Out of Ruins

by Michele G Miller

  West steps closer to her and cups her cheek with his hand before rounding it back to her nape. His strong fingers put pressure on the back of her head and gently massage it the way he always does.

  “I didn’t need two hours, Jules. I love you. I want to be with you forever, I want to love you forever and I want you to love me.”

  Her hand slides into his, but her eyes never leave his. “What happened to the guy who was so afraid of screwing things up?”

  “I’m still terrified as hell that I’ll screw this up,” he admits. “I worry about it daily; that you’re too good to be true, that I don’t deserve you, that one day you’ll wake up and realize you don’t need me…”

  “Stop,” Jules orders; leaning up and kissing his lips quickly.

  “Babe, you said it yourself. You and I, we’re beautiful. I have to trust in that and trust that this is going to work, no matter what the voices in my head say. But.” He adds the ‘but’ quickly and his face changes from serious to playful with that one word. “I’m not above getting a little help. If legend says all we have to do is walk under these branches to secure our future, then I’m more than willing to walk under them if you are.”

  Jules stands there. She thinks back to August and earlier, when she thought she was in a happy, loving relationship with Stuart. He was a good boyfriend and a true friend, but never in all the time they’d been together had he ever made her feel the way West does with just a look. That day, at Tanya’s funeral, she likened what was happening with them to be fate. Perhaps it really is fate. Perhaps God brought them together to counter out all the pain. She tries to think of her life without West and can’t. Not even a picture. Nothing is right in her life without him by her side. Nothing.

  She looks up into his deep brown eyes and smiles as his own smile grows. She knows he sees the answer in her face before she can give it.

  “West Rutledge, I would love to walk under the century tree with you.”

  Twenty

  It is close to four when Carson and Mindy’s friends start to arrive for their big celebratory barbecue. A casual affair consisting of ribs, lawn games, lots of beer and classic rock, it’s clear Carson and Mindy have an amazing group of friends. Jules stands to the side of a cornhole game that is rapidly becoming aggressive between West and Austin and two senior football players. She laughs at West when he shoves Austin for his poor throw, and Mindy quietly walks up beside her. A petite little blonde, Mindy reminds Jules a lot of Katie.

  “That boy is truly smitten with you,” she tells Jules; giving her a sideways glance.

  “The feeling’s mutual.”

  “I can tell.”

  Jules twirls the ring around her finger. “Can you?”

  “You glow — actually you both do — when you’re near each other. It’s pretty obvious.” Jules feels hundreds of tiny butterflies awaken in her stomach at the observation. “I’ve known West for two years now, Jules, and he’s never looked happier. He was crazy that first weekend after the twister, coming here after you two had just gotten together. Swore he was going to get home to find you’d changed your mind.” Her head moves from side to side slowly and her mouth turns down in quiet disbelief.

  “He’s always so hell-bent on thinking he’s going to screw up. Like something he does will make me dump him.”

  “Does he talk about his mom with you?” The question takes Jules by surprise. “I’m guessing by that look the answer is no.”

  Jules nods.

  “Carson thinks he’s never really gotten over her death. He says he was different before, and changed overnight.”

  “Yeah. You know, I’ve known him since elementary school. He was different. He morphed into this pseudo bad boy…dropping out of football, not hanging out with friends, dressing all ‘Rebel Without a Cause’. I’m not sure anyone ever bought it one hundred percent.”

  Mindy chuckles. “He’s too good for that. He’s really great. They all are, and I know their mom would be proud.”

  Mindy releases a deep breath and bumps her elbow into Jules’ side. “Enough of the serious talk. How about we go show those Rutledge boys a thing or two about winning?” she asks with a sly wink.

  Their gazes follow the unsportsmanlike crowing of Austin and West as they brag about winning their round. “I think they totally need to be taken down a notch or two!”

  “You know, you should have verified you could play this game before walking over here with all your big talk, sweet-cheeks,” West taunts Jules; his face up close and personal with her ear as she concentrates on her next throw.

  “Sweet-cheeks?”

  “Yeah, baby. They are definitely sweet-cheeks, and I should know,” he drawls; wagging his brows at her.

  Jules fakes a dramatic throw-up sound and looks over her shoulder. “Interference! Austin, get your partner before you have to forfeit this round.” Tossing the bean bag in the air and catching it, she winks as Austin yanks West back by his shirt.

  “Hey, hey…I was just offering up some pointers.” His hands go up in the air and the guys laugh.

  Jules tosses her beanbag and grimaces when it lands on the edge of the board and then slides off into the grass.

  “Sorry, love. Maybe you should have accepted my help.”

  “Wow, you are the worst freaking winner I think I’ve ever met,” Jules retorts, and holds her hand up.

  “Amen, sister,” Mindy agrees with a high-five. “Granted, you’ve never seen them all play together.”

  “Awww man, here we go again,” Carson howls from fifteen feet away as Mindy starts in on her tirade.

  “Carson and I had just started dating when he invited me to the house to meet his brothers and dad. I swear on my life, I saw them at the kitchen table playing cards, and I folded over one hundred hands like an idiot that night just to avoid getting into a match with any of these guys. They’re brutal.”

  “We are competitive. There’s a difference,” Carson jumps in and wraps Mindy in a hug from behind.

  “Mmmhmmm, if that’s what you want to call it. They were drawing cards and giving death glares worthy of the freaking poker tour. I should have known how serious they took their games when Cars pulled out his sunglasses.”

  Jules gasps and tries to hide a laugh. “No way! You actually wear sunglasses when you play poker against your family?”

  “Hell yeah, I do. It’s poker.”

  She looks between the three brothers and across the rapidly darkening backyard at their father, who is talking with a couple players. “I think we’re going to have to play some poker soon. I want to see this.”

  Austin slings an arm around her shoulders. “Best you see what you’re getting yourself into before the wedding, huh, Jules?”

  “Wedding?” The word echoes in the backyard as both Mindy and Carson gape at her and then at West.

  West slaps Austin in the stomach but he barely flinches.

  “These two took a trip under the tree this morning. So it’s safe to say I’ll have myself another sister-in-law soon.”

  “Someday? Yes. Soon? No,” Jules hurries to explain and West jumps in too.

  “Let us get through high school first, you ass.”

  Mindy and Carson both just look at them and Jules pulls herself out from under Austin’s arm. The discussion ends as the crowd closer to the house starts cheering and two of Mindy’s friends carry out a huge cream cake with sparklers lit on top. They practice the traditional feeding each other cake-thing, but when Mindy tries to feed Carson, she smears the icing on his nose first before shoving it into his mouth. Everyone goes wild, laughing and clapping, and when Carson pulls her close, he rubs his icing-covered nose on her cheek.

  After cake, there’s dancing and talking and laughter and then more dancing. Jules’ face hurts from all the laughing and smiling she’s done over the course of the day. Not to mention how sore her feet are from all the standing and how full her belly is from all the amazing food.

  “I can’t wait for this,” she
says to herself; standing in the shadows of the torches and fire pit that light the back yard. She’d excused herself from dancing with Austin to use the restroom, and is taking a moment to watch over the party when West startles her from behind.

  “You always talk to yourself, cheerleader?”

  The poignant memory of that night eight weeks ago flits through her mind. She leans back and rests against his hard chest. He wraps his arms around her stomach and rests his chin on her head. “I was just thinking out loud. Something I apparently do a lot.”

  “What about?”

  “How much I can’t wait for next year. To do this again, hang out with friends, spend my nights with you…to live.”

  He tightens his hold.

  “I’ve never been in a huge hurry to leave Tyler, you know. It’s home and I love it there, but now? Now I’m ready.”

  “That’s understandable after all that’s happened.”

  “It’s not just the twister, though. It’s life. I’m done with high school. I never realized how shallow my life was until it was swept away from me.”

  “Jules.”

  “No.” She waves his sympathetic voice off. Her mind goes back to the past three years and even before that. To when everyone adored her, followed her; when she took pride in having the largest group of hangers-on she could find around her. “I may not have been a bitch about it, but I loved being popular. I loved it, and look where it got me. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve spoken to my old teammates since August. The few times I’ve run into someone, it’s fake excitement and quick excuses. ‘Oh! We should get together. I miss you…I’m late, but call me’.” She mimics the conversation she’s heard a dozen times since the tornado.

  “Next year, baby. Next year we will come to A&M and we’ll start fresh. We can get through this year together, and then we won’t look back.”

  Jules loves the sound of that. She takes in his words and sears them into her heart; a promise of what’s to come. Only one thing stops her happiness about the future.

  “I can’t keep feeling guilty over Tanya, West. I can’t.”

  “Oh baby, I know you can’t.” He spins her around in his arms. “But you shouldn’t. There was nothing we could do. You know that.”

  She nods, and the question Mindy asked her earlier about his mother pops into her mind. “Why did you give up football when your mother died?”

  She feels his entire body stiffen at her question. All around them people are drinking and dancing, their voices carrying into the night air, but in the little bubble between Jules and West, it is silent.

  “I don’t-” He stammers and his fingertips apply light pressure to her sides as he throws his head back.

  “West?”

  “I, uh, I had practice the day she died,” he confesses. She withdraws her breath to keep herself from comforting him so he can speak. “It pissed me off. Football just didn’t feel the same after that.”

  “So you just quit?”

  “Yep.” His tone is sharper than usual, but he leans down to kiss her head and she ignores it. “Let’s get back to the party,” he suggests.

  * * *

  “It made sense to me that night; that he’d give up football because it reminded him of his mother’s death. After all, I did the same thing, didn’t I?”

  She stretches, takes a sip of her tea and checks the time.

  “I need to finish this up. I have somewhere to be in an hour.” She holds her watch up and taps the face. “So, yeah. Like I said, it made sense. Once school started, it took me a few weeks to realize how much I missed cheerleading. I don’t think I even told anyone how I felt; I just sucked it up and kicked myself for walking away. I quit because it brought back such a strong memory of Tanya, but thinking back I realize it probably would have been therapeutic for me to get back to it.

  “It’s another thing West and I have in common; another thing bonding us together. Giving up our passions because we couldn’t bear the pain of the past. It’s not a very romantic connection, but it’s a connection.”

  Twenty One

  “After that weekend, we were closer than ever. My parents were even getting weary of our relationship. The ring threw them off, for sure. We spent every moment together.

  “I rarely hung out with Katie anymore, and our Tuesday night girl’s nights disappeared altogether. I tried to make the excuse that she was busy with Jeff, but it was just an excuse. I could have made an effort to see my friends more often, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to be with West every waking moment. Young love at its best - a fairytale. And then real life happened again.

  “There’s a saying people like to use to make themselves feel better when they’re down because something didn’t go their way. ‘Before something great happens, everything falls apart.’ Maybe that’s true, but in my experience, sometimes things just fall apart.”

  * * *

  “Hey Jules?” Jason stands at her doorway, looking cozy in his skateboard pajamas.

  “Yeah, bud?”

  “You going out?” he asks.

  She’s standing beside her bed with several sweaters spread out, trying to decide what to wear. It’s Thanksgiving weekend and her family just got home that afternoon from a week-long surprise vacation cruise.

  Seven days.

  She has gone seven days without seeing him or barely even speaking to him, and right now as she stands in her room, her insides are screaming in excitement to get to her man.

  “I am,” she answers with a smile. “I’m gonna go see West for just a bit. What’s up?”

  “I thought mom and dad said you had to stay home tonight?”

  She frowns and pulls a chunky gray sweater over her white thermal shirt. All the way home from the cruise, her parents were adamant that she could wait to see West until tomorrow. He’d gone up to A&M for the holiday, but still made plans to come home early to spend the night with her, alone. There was no way in hell after a week apart she was going to give up a chance to be with him tonight.

  “They did, but I can change their minds. I miss West, and I’m just going to go say hi. I won’t be long.”

  Grabbing her keys and checking her appearance in the mirror once more, she goes to ruffle her brother’s hair when he stops her.

  “I was wondering if you’ve stopped having nightmares.”

  Her hand stills at the light switch. No, she thinks.

  “Why do you think I’m having nightmares?”

  “I hear you. Sometimes you scream in your sleep and it wakes me up. I came in here the first few times you did it, but you were always still asleep. Plus, I heard you talking to West about it once when he was over.”

  “I…” She cuts herself short and tries to think of a clever response. “Why are you asking? You’re not still scared, are you?”

  He shrugs and twists his mouth to the side — his lying tell — and rolls his blue eyes around his head.

  “I’m sorry, you know what? It’s okay if you’re still scared. I am. I think I will always be at least a little scared of storms.”

  “You will?” His voice is coated in awe and she wonders if that was the wrong thing to say.

  “Sure, it’s normal to be scared. What happened was scary and we’ll always be sad about the people who lost their lives. To answer your question, yes I do still have nightmares.” Every night, she adds mentally. “But I wake up each time and remind myself that I am safe and loved. Just like you.” She pulls him into a hug and he squeezes her tightly. One thing the cruise did was help her reconnect with Jason. She’s spent so much time wrapped up in West lately, she’s hardly made time for her little brother. She fixed that over their vacation, and she is glad they had the time before she leaves for college.

  “I’m going to stay up here so I don’t have to hear you fight with mom and dad.”

  “Good idea, bud.”

  She takes a deep sigh when she comes to the bottom of the steps. There’s the door right in front of her. She thinks about sne
aking out for two seconds, and knows she’d probably be pulling into the street before they notice, if they even notice at all. Not smart. Instead, she holds her head high and enters the kitchen. Her mom is gathering up some type of snack and her dad is nowhere to be seen.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” her mom asks; narrowing her eyes and looking Jules over.

  “Mom, I’ve been gone a week. I don’t think it’s too much to ask that I go say hi to West. I won’t be long. I miss him.” She tries not to whine or plead, but her voice sounds a bit pathetic when she says she misses him.

  “And you’ll see him tomorrow. Go change and watch a movie with us.”

  There’s a ‘No discussion happening here’ vibe in her tone, and there’s no wavering in her answer.

  “Mom.”

  “Juliet Marie, don’t you ‘Mom’ me. I said no. You two are way too attached to each other. Nobody’s going to die if you go one more day without seeing one another.”

  The comment sucks the breath out of her. Deep down she knows her mother didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but it still hurts. “Really mother, that’s a little callous. I’d probably be dead if it wasn’t for him, you know.”

  Her mother pulls a plate of nachos out of the microwave, sets them down on the counter and turns her way. “Jules…”

  “You’re being unreasonable. You don’t even have a good reason to say no.”

  “I don’t need a reason, young lady. I’m your mother.”

  “I’m eighteen and I’m -”

  “You are eighteen and you live in my house. My house, my rules.”

  Their voices have steadily increased in volume. It’s something she can hardly recall, fighting with either of her parents this way.

  “That’s just lame.” She stomps off and her mother calls behind her.

  “Yes, it’s lame, I know. I’m a horrible parent.”

  “Yes, you are!” she yells back, but doesn’t go to her room or throw herself on the couch as her mother must have assumed. She heads straight out the front door and runs for her car the moment it closes behind her. As she predicts, her mom is just reaching the front steps when she pulls into the street.