In This Together

by Patti Berg

“I know you’re getting tired of doctors’ appointments.” He was very perceptive. “And I’m sure you don’t want to be here today.”

  “I’d rather be at Germain’s having a hot fudge sundae.” All of a sudden a tear slipped down her cheek. “I’m sorry. I’m a little on edge.”

  Cesar stood, took a step toward the examining table, and held her hand. It didn’t make her feel great, but she did feel better.

  “Crying’s perfectly acceptable in here, Elena.”

  They shared a few more words, Dr. Lawson attempting to calm her down, all to no avail. When he turned the conversation to the all-important things, his words began to blend together, sounding very clinical, with the terms cancer and tumor, malignant and benign jumping out at her, ringing over and over in her ears.

  Was Cesar grasping all of this?

  Elena glanced at her husband, who stood quietly beside her. His head was bent; his eyes were closed, as if he were in another world completely. He dragged in a deep breath, and still his eyes remained closed. Then, she heard him. “Dear Lord.” The words were so soft, so quiet, she doubted Dr. Lawson had noticed, not when he was flipping through papers in her file. But she’d heard. Cesar was praying, and that gave her hope.

  “I wish I could tell you that you don’t have cancer,” Dr. Lawson said, “but that’s not possible…yet.”

  Cesar’s eyes flashed open. He frowned at Dr. Lawson. “You say yet as though you’re almost certain she doesn’t have cancer. Do you think it’s something else?”

  “I’m hoping it’s nothing,” Dr. Lawson said. “I’ve examined your CT scan, and as Dr. Lydell told you already, there is a suspicious spot on one of your ovaries. I want to give you an exam today; but I also want another CT scan performed to make sure there’s really something there, and that we didn’t miss something else completely, something else that could be causing your pain.”

  “Does that happen very often?” Cesar asked, sounding hopeful.

  “Not very often, but it does happen. And I don’t like to take chances.”

  They talked a little while longer and then Dr. Lawson performed an exam. When he was finished, she dressed, and they talked again.

  “I know you’re an RN, Elena, but I’m not sure how much you know about ovarian cancer.”

  “I know it’s difficult to spot. That it’s almost always caught in its later stages—when it’s too late, and that the chances of survival are slim.”

  “There’s a lot more than that, but it’s what you said at first—that it’s difficult to spot—that I’d like to focus on. Ovarian cancer is difficult to detect because most women don’t recognize the symptoms. Bloating, yes. Pain, yes. But the severity of your pain, combined with the small size of the spot on your CT scan, leads me to believe this isn’t ovarian cancer. But—”

  Why did he have to add but to his comments?

  “As I said, I want to do another scan. I also want to schedule you for surgery in early December. It’ll be exploratory only.”

  Elena tried to breathe easily as he continued to talk, explaining the surgery, telling her, again, that the spot was on one ovary only and it hadn’t spread to any other organs. He hoped to find nothing more than a benign tumor pressing against a nerve. All in all, he was encouraging. But the word cancer still loomed over the discussion.

  Somehow she managed to shake Dr. Lawson’s hand before he left the room. And then when she and Cesar were alone, her husband’s fingers slipped around her hand.

  “I don’t know how much more I can take,” she said, her voice almost choking on the lump in her throat. “This was supposed to be something simple; something easy to diagnose, yet we don’t know anything more today than we knew a few weeks ago.”

  “I wish I could make this all go away, querida. I wish I could find the words to make this easier for you.”

  “What about for you? You’re suffering as much as I am.”

  “We’re in this together, Elena. Every step of the way. You can’t lose faith now. And mine—I need to find it. Somehow.”

  Their thirty years together rushed through her mind as she stared at the floor, all their trials and tribulations, each rough patch making the special moments—like Rafael’s birth and Izzy’s, their family dinners where everyone laughed and danced and music played—so much more vivid.

  Slowly she looked up into Cesar’s face and saw his beautiful smile. God had given this man to her. He’d blessed her so many times in so many ways. She was thankful for the life she’d had so far, and she’d give thanks for each moment yet to come.

  Right now, though, she wanted to get out of this place. But before she could hop down from the examining table, Cesar bowed his head.

  “Dear Lord,” he said softly, “I’m not very good at praying, and I’m not quite sure what words are best at a moment like this; but I ask that You watch over my wife, over our family, and over me too, as we face an uncertain future. Be with us, step by step. Guide us. Hold our hands. And, Dear Lord, keep us strong, physically, mentally, and spiritually.”

  Cesar opened his reddened eyes and looked into Elena’s. “I don’t know what else to say. You’re so much better at this than I am.”

  “You were talking to God.” Elena smiled warmly, fighting the tightness in her throat. “The words aren’t important, Cesar. God knows what’s in your heart. He’s always known, and that’s all that truly matters.”

  “That guy has got to be the worst referee in the history of the game,” Rafael mumbled two hours into the game that night. “That was a foul if ever I saw one, and he didn’t call it.”

  “It’s just a game,” Sarah said, as Elena watched the young woman hand Rafael a plate of tamales, his second helping since the family had sat down together at the dinner table three hours earlier.

  Elena didn’t know which was the loudest—Rafael shouting at the TV or the crowd in the stadium, as she, Cesar, Rafael, and Sarah sat in the family room watching the Bulls and the Orlando Magic game. The score was so tight—Bulls 82, Magic 84—that Rafael was sweating bullets as the fourth quarter wound down.

  As always, his team—the Bulls—had to win.

  “It isn’t just a game, Sarah,” Rafael said at last, shooting her a hasty frown. “It’s the NBA. It’s the beginning of the season, and I want to see the Bulls go all the way to the championship this year.”

  Sarah looked across the room at Elena and grinned. “Okay, it isn’t just a game. Right this moment it’s the most important thing in your life and far be it from me to think anything different.”

  Sarah sat on the sofa next to Rafael, turning her full attention to the game, and when the Bulls hit a three-pointer and their score jumped to eighty-five, Rafael practically threw his plate in the air in excitement.

  “I didn’t know being a spectator could be so dangerous,” Sarah quipped, moving an inch or two away from Rafael.

  Orlando called a time-out, and Rafael tilted his head toward Sarah. “You just wait. Before this season is over…No, let’s change that. By the time we’re twenty games into the season, you’re going to be just as big a fanatic about this game as I am.”

  “You think?”

  Rafael huffed. “I know.”

  Izzy had been in bed for a good hour, although how she could sleep through all the noise was anybody’s guess. Of course, Elena was so tired she could probably sleep right in the middle of the court while the Bulls and Magic played around and over her.

  She cuddled a little closer to Cesar on the love seat, catching bits and pieces of the game, although she found the play of emotions between her son and Sarah far more interesting. For the past half hour they’d been acting just as she and Cesar had acted when they’d first gotten married. Those days were fun and chaotic and a roller coaster of emotions.

  Yet no matter what, they’d never fallen out of love. That emotion had simply grown stronger. He was her rock; she was his.

  “Should we tell them about the surgery?” Cesar whispered while Rafael was explaining s
ome of the finer points of basketball to Sarah.

  Elena shook her head. “Not tonight. Maybe after church on Sunday.”

  “We can’t put it off too long,” Cesar said. “Rafael’s already asked if you’re having trouble sleeping; it’s impossible not to notice the dark circles under your eyes. And he’s bound to notice that you’ve lost weight.”

  “I know. But their lives are going so great at the moment.”

  “Life goes on, querida. We can’t stop living, and we can’t hide the truth.”

  “Just a little while longer.”

  Cesar smiled and kissed her lightly. “All right. A little longer.”

  The score was Bulls 92, Magic 92, when exhaustion caught up with her. “Do you mind if I go to bed?”

  “The game’ll be over in another ten minutes or so,” Cesar said. “Don’t you want to see the end?”

  Elena shook her head. “You stay here and watch the rest of the game. I want to crawl under the covers and go to sleep.”

  “You’re okay on your own?” Cesar asked softly. “It’s been a rough day.”

  “I’m going to be fine.” Elena smiled. “I’m not going to let the unknown drive me crazy between now and when I have the surgery. I’ve got the walk to think about and Paint the Town Purple. Thanksgiving’s just a couple of weeks away and there’s Christmas shopping to do and decorating and—” She laughed lightly. “Like you said, life goes on.”

  She kissed Cesar again and said good night to Sarah and Rafael, although she doubted either one of them heard her. They were far too caught up in the game and each other, and that’s exactly the way Elena wanted it.

  When she closed the bedroom door behind her, she decided to skip her nighttime shower, opting to take it in the morning, when she was sure she wouldn’t fall asleep under the pulse of the spraying water. Right now she was simply too tired to do much more than crawl into bed. Her eyelids were heavy; yet when she pulled the comforter up to her chin and snuggled into her pillow, she was too wired to sleep.

  I don’t have cancer. That mantra went through her mind again and again, and then she smiled. But if I do, I’ll lick it. Just watch me.

  Taking her MP3 player from the drawer next to the bed, she put in the earphones and chose something spiritual. When Elvis began to sing “How Great Thou Art,” the words and music and his beautiful voice made her relax and calmed her raging emotions; and she at last picked up her Bible.

  “You are my hiding place,” she read from Psalm 32. “You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.”

  Suddenly feeling at peace, she put her MP3 away, but kept her Bible close to her heart and went to sleep.

  It must have been an hour later when she felt the mattress dip with the weight of Cesar’s body climbing in beside her. He was extra quiet, not wanting to wake her, and she didn’t want to stir. Sometimes at night she simply liked to lie in bed and listen to him breathe.

  When his bedside lamp flicked on, and she felt him fluffing the pillows behind his head, she opened her eyes just a crack to peek at the man she loved.

  Somehow, without her even knowing, Cesar had picked up her Bible. Opening it, he turned the pages slowly, page after page, chapter after chapter, stopping somewhere near the middle of the book. Her heart began to beat rapidly as he stared at the pages and began to read, not out loud, but she could see the slight movement of his lips.

  A good five minutes must have gone by, the Bible still open in Cesar’s hands, every few words whispered just loud enough that she could hear. It was truly a sight to behold, especially when—at long last—Cesar smiled.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  GOOD MORNING, DEERFORD,” THE RADIO DJ SAID. “It’s Paint the Town Purple Day. If you haven’t gotten your purple flag yet, you can pick one up free of charge—or, if you’re so inclined, you can drop a buck or two in the donation box—at Summers Realty on the Square in downtown Deerford or at the reception desk at Hope Haven Hospital. Hang it proudly and support the efforts to cure cancer. That Big C’s a pretty despicable thing, so let’s stamp it out.”

  Elena parked her Jeep Liberty under the portico at the back of the hospital, leaving plenty of room for any ambulances that might need to pull in, and flicked off her radio. She hoped she wouldn’t have to carry all the supplies in herself, but she didn’t have to worry long. A whole host of friends and volunteers came out to meet her, even Mr. Varner and the hospital’s chief financial officer, Zane McGarry.

  Everyone was dressed in their purple Tshirts with their cause—the Walk for a Cure—boldly stamped on the front. The team looked great, and the sun had come out bright and beautiful. It was going to be an amazing day.

  “Anabelle’s shorthanded today,” James told Elena as he started to empty the back of her SUV, “so she won’t be able to help, but I hope you noticed the flags are already flying from the light poles in town.”

  “Of course I noticed. They look great.”

  “Nelson and Gideon and most of the guys in Nelson’s Boy Scout troop were out for a couple of hours last night getting that done, and wait until you see the new banner in the reception area.”

  “You mean that’s up already?”

  “Yeah. The late-night custodial staff went to town and someone else—I have the feeling it was Anabelle, although she won’t admit it—tied big purple bows here, there, and everywhere.”

  “That had to be Anabelle. No one ties bows the way she does.”

  After the car was emptied and she’d parked it in the staff parking lot, Elena went inside the hospital to check out the new, bigger banner. James was right—it flew in all its Walk for a Cure glory over the reception area for all to see.

  “You don’t think we’ve overdone it, do you?” Candace asked, appearing almost out of nowhere to stand at Elena’s side.

  “How can you possibly overdo something like this?” Elena spun around, taking in the purple bows tied around the big potted ferns that were a mainstay in the hospital and the swags of purple fabric draping the reception desk. “The idea’s to call attention to the Walk for a Cure—and you’ve certainly called attention to it.”

  “We’ve tried.” Candace laughed. “I had no idea how much fun this could be.”

  “Enjoy it now,” Elena said, “because in ten days, we’ll have to take it all down.”

  “Hey there.”

  Elena and Candace spun around at the sound of a familiar voice ringing through the near silence in the reception area. It was just barely six thirty, long before patients other than those coming in for day surgery would arrive. Evan and Maureen stood just inside the sliding glass doors, each holding a big purple chrysanthemum.

  “Any idea where these go?”

  “You didn’t have to do that, Evan,” Candace said, looking surprised to see the couple. “Didn’t you get the message I left for you after the fire?”

  “I got it, but just because we had a fire doesn’t mean I back out of a commitment,” Evan said. “I told you we’d put purple mums outside the hospital, and I’ve got a truckload waiting for you to tell me where you want them.”

  Candace was all smiles when she looked from Evan and Maureen to Elena. “Guess that’s my cue to get back to work. I’ll be outside if you need me.”

  “I’ll see you for lunch, won’t I? Anabelle and James are coming.” Elena asked the question a bit nervously. “Noon in the cafeteria.”

  “I’ll be there. I’m dying to hear this important announcement you have to make.”

  Elena only hoped that her snap decision to tell her friends about her health issues hadn’t been a mistake. Of course, they already knew something was wrong. They’d hinted at it. They’d stared at the dark circles beneath her eyes. They’d asked her and others endless times if she was okay. It was only fair that she tell them now, rather than keep them guessing.

  Tonight she’d tell Rafael and Sarah.

  Izzy didn’t need to know. Not until Elena knew for sure what was wrong. That would happe
n the first part of December.

  If only the surgery were tomorrow. But she could wait. She had to.

  “The hospital looks wonderful,” Elena told Anabelle when she found her in the cafeteria, sitting at a table near a window, the sunlight pouring down on her beautiful salt-and-pepper hair, and on the purple silk flowers that filled the small vase sitting on their table. Sarah had made sure each table was decorated with purple, and the effect was amazing. “Of course, I shouldn’t have expected any less from you.”

  “There were a lot of people helping,” Anabelle stated. “You know that.”

  “I know, but you were leading the pack. I can’t thank you enough for volunteering.”

  “You’re most welcome.” Anabelle smiled as she stirred her coffee. “So what’s this big secret you have to share?”

  “I’ll tell you as soon as James and Candace get here.”

  “You know I hate to be teased.”

  “I don’t think my text message was all that much of a tease. Was it?”

  “You wake up in the morning and find a note that says ‘I need to talk to you. Today. Noon. Cafeteria.’ Then, yes, it’s a tease.” Anabelle stopped stirring and set her spoon on a napkin. “It sounds important and suspicious. It makes me think you have some gossip to share, in which case I’d have to tell you that even though I don’t want to know, since I detest gossip, I really do want to know.”

  Elena grinned. “That is the most convoluted sentence I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth, Anabelle Scott.”

  Anabelle laughed. “It’s been a very long week and I’m tired.”

  Elena nodded. It had been a very long few weeks for her, and now she wanted to get one of the worst parts of it off her mind. Telling her friends the possibly dire news.

  It seemed forever before Candace and James arrived, both of them yawning.

  “Thanks to the announcement on the radio and the articles in the Dispatch, the hospital’s handed out seventy-two purple flags already today,” Candace said, dropping into a chair. “Summers Realty has handed out their entire hundred, although I think a few of their agents drove around town poking them into the front yards of unsuspecting citizens. I just hope there aren’t any repercussions.”