And Then You

by Amanda Richardson

  “Sir! The valet line is here,” he says, pointing to a stand about five feet away from where Dan sits with Mia. Now I know why he pulled us away so fast.

  “I see my car right there, and we’re in a hurry,” Nick says, pointing to the grey Porsche and waving his valet ticket at the guy. The guy takes Nick’s ticket and runs back over to the stand, grabbing Nick’s keys.

  “Here,” he says exasperatedly, handing Nick his keys. Nick hands him a twenty.

  Smooth.

  And all so I don’t see that Nick Wilder just punched my ex-boyfriend.

  I look down and smile.

  Oh, Nick Wilder totally has feelings for me.

  *

  I say good night to Nick and Bria when we get back to the house, promising Bria that I’ll watch Beauty and the Beast with her tomorrow.

  Honestly, I’m afraid of what I’ll say to Nick. I know now that a normal employer would definitely not punch their employee’s ex-boyfriend.

  Definitely not.

  I’m confused, though. Really confused. It’s not that I don’t feel the same way, but I’m just overwhelmed. Nick Wilder overwhelms me. The way he makes me feel overwhelms me. The way his eyes crinkle when I say something funny overwhelms me. The way he’s always paying attention to the little things, like how I take my coffee, overwhelms me.

  The fact that he punched my ex-boyfriend and didn’t want me to know about it overwhelms me.

  “Night,” I call to Nick before I close my front door without looking back.

  I know he’s watching me. I want to stay back. I want to put Bria to bed with him, and I want to forget that this is my job, and I want to pretend that he’s just some guy who thinks I’m pretty and who took me out for a nice dinner.

  But I can’t.

  Because this is my job, and he isn’t just some guy who thinks I’m pretty and paid for my dinner. He’s Nick Wilder.

  And he just punched my ex-boyfriend.

  He just crossed the line.

  And I’m not sure if I’m ready to join him on the other side.

  Everything is changing. I have to be careful.

  *

  I pace in my bedroom for a few minutes before deciding that I want Nick to know that I know. I’m not sure if he saw me see Dan, and I want him to know.

  I don’t know why, but I do.

  I grab a frozen bag of peas from my freezer, and I stalk out into the cool night air. I slide the door open, and Nick is sitting on the couch with his laptop. He doesn’t even look up at me as I walk over.

  “Here,” I say, a little too harshly. I drop the peas on the glass coffee table, and they make a loud noise, startling him. He just stares at the white bag, and then his eyes come up to meet mine.

  “I already fixed it,” he says, and he raises his hand. White bandages cover his knuckles. “Thanks, though,” he says indifferently, and his eyes go back to his screen.

  I put my hands on my hips and wait for him to say something else.

  He doesn’t.

  “Why’d you punch Dan?”

  The words are out of my mouth before I realize that I’m saying them. He tenses, and now I know for sure. He didn’t expect me to see Dan. He didn’t want me to know, for whatever reason.

  My question seems to have caught him off guard. He closes his laptop and looks at me curiously.

  “I didn’t,” he says simply, and he stares down at his knuckles. “Just ran into the busboy, like I told you before.”

  “Do you think I’m stupid, Nicholas Wilder?”

  “No, of course not,” he replies sheepishly.

  “Good. Then don’t ever lie to me again.”

  I turn around and walk out before he has a chance to reply.

  As I walk back to my door, I feel my eyes sting with tears.

  Twenty.

  Nick

  There was no way I was going to let Dan get away with saying that to Evianna.

  Of course I was going to punch the bastard.

  Only, Evianna wasn’t supposed to know…

  I stare at the sliding glass door, waiting for her to come back. She just yelled at me, and of course I feel awful now. I stand up and pace around the room.

  I should go talk to her.

  No.

  I’m afraid of what I might admit. I haven’t even admitted it to myself yet, but it’s beginning to feel unavoidable. I feel so much around her, and all I want to do is grab her and kiss her. I should not feel that way about somebody that I employ.

  I should go talk to her, though. Any decent human being would’ve done the same thing as me, and it in no way is a reflection of my growing feelings for her.

  I walk over to the foyer and stare out of the window. That’s when I see an unfamiliar car pull into the driveway. Must be Violet. It idles for a minute, and I squint my eyes. There are two people seated, talking.

  Did Evianna invite them?

  I see the person from the driver’s side get out and walk to the gate.

  Shit!

  You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

  Twenty-one.

  Evianna

  I text Violet.

  PLEASE COME OVER ASAP!!!!!!!

  I don’t wait for a response—I know she’ll be over in less than twenty minutes. I honestly don’t know what I would do without her. I change quickly, pulling on an old pair of sweats and one of Elijah’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles T-shirts. I make a mental note to call him tomorrow. I miss him.

  When I’m done taking my makeup off, I hear a soft knock on my door. I run over and go to open it. I have so much to tell Violet.

  Shock does not even begin to describe the feeling of seeing the person on the other side of the door.

  Dan is standing there, looking forlorn. His left eye is swollen shut, and he walks in before I can close the door in his face, which is what I want to do.

  “What the hell are you doing here, Dan?” I hiss as quietly as possible.

  I shut the door quickly. God, I hope Nick doesn’t see him. I immediately feel guilty. I’m breaking the rules. Better yet, it feels like I’m cheating on Nick, which is so weird to even think, but I feel it nonetheless.

  “Calm down. Mia’s in the car out front. I just wanted to come by really quick and apologize.” I cross my arms and glare at him. He continues. “For everything.”

  “Okay...” I say, annoyed. “How’d you know where I lived?”

  “I Googled it.”

  “I feel like I should be creeped out.” He just smiles. To be honest, I’m not that creeped out. Dan has always been resourceful and practical. He’s not going to physically hurt me or anything, but I do want him to leave. It’s weird that he’s here, and I don’t want Nick to know.

  “So, do you forgive me?”

  I narrow my eyes at him.

  “Forgive you?” I screech. “I’ll never forgive you, Dan. If that’s what you’re expecting, you should probably just go.”

  I look at the door nervously.

  “Understandable. I know I did a really shitty thing. I live with it every day, Ev.”

  “Oh, please, don’t be such a martyr. You brought this upon yourself.”

  He watches me as I shift uncomfortably.

  “What can I say to make it all right?” He takes a step closer.

  No.

  Dammit.

  He smells really good. Familiar.

  “Nothing,” I whisper. He takes another step forward and brushes my hair behind my ear. “Well, you can leave,” I add.

  “I’m so, so, so sorry, Ev. I only said those hurtful things because I was surprised that you’d moved on so quickly. Frankly, I was a little jealous. Of you and Nick.”

  “I work for him, Dan. I’m Bria’s nanny. He was just being protective.”

  “Protective doesn’t punch ex-boyfriends. Not that I didn’t deserve it, because I did.”

  “Whatever. There’s nothing going on. And yeah, you did deserve it.”

  He nods and takes a step forward.

>   I relax a little. It’s Dan. We dated for seven years. It’s comfortable being in his presence. And I know he’s genuinely sorry. I can hear it in the way his voice gets all quiet and raspy. His green eyes watch me, and I close my eyes. I feel myself lean into him, and just as he wraps his arms around me, my front door flies open.

  Violet.

  Only, I’m wrong again.

  Nick stands there, and he looks at me, at Dan, with pure anger.

  “Evianna,” he says unsteadily. “A word?” He moves his neck in such a way, beckoning me outside silently.

  Fuck.

  I give Dan a look, and I leave, closing the door behind me. Nick paces over to the side of the pool, and he’s not just mad… he’s fuming.

  “I only had two rules, Evianna. One,” he spits, glaring at me. “Take care of my daughter. That’s a given, I suppose. You know, feed her, keep her alive, that sort of thing.”

  “Nick, I—”

  “Two!” he shouts. “Don’t invite guys to the guesthouse.”

  I hear my front door open, and Dan stands there with his eyes wide.

  “I’m gonna go…” he says, meekly. “Nice seeing you again, Nick,” he says, unsmiling. He walks quickly away.

  I keep my eyes downcast because I don’t want to see the look on Nick’s face right now.

  “I didn’t invite Dan,” I explain. “He just showed up. He wanted to apologize.”

  Nick paces back and forth, running his hand over his mouth. He’s wearing basketball shorts, a tight, white T-shirt, and slippers. He looks so domestic. It makes my heart ache.

  He looks so good.

  I sit down on one of the pool loungers and put my hands in my face. I’m so confused.

  Where is Violet?

  “Glad he apologized,” Nick mumbles, and he runs his hand through his hair irritably. “But I still don’t want him anywhere near my fucking house.”

  “Nick, I already told you.” I groan, talking through my fingers. “I didn’t invite him.”

  “I don’t want him anywhere near you,” he says quietly, and my head shoots up.

  “What?”

  Did I hear that correctly?

  He has that conflicted look on his face again. He’s still pacing. I want to know what’s going through his mind. Or do I?

  “Nothing.” He shrugs and continues to pace.

  “You clocked him pretty good,” I say, and he turns to face me. His face shocks me—its emotional, tortured… because of me.

  “Yeah,” he whispers and sits down next to me on the lounger. He doesn’t even deny punching Dan. He just lets himself sit next to me, without boundary. Our legs are touching, and I don’t think either one of us cares. We’re past that, I guess.

  I keep my eyes forward, mostly because my stomach is doing somersaults. The mini-waterfall on the pool is a good distraction. I take a few steadying breaths. He’s looking at the waterfall, too. I can see him in my peripheral vision.

  “Nick?” I ask, and he turns to face me. I turn my head slightly, and that’s when I realize I’m crying. “Thank you,” I add, pacifying the tension.

  I watch him as he begins to speak and then stops.

  “I’m sorry I yelled.” He looks at me and shakes his head slowly. “I just don’t want Bria to get confused, that’s all.”

  “Right.” I look away. “Won’t happen again.”

  I don’t watch as Nick gets up and walks back inside. I stay on the pool lounger and cry quietly. A few minutes later, I see Violet jogging into the backyard and towards my door.

  “I’m here, Vi,” I say. I don’t try to mask the tears I’ve shed. My voice is shaky.

  She just comes over and pulls me into her as I sob as quietly as possible into her jacket. I recount the details of the night to her, leaving nothing out.

  “I don’t even know why I’m crying.”

  She rubs my back and strokes my hair. I close my eyes.

  “Shh. It’s okay. It was hard. I understand. Seeing Dan… I’m sure it was difficult.”

  I pull away and look at her.

  “Yeah, it was. But I don’t think that’s why I’m crying.” She cocks her head and looks at me quizzically. “I think… I think I’m crying because of Nick.”

  Twenty-two.

  Evianna

  I wake up late the next morning. As my phone buzzes, I groan, remembering the events of last night.

  Dan and Mia.

  Nick and Dan. Ugh.

  I pull myself under the covers and yell.

  My phone makes another beeping sound, and I throw the covers off of me, annoyed. As I glance down, I smile. My mom. She’s making lasagna, and she invited me to join them.

  Yes.

  This is exactly what I need.

  I will watch Beauty and the Beast with Bria, and then I’ll go to my parents’ house for dinner.

  It sounds like an amazing day to me.

  I pull myself out of bed, and I make a quick cup of coffee. I shower and put on some skinny jeans and an oversized sweater. I throw my hair up into a bun, and I forego makeup, because, I decide, I’m not trying to impress anyone.

  Not even Nick.

  As I head into the main house, I quickly glance at the lounge chairs and bite my lip. Was I imagining it all? This was crazy, and I knew I wasn’t alone in my feelings, yet I had nothing tangible to go on, other than the small cuts on Nick’s knuckle and the way my heart aches when I think of Nick.

  I slip inside the house quietly, and I call out to Bria.

  “Hello? Bria? Anyone home?”

  No answer.

  I walk into the kitchen, and I see a handwritten note from Nick.

  Evianna,

  Out to brunch with Cecelia.

  Would’ve invited you, but you were still asleep.

  Back at noon.

  Nick

  It’s a quarter to noon, so I know they’ll be back soon. I glance around the kitchen and walk over to the refrigerator. Bria’s drawings and paintings decorate the stainless steel appliance, and I grin at a recent drawing that has been hung up. It’s two stick figures, and Bria has written “Evi and I” on the bottom. The figures are holding hands.

  I glance at the stairs. I debate going up, into Nick’s room.

  Should I?

  I’ve only been the one time, and even so, I barely had time to look around. I know it’s wrong, but I’m so curious about him. I feel like I know him so well, and yet I don’t. I don’t even know if he wears contacts or not. I decide to chance it, keeping my ears perked for the sound of a car in the driveway.

  I tiptoe upstairs, grabbing the DVD on my way up. I figure I can use it as an excuse when they come home—I can say that I am setting everything up in Bria’s room. It’s where she requested we watch the movie. I clutch the plastic box as I make my way down the hall. A pile of folded clothes sits on the bannister, and I wonder if Nick does laundry.

  He must. No one else can do it.

  I push my way in to the master bedroom, and memories of my first night come flooding back.

  How Nick was so angry with me.

  How his face softened when he learned that Bria had had a nightmare.

  How I was so mortified and surprised at how good-looking he was.

  It looks the same as last time. I walk over to the bedside table, and I spy a Dr. Seuss book and another self-help book, by the looks of it. I tilt my head to read the title. Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again after a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One, by Dr. John Gray.

  What?

  I back away.

  I’m not supposed to be seeing this. This is definitely private. Just as I’m backing out, I glimpse a picture on Nick’s nightstand. I recognize Bria’s wide smile, and I realize it’s an old family portrait.

  I’m just going to look at this one last thing.

  I take a step closer, and I get my first look at Isabel.

  My god, she was absolutely beautiful.

  She had l
ong, blond hair, big, blue eyes, and naturally red lips that were full and plump. Her straight, white teeth show in her smile for the camera. She looks so carefree. She’s wearing a baseball hat in the picture, and she’s holding Matthias. All four of them sit on the ground—it looks like some sort of outdoor concert or event. Nick has his arm around her, and he’s pulling her in close, as if he can’t get enough of her.

  My heart pounds.

  If I thought there was any chance of something between Nick and I, this picture proved that would never happen.

  I’d never seen him look that happy.

  Not even with me.

  He would always be comparing me, and there really was no comparison.

  She was stunning.

  I wipe away a tear from my cheek, not because I know that Nick and I will never happen. But because he had it all and lost it. And Isabel… poor Isabel. God… here I was freaking out about Dan and Mia, and how Nick punched Dan, and how Nick’s leg touched mine last night, and how my feelings for him confuse me… and poor Isabel is dead. Nick loved her so much, and now she’s just gone. I know Nick tried to convince me otherwise, but my problems were so trivial compared to his.

  This whole thing is so stupid. He lost everything. He only has Bria. My only job is to care for Bria. I have no right to feel this way about Nick.

  I leave the bedroom and go straight downstairs, making sure to take the DVD box with me. If I didn’t already have plans with Bria, I would’ve left, but I do, so I stay, picking at a banana until I hear the front door open. I hear Bria’s footsteps running on the wood floor, and I stand up to greet her. She flies into me, wrapping her arms around my legs. For some reason, the gesture makes me want to cry. She’s so open to love, yet she’s lost so much.

  “Hi, baby girl,” I say, bending down for another hug. “How was brunch?”

  She stands back and looks at me. “Fine. Why are you sad, Evi?”

  She’s perceptive.

  “I’m not sad, just a little tired.”