It was late when Molly finally woke up. The sun shone brightly through her curtains and began to heat up the room. Molly fell out of bed, dressed, brushed, and shuffled downstairs unknowing of what would await her. The house was completely empty. Dishes were drying by the sink, a pot of coffee sat warming, the paper folded neatly on the table. There was no note, no nothing. Everyone must have fled. Molly’s family was not a fan of awkward silences. They either were in the thick of it, yelling, dealing, and then trying to find humor in a bad situation or filling the gap with inane conversation about nothing important until they all retreated to their respective corners alone. Molly was grateful for the latter. It gave her more time to prepare. Her parents were going to lose it big time when she told them her news. She almost didn’t want to, but it wasn’t something like a bad grade that she could hide in her backpack and make up for on the next test.
She went to the fridge, fixed herself some vanilla yogurt and fruit, and picked up the phone. Maybe if she could tell one person who would be happy, the reaction from all the assumed head shakers wouldn’t hurt so much when they expressed their disappointment. She dialed Jay’s number. On the fifth ring, Jay picked up.
“Screening?” Molly asked.
“No, you know I don’t have caller ID. I was peeing.” Catching her breath.
“How’s the foot?”
“Fine, feels better, but I’m avoiding the whole high heel and liquor combo for a few more weeks.”
“Good idea.”
“What’s up?”
“A lot. Big family blowout last night about Liam.”
“Yuck. What did they say?”
“What every good parent would, why be with him, he’s not good for you, he’s fucked up, you can do better, blah, blah, blah. Nothing new, but it was the first time they found out about the car accident and my wrist and back, and that didn’t help matters any.”
“I told you, you should have told them about that sooner. It was going to come up.”
“It wasn’t as big a deal as it got made out to be. We hit a curb for God’s sake.” Raising her voice a little.
“It was a big deal, Molly, because that curb could have easily been a person or another car. And you couldn’t walk properly for more than a month.”
“I know, but it wasn’t.”
“Molly, really, does that matter?”
“No.” Quietly. “I just didn’t want them to know, and now they do, and now they are certain I should leave him permanently. You probably think the same thing.”
“You know I don’t. Yes, I’m scared for you. You are becoming a walking patchwork of Liam’s induced scars, but I get to see all the other wonderful things and times you share, and I know he loves you. He just really needs to get his shit together big time. How do you feel? That’s all that is important.”
“I feel like I can’t bail the minute he finally admits his problem and goes to get help. That just seems like such a dick move. And especially now with what’s going on, I feel like I have to let him try to be better.”
“What does that mean? What’s going on now?”
“I’m pregnant.”
There was a pause on the phone. Molly wanted to reach inside and demand Jay to speak. The pause continued.
“Crazy, huh?” Molly added.
“Beyond.” Swallowing. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, doctor told me yesterday.”
“Do they know?”
“Not yet. I figure I would wait till things cooled down before I sprung this new part of the drama on them.”
“How do you feel?”
“Weird. Freaked. Scared. My baby’s father is in rehab for God’s sake.” Twirling the phone cord. “But, you know what, despite all that, I feel really happy about it.” Starting to smile. “It’s like in the midst of all the shit comes this amazingly beautiful gift. I feel blessed. Corny, I know, but all of a sudden everything doesn’t feel so heavy and pained. I feel lighter, more free.”
“Good, I’m happy for you. I am.” With mild enthusiasm. “It’s just, Molly, this is intense. A baby?”
“Yup, but I can handle it. It’s not just about me anymore.”
“What if he and you don’t make it? What if he doesn’t want it? What if this new sobriety does not stick? What if …”
“What if it does and I don’t give him an opportunity to fix things, be better, be a father? Then what am I saying about love, about life? That when the going gets tough, I run away? I don’t want to keep running, I want to stand still.”
“I respect that, Molly, but having a baby with a guy who is still in rehab isn’t screaming stable, healthy father to me. It is doing the opposite. Can you start a family with a guy who you don’t particularly trust right now?”
“I don’t know, but I love him and I have to see if I can trust him again. I have to deal—it’s not going to disappear. I know I can. I will. It’s not like I am seventeen. I’m almost thirty years old! I have so much more than so many women. A job, family support, and some money. They manage and so will I.”
“We, so will we. You do not have to go it alone. I am one hundred percent behind you. Whatever you need with or without him.” Giving her support. “We can even add a whole playroom concept to the store.”
“Always thinking ahead.”
“That’s why I get the big bucks.” Jay, joking.
“Thanks.”
“For what?”
“Being there, here. I love you.”
“Me too.”
“I should go and prepare for the parental divulging. They’re not going to be as easy as you.”
“Good luck.” Kissing into the phone. “When are you coming home?”
“Couple of days.”
“Cool.”
Molly hung up with her best friend and smiled again. All the words she had shared with Jay were little surprises she had hidden from herself. Like a twenty you find crunched up in a pocket or a lollipop in the depths of your purse when you are on a diet and at the movies willing yourself away from the chocolate-covered peanuts. The thoughts blossomed and evolved into a new perspective. Suddenly, Molly was hopeful, she was glowing, she felt like the original peach of summer. Turned around, upside down, inside out, and loving the fact that for the first time in days she didn’t want to cry when she thought about her future. Maybe things changed quickly and this epiphany was too fast, but Molly didn’t care. The beauty of life is lemonade, and that takes about five minutes to make.
She grabbed her keys and started for the restaurant. In her gut, she knew the crew was there pretending to be busy. Well, they were probably really busy, they were just pretending their minds were on the jobs at hand. Molly parked the car by Sorella and popped her head in. Susan was hanging up a new shipment of Tracy Feith dresses.
“Those are gorgeous.” Fingering the colorful silks.
“Aren’t they?” Kissing Molly’s cheek. “We just got them and I already pulled three for myself. This one would look great on you.” Holding up a turquoise spaghetti-strap shift. “Try it.” Holding the dress out to her.
“I can’t. I have to get to the restaurant. I just came by to see what you had picked out and take the rest off your hands.”
“Actually, I have a check for all of them for you. I already sold two.” Hanging the dress up and walking to the counter.
“Great!” Following her. “By the way, I may need to pick your brain soon. My friend and I have finally decided to bite the bullet and open a store in LA.”
“Very cool. Call me any time. Where are you going to be?”
“On Third by Crescent Heights. I haven’t seen the space yet, but my friend tells me it’s perfect.”
“I’m sure it will be. Good luck.” Handing Molly the check.
“Thanks, Susan.” Folding it and putting it in her purse. “ ’Bye.”
Molly walked the few blocks to Helen’s. She almost felt a slight involuntary skip in her step. She was becoming Mary fucking Poppins! She had herself in a
fit of giggles by the time she walked into the restaurant imagining herself flying, holding on to a red umbrella with a big sticker saying BABY ON BOARD pasted to the fabric. Supercalafrajilistic! Helen was behind the bar cleaning glasses when Molly bounded in whistling the catchy tune.
“Hey, Mom.” Going around and giving Helen a hug.
“Hi, baby.” Setting down her glass and hugging back. “Glad you came by. Everything was such a mess yesterday.”
“I know. I had to be alone.”
“I don’t blame you. Dad and I were …”
“Were being parents. You were doing your job.”
“Molly, we just love you so much.” Tearing up.
“Mom, don’t cry. It’s all going to be fine.”
“Is it?” Staring at her daughter.
“I don’t know, but I will be fine. That’s the only thing I know for sure.”
“I’m scared for you.” Pulling Molly closer.
“I am too.” Quietly. “Mom, I have to tell you something else.”
“What?”
“Where are Dad and Alex? I want to tell you all at once.”
“In the back.”
Molly and Helen walked into the kitchen. The difference between now and the other night during the party was impossible to ignore. There was no music playing, no jovial joking, or talking at all for that matter. Everyone was sullen and silent, following out their tasks. Henry looked up and saw Molly. His body stiffened. Alex looked up as well and blushed. Molly walked over to her father and put her arms around him. He softened into her embrace and almost choked out a tear. He never wanted to let her go.
“Dad, I’m sorry.” Tearing up.
“For what? I am so sorry I yelled at you last night. I didn’t sleep at all. I didn’t mean to.” Rubbing her back. “I love you.”
“I know. I love you too.” Holding her father.
“I know yesterday I didn’t handle things right, but today I will listen to whatever you say.”
“And you won’t freak out and yell at me?”
“I will try not to.”
“Try really hard, Dad, because I have something else to tell all of you.”
“What?”
Helen, Alex, and Henry moved closer and leaned in.
“Okay, well, I, huh, okay, just say it, Molly. Guys, I’m pregnant.” Spitting out the words.
No one said anything and Molly could almost see her words floating before her tied up with helium balloons. They darted around the stove and huddled together around the back corner by the trash. Without saying a word, Henry walked out the back of the restaurant. Alex looked at his sister, then at his mother, and chased after his father. Helen took a deep breath, closed her eyes, opened them, and walked toward Molly.
“Wow.”
“I know.”
“Big news.”
“The biggest.”
“A baby.”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.”
“It’s insane.”
“Yeah, it is, Molly.” Looking at her. “I take it that you’re …”
“Of course.”
“That’s a major decision.”
“It’s the only option. Mom, I think this baby is going to be a good, no, a great thing.”
“A baby always is. It’s just …”
“Mom, I understand and am totally aware of every single thing that is running through your head. I have thought about it all myself. I don’t need a rehashing of my situation.”
“Okay, then. Wait right here.”
Helen walked briskly out the back door and returned a few minutes later with the male half of the family. Henry’s face was the shade of a Hawaiian sunburn. Alex immediately scooped his sister up and gave her a bear hug.
“Now our kids will be almost the same age. Cool.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry for yesterday.”
“Don’t apologize—you were right. I just hope that you can forgive me.”
“Alex, of all the people in the world, who knows better than I what a shit you can be and still love you despite it all?”
“Thanks.” Hugging her again.
“Just don’t ever do that again.” Glaring at him.
“Trust me, there is no way.”
“Good.”
Obviously, Helen had said a few words to get Henry to return.
“Daddy?” Molly looked toward him.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Anything, something.”
“This is not how I wanted it to be when I heard this.”
“Me neither, but here we are.” Shrugging. “You have been telling me for the last few years before Renee got pregnant that it was time for me to breed.” Trying to lighten things up. “You have finally got your wish.”
“I guess you are right.” Slightly smiling. “The clock has been ticking.”
“Exactly. Now you get two virtually at the same time.”
“Molly, do you have any idea what you are doing or getting yourself into?”
“Nope, but with all your help I think I can make a solid go at this.”
“I sure hope so.” Going to Molly and embracing her. “I do love you.”
“I know, Dad.” Hugging Henry tightly.
“I think this calls for a toast.” Alex, stating.
He went back into the wine cellar and returned with a bottle of champagne and a bottle of apple cider. Alex poured.
“I wonder which is for me,” Molly joked.
“To my sister, cheers to getting knocked up!”
“Alex.” Helen clucked. “Not funny.”
“But it kind of is, Mom,” Molly conceded. “To the unplanned pregnancy!” Molly echoed.
“To illegitimate children!” Alex went on.
“To ‘Hey, don’t bother with that condom!’” Molly kept going.
“To …”
“Enough!” Henry yelled over the din.
Molly and Alex quieted down and tried to be serious, but the giggles kept surfacing.
“To my daughter. I love her even when she’s crazy and I will, we will,” putting his arm around Helen, “always support her because we know she is perfect just the way she is.”
Molly swallowed her giggles, and her eyes welled up. She smiled at her dad and they all clinked glasses. She was lucky they all stepped up to the plate with her.
“I’ve got one more,” Alex stated.
“No more,” Henry reiterated.
“Please?” Starting to laugh again. “Come on, Dad, we can’t end on that bit of mushiness. It’s not our style.”
“No.” Starting to grin.
“Alex.” Helen also started to grin.
“To the bastard baby Stern! Hip, hip, hooray!”
“Ouch.” Molly winced. “That one stung a little.”
“Sorry.” Still laughing.
“That was so bad, Alex.” Henry shook his head but couldn’t help but start laughing. “Really, really bad.”
“Really.” Helen couldn’t help herself either.
“Well, Alex, no one ever said you had class.” Molly laughed again.
They all clinked glasses again and dissolved into full bellyaching laughter. Molly had exposed all her secrets, her family had listened, and they all were still standing. They were all still a family. Molly felt stronger, and looking at their compassionate, happy faces, she knew it was time for her to go home. This time the drive would be much easier.
A few days later, Molly sat on the floor of her room packing. Somehow she always went back with more than what she came with. It was a good thing that she drove and had a big car. She could just toss it all in and not worry about claim tickets or misplaced bags. Henry stood in her open door and knocked.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Wasn’t sure if you were awake yet.”
“Wanted a full day.”
“Almost done?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you sure you want to leave tomorrow? Stay a while longer.”
“I
can’t. Jay and I have to double-time it now on the store, and if I stay any longer I may never leave.”
“So?”
“Nice try, Dad.” Smiling at him. “What do you have there?” Gesturing to a package in his hand.
“It’s for you, from Elizabeth McGuire.”
“Really?” Taking the package from her father. “I wonder what Elizabeth sent me.”
“Have you told her yet about the baby?”
“No, I want to wait until I tell Liam.”
“When does he get back?”
“Soon, I think.”
“Are you nervous?”
“Yeah.”
Molly opened the plain padded envelope and inside was a tape and a letter. Molly walked to her stereo and put in the cassette. She read the letter while it rewound.
Dear Molly—
I hope you are doing better. It’s been a trying time. Liam asked me to send you this and I wish it finds you well. Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes things don’t happen as we expect. It’s in how we handle the messes that we discover our true strengths. You have many, many more than you even knew.
Love, Elizabeth
“What is it?”
“Just a note and something from Liam.”
Molly set down the letter and pressed PLAY. Soon, the room was filled with music and Liam’s voice surrounded her.
I’ll do anything to change all this
I’m still looking for the right words to say
I’m sorry, I love you, I’ll try harder
Have I really pushed you too far away?
It wasn’t supposed to hurt
I know this time things were different
How could I lose my nerve?
Because
Everyday I hear
Even when I sleep it rings clear
When I wake, when I rise
Even when I close my eyes
Everyday I hear you.
In the morning the light just doesn’t shine
The bed seems rearranged
I still smell your perfume
Even though the sheets have been changed.
I haven’t washed in days
I just wonder and wander
I’m lost in every way.
Because
Everywhere I see
Even when I close my eyes to breathe
In my room, in my car
No matter near or far
Tangled Up in Daydreams Page 24