She wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t want to see her tears. He would think they were nothing but a ploy to try and get to him, and that would anger him. She didn’t want him to be angry with her. What little time they had together, she wanted to be something she could hold dear to her when she was no longer his. Knowing this, she pulled back and smiled.
“That was incredible.”
“Was it? How easily lies fall from those beautiful lips,” he said, pushing her upward and away from him.
“I’m not lying,” she cried out. “You have to know how you make feel.”
“That’s not what you told Mistress Adams.”
“I lied to her. I hate her and if I told her I liked having sex with you, she might have found a way to take me from you sooner.” She couldn’t believe she had said that, knowing full well the consequences if he chose to question her. But, she couldn’t bear for him to think she hadn’t enjoyed and wanted what had just happened between them.
Afraid to look into his eyes, she moved away from him only to have him haul her back onto his lap. “Look at me, Rose,” he said, his eyes flashing anger.
“Don’t lie to me. Don’t ever lie to me,” he said calmly, somehow controlling his rage.
She couldn’t look away from him. The questions in his eyes held hers. She loved him. It was more than sex. It was a feeling that ran so deep within her soul, she was afraid it might break her in two. Willing herself to still the beating of her heart, she tried to control her desire for him, but it was impossible when he was looking at her like this.
“You know you’re the first man to ever—” She couldn’t say “make love” even though to her that was what it was, so instead she said, “Take me. I didn’t know what it felt like until you, Joshua. I was scared, and Mistress Adams led me to believe it would be painful and not enjoyable for me at all. She doesn’t like me very much and when she called, I knew better than to tell her I liked it. I know I don’t deserve to feel anything…that I’m nothing more than a whore to you, but I can’t help the way I feel.”
All she wanted was for him to care for a little, but she knew that was too much to ask. But at least she could tell him that she wasn’t just tolerating his touch. “Please, believe me. It would have been better if I felt nothing. But I’m not that strong. I want you inside of me. I want you all the time.” Now she had gone too far. He would never believe her.
“If only I could believe you,” he said softly. “But it doesn’t really matter what you feel since this arrangement will be coming to an end and you’ll be off fucking your next client. So feelings really don’t account for much do they?”
Her eyes held his with sadness. He was no longer angry with her even though his words had been thrown at her in spite. She could see that he was struggling with what she had told him. On some level, he did believe her.
“I’ll do my best to be what you want while I’m here, Joshua. I promise you, I’ll do everything you want and need and I’ll never lie about how I feel.”
She had told him the truth. She wanted him to know that he had made her desire him and that when they were together she wasn’t faking anything. But now that he knew, she was more vulnerable than ever. She prayed he wouldn’t use her desire against her.
Chapter Fifteen
The next few weeks flew by in a way Rose had never expected. Ever since she had admitted that she wanted to be with him, Joshua had changed. For one thing, he didn’t make her call him Master. The other ways were less obvious, but she had noticed them. He had become more playful with her and had even taken her out to dinner at a restaurant where he had treated her more like his date than his submissive. When they were together, alone, in each other’s arms, he almost cherished her instead of making her feel like his whore. When she was on her knees, it was pleasurable for both of them. And most importantly, he never hurt her.
She couldn’t get enough of him and it seemed he felt the same way. It was what she would imagine a honeymoon would be like between two people who were in love. He brought her to orgasm morning, noon, and night, and each time was exquisite to the point she always seemed to have a smile on her face. She loved the way he toyed with her until she was begging him to take her, to give her what she had to have. He would laugh as he called her needy and wanton.
When she took the initiative, he liked it and encouraged her to try new and different things that included using a vibrator to stimulate herself while he watched and then would cover her body in oils that made her warm and tingly all over. He still spanked her and used the flogger, but it was delicious and mind blowing. Everything he did made her want him more.
She was becoming more and more herself with him. She had even told him about college and how she intended to go back someday. He had been quiet. She knew her admission told him she didn’t intend to be a submissive forever. However, he had let it go. She had gotten the feeling he didn’t want to do anything to ruin what they had somehow found in spite of all the madness that surrounded them, well, at least her.
She was on a continual high of euphoria from his lovemaking. She knew it didn’t change who she was to him, but it had changed how she was with him. She couldn’t help but touch him intimately when they were in the car or just watching television. And the best part was he didn’t seem to mind. He encouraged her to show affection. She knew it could be that he was just setting her up for the big fall, but at this point she didn’t care. All she knew was that she was happier than she had thought possible under the circumstances and even though she knew it would end, she couldn’t help but bask in the feelings her love for him brought her even though they sometimes overwhelmed her. They were her secret and she held onto them tightly.
Today Joshua had woken up earlier than usual and after they had their fill of each other for the moment, he had dressed, telling her he wanted a quick breakfast because he was going to the race track. He hadn’t insisted she join him. It was obvious that Kevin would be there and as much as things had steadily gotten better between them, Kevin could have ended it all. He never brought Kevin’s name up in any of their conversations.
She was in the middle of loading the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher when she heard a knock at the door. Maybe it was Tony, the doorman. He sometimes stopped by with the mail when he had the time. She really did like him and enjoyed hearing about his family.
With a smile, she opened the door and immediately felt the blood drain from her face. Mistress Adams pushed by her roughly and entered the room without a word.
“Pack your things. It’s time to go,” she said. “And get that deer caught in the headlights look off your face. You’re through here.”
“What are you talking about?” Rose couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“I’m talking about you packing up and getting the hell out of here. I was told to come and get you and here I am.”
“No. Joshua just went to the racetrack. He’s coming back and he expects me to be here. You’re lying.”
“Joshua didn’t pay for you, remember? His father did and his father wants you gone. Seems his son is a little too taken with you. Some guy named Kevin told him a few things and he doesn’t like how you’re manipulating his son. Seems the boy needs a different kind of submissive and you’re not it.”
“I’m not going. I’m Joshua’s, not his father’s. I don’t care if he paid the money or not.”
“Don’t tell me you’ve got feelings for the boy? Have I taught you nothing? You know you can’t get emotionally involved with a client. I can see I didn’t come any too soon. Now do as you’re told, or I will have you removed. I’ll drug you and wrap you up in a rug, trust me.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Oh, but I will. I have Jamison in the car. He does what he’s told, unlike you.”
“Please. At least let me say good-bye to him.” She knew she was grasping at straws and Mistress Adams knew it, too.
“Don’t be pathetic. It really pisses me off. I have plans for you and I must
admit having you back sooner than later, isn’t a disappointment.”
Mistress Adams watched as she packed her suitcase. She knew better than to argue with her further. She remembered Jamison and she had never liked him. He had stared at her lasciviously on more than one occasion and she could imagine how much he would enjoy manhandling her.
What would Joshua think? Would his father tell him the truth or would he think she had just left without a word? She had a feeling that the latter would be true. Kevin hadn’t been kidding when he said he was going to get to the bottom of things. He must have confronted Mr. McArthur and this was the result. She didn’t want Joshua to think she had just left him, but maybe it was better that he think she ran out on him. It would confirm that she was nothing more than what he had thought she was and that would be for the best. Not that he had ever said he cared for her, but even with her lack of experience, she knew that the feelings between them were more real than not. He had changed with her and now he needed to hate her again. A sob escaped her as Mistress Adams pushed her out the door of the apartment.
When they left the elevator and walked out into the main lobby, she was sad to see that Tony was nowhere in sight. He might be on a break. She would have at least liked to say good-bye to him and he could have told Joshua she hadn’t left on her own. But as she looked around, she realized with a start that no one was in the lobby to witness her departure. It occurred to her that it was no accident. Mr. McArthur and Mistress Adams had left no stone unturned when it came to making sure Joshua thought she had left on her own accord.
Slipping into the limo, she caught the gaze of Jamison, whose eyes looked smugly into hers. She looked away, but not before she saw lust that he hadn’t bothered to hide. He made her skin crawl.
Mistress Adams caught the exchange and laughed loudly as she motioned to Jamison that they were ready to leave.
“Oh, Jamison, don’t even think I’m going to let you taste this little morsel, at least not now. She’s got bigger fish to fry that can pay a great deal for her body. Not that you can’t watch. I’m not that mean.”
Rose’s head snapped around. “What do you mean, watch?”
“Oh, my dear. I’ve already got a few clients lined up who want to see you on display. You’ll go to the highest bidder. It will be such fun. And Jamison will be there to help you display yourself.”
“No!” The word was out before she knew she had even said it.
“‘No’ is not a word for a girl like you. You know that. But I think you need a little reminding. But first, I have a few calls to make.”
Rose moved her body as close to the door and away from Mistress Adams as possible. She felt sick and hopeless. The tears that cascaded down her cheeks only made Mistress Adams’s smile widen as she proceed to call a number of her clients to confirm meetings with her submissives.
At least a half hour had passed before Mistress Adams looked back over to where Rose was still sat, leaning against the door.
“Oh, my poor, poor, Rose. What shall we do with you?”
“Please, leave me alone,” Rose whimpered. If the doors weren’t locked, she would gladly throw herself from the limo no matter that they were now speeding down a highway. Anything was better than this.
“Show me your tits, Rose. It’s been a while since I’ve seen them. And don’t stop there,” she said, leaning over to where Rose was cowering. “Let’s see that perfect little pussy of yours, too.”
“No.”
“Don’t say no to me, Rose. It just makes me want you more, dear. I thought you knew that.”
“No.”
“Oh, Rose, I just told you what your denying me does to me. Maybe you do want me after all.” She laughed, throwing her head back.
“What I want is for you to leave me and my family alone. I can get the money. I’ll ask Joshua. He’s a good man. He’ll pay you off, I know he will.” She had never thought about asking Joshua for anything, but she knew that what she said was true. He would help her.
“You are so naïve. Did you really think I would ever let you pay off your debt? You’re mine and I will do with you as I please. You’ll never be free of me because that’s what I want. And for that matter, neither will your family. Your pretty little cousins will ripen and then I’ll take them on a so-called tour of Europe. You see, Rose, there is no escape.”
“My aunt will never let you keep me and take her girls. She’ll have no choice but to tell my uncle and they’ll go to the police.”
“Your uncle and your aunt will be long gone by then. Do you really think I would ever let either one of them stand in my way?”
Rose stared with horror into the dead eyes of evil that looked back into hers with satisfaction. For the first time Rose acknowledged what her brain had always denied. Mistress Adams had never intended to keep her word. It was all a ruse to get what she wanted with as little mess as possible and to break Rose in the process.
“You must have hated my mother more than I could ever imagine to do something like this. But I’m not my mother and I’ll never let you touch me again. I’ll kill you first.”
Mistress Adams’s eyes looked away from hers for a moment. When her focus returned to Rose, she spoke in a tone Rose hadn’t heard her use before. “I didn’t hate your mother in the beginning, I loved her. Then she betrayed me in every way possible. No one leaves me unless I want them to and no one takes what’s mine.”
“But she did, didn’t she?” Rose said quietly, glad that her mother had denied this woman.
“But you won’t. I’ve got the solution right here in my purse.” She smiled, her eyes glittering.
Rose watched as she pulled out a syringe and needle that she dangled in front of her.
“You’re going to try and drug me,” Rose whispered, looking around wildly for some escape.
“Not try, Rose. I am going to drug you every day and every morning when you wake up you’ll do anything I wish just so that I will continue to give you what you will crave more than your life. Your past will fade into nothing as you slip deeper into a world where pain and servitude are all you know or want.”
Rose knew without a doubt that Mistress Adams meant what she said. She would not only force drugs on her to keep her from running, but she would force her cousins to follow in her footsteps. Her aunt and uncle were as good as dead as far as Mistress Adams was concerned. How could she have believed that there would ever be an end to this nightmare?
“But for now, I prefer you lucid. I want to feel your reaction to my touch, to see your face when I do all the things to you that I should have done to your mother.”
Rose watched as Mistress Adams turned abruptly to slip the syringe and needle back into her purse.
It was at that moment that she felt the vibration of her phone in the pocket of her jeans. Something obviously Mistress Adams had forgotten. Turning toward the door she pulled it from her pocket trying to shield it from Mistress Adams. It was Joshua. She pushed the button and put it on speaker phone.
“Rose.”
“Mistress Adams took me,” she cried, holding her phone tightly as Mistress Adams lunged for it. “Your father told her to!”
“What? Where are you?”
She didn’t see the fist that blindsided her. All she felt was pain as her phone slipped through her fingers and the sound of someone screaming echoed in her ears. And then there was nothing but darkness.
* * * *
A bright light was hurting her eyes. Rose sunk deeper into the darkness that beckoned her, but someone was calling her name. She liked the voice. It was familiar, but she couldn’t place it. Besides she wanted to go back to the numbness that the darkness offered. The voice wouldn’t stop. Grudgingly she moved back into the light. The light was forcing her to open her eyes. She gasped from the pain.
“Rose. Dear God, Rose. You’re awake.” The familiar voice penetrated through the fog that swirled around her.
There were other voices. Everyone seemed to be talking at once. It
hurt her head. Suddenly there was silence. Someone was holding her hand.
“Just breathe, sweetheart,” the familiar voice said. “Just breathe. You’re okay. No one will ever hurt you again. I promise.”
Focus. She had to focus. Her eyes were playing tricks on her. She saw two of everything in shadows of gray.
“Where am I?” She was so thirsty. “Water?”
“Of course. Grip the straw with your lips. There. Yes. Like that.”
She took the straw and drew the cool liquid down her sore throat. It felt good. So good.
“That’s a girl. You’re in a hospital. You hurt your head. But you’re going to be fine.”
Another blurry figure came toward her. A man in a white coat. “Just need to check your eyes, dear. Just relax. Waking up can be difficult, but you’re doing just fine.”
The white-coated man smiled and then he was gone and she went back into the darkness, but it was different somehow. She wouldn’t be staying here for long, but for now, it was what she wanted.
The next time she opened her eyes, she was alone or at least she thought she was until she glimpsed the man slumped in the chair beside her bed. She liked the way he looked even though his clothes were rumpled and he had a beard. There was something about him that made her want to wake him up. She wanted to tell him something. If only she could remember. Smiling, she watched him sleep. When his eyes flew open and looked into hers, she felt like her world was spinning. Joshua. His name was Joshua and he was…she squeezed her eyes shut as the memories slammed her brain like angry waves against the rocks.
“Rose. Can you hear me?”
She nodded, opening her eyes that now had tears in them. “You found me.”
Deception, Dominance, Desire (Siren Publishing LoveEdge) Page 12