A cry escaped those beautiful lips as he laid his head down gently on her chest.
“Rose. You know who I am?”
“Joshua. You’re Joshua. Why?”
“The doctor wasn’t sure. You didn’t seem to know me the last time you woke up. You suffered a severe blow to your head. You were punched in the face. Was it Mistress Adams that hit you? “
The look in his eyes was lethal. His anger palatable. “Tell me, Rose. Who hit you?”
“Mistress Adams did when she realized I had my cell phone and then I think my head hit the window. I don’t remember anything after that.”
“You’ve been unconscious for several days. We were all so worried.”
“We?”
“Your aunt and uncle just went down to the cafeteria for coffee. My dad and Kevin have been here practically the whole time, too. You scared the living shit out of all us,” he ended before taking a deep breath. “I thought I had lost you, Rose.”
She tried to sit up, but she was too weak.
“Don’t move. I’ll help you,” he offered, slipping his arm beneath her gently like she was child.
It was all so confusing. He knew what she was and yet he was here. Then it dawned on her that he had said her Aunt and Uncle were here, too.
“You know everything,” she whispered, his face now only inches from her own.
“Everything, Rose. I know everything, and I’m so sorry for what I’ve put you through. My father’s beside himself with guilt and worry. As well he should be. It’s his fault.”
“No, it’s not his fault. He saved me by bringing me to you. Someone else might have hurt me or worse. You kept me safe.”
“Safe.” He shook his head. “I took your virginity, Rose. Something I can never give back. I hate myself for not trusting my instincts. I knew you weren’t what you said you were. I felt it and even when Kevin tried to convince me, I wouldn’t listen. I didn’t want to believe that you…that I…” He shook his head. “I hurt you. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that. Ever.
“What are you saying?” She tried to wrap her sore head around what he was telling her or maybe it was what he wasn’t saying.
“I know you may never want to lay eyes me again, but I need you to know that I would give anything for you to have never been put in this position. You were an innocent and I used you for my own pleasure without any regard for you. I’m so sorry, Rose.”
“Mistress Adams.” Her eyes widened. “She said she would do horrible things to my family if you found out.”
“She’ll never hurt you or anyone else again. She’s dead, Rose.”
“Dead?” How could she be dead?
“After she hit you, the guy that was driving the car must have pulled over and it seems there was some kind of scuffle between the two of them. One of them had a gun and it went off and Mistress Adams took a bullet to the chest. She probably died pretty quickly. The guy dumped you both on the side of the road and took off.”
“Jamison. His name is Jamison.”
“Now that you’re awake, the police are going to want to talk to you.”
“How did you find me?”
“I was pretty sure what route they took to get back to New York City. I got there just as the police were pulling up. I had called them as soon as I heard you scream through the phone. I thought”—he looked away from her for a moment before his tortured eyes returned to hers—“that I wouldn’t find you in time.”
Rose couldn’t help the trembling in her limbs. It was all so horrific. Mistress Adams was dead. She couldn’t say she was sorry, but dead, that just didn’t seem possible. She felt like she had been run over by a truck. Her head was beginning to pound again.
She could see the anguish and guilt written all over Joshua’s face. He felt terrible about what had happened. It wasn’t his fault. He needed to know that she didn’t blame him. That he owed her nothing. That he could walk away with a clear conscience. She loved him, but she wouldn’t try and hold on to him out of pity for her. She had to let him go back to his life. But after everything that had happened, what life could she go back to?
Chapter Sixteen
She couldn’t seem to stay awake for long. She tried, but the darkness would overcome here and she had no choice but to let it. The doctor had said it was her body healing and now that they knew she was going to be okay, she shouldn’t fight it. The police had been waiting for her the last time she woke and she had told them everything she could remember. Her uncle had been with her and held her hand as the tears had all but choked her. His eyes had been filled with such incredible sadness. She wanted to ask him about her aunt, but when she mentioned her name, he had shook his head and told her to just rest. Then as if on cue, she had slept once again.
That had been a few days ago, and the last time she had seen him. Each time she opened her eyes, she prayed it would be Joshua by her side. However, it was now always her aunt that looked at her expectantly. Today was no different. She knew they had to talk, really talk, and not just about how she was feeling physically. She had to have answers.
“Rose,” her aunt said, her eyes full of sympathy. “The girls made you a card.” She went over and picked up a colorful card from the window ledge. “I promised them I would give it to you the next time you woke up.”
Rose took the card that was all sunshine and flowers. She loved it and she loved them.
“How are they doing?”
“They’re good. Their father’s with them now and one of my neighbors have been watching them when he’s working. They miss you.”
“I miss them. What did you tell them?”
“Only that you were on your way home as a surprise and that you were in a car accident. I don’t think they needed to know more than that. At least not now.”
“I don’t want them to ever know the truth,” she said vehemently. “Ever!”
“Me either, but it’s not up to me. Nothing is up to me anymore. I’ve made such a terrible mess of things. I really thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted to protect my family, but you’re my family and I didn’t protect you. I’m so sorry.” Her voice broke. “I can’t expect you to ever forgive me.”
“I wanted to protect them, too. I know now that what we did was wrong, but it was for the right reasons. Mistress Adams would have followed through on her threats. She was an evil woman.”
Her aunt began to sob, laying her head against the side of the bed. Rose watched until her tears had subsided and she raised her eyes. “You don’t hate me then?”
“No. I don’t hate you. Have you seen Joshua?”
“He left along with his father and that man Kevin. Your uncle told them to go once we all knew you were going to be okay. He couldn’t stand seeing them, especially Joshua, knowing what he had done to you even though in the end he had helped save your life. That’s the only reason he didn’t throw them out before.”
“I told the police that Joshua didn’t know anything about Mistress Adams. He had no idea that she had taken me against my will and forced me to be a”—she hesitated—”a submissive to the highest bidder.”
“What you’ve gone through, Rose. I knew what would happen, but I forced myself to not think about the details. I’ve been in a fog since you left. I couldn’t bring myself to face the truth about what I had done and then when we got the call from the police, I thought I had lost you forever. I thought I had killed you,” she ended in a whisper.
“There were times when I was in training that I wished I were dead, but something inside of me wanted to live. Maybe it was my hate for Mistress Adams that kept me going, I’m not sure.”
“And when you were forced to submit to that man…”
“His name is Joshua.”
“Joshua.” Her aunt repeated his name with distaste. “Did he hurt you badly? You don’t have any scars or bruises other than from the accident and Mistress Adams hitting you. But they could have healed.”
“No. He didn’t hurt me.” A
t least not in the way her aunt meant. He had broken her heart, but that she couldn’t blame that on anyone but herself.
“He took your virginity didn’t he?”
“Yes, but…”
“But what?”
Did she really want to tell her aunt what she didn’t entirely understand herself? How she had given herself to him. That it wasn’t rape like anyone who knew her story would assume. How could she tell her that she had wanted his touch and still wanted it even now, after she was free to make her own choices?
“Tell me about my mother,” she said, changing the subject. She had to know the truth about the woman who had given birth to her. Maybe it would help her to understand herself and why she still wanted him. Was it genetic, this need to be dominated by a man?
Her aunt sat back, her eyes flying open wide at the sudden change in the conversation. “Your mother was a good woman, Rose. She was. We were both thrown into a world that we had little knowledge of and she made the best of it. She tried to get us both out. The fact is she died trying.”
“Did Mistress Adams kill her?” Rose asked, her breathing becoming shallower.
“Indirectly, I guess she did. Your mother stole from her and her clients. That was the truth. But she did it so she and I could start over. So we could have a life.”
“Tell me everything. I have to know. I deserve to know.”
“Yes. You do. I should have told you before you left, but I didn’t see what good it would do. She was dead and nothing could bring her back or keep Mistress Adams from using you without putting your cousins and your uncle in jeopardy. You can see now that what she was capable of and she would have ruined them. I offered to go myself, Rose, but she didn’t want me, she wanted you.”
“I was more valuable,” Rose spit out. “Did she sell your virginity, too?”
“Yes.” Her aunt nodded. “To a man that loved to hear me scream. Your mother vowed she would make her pay. But what you want to know is how we came to be in her power. It’s not a pretty story. You see, our father sold us to her, and my mother didn’t stop him.”
“I thought they died.”
“They could be dead now for all I know. But they were very much alive the last time I saw them. I was only fourteen and your mother had just turned sixteen. We knew our parents were into things that weren’t exactly legal, but we didn’t ask questions. Your grandfather was a mean son of a bitch and our mother did whatever he said without question. He had no problem beating us whenever the mood moved him. Looking back on it, I think he was her pimp.”
She just stared at her aunt. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear more, but she knew she had to. Her aunt just stared back, her eyes almost as dead as Rose felt inside. She waited silently for her aunt to continue.
“He came home one day from wherever he had been. I was doing my homework and your mother was helping to make dinner. He had Mistress Adams with him. Her focus was entirely on your mother and me. My father told us to strip. I remember we just looked at him like he was crazy. We just stood there until he slapped your mother across the face and started to tear her clothes off. I began to cry, but no one cared.”
“Please, I know this is painful,” Rose said, “but I need to know.”
“When we were naked, Mistress Adams began to touch us, not sexually, but as if she was buying a prize heifer that she wanted to know was worthy of the purchase price. When she was done, she told us to get dressed and that we were coming with her. My mother never came out of the kitchen. She had to know. She didn’t even say good-bye to us.
“From there we went into training and because I was a virgin, she treated me with more care. Your mother was thrown into training with little regard for anything but making her ready to please as many men as possible. We were used for two years before your mother thought up a plan for escape. Mistress Adams was beginning to slowly but surely wean your mother from her regular clients and your mother suspected that she had other plans for her. Your mother convinced me that her plan would work.”
“But how did she do it? You were always being watched.”
“Your mother had a client that was obsessed with her and would take her away for long weekends. She was smart. She got his account numbers. There were other clients that always asked for your mother, too. They became more and more trusting of her and she took advantage of their weakness. Mistress Adams was one of them. She was quite taken with your mother. I’m sorry you had to hear this.”
“It’s okay. I kind of already knew that. Mistress Adams admitted to me that she had a thing for my mother. But she caught you,” Rose said, taking her aunt’s hand and squeezing it.
She knew what she had been through, only her aunt hadn’t been sold to a man like Joshua. She had to suffer the pain and humiliation of being raped. She could feel her own tears beginning to fall in sympathy for lost innocence take with no regard, no love, just lust.
“Oh, Rose,” her aunt sobbed. “We thought we were free. It had been three years and we were happy. Your mother had met a man, Steve, and she was pregnant with you. She was eight months along when Mistress Adams found us. She showed up at our door, but Steve was there and he threw her out, thinking she was a lunatic.
“Your mother knew we had to leave. Steve had no idea where we had come from and that what Mistress Adams said was true. Your mother had lied to him and he had no reason not to believe her.
“A couple days had passed without any sign of Mistress Adams. However, your mother and I both knew she was lurking somewhere in the shadows, just waiting to pounce.
“We had to run. Steve was a carpenter and had subcontracted a job that he needed to get to. Your mother asked him to drop her at the bank on his way. My orders were to pack up our things and be ready to leave when she came back with the rental car. Only she didn’t come back. She and Steve never even made it to the bank. He went through a red light and was killed instantly. Your mother was rushed to the hospital and you were born just before she died.”
Rose waited for her aunt to continue once she had composed herself enough to be able to speak.
“They were going to put you in social services as soon as you were strong enough. I knew I couldn’t let that happen. The bulk of the money was in the bank, but your mother always kept some stash at the house for emergencies.
“You were so sweet. I snuck in and would look at you through the nursery when no one was around to notice. When they were about to release you into foster care, I knew I couldn’t leave you. You were the only family I had left. I went to the hospital and pretended I was a nurse. I took you and never looked back. I honestly don’t think they looked for you very hard because I didn’t even see a report on the news about a missing baby. Maybe they were glad there was one less child in the system to worry about. I met your uncle soon after and I fell head over heels in love with him. We got married and you know the rest.”
Rose was speechless. All she could do was stare at her aunt who was rocking back and forth with her arms wrapped around her body. Finally Rose found her voice.
“That’s an unbelievable story. I mean, I believe you, but it’s like something out of a movie. But she found you again.”
“I’m not sure that she ever lost track of me. I think she waited, knowing that she would take out her revenge on you. She was a vindictive woman. She had wanted your mother to pay, and when that was no longer possible, she went after you. All those years when I thought we were safe”—she shook her head sadly—“and she must have been just sitting in wait until she decided you were ready to be used for…” Her aunt didn’t finish her sentence.
“I’m just surprised she didn’t come for me sooner. I could have been married and certainly not a virgin. It doesn’t make sense.”
“Who knows how her mind works or worked. Maybe she wanted you to be married with kids so she could make what she wanted to do to you even more painful. Whatever her reasons, I’m thankful she didn’t.”
“Did you tell Uncle Thomas?”
&nb
sp; “He knows it all now, and even if you can forgive me, I’m not sure he ever will. He feels like he failed you. That he would have been able to protect you if I had told him the truth. But he honestly doesn’t know the woman the way we do. She would have had him killed or put in jail or worse. I couldn’t chance that, Rose. I just couldn’t. I’m sorry.”
“What are you going to do?” Rose asked.
“I wish I knew. Thomas hasn’t said it, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he divorces me and sues for complete custody of the girls. I won’t fight him if he does, not that it would matter if I did after what I’ve done. I know they’re safe and that’s all that matters.”
“It may take time, but I know how much he loves you and the girls. He won’t want to take their mother from them. It took you forever to become pregnant the first time and he was beside himself with happiness when Lily was born. I know how much family means to him and I also know how much he loves you.”
Her aunt’s eyes filled with tears once again before she took a breath and then blew her nose. “And what about you? What are you going to do now that you have your life back?”
Mistress Adams would never bother her or her family again, and that was like the weight of the world being lifted from her shoulders. However, Joshua had left her without even saying good-bye. Her uncle may have wanted him to leave, but she knew Joshua well enough to know he wouldn’t have left her if it wasn’t what he wanted. Could she blame him for wanting to distance himself from the sordid details that had become her life.
She was no longer his responsibility, his submissive. She had to accept the fact that he was gone and she would never see him again. At one time, this was all she wanted. Now she only felt lost. She had no idea who she was anymore.
“I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
Chapter Seventeen
Rose had been at NYU for three months. The holidays were just around the corner. She had plans to go home to her aunt’s and uncle’s for the Christmas break. They were still together and working out their trust issues. Her aunt seemed happier than the last time she had spoken to her on the phone. She knew regardless of their problems they would both make the holidays a happy time for the girls as well as her. She missed her cousins and wanted to continue to be a part of their lives. She also knew that by coming home, it would be a sure sign that she had really forgiven her aunt, and her uncle needed to see that to help his own healing.
Deception, Dominance, Desire (Siren Publishing LoveEdge) Page 13