Love Starts With Z

by Tera Shanley

  “It might not be right, but it’s safe.”

  “It feels like you’re hiding from me when you wear it.”

  “I’m not. I just don’t ever want to mess up again.”

  “Oh, lovebirds,” Adrianna sang. “You lose big time.”

  “I mean, really, you guys have the worst swim time in the history of competitive swimming,” Colten said, unashamedly standing against the stark woods with his hands on his bare hips.

  “Family dinner, take two. You ready to do this?” Kaegan asked.

  “Yeah. No more running.”

  His teeth were white against the dark as he smiled. “That a girl.”

  Chapter Twelve

  DAD WIPED HIS MOUTH with a cloth napkin and threw it over his empty plate as Soren topped the stairs. “We didn’t wait,” he said unnecessarily.

  Adrianna pursed her lips and scuttled around her, taking a seat next to Vanessa with her eyes averted. Kaegan and Colten took their earlier seats as she sank into hers.

  “Why?” Mitchell asked. “Tell us why you let them treat you badly, and I’ll drop it. Tell us why you didn’t just come home where you would’ve at least been fed properly. Did they shame you with that too? Or are you just watching your figure?”

  “I had a handler who was trying to assimilate me into the population of Dead Run River better. At least that’s what she told everyone. She was making me eat cooked food, and it made me sick. I’m not watching my figure.”

  “And the muzzle?”

  “I had to wear it, or I couldn’t stay within the gates.”

  “Honey, why did you stay?” Mom asked.

  “Because I wanted to help find the cure. I really thought I could. I came into Dr. Mackey’s office every day and like an idiot I thought, today is the day. And I thought if I just took one more insult, one more unfair rule, if I plodded quietly through the rumors and the dirty looks, at least I’d be there for the discovery of the cure.”

  “Did you know this was happening, Sean?” Mom asked. “I mean, you’ve visited Dead Run River so many times since she moved there.”

  “Yes,” Sean said, looking sick.

  “Mom, I begged him not to mention this stuff because I didn’t want you to worry.”

  “Why is this cure so important to you, Soren?” Dad said, voice rising. “We have the vaccine. Your mother sacrificed so much to get it to the masses, and you’re sacrificing your quality of life for what? A cure that might save a few more? This family has given enough.”

  “Because I want to use it on myself! I want to look like you and Mom, and I want to walk down a trail and have children not scream and run from me. I want to be normal.” Her shoulders slumped as she felt a great weight of her admission press against her. “I want to kiss a boy without killing him.”

  A single tear slid down Mom’s cheek, and it shattered Soren’s heart with the tiny splat it made on the table. Her parents had worked so hard to give her a normal life, to give her the strength to bear this, and she was failing them. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice ragged.

  Kaegan gripped her hand under the table, but she didn’t deserve the comfort.

  “What made you leave?” Vanessa asked quietly.

  “Kaegan told me I deserved better. I don’t know why it took a stranger saying that for me to accept it, but I was already at the end of what I could take.”

  “So now you’ll go to war.” Dad’s chair creaked as he leaned back in it.

  Adrianna had been picking at a hangnail with one of her smaller knives, but perked up, eyes wide. “What’s he talking about?”

  “We’re going down to the coast. Something is brewing down there that has everyone excited. The Deads are migrating to the water, and forces are gathering to put a dent in them.”

  “That could change things, right?” Adrianna breathed.

  Sean nodded. “This isn’t the first migration—it’s just the first one people have realized the importance of. They’ve been traveling in droves down to the coast for the past five years. No one knows what drives them, but a similar thing happened at Dead Run River before Mel settled it. Hundreds of Deads gathered at the river’s edge, just waiting. There have been messengers for a while, but the migration won’t peak for a few days yet. This won’t be like Dead Run River though, Soren. I’m talking about the bulk of the population of Deads in North and South America being in one place. And they’ll be hungry.”

  “Not for Soren,” Adrianna said. “They’ve never gone after her for food.” She swung her gaze to Soren, the same bewildered look on her face as when Kaegan began to figure out she wasn’t just some mistake nature had made. She was a weapon. “I’m going with you.”

  “It’ll be dangerous,” Kaegan said. “There’s little chance of survival out there.”

  “Sounds like my kind of party.”

  “Are you sure?” Soren asked.

  “You left me behind for some mission I couldn’t get on board with before, and it tore me up. I’m not going to be argued out of it. I just need a day to put together a bigger team for us because this—” she made a circle with her finger, gesturing to her, Kaegan, and Colten “—isn’t near enough to survive the trip, much less take out a chunk of Deads before we go screaming into that good night. I might be reckless, but I don’t have a damned death wish.”

  Vanessa sat silent for the first time in as long as Soren could remember, and Sean rubbed her neck and asked, “What do you need from us?”

  “Sean,” Vanessa whispered.

  “She’s going to go, Vanessa. She’s grown, and I can’t watch her waste away around here any more. We got to make our choices when we were their age.” His voice cracked, and he turned his gaze back to Adrianna. “So what do you need from us?”

  “Your blessing.”

  “Granted as long as you stay with the team. You stay with Soren, no matter what. You take care of each other.”

  “Done.”

  “Done,” Soren agreed. “Guist, I wouldn’t mind if you packed our go-bags for us.”

  He smiled and nodded. “I’ll pick them up in the morning and see what they’re lacking. You two are out in the trailers?”

  Kaegan and Colten nodded in unison.

  “We’ll need more weapons,” Adrianna said.

  The chairs screeched against the floor as Sean stood. “Follow me.”

  The others stayed in the house, but Sean and Dad led the four of them to the old root cellar that had served as her and Adrianna’s playhouse so many years ago. The heavy chains clanked as Sean unlocked it and pulled them off.

  “Watch your step,” he murmured.

  The light disappeared altogether about ten steps down, and Soren felt around for each step before applying weight. A soft trill of metal sounded somewhere in front of them, and the glow of a newly lit lantern filled the space. The cellar had changed in the years she’d neglected it. Maps hung from the concrete walls like wallpaper, and a huge, crudely made table filled the middle of the room. Across it was strewn drawings and topographical maps. Ledgers were stacked on an old bookshelf against the wall, and a box sat in the corner. Soren and Adrianna, it read in dark thick marker. The top was open, and one of her childhood dolls was flopped over the cardboard ledge, waiting as if Sean and Dad had stored it for them in case they ever came back to play.

  Sean held a door open and waved them forward. “This way.”

  It used to be a crude chicken house, filled with crates and grain feed and buckets to collect eggs, but now it was a chaotically organized storage room for a weapons cache. Pistols and rifles lined the wall, and boxes full of musty smelling hay housed shotguns and military grade weapons. Ammunition by the droves sat in boxes on shelves.

  “I’ve never seen so many guns in one place,” Colten whispered, like if he spoke at normal volume, it would suck the magic from the room.

  “Sean thought it would be smart to start stocking up the second year of the migration,” Dad said.

  “I thought they didn’t
make guns anymore. Not since the outbreak, but some of these look new.”

  “Not new, just never been used.” Sean grabbed a sawed off shotgun and tossed it to Kaegan who caught it deftly and checked the load. “We’ve been trading in secret for years, and the ammo was mostly made in-house.” He gestured to a workbench with rows of bullet casters in the next room. Lead, oils, shell casings, and gunpowder dotted the counters.

  “This one’s yours,” Dad said low, handing her a pistol. “It was Uncle Jarren’s. I know you didn’t ever get to meet him, but he’d want you going to battle with a piece of him. It’s never jammed up in all the time I’ve used it. Look.” He tipped it up and pointed to a tiny inscription on the barrel. Until my last breath, I’ll fight, it read. “You remember how to use one of these?”

  She swallowed the emotion that threatened to overwhelm her. Jarren’s gun. She’d never met him, but from stories her parents had told her, he was her hero. He’d been everyone’s hero. “It’s been a while, but we’ll go out to the range tomorrow.”

  “You each need a pistol,” Sean advised. “Blades will be your go-to weapon, but when you’re desperate, and those times will come, you pull the pistol. When you run out of the small ammo, you pull a shotgun.”

  “And after we run out of ammo for the shotgun?” Adrianna asked.

  “You run like hell.”

  Suddenly, everything felt real. Going to war wasn’t just a passing thought about what she’d do some day. It wasn’t a bucket list dream. They’d be leaving in two days’ time for something that would change her forever. She was human, but the virus was as much a part of her as anything else. It affected her looks, her healing, her ability to survive among the Deads. And in this moment, she was picking a side. No matter that she’d been treated like a disease at Dead Run River, she was choosing to fight on the side of humans. This moment, right here, was her declaration of her people. Adrianna, Colten, and Kaegan watched her silently as she holstered Jarren’s pistol, now her own. Either way, she was a traitor. Either way she lost, but she couldn’t ride the fence forever or good people would die. One or the other had to fall under her protection.

  Her people were humans.

  Leaving much heavier than they came, Soren led the way through the woods to Kaegan’s trailer. She’d never slept much and had done guard duty when she lived here before, trolling the gates for any sign of trouble, but tonight was different. The Denver colony slept safe and sound under Sean and Vanessa’s diligent protection. Tonight was her last night to relax before every moment would be devoted to the survival of her team.

  “You want to sleep over at our place?” Colten asked Adrianna.

  “No spank you, Romeo. I have a place of my own.” As she broke through the trees to the trailers, Adrianna gave a little salute and drifted away. “Plus,” she called over her shoulder, “somebody died in there a couple of years back, and I’m pretty sure it’s haunted. Sweet dreams.”

  “Charming,” Colten muttered as he picked his way around a giant tree stump.

  Soren laughed and when she looked up, Kaegan was watching her with an unfathomable expression. “What?”

  He shook his head and adjusted the strap of his shotgun.

  “What?” she asked again, louder.

  Twitching his head to the side, he said, “It’s just nice seeing you in this place after seeing you in Dead Run River. You smile a lot. Maybe you did before, but I couldn’t see it behind the muzzle.”

  “No, I didn’t smile much there. But Denver is different. It’s home, you know?”

  “No, I don’t. Colten and I have bounced around for so long, I can’t remember staying in one place long enough to have that kind of connection with it.”

  “Where will you go if you survive the war?”

  His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Best not to talk about futures we don’t have.”

  At the top of the porch stairs, Kaegan turned as Colten disappeared inside. He pulled her in close and rested his chin on her head as she relaxed into his arms. “You want to stay over?”

  She opened her mouth to answer but Colten beat her to it. “No! I don’t want to be eaten in my sleep. My muzzle rule still applies here.”

  “You need sleep, and I’ll only keep you awake. If I get tired, I’ll crash with Adrianna.”

  “Ahh, I forgot the no sleeping part for you.” He slipped his thumb under the hem of her shirt and gently fingered the puckered scars on her hip. “It feels strange being apart after the last couple of days.”

  He was right. Tonight would feel strange being any distance away from him, sleeping or awake. She’d spent hours the night before watching over his sleeping form. How could she feel so connected with a man she’d met such a short time ago? She’d even gotten used to Colten’s obnoxious presence.

  “Dude,” Colten said over the creaking of the door. “Someone left a jar of moonshine under one of the beds.”

  “I’ll leave you boys to it. I’ve got bunnies to eat.”

  “About that,” Kaegan said, grabbing her hand as she turned. “I think you need to eat more.”

  “You don’t like me this skinny?”

  “I like you just fine any way you are, but Adrianna and your dad talk like this isn’t a healthy weight for you. Should we be stopping more to hunt and eat?”

  “Probably. I need as many meals a day as you guys, but I’ve been trying to be respectful of your eating habits.”

  “Screw that. I don’t care.”

  “I do!” Colten called from inside.

  “You say that, but it’s not exactly pretty when I go all Dead on some raw meat.”

  Kaegan leaned against the wooden porch railing. “Does it bother you to eat in front of other people?”

  He wasn’t offensive with his questions, just direct, as if he was really interested in her responses. She liked that. “A little. Most are completely grossed out by me already. Snarfing down a raw flank steak in front of them just invites more judgment.”

  “I’m judging you,” Colten called.

  Kaegan looked heavenward, as if he were praying for patience. “We’re your team now, and we’ll have to get used to it just like you’ll have to get used to traveling with us.”

  “You’re stalling,” she accused.

  “Yep.”

  “Good night, Kaegan.”

  He stood on the porch with his hands in his pockets, watching her until she made her way into the trees. Out of sight, she squatted next to a giant live oak and rested her palm against the rough bark.

  Kaegan didn’t go in right away. Instead, he locked his elbows and gripped the porch railing until his arms flexed against the threadbare fabric of his T-shirt. Looking out over the circle of trailers, he shook his head at some mental conversation she didn’t have a guess at, then disappeared inside.

  Maybe it bothered him that he liked her at all. Or perhaps he regretted asking her to come along, but they were in it now. Good or bad, they were on a collision course. She just couldn’t figure out if it was with each other or with a fighter’s end neither one of them was ready for.

  Soren shook the feed pail, and the chickens came running. Bigger livestock tended to stampede in the opposite direction from her, but chickens? Maybe they were too dumb to sense a predator. She’d always enjoyed taking care of them in her spare time when she was growing up. Mom even had favorites that she named, though all the ones she remembered seemed to have been eaten long ago. These squawking hens begging grain didn’t look familiar at all.

  Tossing it out by the handful, she hummed under her breath, a song about dapple and gray horses Mom used to sing to her and Adrianna when they had trouble sleeping.

  “I should’ve known you were with the freaking chickens,” Adrianna groused. “I’ve been looking all over for you. Come on. The boys are already at the range.”

  “Want to help me feed them?”

  “I’m not going in there with those feathered devils.” It wasn’t the hens she was scared of. It was the r
oosters, which had a tendency to chase Adrianna in her younger days. They didn’t much bother chasing Soren.

  Soren bent down and let a few of the braver birds peck feed from her outstretched hand.

  Adrianna’s mouth puckered. “Gross. I’m sure you’re about sixty-eight percent more likely to contract worms or botulism or something now.”

  Wiping her hands on her pants, she let herself out of the coop and replaced the empty bucket in the small storage shed nearby. “I have the Dead virus. I’m pretty sure that trumps botulism. Which isn’t spread by chickens, by the way.”

  “Bird flu,” Adrianna corrected with a sarcastic grimace.

  Soren tried to wipe her grain-dusty hands on Adrianna’s shoulder, but her friend ducked out of the way and made a disgusted noise.

  “Stop that right now, Soren Leanna Mitchell, or I’ll stab you.” She pulled a blade for emphasis.

  “Sorry, chum, I’ve already been stabbed this week. Somebody beat you to it.”

  “What?” Adrianna lowered the weapon. “Who stabbed you?”

  “Colten.”

  “That jackhole. Do you want me to hurt him?”

  Soren snickered. Not because she didn’t think Adrianna would follow through. On the contrary, there was a high chance Adrianna would actually hurt Colten and enjoy it, but she laughed because she’d missed Adrianna being protective of her. She’d missed everything about her. “In his defense, he was close to death with a raging fever and was having some pretty interesting hallucinations.”

  “Still,” Adrianna muttered. “A stabbing is a stabbing.”

  “Have you seen the boys this morning?”

  “Yeah, Colten is hung over or maybe still drunk, I don’t know. Your lover boy is actually a decent shot, though.”

  “Don’t call him that.”

  “Why not? It’s obvious you two like each other. Own it. Denying it only makes it weird for the rest of us.”

  “Whatever. Who are you dating?”

  “Dating or banging?”

  “Uhh, is there a difference?”