Out of Ruins

by Michele G Miller

  Jules nods. “I get it. Fight ensues, and you guys kick his ass. He’s bitter.”

  “Pretty much.”

  A regular knight in shining armor, again. If he was a boy scout, she bets he’d be covered in badges.

  “Son of a bitch! Why won’t he just let up?”

  Jules spins around in her seat to see Rick flying up next to them again. Aubrey is screaming for help and yelling so loud, they can hear her with West’s window shut.

  “Call the cops, babe,” he orders. Jules lifts up to remove her phone from her back pocket, and the next thing she hears is screeching tires, West’s voice shouting and the blaring of horns.

  Her mind takes it all in, similar to a camera catching a moving subject. Her head lifts, headlights hit her eyes, horns blare, tires peal, West curses, Rick’s car slices in front of theirs…but not before it gets clipped by a car heading directly at them. The car spins in front of the Jeep and West can do nothing but barrel straight into the passenger side. Aubrey’s blonde hair flying around her face is the last thing Jules sees before she hears the sound of tearing metal and shattering glass.

  The Jeep buckles at the impact, the doors fly off the hinges and Jules’ body goes airborne. The bitter night air slaps at her skin as she flies from the Jeep. She lands roughly and slides across the rough, hot surface; her body cracking apart at the impact and rolling to a stop like she is a rag doll.

  She blinks and stares up at the clear night sky. Fiery white stars cover the expanse, twinkling down at her, and she recalls something her parents told her when she was a child after her Papa Blacklin died.

  “Each of those stars represents the people who have gone to heaven. They watch over us and protect us, and if you’re lucky Jules, you’ll see them wink at you. It’s to let you know they love you.”

  She fights the heavy pull to close her eyes and catches sight of a bright star. She holds it in her view as long as she can; its radiance spreading out around and casting a glow over the blackness of the sky. Just as her lids close, the tiny star winks and she knows it’s Tanya looking over her.

  “Jules! Jules! Can you hear me? Baby, hold on…they’re coming, baby.”

  West’s voice fills her head as she lays there. Something heavy presses into her arm, almost like someone is sitting on it. Her entire body screams — no, she’s screaming —on the inside. Outside, she’s not moving at all.

  Sirens sound in the distance.

  She hears shouting voices, and then softer, someone cries a low, deep sob. West.

  Hands touch her carefully and she feels herself being lifted. Her mind dimly registers the movement; it registers the voices telling her it’ll be okay.

  A door slams loudly, then two more slam and sirens blare. She feels like she’s moving again. Something sticks her arm, and then there’s another prick. Voices murmur, orders are given, but she can’t grasp any of it. It’s all just a blur of tiny moments, like the build-up before the beat hits in a song.

  Bright lights blind her eyelids but she can’t seem to open them. She hears voices. Familiar sobs of pain or relief, she can’t tell, but she knows those voices. They belong to her mom and dad. Where’s West?

  West? her brain screams again. She recalls hearing his voice earlier. Where is he?

  “Her pulse is racing, Doctor! Her blood pressure is spiking.”

  “No! Jules, sweetie. Mommy and daddy love you. Mommy and daddy love you…” a voice cries as darkness closes in over her again.

  She stands in a field.

  The sky is stained red. Green corn is all around her and the stalks shoot over her head. She turns to look around.

  “Hello?”

  No one returns her call. Something white flashes ahead of her and she runs to catch it; childlike laughter filling her senses. There is no tornado, no scoreboard, no parents and Jason or West in this dream. There is only Tanya.

  She sits in the flowing grass as Jules steps out of the corn. She wears a white dress and her long, brown hair waves in the wind as she smiles at Jules.

  The soft sound of children’s laughter fills her ears again and the smell of lavender blows by on the whispers of the wind. She watches her best friend sitting there. Jules' feet barely touch the soft grass as she glides her way over to Tanya.

  “I’ve been waiting for you,” she says with a smile on her lips, although her eyes are sad.

  “You have?”

  “Of course I have. You’re my best friend. I thought you’d be coming with me.”

  “Coming with you? Where?” Jules asks in a whisper.

  “To the sky, silly. Where we’ll be young and beautiful forever, and shine down over those we love.”

  “Oh.”

  No! Jules’ heart races.

  “Are you ready?” Tanya asks. Now she’s standing over Jules with her hand stretching down.

  “Am I ready?”

  “God, I’m so sorry, baby. Jules, I love you. I love you…please be okay, please God, just save her.”

  The familiar voice reaches through to Jules as she reaches for Tanya’s hand.

  “All you have to do is close your eyes, Jules, and we can go,” Tanya promises with a nod. Again, a smile plays on her lips, but her eyes are sad.

  “Baby, your mom and dad are coming in soon. I’m going to have to go. I want you to know I wrote you some more lyrics to your song. I’ve been messing with them, trying to get them just right. I didn’t want to play it until it was right. So you have to wake up, love. Wake up for me so I can play you your song. Wake up for me so I can love you, Jules. Please wake up for me so I can marry you some day, so I can hear your laughter and you can call me Spike and I can tease you endlessly about your love of sappy movies. So I can kiss your lips, even after you’ve eaten a nasty pickle…”

  Tanya laughs. It’s another childish giggle, and one that Jules remembers from their childhood.

  “Can you hear that? Do you hear that voice?” Jules asks her.

  “West? Of course I can. He loves you very much. He fought with your parents to be able to spend time with you.”

  Water drips from her chin and Jules realizes she is crying.

  “All you have to do is say no, Jules.”

  “Say no?”

  “Yes! Say no. Stay and live. Say no and live for me. Live a full, happy life, get married and have lots of babies. Say no.”

  “But…”

  “I’ll be fine. I’ll be up there.” She looks up and then back at Jules. “Winking down at you.”

  She thinks for a moment. The sky is slowly changing from red to pink to white, like it’s fading.

  “No,” she thinks, and Tanya smiles.

  “Come back to me…”

  Just say no.

  “No! I don’t want to go. No.”

  “Say it, Jules, but you have to mean it.”

  Jules steps back and puts space between them.

  “I love you, T. I miss you like crazy. I always will, but I want to live. Please let me live; let me stay. I want to live.” She stumbles and falls to her knees and her hands come up to cover her face as she sobs, asking to live.

  The last of the red sinks into the horizon and a blinding flash of light creeps up. Everything it touches turns to light. The corn is gone and the grass beyond them is gone. Tanya sends her a wistful smile just before the rays hit her and then she is…gone.

  Jules pushes back, falls on her behind and tries to step back as the light creeps towards her, but she’s immobilized.

  “No!” she shouts as the fingers of light slide their way over everything in its path. “No! No! NO!”

  The hot light touches her toe and her body lights up like the fourth of July. She holds her fingers in front of her face and watches as sunbeams of perfect, pure white light shoot out of them. A flash of white envelops her…

  A gasp of breath tears from her lips and her eyes pop open. The sound startles her sleeping father who sits in a chair, using her bedside as a pillow for his upper body.

  Ju
les bursts into choking sobs the moment she realizes she’s lying in a hospital bed. Her father leans over her quickly, holds her hand and soothes the hair away from her face.

  She’s alive, and she’s pretty sure she’s seen the last of Tanya and her nightmares.

  Twenty Three

  Jules pushes up on the arms of the chair and situates herself.

  “Everything that happened that night is a blur to this day. At some point I recall waking up and listening to the doctor explain my injuries. I’d been thrown from the vehicle because I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt, and besides various scrapes, cuts and bruises, I suffered a broken ankle, dislocated shoulder and a fractured pelvis that had to be surgically repaired. My mother sobbed, although the doctor’s soothing voice assured her I would recover. He said I was lucky because there wasn’t any serious internal organ damage; something common with pelvic fractures.

  “I know I lingered in and out of sleep for days before I was able to stay awake for more than ten minutes at a time. My parents took turns at my side and one of them was always there when I came to. Sometimes Jason was there as well, but no one else.

  “I never shared the moment I had with Tanya with anyone before now.” She stops, bites the edge of her lip and scratches her head. She scratches her hand and rubs along her arms as she does everything she can to stall. Each moment is a different sort of tell that shows her nerves. “I know it will never make sense to anyone else, but Tanya gave me a choice that night. I could stay with her and die or I could live. Sometimes in my lower moments, I think maybe it was just a dream. But other times? Other times I remember the way my soul felt when I was with her. There was this feeling of coming out of my body, like I was free, but not quite. I don’t know what it was and maybe I won’t ever know. At least not until I die.”

  She takes a deep breath. “So when I was finally able to open my eyes and stay awake, I asked for West.”

  * * *

  “Sweetie, you do know you’ve actually been here for a week, right?”

  “A week?”

  “Yes, they kept you in a type of medically-induced coma for the first three days just to ensure you would be in less pain, plus they did your surgery.”

  “Don’t remind me,” she complains; the thought of screws and pins holding her together freaking her out. “I still want to see West. Can I call him? Is he here?”

  Glancing at her dad, Jules notes the shadow fall over her mom’s face like she’s hiding something. Jules has always been able to tell when she’s trying to keep a secret.

  Her dad nods. “I’ll make a call.”

  The next morning, Jules is combing her hands through her hair when there’s a knock at the door. Her heart races and she tugs the sleeves of her long tee shirt down to cover the bandages wrapping her arms. Her left forearm had been sliced open by glass and her right one was the benefactor of some pretty gnarly road rash where she was thrown across the street. The heat she remembers from that night never made sense in her mind because it was a cold night. But that heat was actually the feeling of her burning skin as it skidded across the asphalt.

  Excitement overwhelms her as she calls out a quick ‘Come in’. She is expecting West, so she smiles when the door pushes open. For a moment she’s confused when she sees short, dark hair that doesn’t look anything like West’s devil-may-care waves and spikes. Then her face falls as she realizes it’s Austin poking his head in, not West.

  She tries in vain to push herself up straighter as he closes the door behind him. “Where is he?”

  Austin’s face says it all. Jules grabs the hospital phone by her bed and dials West’s number as she asks again, “Where is he, Austin?”

  The line rings straight to voicemail and when she hangs up, she looks at Austin. Glares is more like it. She waits for him to speak as his hand covers hers.

  “He’s not coming,” he admits; his face so much like West’s it hurts her to look at him.

  “Not coming?” she stammers; a pain stabbing at her heart. “Why? What’s going on? No one will tell me anything. My dad said he’d make a call and then told me to be ready this morning. I assumed he meant West was coming.” The frantic words tumble from her lips and her hands begin to shake. “Say something! All I need to know is that he’s okay…he’s all right, isn’t he?”

  He pulls a chair closer to her bed and sits. He scans her face and grimaces as he takes in the bruises and cuts. She knows she looks scary and tries to ease the concern written on his handsome face.

  “I’m okay. They’ve been giving me the good stuff, you know. I haven’t had to feel a thing, so honestly, I look worse than I feel.”

  His broad shoulders curl under as he leans forward and removes an envelope from his back pocket. “He gave me a note to give you.”

  “Okay.”

  Taking the white envelope, she stares at the writing. Each word is printed in the bold script Jules is used to seeing West write in. It has an interesting appeal to it; his penmanship neat, but messy.

  Jules,

  I’m so tired. I’ve been up for days trying to think of what to say to you. If this is crazy and disjointed then I am sorry. You know I’m not always the best at this.

  When my mom died I blamed God. Did I tell you that already? I don’t think so. I was angry with him, so I gave up everything out of spite. You knew her once - you saw how vibrant she was. She was the life of the party, and then one day she went to the doctor and was told she was dying. Just like that.

  I was so angry with everyone and everything and I turned my back.

  I’ve regretted that decision so much, because now I know what I missed out on.

  I missed out on years with the friends I’ve known all my life. I missed out on football, which is something I love and can’t ever get back.

  And I missed out on you.

  When I saw you that night at the Shack, something in me just had to speak. It was like I was compelled by a greater force, by God even - whom I’d pretty much given up on. Ironic, right?

  When the storm hit and those sirens went off, I swear to you, clear as day, I heard my mother’s voice yell at me to save you. The entire time we were trapped in that house she was there with me, inside my head, telling me we were going to be all right. You asked me once how I was able to stay so calm and make jokes and passes at you. It was her. She was so funny, always telling jokes when I was scared or sad as a kid.

  She saved me that night, so that I could save you.

  Jules, I can’t even begin to tell you how much the past three months have meant to me.

  But Saturday night I ruined it.

  I promised I would keep you safe, and I promised her I would protect you.

  I almost got you killed.

  You could have died and it was all because of me.

  I can’t face you. I’m so angry at myself for what I’ve done.

  My dad worked a deal to keep me out of trouble. I really don’t care what happens to me right now, but he says it will help you too, so I’ll do anything he tells me to if it means keeping you from getting in trouble.

  You deserve so much more than me. You deserve that Captain America dream life you had going on before the twister ever came to Tyler.

  I’m so sorry to do this to you. I never wanted to hurt you, but I think in time you will see you’re better off.

  Please don’t be sad. I’d rather you be angry at me. Go ahead, hate me for what I’ve done to you. Blame me for Tanya, for the wreck, for being the jerk that walked away from you. I want you to hate me every step of the way through your recovery and use it to get back on your feet. Amaze those doctors with your strength.

  Then go to college in the fall, whole again.

  ~ West

  She flips the paper over, then checks the envelope; looking for something more.

  “That’s it? What the hell is this, Austin? This sounds like a goodbye.”

  “I didn’t read it.”

  “You didn’t read it?” she asks incredulously
and throws the note at him. “Where is he? What does he mean I ‘deserve better’? Did he seriously just dump me in a letter, after everything we’ve been through?”

  “I…I don’t know, I didn’t read it,” he repeats sadly.

  “Then read the damn thing!” Jules shouts. “Read his damn letter and tell me what the hell is going on with him! He blames himself, Austin. He blames himself and he sounds crazy.” Anger and fear swirls through her, bubbling out like a caged lion waiting for its next meal. Grabbing the remote lying by her thigh, she throws it across the room. The back breaks off, scattering batteries and bits of broken plastic across the floor.

  “Ow!” she cries out and tries to ball herself up. Pain shoots through her body and she freezes. “Damn it.”

  Standing quickly, Austin grabs her arm. “Jules, stop. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

  “I don’t care,” she lies; accentuating it with a punch to the bed with her free arm. “What is this deal your dad worked out for him?”

  His face pales. “I’ll tell you, but you have to promise me you’ll calm down. You’re going to hurt yourself more with all that thrashing around.”

  “Tell me what’s going on.”

  “Promise me,” he orders; his face in hers. She nods once and he shakes his head, clearly holding her to a verbal promise.

  “I promise,” she hisses through gritted teeth.

  She lets some of the tension release from her muscles and relaxes back against the pillows propped up behind her head.

  “There was talk of the other driver, the silver car coming from the opposite direction, suing. Not just suing us, but you and Cunningham as well.”

  “What?”

  “His statement was that West and Rick were playing Chicken-”