Barjack and the Unwelcome Ghost

by Robert J Conley

  “Just be careful,” I said. “I don’t want you getting yourself kilt in my town. Hell, then I’d have to go after that goddamned Harm son of a bitch.”

  “No,” Miller said. “I reserve that pleasure for myself.”

  I noticed that Harm Cody had just ordered hisself another drink, so I figgered there wasn’t going to be no action in town real soon. I waved at ole Aubrey, and he brung the bottles to refill ever’ one’s glasses. I picked mine up and tuck me a good slug out of it. I was kinda looking forward to watching Miller blow away that slimy bastard Harm Cody, and I was actual hoping it would take place right soon. The goddamned snake in the grass couldn’t stand there at my bar a-drinking all night long. He’d have to leave sometime, and whenever he did, well, ole Miller could just foller him right out the damn door.

  Now, y’all readers might recollect that it had been late morning whenever we come into the Hooch House. Actual it had been close to noon. We had been out a-shooting most a’ the morning, and whenever I went up to my room and Bonnie’s, ole Bonnie was just then a-getting outta bed. Then me and her had gone back down and commenced to drinking with the boys, and we had just about drunk up and talked away the rest a’ that day. It was eve ning by this time. Well, that Harm finished up his drink and turned away from the bar. He come a-walking back to my table and a-looking at Miller again.

  “You planning to run again, Cody?” Miller asked him.

  I noticed that Cody had a couple a’ bottles tucked into his coat pockets.

  “Looks to me like he is,” I said. “He’s got a supply a’ booze packed for his trip.”

  “I hate to disappoint you gents,” Cody said, “but I’m just going to turn in. I have a camp just out of town, and my partners are waiting for me there. The bottles are for them.”

  “Get a good night’s sleep,” said Miller. “You never know when it might be your last.”

  The asshole tipped his hat and left the place, and I watched him go, and then I went to watching Miller, and for a minute or two, I thunk he was going to get up and foller that Harm Cody out into the street, but he never. He just set there.

  “You ain’t going to get a better time,” I said.

  “I’m wondering who his partners are,” Miller said, “and just what they might be up to.”

  “I s’pose that’s a good question,” I said.

  “It can’t be any good,” Miller said, “and if he didn’t lie to us, they’re just outside of your town.”

  “Maybe I had ought to foller him out there and see what can I find out,” I said, pushing my chair back.

  Miller stood up in a hurry. “Let me do that, Marshal,” he said.

  I settled back into my chair. “All right,” I said.

  “Should I ride along with him?” said Happy. It was the first thing he had said in a spell.

  “That’s a good idea, Happy,” I said. “It’s about time you had one. Go on.”

  Miller was damn near out the door, and Happy jumped up and tuck out after him. Butcher got up and follered them as far as the front door, and he stood there a-watching. In a few minutes he come back to the table.

  “You didn’t want me to go along too, did you, Marshal?” he said.

  “If I had I’da said,” I told him.

  “Yeah,” he said. “Well, they rode outta town heading south.”

  “If that ole boy didn’t lie to us,” I said, “they ain’t very smart. There’s better campsites north.”

  I drained my glass and waved at Aubrey for a refill, and he brung it to me right quicklike. Butcher still had some left in his glass.

  “Barjack?” said Bonnie.

  “What, sweet ass?” I said.

  “Is there going to be trouble?”

  “Oh, I don’t think I’d call it trouble,” I said. “That Churkee is apt to kill him a white man is all, and the way it sounds to me is it sounds like that white man has got it coming. That’s all.”

  I drunk me a couple more drinks, and it was late enough that the crowd was a-clearing out. There was just us and a few customers left in the place. Applewhite put his cards away and was fixing to shut down for the night. I still had me about a half a tumbler a’ good whisky, and I think I knowed better, but I picked up that glass and rared back so far that I was just balancing on the two back legs a’ my chair, and I drained that glass, but whenever I done it, I fell on over bass-ack’ards and hit my head on the floor whenever I landed. I heared ole Bonnie through the fog as she squealed, “Barjack,” but I never answered. I just laid there.

  “Butcher,” she said. “You and Dingle haul him up to my bed.”

  “It would sure be easier, ma’am,” I heared Dingle answer, “to carry him down to the jail than to tote him up the stairs.”

  “No,” she said, “I want him in my bed. Oh, hell, never mind.”

  My eyes was half open. I wasn’t out cold. And I seed ole Bonnie get up outta her chair, and then I seed her bend over me. Well, what I really seen was I seed her massive big tits come close to my face whenever she bent over me, and the next thing I knowed was I felt her take a holt a’ me and heave me up and over her shoulders. It was kind of a shock, but I managed to keep on a-playing like as if I was out cold, and then she walked on over to the stairs and started in to climbing them. I could tell when she reached the top and walked down the hallway, and I sure as hell knowed when she tossed my ass onto the bed. She pulled off my boots, and then she went to undressing me. It weren’t long till I was for sure out cold. I never knowed nothing else till I come to in the morning, and it was so late that Bonnie had done got up and got her ass all dressed for the day.

  I stirred a little bit and set up on the side a’ the bed a-holding my head in my hands, and I guess I moaned a little bit. Bonnie come a-running and hugged the hell outta me.

  “Oh, Barjack, sweetness,” she said, “are you feeling all right?”

  “Hell, yes,” I said. “I’m just fine. A-raring to go. What time a’ day is it anyhow?”

  “I don’t know, darlin’,” she said. “I reckon it’s near noon.”

  It come into my head then where Miller and Happy had went the night before, and I shoved her loose a’ me and stood up. “I got to get dressed and go down,” I said.

  “All right, honey,” she said. “Take it easy. I’ll help you.”

  She dressed me in a clean suit a’ clothes and final set my hat on my head, but she set it on crookedy, and I straightened it up. Then I headed for the door. When I was on my way down the stairs, I seed Happy and Miller and Butcher a-setting at my table. I went on over there and joined them.

  “Morning, Marshal,” Miller said.

  “Howdy, Barjack,” said Happy. “It ain’t really morning no more.”

  “Never mind all that,” I said, and then I looked right into the face a’ that Churkee. “Did you kill anyone last night?” I asked him.

  “No, sir, I didn’t,” Miller said.

  Aubrey come to the table just then and set me down a tumbler a’ whisky and a cup a’ hot coffee. I tuck me a sip a’ the whisky first, and of a sudden, I felt some better. Then I had me a sip a’ that hot coffee.

  “All right then,” I said. “Tell me about last night.”

  Both of them started in to talking at the same time. “Just hold it,” I said. “One at a time.”

  They looked at each other, and then Happy give Miller a nod. “We followed Harm a little ways south out of town,” he said, “and sure enough, he came to a campsite. There were four other men there waiting for him. He took out a bottle, opened it, and passed it around. Me and Happy dismounted and slipped up as close as we dared, but we couldn’t hear them very well.”

  “But they was scheming something up, Barjack,” Happy said. “Way out there the way they was, they set real close together and talked low, and ever’ now and then, that ole Harm feller would pick up a stick and draw something in the dirt.”

  “Well,” said Miller, “they finally quit talking and turned in for the night, and we l
eft and came back to town. I thought we’d better tell you about it rather than take a chance on killing Cody with those other four men there.”

  “Good thinking,” I said. “Likely you’da just got yourself kilt. Maybe Happy too. So they was scheming on something, was they? I imagine that Cody was a-planning your murder and showing them the lay of the town is what they was doing. You’d best watch your ass from here on.”

  “Don’t worry about me,” Miller said.

  “Them other four,” I said. “Did you rekernize them?”

  “Not me,” said Happy. “They was strangers for sure.”

  “I’ve never seen them before,” said Miller.

  “So he’s picked them up along the way after he left outta the Churkee Nation,” I said. “Well, we’ll be ready for them all right.”

  “Barjack,” said Miller. “Let me show you what I got this morning.” And he reached down and hauled out a six-shooter and laid it on the table, shoving it toward me. It was a Merwin and Hulbert self-extracting .45, just like mine. I picked it up and hefted it. It felt good, just like mine. I grinned and handed it back to him.

  “That’s a fine one,” I said.

  “I went down to the gun shop this morning first thing,” Miller said. “That ole boy, Henshaw, was none too happy to see me, and he sure didn’t want to serve me, but he was glad enough to have my money. So I bought it. Then I rode back out to where we went to shoot and tried it out a little. It’s a good shooter.”

  “Well, by God,” I said, “I’m glad you got it. You won’t never be sorry.” And I thunk about him a-using it on that damned Harm, but I didn’t say nothing about that. Instead I just said, “Keep it handy. You just might have a need for it afore long.”

  Chapter Four

  Well, I had been asleep for a while that next night, and as I recall, I had been having some good dreams. It seems like as if the better the dreams, the more likely they will get interrupted. My own perticler dreams that night was doubling up the sweet times I had in bed with Ole Bonnie. I don’t reckon I should try to tell you just where I was at in my sweet dream whenever I was rudely awoke by the goddamned blast. But I can tell you that it shuck my bed whenever it went off. I can also tell you that it brung me straight up a-setting up in bed, and most likely my eyes was wide-open too. It brung ole Bonnie up the same way, and me and her looked right into each other’s face. Her eyes was for sure wide-open.

  “Barjack,” she said, “what the hell was that?”

  “Goddamned if I know,” I said, scrambling out of bed, “but I better by God find out.”

  I was plumb outta bed then and pulling on my britches. Bonnie actual got up and fetched me my boots, and I pulled them on. She handed me my sixgun and rig and I strapped that on right quick. Then I headed for the door, and as I was a-jerking it open, Bonnie slapped my hat down on my head. I got my old ass downstairs more faster than you would believe, and I hustled it on out the front door and into the street. There was a couple of cowboys out there ahead a’ me, and I seed ole Henshaw out there too. It didn’t take long to figger out where the blast had come from, on account a’ the smoke was visible. It was down at the bank. I went to running toward the bank, and so did ever’one else what was out on the street.

  Whenever I come up close to the bank’s front door, ole Happy come up beside me. He was only half dressed, like me, too. I give him a look, and I said, “Come on, Happy.” We went through that front door. Smoke was thick inside, and I went to making my way toward where it was thickest, and pretty damn soon we found ourselves standing in front a’ the big vault, which had obvious been blowed open. There wasn’t no one inside the bank no more. “Happy,” I said, “go find Mr. Golden and bring him here in a hurry.”

  “Yes, sir,” said Happy, and he tuck off. Peester come up beside me just then, still in his nightshirt, and ole Butcher come up on the other side a’ me.

  “Somebody robbed the bank,” said Peester.

  “That’s a brilliant observation, Pisster,” I said.

  “What do we do, Barjack?” asked Butcher.

  “Just stick close to me,” I said.

  There was a small fire what the blast had caused a-growing up around the wall behind the blowed-open vault, and I headed back out onto the street. I noticed on my way out that the crooks had broke the glass outta the front door winder. Butcher follered me. There was a pretty good sized crowd gathered around by this time, and I hollered out for some a’ the men to form up a bucket brigade and sop out that fire inside. They got it going right quick. Then I seed Happy hurrying back and bringing along Golden, the banker, with him. They come right up to me.

  “What’s happened?” Golden said.

  “Someone broke into your bank and blowed open your vault,” I said. “I want you to go in there and tell me just what’s missing.”

  “Yes, sir,” he said, and he went on in.

  I helt up my arms trying to quiet down the crowd, and it tuck a few minutes, but they final did hush up some.

  “I want to know,” I yelled out, “if anyone here seed anything what might help us out here.”

  Folks looked down at the goddamned street and muttered things like, “I was asleep and the blast woke me up.”

  “I didn’t see nothing.”

  “Me neither.”

  Then I seen ole Jacobsen, what was kinder our town drunk, a-working his way through the crowd and moving toward me.

  “Let him through there,” I said, and the crowd kinder moved to two sides, and Jacobsen come on through. “You got something to say to me, Jake?” I ast him.

  “I seen them, Marshal,” he said.

  “Where was you?” I said.

  He jerked his thumb toward a spot across the street. “I was sleeping right over there on the sidewalk,” he said. “I had just come awake, and I was wanting another drink real bad. I don’t know what time it was, but I knowed that it was way into the nighttime, and then five men come a-riding into town. I remember thinking that it was kinder strange for five men to come a-riding in that time a’ night.”

  “So what’d you do?” I ast him.

  “I just huddled down to keep me outta sight,” he said. “They got off their horses. One man stayed with them and held the reins. The other ones all went to the bank. They busted the glass and went inside. Well, I knowed then that they was bank robbers.”

  “Well, now,” I said, “that was plenty smart a’ you, Jake. Go on.”

  “Well, it was quiet then for a couple a’ minutes, and then come that awful explosion. It was quiet again for another couple a’ minutes, and then I seen the four come out. One of them was toting a sack. They mounted up and rode off in a hurry.”

  “Which way did they go?” I said.

  He pointed off to the south, and said, “They went outta town that way, Marshal.”

  “Headed south, huh?” I said.

  “Did I help you out, Marshal Barjack?” he said.

  “Hell, yes, Jake. You done yourself proud. From now on, anytime you need to pass out or just go to sleep, you feel free to lay your ass down on the sidewalk on Main Street. And whenever the Hooch House opens up in a while, you go in there and tell ole Aubrey that I said to give you all the drinks you want.”

  “All I want?” he said.

  “That’s what I said, and I meant it.” I looked around till I seed ole Happy, and I said to him, “Happy, get our horses ready to ride.”

  “Yessir.”

  “Hell, get three,” I said.

  “Yes, sir,” he said, and he hustled his ass off.

  “I’ll get my own,” said Miller, suddenly appearing outta the crowd. He turned and rushed off, and then ole Sly come a-walking up.

  “I’ll get mine too,” he said, “if you’ll allow me to ride along.”

  “You’re goddamn welcome, Widdamaker,” I said. “Let’s meet in front a’ my marshaling office.”

  Golden come back outta the bank just then, and he come up to me. “Barjack,” he said, “they cleaned us out,
all except for a small amount of cash in one of the tellers’ drawers.”

  The bucket brigade had just about come to a halt by then. I looked back inside, and I could see that the fire was out. The place was still full a’ smoke. I went back out and run smack into Bonnie.

  “Barjack,” she said. “They rob the bank?”

  “Cleaned it out,” I said.

  “What’re you fixing to do?”

  “Take a posse and ride after the sons a’ bitches.”

  “Be careful, sweetness,” she said. “Don’t get hurt.”

  “Worry about them robbers,” I said. “I mean to bring back their hides.”

  “And our money,” said Golden, who was still standing by.

  “Don’t you worry none about that neither,” I said to him. “Some of it’s my money and Bonnie’s. We’ll get it back all right.”

  Bonnie was still hanging on to me real tight whenever I started in to walking toward my marshaling office, and she went all the way down there with me. When we come close to the office, I seed that the Churkee was already there, mounted up and ready to ride. We walked on up, and I seed that he was a-wearing his two Remington revolvers and had his new Merwin and Hulbert shooter tucked in his belt. He had a rifle in his saddle boot that looked to me to be a Henry, but I didn’t really see it all that good. I went on into the office and got me a good Winchester rifle, and I commenced to stuffing all my pockets with boxes a’ bullets. When I stepped back outside, I handed a couple a’ boxes to Miller, and I seed Sly come riding up. I give him some extry ammunition. Happy was riding down the street leading two saddled horses. When he come up to office, I got on one and Butcher climbed aboard the other one. We was ready to go, but then here come ole Dingle riding up real fast.

  “Wait for me,” he shouted.

  “You got a gun, Scribbler?” I ast him.

  “No, sir,” he said, “but—”

  “Here, Dingle,” said Miller, handing over one a’ his Remingtons. Then he tuck the Merwin and Hulbert outta his belt and holstered it where that Remington had been. I pulled out a box a’ shells and handed it to Dingle.