Cement Heart

by Beth Ehemann

  “Just about anything.” I shrugged. “My grandma taught me.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. She was a cook for years. She didn’t go to school for it or anything, but she was better than most who did.” I stared down at the ground, smiling as I talked about Gam. “She worked at a seminary in the kitchen, so she would cook for the aspiring priests. Huge dinner parties every night. And she would bring home any leftovers for us. Pot roast, rosemary chicken, the most amazing mashed potatoes you ever had in your life. Real stick-to-your-ribs comfort food. She’s amazing.”

  My mouth started to water thinking of all the food Gam used to have just sitting in her fridge.

  “Anyway.” I shrugged. “I used to ask her how she made this dish and that dish and I paid attention. Even now when I try to make something new, I split it in half and take it over to her for her approval, holding my damn breath as she puts that first bite in her mouth.”

  Realizing I was rambling on for too long about Gam, I looked up at Michelle, who had a tear running down her cheek.

  I panicked. “What did I say? I’m sorry.”

  “No, no.” She wiped the tear away. “It’s nothing you said… I’m just jealous. I never really had a family. I was adopted, the only child my parents ever had, and they divorced when I was young. We visited my grandparents once a year, if that, and eventually they died. My mom passed when I was in high school, and my dad remarried and moved out to the West Coast. We talk, but not often. So really, it’s just me.”

  “I’m so sorry.” I felt terrible. Just when I thought that the guilt had run its course and I was better, something happened to bring it right back to the surface. Mike was her only person, and I took him away.

  “It’s okay.” She smiled the most unconvincing smile I’d ever seen. “I’m used to it. It’s always kinda just been me and Mike. I don’t know if you know, but Taylor moved here shortly after he died to help me and see the kids more often. She does try, but about a week after she got settled in, she discovered that the young musician in the apartment next to hers was the love of her life, so she’s been… preoccupied.”

  “You should go with me to meet Gam sometime,” I blurted out. The words were just out of my mouth and I instantly regretted them.

  She flinched slightly and narrowed her eyes at me. “Why would I do that?”

  “I don’t know. Just someone to go visit. She only really has me, but I’m a horrible grandson and don’t get over there as often as I should.”

  “Oh, have your parents passed too?”

  All it took was one sentence for every muscle in my body to tense up.

  “No, they’re alive,” I said sharply.

  “You don’t see them?”

  “No.”

  “You don’t have to, but do you wanna tell me why?”

  Fuck no.

  I took a deep breath and looked up at her. I’d never noticed how blue her eyes were until that exact moment when they stared back at me, waiting for an answer to her question.

  “Um…” I hesitated. “My parents aren’t great people. They suck, actually. So once I was old enough to decide who I did and didn’t want in my life, they didn’t make the cut.”

  “Hmmm.” She looked down at her lap and pinched at the fabric of her pants. “So you’re kinda like me… alone?”

  “Yep.” I nodded. “I prefer it that way, though. The closer people are to you, the more opportunities they have to hurt you.”

  Just as she opened her mouth to say something, the doorbell rang.

  “Pizza’s here!” Matthew sprang to life and jumped to his feet, hopping up and down excitedly.

  “To be continued.” She winked at me as she got off the couch and headed up front.

  Or not.

  OUR HOME OPENER of the season also happened to be the five-month anniversary of Mike’s death. Since the Wild had never formally paid tribute to him in terms of a public memorial, they decided the home opener would be the perfect time to do that. Every member of the team stood out on the ice in a single line, shoulder to shoulder, as Mike’s jersey was raised to the roof of the stadium during a moment of silence. I watched as the spotlight slowly followed it all the way to the top.

  Asher

  88

  Every eye in the arena was on me; I could feel them on the back of my head. They were all thinking the same thing—Mike would be here if not for Viper. I wanted the game to start. I wanted that moment to be over, desperately. Rage boiled in my blood stream, and I just wanted to get out on the ice and get it out of me before I exploded.

  A hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality.

  “You ready?” Brody was frowning.

  Looking around, I noticed that everyone else was already skating off the ice, but I was so lost in my own head, I hadn’t even realized we were done.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go!”

  The game against the Oilers was more like a blood bath. One guy needed four stitches to close a cut in his chin, another guy lost two teeth, and medical glue fixed another cut on a hand—and that was just their team. In the end, the Wild came up with the win, barely, with a score of 3–2. A power play near the end almost tied it, but thanks to Murphy and his fast glove, he snatched the puck out of the air and saved the day.

  After every game, we typically hung out for a little bit while the crowds thinned, but that night I took an extra long shower, hoping the crowds and reporters would be gone by the time I was done.

  I wrapped a towel around myself, and my lonely friend that hadn’t seen action in almost three weeks now, and went to the locker room to get dressed.

  “Just about everyone is gone. Except Kacie,” Brody said from the other side of the room. I whipped around to face him. I hadn’t even seen him sitting on the bench.

  “Oh. Whatever.” I shrugged like it was no big deal.

  “Don’t give me that shit. I know you.” He laughed.

  “It’s just hard,” I admitted. “Not only was it the first game but also Big Mike’s tribute, and you know the reporters are gonna be hungry. I don’t want to say or do anything that’s gonna get me fined.”

  “Like breaking a camera?”

  I glared at him. “That cost me ten fucking grand.”

  “You deserved it, but so did he. Hurry up and get dressed. I’ll walk out with you.”

  Throwing my sweats and hoodie on, I decided I didn’t give a shit about drying my hair. I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed.

  I grabbed my bag and followed Brody out of the locker room with my hood up and my head down, in case anyone was hanging around outside.

  The wooden doors of the locker room thudded as they shut behind me, and within seconds, my name was called out.

  “Viper!”

  I looked up to see Matthew sprinting down the hallway toward me.

  Immediately dropping to my knees, I held my arms out to catch him. “What’s up, buddy!” I was genuinely shocked to see him there. Michelle hadn’t mentioned anything in her text this morning about coming to the game tonight, but I was beyond excited to see her and Matthew.

  As soon as he got close enough, I scooped him up in my arms and tossed him into the air. Lucy and Piper ran straight for Brody and wrapped their arms around his legs as Emma walked as fast as her little legs would let her, staring straight at her dad. Michelle and Kacie followed along behind them.

  “Nice game, stud,” Kacie said in a sexy voice as she leaned in to give Brody a kiss.

  “Do you two ever stop?” I rolled my eyes.

  Brody looked at me as he reached down and palmed Kacie’s belly, which seemed to be getting bigger by the day. “Clearly not.”

  “Hi, Uncle V!” Piper called with Lucy waving at me from behind her.

  “What’s up twinkadinks?” I reached over and high-fived both of them, giving Emma a raspberry on her cheek as I went by.

  I turned my attention to Michelle, trying hard not to stare too much. She was smoking in her jeans and boots and
fitted Wild jersey. “Hey.” I reached over and gave her an awkward hug with Matthew still in my arms. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

  “I didn’t either.” She laughed, glancing over at Kacie and back at me. “I knew what they were doing for Mike, but I wasn’t sure I could sit through it. Kacie talked me into coming at the last minute, and I’m glad I did.” She reached out and squeezed Kacie’s hand.

  “I’m glad you did too. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have had a chance to see this guy again!” I threw him up in the air again and he rewarded me with a giggle. “Wait, where’s Maura?”

  “I left her home with Taylor. I figured it’d be too loud and crazy here.”

  Kacie looked from Brody to me to Michelle. “Do you guys have to go home right away? I know it’s late, but it’s not that late. Wanna grab a late dinner at Stumpy’s?”

  “I’m game.” I nodded.

  Michelle held her finger up in the air. “Just let me check with Taylor real quick.” She pulled her cell phone out of her back pocket and took a couple steps away as Matthew wiggled out of my arms to go stand by his mom.

  “Come here, girls. Let’s put hoodies on, please. It’s getting chilly out there.” Kacie waved the girls off to the side and started to dress them. I waited for Brody to follow and help her, but he pulled his brows in tight and narrowed his eyes at me. “You guys have been seeing each other a lot lately.”

  “Who?”

  “You and Michelle.”

  I nodded toward Matthew. “It’s because of him. I like the little guy.”

  “Is that all?”

  “What the fuck are you trying to say?” I growled at him. “You think I’d move in on my best friend’s wife?”

  He shook his head. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. And even if there were something starting between the two of you, I wouldn’t judge.”

  I glared at him as hard as I ever had in my whole life. “Fuck you!” I spat before heading up the ramp toward the parking lot.

  I pushed the glass doors open and took a deep breath of the crisp air as I paced around outside the door. I shouldn’t have snapped at Brody like I had, but what kind of an asshole kills his best friend and then goes after his wife? What the fuck kind of person was I that Brody would think for a second I would do something like that?

  Before I could turn to go back in, the whole group filed out. Kacie, Michelle, and the kids went on to their cars as Brody came over to me.

  “Dude. Listen, that’s not at all what I was suggesting,” he said as he got closer. “I was just noticing that you’d gotten closer and—”

  “I know, I know,” I interrupted him. “I shouldn’t have snapped like that. It just hit a nerve. I don’t know why. I’m sorry.”

  “Hey, no worries, man. Let’s go chill out at Stumpy’s and have a beer and relax.” His hand clapped my shoulder. “It’s been an emotional night for everyone. We all need to wind down a bit.”

  I nodded and headed toward my car, hoping my shitty mood would be gone by the time we got to the bar.

  By the time we pulled into the parking lot, my mood had already lifted.

  “Viper! Can I sit by you?” Matthew yelled as he caught up with me and slipped his hand into mine.

  I let go of his hand and lifted him up onto my shoulders instead. “You better sit by me.”

  Our small gang barreled through the door of Stumpy’s, causing quite the scene. People who’d obviously watched the game on TV clapped and cheered as we made our way over to our corner table. Brody and I turned and pulled a couple extra stools over for the little kids while Kacie sat with Emma on her lap, shifting uncomfortably.

  “Here, let me take her.” Brody laughed. “You don’t have much of a lap left.”

  Kacie straightened her back and rubbed her side with her hand. “Thank God. I’m ready to be done and meet this little girlie.”

  “How much longer now?” Michelle looked at Kacie as she pulled Matthew’s hoodie off over his head. His blond hair shot out in a hundred different directions, but he grinned up at me without a care in the world. I reached over and smoothed his hair, gently leaning down and touching my forehead to his without saying a word.

  “Six weeks,” Kacie sighed.

  I turned back toward Brody. “Whose idea was it to have this baby during the season anyway?”

  “Um…” Brody quickly glanced at Kacie and back to me. “My penis’s.”

  “Ear muffs! Ear muffs!” Michelle yelled out as she covered Matthew’s ears.

  “Yeah, seriously!” Kacie glared at him as Lucy and Piper covered their mouths and giggled behind her.

  “Sorry.” Brody laughed as Portland walked up to the table.

  “Hey, guys! Oooh, you brought the little ones today?” She looked from Lucy to Piper to Matthew to Emma.

  “Yep. The boys had their opening game tonight, so we’re celebrating.” Kacie smiled proudly.

  “Oh, that’s right. We watched it on TV. Way to go! You guys want a pitcher?” she asked.

  “Uh, no beer for me. I’ll have—”

  “A root beer?” She grinned at me.

  “Yep.” I bent down toward Matthew. “You want a root beer too?”

  “Wait,” Michelle spoke up, “he’s never had pop before.”

  “Please, Mom?” he whined as he looked up at her with big blue puppy-dog eyes. “I want a root beer like Viper.”

  “Fine.” She sighed. “Just one, but you’re not gonna like it.”

  Brody ordered a beer and Kacie got lemonade for herself and the girls. “What do you guys wanna do for food? Pizza?” she asked as her eyes scanned the menu.

  “Sounds good to me.” I folded my hands in front of my face and stared up at the TV above us, hoping to catch the highlights from the game.

  “Matthew, do you like pizza?” Kacie asked.

  Michelle immediately looked up at me, and the second we made eye contact, I laughed out loud.

  “Stop it!” she yelled playfully, wadding up a napkin and throwing it at me. “Don’t you dare say a word.”

  My head fell onto my arm on the table. I was laughing so hard I thought I might puke. As if the whole innocent pizza comment weren’t funny enough, the fact that Michelle knew what I was laughing at without me even having to say anything made it one hundred times better.

  “What did we miss?” Brody asked, looking back and forth between me and Michelle.

  Michelle licked her lips and shook her head, still trying not to laugh as she rolled her eyes. “Nothing. Viper’s a brat, but I’m sure you already knew that. He likes to tease me about ordering too much pizza because I don’t know how to cook, even though I have yet to see him make something as simple as a sandwich.” She looked at me and raised her eyebrows, taunting me.

  “Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.” I held my hands up. “I can cook, damn it. I can cook good.”

  She leaned forward and batted her eyelashes at me. “Prove it.”

  Challenge motherfucking accepted.

  “VIPER!”

  I was on the ice during morning drills and heard the sound of my name. I glanced up toward the bench to see Mia, Coach Collins’s assistant, standing in the box, waving her arms to get my attention.

  “What’s up?” I called out as I skated over.

  “Coach wants to have a quick word with you before practice starts.” She smiled and walked away.

  What the fuck is this about?

  “All right, I’ll be there in a minute,” I hollered back.

  It would have been nice had he called this little meeting before I put my skates and pads on, but he’s the boss, so I couldn’t tell him no. I went to the locker room and spent ten minutes taking all my crap off before making my way to his office upstairs.

  “Come in!” he yelled after I knocked on the door.

  I opened it and walked through, prepared for anything.

  “Hey, Viper.” He gave me a tight smile as he pointed to the chair by his desk. “Have a seat.”

  My stomach sank. I w
as already pissed off and he hadn’t even started talking yet. Why the hell would they have let me start the season if they were going to let me go? What city was I going to end up in? I’d have to move and take Gam with me. What about Matthew? My mind raced with questions as Collins stared at me for a long time without saying anything.

  He finally relaxed back into his seat. “Well, I’m impressed.”

  Huh?

  “Huh?”

  “We had a phone conference with Dr. Roberts this morning. She told us how well you’re doing with therapy, and she gave the green light for you to go ahead and continue with the season.” His chair squeaked as he rocked back and forth with his fingers locked behind his head.

  “Wait. You talked to Dr. Roberts? About me?” Panic welled up in my chest. I didn’t want anyone, certainly not my coach, knowing what Dr. Roberts and I had talked about in that office.

  “Well, about you in general. No specifics. She just let us know that you hadn’t missed one meeting and that she felt you were progressing nicely. The head honchos in the office are happy, which makes me happy. So, well done. You can continue to see her or stop, that part is completely up to you, but in terms of your probationary period… that’s over.”

  “Oh.” I nodded slowly, staring at the pen on his desk. “That’s good to know.”

  “I’m proud of you. Now, go practice.” He stood up and held his hand out for me to shake, which I did. Then I quickly left his office.

  When I was a kid, there were a million things in the world that could make me feel sick to my stomach. Breaking a neighbor’s window, scratching the side of my dad’s new car with my bike, having a sealed envelope in my backpack that I had to give to my parents to sign and bring back to school the next day. None of these things even began to compare to being called down to the principal’s office, and that’s how I’d felt every time I was called up to Collins’s office, but not that time. That time, I left his office with a smile on my face and a Star Student of the Week kick in my step.

  In my haste to get to the rink that morning, I’d forgotten to send my typical morning text to Michelle. The minute practice was over, I grabbed my phone.