High Ground

by Madelon Smid

  He rose up the length of her, his body pressing her against the door, knee to chest. Finally, he turned her, leaned down, and pressing his shoulder into her stomach, hauled her up in a fireman’s grip. “Now I’m going to have my way with you.”

  The skin beneath his lips quivered. He straightened and walked toward the bedroom, stroking her bottom, pressing kisses into the hip riding his shoulder. He dropped her onto the bed. She pulled herself into the middle and lay warm and willing while he undressed. He teased her in turn, with the strip of browned skin as his shirt opened, the flex of bicep and pectorals. His darkened nipples stiffened within the light dusting of brown hair. She absorbed his narrow hips and the aggressive jut of his penis. Long legs, hair dusted, strongly-muscled, with narrow feet, propelled him closer.

  She felt the warmth from his body feather along her side. His hand cupped her breast. His lips nipped, before he tongued the sensitive flesh. She rolled against him, pressed his head to her breasts, whispering her delight. His hand stroked across her taut belly. He traced the faint bullet track with his lips, brushing back and forth until she pulled his hair and whimpered. His lips moved lower, his hands spread her legs wider. He gave her what she wanted, a different pressure, in a different place, as if he read her mind.

  She writhed in time with the excitement dancing through her bloodstream. Hot notes of delight wove like steamy jazz into the core of her body. Cascades of ecstasy built to a crescendo, demanding the soaring release of her climax. She floated down, her body limp, satiated. She lay quietly in his arms, murmuring her pleasure. The exotic scent of their arousal filled the room, the pheromones mixing to create something unique.

  He rolled her to her stomach, rose on one arm behind her, his lips like a conductor’s wand directing the next movement over her back. Soft, insidious, he built the rhythm. She refused his subtle arrangement. This time she wanted him with her. Coming onto her knees, she rubbed her bottom against his tumescent penis working him into a fever.

  “Slower,” he murmured. “We have all the time in the world. Don’t make me lose control, finish too fast.” He curved over her to reach her mouth. As she turned her head to reach his lips, his hand pressed into her abdomen, lifting her into him.

  She nipped his mouth, tore hers away. “Faster,” she panted. “I want you as wild as you make me.” She undulated against him. “Take me. Take me, and come with me.” She panted.

  Sweat slicked their bodies, lips clung endlessly. They breathed for each other. He entered her in one thrust, buried himself deep. She felt his chest hair caress her back, as he plunged deeper, harder, faster. His hands clasping her hips as he buried himself in her over and over again. Striving to become one entity, they exploded together. Her high cry of completion mingled with his roar of satisfaction. Collapsing, they gasped for air. She slept.

  ****

  Josh held her, absorbed every nuance of her, memorizing the sound of her breathing, the smell of her hair, the feel of her warm flesh molded to his.

  She would leave him now. The certainty caught in his mind. Cat was saying goodbye.

  He woke her before dawn to say his own goodbye. This time, he stretched out every touch, every kiss elongated each sensation to steal from time. He buried himself in her heat, made each stroke a claiming.

  “Don’t do this.” He came close to begging. Only the knowledge her choices meant nothing if not freely given held him back from pleading, bargaining, negotiating any way he could keep her in his world. Her need for him must outweigh her desire for a bolthole. He prayed the separation she demanded would help her regroup and discover love would elevate her beyond the need for emotional safety.

  She sighed, pressed her lips to his, sweeping his mouth with her tongue. “I must,” she whispered against his heart. She rolled to rise above him, every movement so slow and sweet. Moisture filmed his eyes. He felt the press of her lips against his eyelids, the wet of her tears dropping onto his cheeks.

  Pain so pure it felt like pleasure sheared off a piece of his spirit.

  She sobbed, when with slow undulations they climaxed.

  Too soon, too soon. She’ll leave me now.

  Her lips met his for one last deep kiss. Her fingers lay a silken trail over his cheek. They spoke of tenderness and caring, feelings she couldn’t put into words. The last time he would hold her, sink into the core of her, breath with and for her, find his soul in her. She slid from the bed, went into the bathroom. He heard the shower turn on. She’d come out dressed and ready to leave.

  He sat on the edge of the bed, his face in his hands, taking the deep breaths that allowed him to give her what she thought she needed. Right now, she believed her only security lay in distancing herself. Following through on her feelings for him had, in her estimation, damaged her career, her sense of self, and her position in the world. She focused on the harm she might do him, using it as a mask behind which she could hide from the pain of loving. As agony burned through him, he almost couldn’t blame her.

  The sound of running water ceased. He stood, shakily stepped into his slacks, and gathered the rest of his clothing. If he saw her again, he would wrap himself around her so tightly she would feel strangled by his love. He crossed to the bathroom door.

  “Go to Sam, Cat. At least let me believe you’ll be safe with him. If you change your mind…” He rested his forehead on the door, heard the muffled thump as she did the same.

  “Remember, Cat. See, imagine, and move beyond. Work on it for both our sakes.”

  Her choked off sob forced him away. The door of the room clicked behind him. Shooting a bullet into his heart would be less devastating than living without her. He kept walking toward his room.

  ****

  Josh was gone by the time Cat came down. During her short meeting with RG, she informed him she wouldn’t change her mind. She moved toward the door of the office he used when at Jake’s.

  RG rose and followed her. “Jake sent Josh home in his helicopter. They’ll pick up two of my best men in New York. They’ll tag team him till this is over.”

  “I’m not entitled to know, leaving you in the lurch as I am, but thank you for telling me, RG.” She paused, turned toward him. “Working for you helped me when I really needed the action. Now it seems I’m ready for some peace.”

  He held out his hand. “I hope you find what you really want, Cat.” Knowing eyes related the message he’d guessed her desire. His hand swallowed hers—warm, battle-scarred, gentle.

  She bit her tongue and turned to escape before she made a fool of herself.

  Siree lassoed her with her warm smile. She insisted Cat eat, leading her to a small breakfast room, filled with sunshine. “So you left Josh,” she stated the minute they were seated. Hilda came in to pour coffee and ask what Cat wanted.

  “Just toast, please.” She waited until Hilda filled her cup and left, before answering Siree. “I retired from security work and left RG’s company,” she informed her friend. “Two other agents, who will do a lot better job than I, will guard Josh.”

  Siree gave her an arch look. “Semantics. We both know you’re just running scared.”

  Cat drank her coffee, refusing to address Siree’s accusation.

  “Oh, darn. You probably feel like you’re lost in space without oxygen, and I’m ranting away at you.” Siree leaned over, covered Cat’s hand. “Look, I’ll leave you alone, for now, but do me a favor…please.”

  Cat gazed from their clasped hands to Siree’s concerned expression. “If I can.”

  “Take Sam up on his offer. He’s all the way across the country from D.C. Seattle will give you a change of scene. The slower pace might help you work through your fears. You’ll love doing research for Sam. He looks at life from a simpler perspective than the rest of us, and he won’t badger you. Sam helped me a lot when Jake left.”

  “Sam’s best friends with Josh. They’re in touch all the time. I don’t think I could get the distance I need…”

  “To get over Josh,”
Siree helped out.

  Cat gave her a black look.

  “Anyway, you could stipulate in your contract with Sam, any mention of Josh is verboten.”

  Hilda arrived with her toast, giving Cat a few moments to think it over. It would be a fast, easy solution. She could ask for a trial period of a month, leave herself options. Meanwhile, Sam offered exciting work, something she could bury herself in for long hours. She wouldn’t experience the gut-ripping terror of seeing her principal go down, wouldn’t let a man hold her heart, until he lost interest or died. Shaken, she dropped her toast onto her plate.

  “I’ll send Sam in. He’s leaving shortly in the Gulf Stream, with Jake. You can catch a ride with them, if you decide to accept his offer.” Siree crossed the room.

  Cat weighed the pros and cons while she waited. But her thoughts were constantly distracted by memories of Josh—Josh running beside her, combing glass from her hair, sharing his philosophy by the rock garden. His ardent lovemaking had torn the barely formed scab off the slash in her heart. She loved him, but not as much as she feared the pain of losing him.

  Idiot, she berated herself. You just lost him anyway. He’d demonstrated in every way how much he loved her. He’d boldly taken the risk and put his feelings into words. If she’d caused him even a drop of the burning pain she’d just inflicted on herself, she’d made a lethal strike. Her heart stuttered. She’d focused on keeping him alive, giving him guards who could be objective, alert, not tied up in emotion and chemistry. Instead, she’d inflicted damage of another kind. He’d left without saying goodbye. She muffled a sob with her napkin, bowed over her plate like a wounded warrior. Had Josh, following his belief, responded to her choice and moved into the next moment, never to look back?

  When Sam strode into the room, she had her answer ready. He agreed with a month trial period, and though he frowned when she asked the contract include a gag order referencing Josh, he nodded. She chose to fly home to New Orleans first, needing to make arrangements for this change in direction. They dropped her at the main terminal.

  Jake didn’t have a lot to say to her. She could feel his disapproval. Sam checked she had his contact information and said he’d see her in a week. Within an hour, she’d strapped herself into a plane seat and pretended sleep, while tears silently glazed her cheeks.

  Chapter Ten

  She settled into Seattle and SEARCH, Sam’s company, almost seamlessly. He laughingly told her the name meant search every angle, reward client’s hope. Then grinning told her he was a simple guy who’d picked the simplest name. During her time in New Orleans, she’d dealt with the insurance issues around the destruction of her island home and sublet her condo furnished. A doctor just going into practice jumped on the trendy address. She packed her clothes, though few were suitable for the wet cold of Washington winters. She’d have to purchase more. Thankfully, Josh hadn’t delivered the final blow of sending all those he’d bought for her to Seattle. She wanted nothing stirring up memories.

  Sam arranged for her to rent a houseboat in the same marina as his. The owners, his friends, lived in Costa Rica in the winter, but kept the boat for the odd summer visit.

  Her co-workers were used to the long gray days and the mist or rain that seemed to fall incessantly as October bled into November. The weather suited her mood. She ran often in the park across from Sam’s houseboat, remembered waiting there while Siree charmed Sam into giving a party.

  Thanksgiving came and went, with Cat refusing invitations and spending most of the weekend at her desk. She lost herself tracking down an autographed hockey jersey for the Canadian Hall of Fame and a painting stolen by the Third Reich when they invaded the Netherlands.

  Sam showed up in the office a day later. He’d joined Josh at Jake and Siree’s for the holiday.

  He walked into her cubbyhole, sinking into the chair tucked in a corner. “How’s it going?”

  “Great.” She smiled. “The satisfaction of finding something lost, feeling the excitement of the person seeking it when you hand it over thrills me. I can’t wait for my next case and my next.” Casually, she pushed back from the desk. “How’s Siree? Jake?”

  “Ready to pop. If she gets any bigger, she won’t have a delivery but an explosion, and if Jake gets any more uptight, he’ll lose his mind.”

  “She’s not due for a month. They better pace themselves.”

  “It’s humorous watching two such brilliant people fall apart over the most minor issues.” Sam laughed.

  “Speaking about falling apart, was Finchley there?”

  “Fussing over Jake till he almost throttled her. He sent her back to Toronto on an urgent piece of business.”

  “Poor Finchley. She’d hold off a rioting labor union for Jake and throw herself into their midst for his child.”

  A silence grew between them. “Just ask, already,” Sam snapped.

  “How is he?” Does he mention me? Is he dating? The questions trembled on her lips, but she refused to utter them. She bit the inside of her cheek as she waited for Sam’s reply.

  “Good. Busy. The break much needed. He’s been working without stop on ATP-1. This new concept will take the computer world by storm. No new attacks. Every thing’s gone quiet.”

  “I hope you have some more work for me. I’ve closed the accounts you assigned me before you left.”

  Sam stood, gave her a measured look, letting her know her change of subject hadn’t fooled him. “Sure, I’ll take a look at what’s come in and push some your way.” He sauntered out hands in pockets, whistling.

  ****

  Sam left for the Yukon and the McKenzie climb at the end of the month. In his absence, she relaxed, settled in. He’d been inordinately kind, issuing several invitations for lunch, coffee, and the small parties he held. She’d refused most. She wouldn’t become the albatross around Sam’s neck. She’d ended up as Josh’s curse, almost getting him killed. And there was always the chance whoever in the government wanted Josh might still go after her. She didn’t want Sam exposed. He stopped asking after two weeks of her refusals, and the office grapevine kept her apprised of what smart, lovely women he dated. Sam had commitment issues too.

  She sat at her desk in a small office and searched the Internet for a signed copy of the first edition of a book she’d never heard of, but that a client wanted desperately. The work stimulated her, absorbed her. She gratefully filled many hours of her time, digging for something somebody valued. It put purpose into her life, a life that suddenly seemed a bigger, blacker hole than when she’d finished her contract and left the Marines. Nightmares stole what little sleep she courted. At least they kept her from dreaming about Josh. She felt numb when she thought of him and armored her brain in full defensive mode each time an image or thought of Josh intruded.

  A commotion in the outer lobby caught her attention. Several voices rose in greeting. Chairs pushed back, high heels clipped past her door. Curious, she slipped her PM40 from her desk, tucked it into the waistband of her slacks under her sweater, and joined the parade.

  Sam stood in the middle of a laughing crowd, fielding questions from a dozen different sources at once. “As you can see. I’m in one piece. We had one bad night on the mountain, trapped by low cloud, but we summited and got down.” He looked over their heads meeting Cat’s eyes. “No injuries this trip. No excitement or dramatic rescues, I happily report. Everyone went home in prime condition.”

  Silently, she withdrew, absorbing Sam’s message. Without breaking his word, he’d let her know Josh was safe. Happy knowing Siree had Jake safely home, she settled at her desk. Now if RG could only get the guys still going after Josh, her world would be squared away. Sam had visited D.C. twice before going on the climb, purportedly completing arrangements for McKenzie. Sam came back looking grim and avoided Cat for several days. She assumed he blamed her for making things worse for his friend and worried about Josh even more.

  Cat rested her forehead on her folded arms and drew in a long draught of air.
Even the thought of Josh sent her blood bubbling through her veins. She didn’t need this. Damn Sam for bringing him up.

  Hours later, memories of Josh still plagued her. Rain spattered against the skylight set in the high ceiling of the houseboat. She poured a glass of Merlot and settled onto the suede couch, curling her legs under her. She reached for the TV remote, just as the phone rang.

  “Siree, nice of you to call.”

  “It’s the only way I get to talk to you anymore. Did you break your dialing finger, lose my email address?”

  “I guess you didn’t phone to tell me you had the baby,” Cat jabbed back. “Or you wouldn’t be this feisty.”

  “You’d be feisty, too, if a thirty-pound bowling ball thumped your uterus 24/7.”

  “Will you last a month or throw a gutter ball,” Cat teased.

  “Low strike.” Siree lobbed back.

  “Good one, you knocked my pins out from under me.” Cat laughed.

  “Enough. I’m begging you to come and relieve my boredom over Christmas.”

  Cat pressed the phone to her forehead, unsure how to reply.

  “Okay, so you don’t have to ask, Mom and Ty will be on another cruise. Sam and Josh are heading for the Bahamas, and I’m stuck home with my over-protective husband. We’ll have RG and Finchley, and none of them will let me have any fun. I need you.” Siree let her voice sharpen to a whine. “Come and do girlie stuff with me.”

  “I don’t do girlie stuff, but I can fight off the too serious and overprotective and get you a little room for fun.” Cat acquiesced.

  She could hear Siree clapping on the other end of the phone, and Jake’s deeper tone in the background. “We’re thrilled you’re coming. Jake says hello, and thanks for agreeing, so I don’t make his life miserable complaining you’re not coming.”

  Cat smiled. “Like that would ever happen. You’re the least complaining person I know, and nothing you do would ever make Jake miserable.”