I’m slowly swept off my feet.
I am under her spell,
Left in the midst of her magic
I’m lost without it
Just the thought of her overwhelms.
There is no end with her,
I fall deeper every day,
But falling implies an end to this way,
This way that I feel about her
My blood races with thrill that I met her.
I am above her, around her
I love her.
When the song ended, Molly was speechless. She felt like she had been dipped in honey, licked off, and left to dry under a warm June sun. Every last bit of anger and doubt evaporated, and she felt a grin the size of a hot air balloon billow upon her face. In this moment, the one she was in, she loved him.
“Wow.” Looking at Liam.
“Do you like it?” Blushing slightly. “I’ve been working on it for a while. I wanted it to be perfect.”
“It is.” Caressing his cheek. “No one has ever written anything for me before—that is if you don’t count the Valentine poem Kenny Childress wrote for me in fourth grade.”
“Did it go something like ‘roses are red, violets are blue’?”
“How did you guess?” Smiling at Liam. “You are soooooo smart.”
“I know, I know. Genius.”
“I really love it. Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome.” Squeezing her hand. “Hungry?”
“Starving.”
Molly forgave him, time passed, and things were okay. But while she made peace with her boyfriend, Elena was a whole other story. One more check on Molly’s “hate her forever” list. She just never seemed to give up! She was always in the background scheming, judging, hissing—anything to steal Liam’s gaze away from Molly. No matter where they were, somehow Elena would figure out a means to interject herself into the situation like an umlaut or exclamation point. But the real problem lay in the fact that Liam never really saw Elena’s true nature, as he was so accepting and trusting of others almost to a fault. Liam was oblivious to what lurked behind her perfect orthodontic smile and lithe size-two frame, while Molly couldn’t even keep count of the number of times Elena showed up at just the right time to triumph over her. Like when Elena arrived uninvited at a dinner when Elizabeth was in town for a night and monopolized the entire conversation. Or when she used her bevy of salesgirl spies to stalk Molly and then strolled into Liam’s CD release party in the exact same top Molly happened to be wearing. Of course her perky bra-free boobs looked runway perfect. Elena was sort of Veronica to Molly’s Betty, but Betty stayed friendly while Molly wished for a tornado and a flying house.
Elena’s first real strike came about two months after Molly and Liam had begun dating. There was this big Hollywood music fête in the Hills above Sunset. An all-day barbeque and musical jam, with babes, booze, and big shots. Liam invited Molly to be his date, and she was thrilled. It was their first real foray into Liam’s public world together and Molly wanted it to be perfect. She wanted to represent. For a week, she planned her outfit. Trying on the contents of her wardrobe five times over to find the right mix of casual, sexy, fashion forward, yet blasé. She blew almost her entire month’s salary on the right shoes, the right bag. Lucky for her discount at Jane Doe or she would have been even more broke. Molly wanted her armor to be wrapped and whipstitched snuggly around her form. Liam picked her up and his eyes lit up the minute she opened the door.
“Wow.” Spinning her around. “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks.” Smoothing her hands down the front of her pink silk Indian printed tunic she was wearing over jeans. “It’s not too much?”
“Nope. You are perfect.” Kissing her long and hard. “Your chariot awaits.”
The conversation flowed out the windows of Liam’s car like a melody. Everything was sunny and light, they were inside each other’s rose-colored glasses. When they arrived, Molly grabbed Liam’s hand tightly and blinked, sending herself shooting away from their easy banter of only seconds before and right back into her fit of nerves. For some reason, even though she had been to a million parties, and met a million people, Molly felt extremely vulnerable. Maybe she wasn’t yet comfortable in her seemingly perfect relationship. He squeezed three times and Molly was brought back.
“My dad used to do that,” Molly remembered.
“What?”
“The three-beat hand squeeze. It was our secret code for I love you.”
“Mine too.” Kissing her cheek.
Molly blushed, swooned, and let herself feel the tiny champagne bubbles fizzing up and down her body. They walked into the party and it was already in full swing. Music and laughter filled the rooms and tumbled through the sliding glass doors onto the lawn. Exquisitely rock-’n’-rolled children with their hippie fashions did cartwheels while their parents held beers or played bongos. Molly was taking it all in when Liam handed her a drink and a small white pill.
“What’s this?” she asked, holding it in her palm.
“Some E I just got from Elliot. I thought it would be cool to do it together.”
“Now? Here?”
“Sure, everyone is already rolling.” Gesturing to a group huddled around Elliot holding water bottles.
“I don’t know.” Looking at him. “I’m not the biggest fan. The last time I did this I was in the bathroom, curled up with Jay in a bathtub for about two hours.”
“It’ll be fine. This time you’re with me.”
“Are you going to do this regardless?”
“Well, actually, I already took some.”
“Really?” Getting a little weirded out.
“I’m sorry, I thought you’d want to too.”
“It’s fine.” Trying to smile. “You just have to promise that you aren’t going to ditch me. That’s a mighty big yard and I have a tendency to wander off.”
“I swear, I will be your buddy for the whole day.” Sticking out his hand. “We can shake on it.”
“Fine.” Shaking and then swallowing the pill before she could rethink her decision.
“Besides,” taking her hand again, “you are the only one I want to pet me later.”
Molly smiled at him and let him think the whole thing was just the best darn idea in the whole damn world, but she knew she was in for a nasty ride. Molly and E just did not get along, and she knew she would either freak out or puke. Bad decision, but it was give it a go or be the only one to not give it a go and be trapped with strangers for hours while Liam tripped. Wasn’t she too old for peer pressure? That fucking smile of his would be the end of her.
About an hour later, when Molly’s tongue started feeling thick and her body was on vibrate, Elena strolled into the party, coiffed and radiant. The girl had the fuck-me look and glamorous glide down pat. It took Elena all of about two seconds to insert herself into Liam and Molly’s conversation. She sat herself down on the grass and started right in.
“Wow, Molly, you look seriously fucked up. Your pupils are enormous.”
“Thanks.” Swallowing. “You look great too.”
“What did you guys take? Got any more?”
“Go ask Elliot.” Liam gestured to the house.
“Cool.” Getting up. “You should really drink some water because your jaw is super clenched, Molly. It looks kind of intense.”
Molly raised her hands to her face, and traced her lips and teeth. They did feel funny. She looked at her hands and it was almost like they were butterfly wings slightly beating. Her heart and stomach swelled.
“I think I am going to be sick.” Jumping up and running into the pool house behind them.
She pushed open the door to the thankfully free back bathroom and promptly threw up into the toilet. Liam followed after her and shut the door. Molly eased herself onto the floor and pushed her hair back. Her entire body felt wretched and she started to cry.
“Baby.” Sitting next to her on the floor. “What happened? Drink some water.�
� Handing her his bottle.
“I knew this was going to happen.” Trying to focus.
“We were doing fine.” Rubbing her neck. “Everything was mellow.”
“I know. Maybe I’ll be better soon.” Trying to calm herself down. “I just feel really racy.”
“Okay, let’s just hang in here for a while. Turn around and I will rub your back.”
Liam evenly stroked Molly’s back trying to reset her internal clock. Just when Molly felt like maybe she was coming to some sort of equilibrium, someone pounded on the door.
“Liam!” Elena called through the door. “Are you in there?”
“Yeah, what do you want?” Still rubbing Molly’s back.
“You are wanted out here. This journalist from Rolling Stone is here and wants to meet you.”
“I’ll be out soon.”
“You have to come now. She’s leaving.”
“Elena.” Getting up and opening the door. “I can’t come right now.”
Elena looked over to Molly, catching sight of Molly’s tear-stained face.
“I knew you were too fucked up.”
“Can you please get out of here?” Molly asked, trying to wipe off her face.
“Look, Molly, Liam needs to come out and meet this woman—now.”
“Fine, I heard you the first time. Go.” Looking up at Liam. “I’m going to stay in here a while. I’ll be fine.” Trying her best to be convincing.
“No, I’ll stay.”
“Please don’t. I’ll feel even more shitty if you do.”
“Good.” Elena grabbed Liam’s hand and pulled him out the door.
Molly was alone, on the floor of a strange bathroom, wishing she were anywhere else. Time passed, who knows how long—minutes, hours—and the cold tiles beneath her began to feel like a Chinese torture chamber. Maybe she was better? She stood up and felt herself wobble. Apparently, the drugs still persisted in her system despite the purge. She splashed some water on her face and it felt wonderful: cool and calm. Molly redid her lip gloss and grabbed the water bottle off the floor, refilling it from the sink faucet. She unlocked the door and wandered out of the pool house. It had gotten darker, dusk had settled on the grass, and the party was still blaring. More people migrated about, and Molly scanned the yard for Liam. She walked toward the house, shivering in the oncoming night air. Then she saw them, or really Elena, coiled up around Liam on a white leather couch in the living room. Elena was starry eyed and had her hands all over him, stroking his leg. Liam was talking animatedly to the few others sitting across from him while he rubbed Elena’s feet. Molly’s vision blurred and she felt hot. She felt like the Invisible Man. Not only had Liam forgotten about her but he was also a layer of clothing away from a scene in some Cinemax porno flick. Molly didn’t even go inside—she couldn’t. Instead, she walked to the car, huddled in the backseat, and cried herself to sleep.
“Molly, Molly,” Liam purred in her ear, gently shaking her. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”
Molly opened her eyes and tried to focus. She sat herself up and looked at the clock. It was almost eleven.
“I have been looking everywhere for you.”
“Sure.” Pulling her hair into a bun. “And it took you four hours to find me.” Climbing out of the car and shaking herself out. Her neck felt like a pretzel, and not the soft, chewy kind. “Can I have the keys? I want to go home.”
“Are you upset?” Still smiling. “The party’s still going on. Come inside.”
“Did you take more?”
“I think so, but I’m not sure how many.”
“Great.” Looking down at her feet and kicking a pebble by her toe. “Look, I want to go home. I know Elena or another one of your lackeys will be more than happy to give you a ride. I’ll get Jay to follow me tomorrow and I will drop the car off.”
“You’re upset.” Putting his arms around her. “What did I do?”
Molly almost burst out laughing, his puppy dog face was so pathetic. He really had no clue. Her sweet, dumb, fucked up boyfriend.
“Nothing, nothing.” Realizing that she would have to let this go. “Go have fun. This is just not where I want to be.”
“Why? Everyone is having a great time. Amazing stories.”
“I just feel burnt and I definitely can’t deal with one more interaction with Elena.”
“She’s not so bad. She was looking for you.”
“You’re joking, right? What, from the permanent spot she claimed by your side? She looked like a pig in shit the minute she had you to herself.”
“When?”
“When she was giving you a full-body massage while you caressed her feet. I thought you didn’t want anyone else petting you?”
“I don’t, I didn’t caress her feet. I didn’t touch her.” Thinking as hard as he could to grab a memory he couldn’t recall.
“You did, and I’m happy you don’t even remember, but I just really want to leave. This has been a big nightmare for me, and my comfy bed and a TV movie is calling my name. Plus, I’m freezing in this outfit.”
“Let’s leave then.” Pulling off his Adidas jacket and putting it around Molly.
“No, it’s fine, you want to stay, so stay.”
“Nope, what I want, and what I wanted the whole day, is to be with you. All this,” gesturing back to the house, “is really quite insignificant.”
“Really?”
“Really. Here.” Handing her the keys. “But you may have to entertain me with more than a movie.”
“Deal.” Jumping in the car.
Molly and Liam got back into their bubble. During the entire ride back to Molly’s, Liam kept trying to get her to scratch his head. Like a two-year-old, the minute she would stop he would whimper, nudge her hand, and lick her until she would start up again. In no time, she was laughing and they were back to them. Everything was always better when they were alone together. If only life could stop interjecting itself.
The sloshing of liquid awoke Molly from her half-dreamy state. Alex stood above her with a bottle of Jack Daniel’s, shaking it in front of her face. He smelled oily. A briny mixture of sweat, meat, and salt. Molly sat up, rubbed her eyes, and wrinkled her nose. The clock read 12:13.
“I will never get used to that smell.”
“What?” Sniffing himself. “I don’t smell anything.”
“You reek.” Holding her nose. “I hope you shower before you subject your poor wife to your, uh, unique odor.”
“She likes it.” Walking into the kitchen.
“Yeah, right!” Following after him. “I’m asking tomorrow.”
Alex went over to the cabinet and retrieved two shot glass.
“Perfect.” Twirling the small cup in his hand. “Orlando circa the early nineties.”
“Is that the trip where Mom had Teresa fax us the entire Haggadah because Mom insisted we have Passover?” Taking a seat.
“Yeah, she made some weird charoset from airplane crackers.”
“It’s not even like we are so religious.”
“It’s strange, but now that Renee and I are expecting, I feel like being a better Jew.” Pulling out a chair and sitting down at the table.
“What does that mean? Are you doing Shabbat?”
“No, but I do think if we have a boy, I want to have a bris.” Pouring the amber liquid.
“That would be cool.” Taking her glass. “But I don’t think I can watch a knife travel near any male’s nether regions.”
“Me neither. I instantly think of the name Bobbitt, but I still think it would be a good idea.”
“Just make sure you get someone with a steady hand. Cheers.”
“Cheers.” Clinking her glass.
They shot down the booze and Alex quickly filled another round. That went down like the first and Alex poured another.
“Easy.” Molly eyed Alex. “We’ve got all night.”
“What?” Drinking the next shot.
“You just have this uncanny ability to get your si
ster way too fucked up.”
“I have honed that skill all my life. It is a very important one to have.”
“Like New Year’s in Aspen?” Tossing back another shot.
“I can’t believe you actually fit in that foldout couch.”
“I can’t believe I let you fold me into it!”
“It was brilliant!”
Alex got up and poured himself a glass of orange juice to use as a chaser.
“Want one?”
“No, but some water would be good.” Looking at her brother closely. “Got any weed to go with the whiskey?”
“I thought you gave all that shit up.”
“I did, I have. I just …” Molly’s eyes welled up a bit. “I just think it would be a good idea.”
“Sorry, Renee and I quit for now, getting ready for the baby.”
“Okay, probably better that way.” Molly poured herself another round.
“So, are we going to talk about what is going on?” Alex asked his sister as he placed the water in front of her.
“He OD’d.”
“What?” Staring at her.
“Apparently, he snuck out of our party, went over to Zander’s to supposedly write down some song, and the great influence that he is, Zander happened to have a pharmacy at arm’s reach. Liam has been so good lately, so clean, but when it was sitting in front of him he couldn’t resist.” Looking at Alex through quickly drunken eyes. “He promised me he would never touch the stuff again after what had happened, and well, he did, did too much, and almost died. Zander called me in a panic from his cell on the way to the hospital. I guess Liam was shaking and sweating. He had a seizure in the emergency room. By the time I showed up, he was stable and I stayed a while watching him. But then the whole thing just got to be way too much and I bailed.”
“That’s fucking intense, Molly. It’s almost surreal. I’ve never seen anything like that before.” Shaking his head. “But what do you mean ‘after what had happened’?”
“It’s another long story I don’t feel like telling, but let’s just say he made me a lot of promises that I stupidly believed and then he decided to break them all in one fell swoop.”
“What are you going to do?”
Tangled Up in Daydreams Page 9