This is amazing! Who would think that a few weeks ago, you were just another intimidated-looking intern? I remember you walking in here, so unconfident, and now you’ve done a complete turnaround. You’re a celebrity now. So, how does it feel?”

  Apple wasn’t so sure. She had hung out only that once with Sloan and a few of his friends, some of whom she had just learned were in bands. It’s not like she was best friends with them or anything.

  Apple also wondered if her mother was going to be mad. She had been led to believe that the story was going to be about her. No, Apple shouldn’t worry. Apple was her daughter, after all. Her mother should be proud, if anything.

  Wait until Lyon sees this, thought Apple, feeling both revengeful and hurt. Then he’ll know for sure what he’s missing out on.

  “Is something wrong, Apple?” Morgan asked.

  “No, it’s just weird being in the spotlight,” said Apple.

  Morgan gave her a look that said, “Come on! Who are you kidding? You like it!”

  “Okay, fine. It’s pretty fun. I just didn’t think it would change my entire life,” Apple said.

  “What do you mean?” Morgan asked.

  “Some other time,” said Apple. She couldn’t talk about Lyon right now. She knew that if she started to, she would burst out in tears. She already missed him and felt awful about how she had slammed the car door. Her mother always said people should break up with class and dignity. Apple had just acted like a two-year-old who didn’t get the toy she wanted. Morgan told her to have a good day and be proud of herself and then Apple walked down to the dungeon, where Emme was already hard at work.

  “What’s wrong?” Emme asked immediately.

  Like Apple’s mother, Emme was good at reading people’s facial expressions.

  “Lyon just broke up with me,” Apple said, feeling such a rush of dizziness that she suddenly had to sit down.

  “Oh, no! Are you okay?” Emme asked, sounding concerned.

  “I think I’m in shock. I don’t have time to be in shock or go through heartbreak right now. I have to do my advice column today, and then I have to meet my aunt and my mother for a late dinner and I can’t get out of it. I just don’t know how I’m going to get the advice column in today! But I need too. Michael already gave me an extension on it, and he wasn’t pleased about it either.”

  When Emme looked at her with pity, Apple started to sob. She usually didn’t cry in front of anyone, but she couldn’t help it. Her first real boyfriend had just broken up with her.

  Emme ran over to Apple and handed her a tissue.

  “Apple, please don’t cry. Please. Don’t worry about Lyon. I know if you really want him you can get him back. But remember, he wasn’t exactly supportive of your life right now. He was clingy and jealous. He didn’t let you just be. This may be a good thing,” Emme said.

  Apple sniffed. Maybe Emme had a point.

  “Listen, I’ll do your column for you,” Emme said, now holding Apple’s limp hand.

  “What?” Apple asked, shocked.

  “Just give me the questions. Don’t worry. No one will ever know,” Emme whispered.

  Apple must have given her a strange look, because Emme leaned in as if she were sharing a secret.

  “Come on, Apple! Seriously, how hard is it to answer those questions? Anyone who has half a brain could answer those questions. Am I right?”

  Apple didn’t want to admit it, but Emme wasn’t exactly wrong. Still, she hesitated.

  “What? Don’t you think I can answer them? Do I not give you good advice?” Emme pressed.

  “No, you do. It’s just that … well, I just don’t want to get in trouble,” Apple started.

  “No one will know! Where are the questions?” Emme asked, standing up.

  Apple sat behind her computer and opened the five questions Michael had sent her earlier in the week. Emme skimmed them, reading over Apple’s shoulder.

  “Easy to answer,” she said after reading the first question.

  “Easy to answer,” she said, continuing to read. “I already have an answer for that,” Emme said, as she continued to scan the questions.

  Apple wasn’t sure about it, but she was sure that in her state, after just being dumped, she couldn’t be objective. Right now, she hated all men and relationships. And she shouldn’t doubt Emme’s ability. Emme was smart and such a hard worker. She could probably whip out the answers quicker than Apple could, especially since Apple could barely stop crying.

  “Are you sure, Emme?” she asked.

  “I’m sure. Why don’t you just sneak out of here and go home and relax? You can’t concentrate right now. I remember the last time my boyfriend broke up with me. I was shattered. I couldn’t get out of bed for, like, three weeks! But it’s what you have to go through. So go home, get into bed. The sooner you start the heartbreak phase, the sooner it will be over. If Michael comes looking for you, I’ll just tell him you’re in the restroom or helping Charlotte.”

  “I can’t start the heartbreak phase. I have to go out for dinner with my mother and aunt,” moaned Apple. She started to sob harder, while Emme stroked her hair like she was a new pet.

  “Poor you,” Emme said. “Don’t worry, Apple. This is just a bad day. You’ll feel better. And don’t worry. I’ve got things covered here. I’ll get to work on your computer right now to answer those questions and send them to Michael. He’ll never know!”

  Apple just nodded. “Thanks, Emme.”

  “Don’t worry about it. There’s no one I would rather help out,” said Emme.

  Apple managed to sneak out of the building by a side door. Thank God for Emme. She really was saving her ass. She felt grateful to her new friend, who was right. All Apple wanted to do was go home, get into bed, and cry.

  There was no way Apple could get out of going to dinner with her aunt and her mother.

  When she had called her aunt a couple of hours earlier, her aunt had picked up and said, “Whatever it is you have to say, I don’t want to hear it. I’ll see you at dinner tonight,” and had hung up before Apple could say one word.

  The dinner had been set up weeks ago, to celebrate Aunt Hazel’s upcoming wedding, just for the bride and the bridesmaids, which meant it was a dinner for Hazel, Apple, and Dr. Berg. They were going to Toaster, a recently opened restaurant that had become a hotspot for celebrities, local politicians, and socialites.

  “How did you get a table here?” Apple asked her aunt as the three of them drove to the restaurant. “Emme told me they had a waiting list of about three weeks.”

  “It was easy! I just told them it was for Dr. Bee Bee Berg of the Queen of Hearts and Apple Berg of Angst magazine, and they said of course they had room!”

  “You’re kidding?” said Dr. Berg, though Apple knew it wasn’t the first time her aunt had used her mother’s name for perks. Aunt Hazel often said she was “Dr. Berg’s personal assistant” to get ahead on wait lists for designer purses before they arrived in stores.

  “That’s really quite sad,” said Apple.

  “Well, how else was I going to get to eat here?” her aun
t moaned. “It’s my celebratory dinner, and I should be able to have it wherever I want.”

  As Apple got out of the car at the valet, flashbulbs suddenly went off.

  “I think they’re taking photos of you, Apple!” her aunt exclaimed.

  “Me?” Apple asked. “No, they’re definitely taking them of Mom.”

  “Can we just get one of the mother and daughter?” one of the paparazzi screamed out, waving at Apple’s aunt to move out of the way.

  “Thanks a lot! We’re here celebrating because of me!” her Aunt Hazel huffed. “And I’m just pushed to the side. It’s my bridal dinner!”

  “I don’t think they care,” Apple told her aunt, laughing. Suddenly, Apple didn’t feel so gloomy. There was something about posing and seeing flashbulbs that got her mind off the fact she had been dumped today.

  “Now just one of Apple!” the photographer screamed out.

  Apple posed as she heard her aunt say, “How does it feel now, Bee Bee?”

  Apple felt momentarily bad for her mother, who looked shocked that suddenly there were people who wanted Apple’s picture and not hers. She looked a bit dismayed.

  “That’s enough, Apple,” her mother said. “Let’s go.”

  She didn’t want to start a fight in public with her mother. So she smiled one more time for the cameras and followed her mother and her aunt inside the restaurant.

  “You’re turning out to be quite the attention whore,” her aunt said.

  “Hazel! Don’t talk that way to Apple,” her mother said.

  “It’s true!” her aunt huffed.

  “So what?” Apple asked. “I’m having fun.”

  “Just not too much fun, I hope,” said her mother. “I don’t want you getting caught up in all that.”

  “All what?” Apple asked.

  “Listen, Apple. You’re a good person. You always have been. And being in the public eye can change people. Just read Angst magazine and you’ll see. Fame can be addictive.”