But I swear to God, he went and disappeared again. We went around the same corner what he had went around, and we opened ever’door we come to and looked inside. We walked the whole way down the alley doing the same thing, but it just weren’t no use. He had really disappeared. I looked at ole Sly. “Widdamaker,” I said, “do a ghost shoot a gun?”
“I wouldn’t think so, Barjack,” he said, “but if a man saw a ghost, he might shoot at it.”
“Happy?” I said.
“Happy sure thinks we’re dealing with a ghost,” Sly said.
I felt a bit a’ panic then, and I started to run again back toward the bank. “Happy’s in the bank,” I yelled. Sly run ahead a’ me, and I like to died before we got back to the bank. There wasn’t no one in the bank yet again ‘cept for ole Moneybags whut I called him, the boss banker, you know, and when I final got there and run inside. Sly was kneeling down beside a Happy what was laid out like as if he was kilt. Moneybags was standing off to one side looking worried as all hell. I felt like crying. I mean it. I walked over there and got down beside ole Sly, and then I seed that a bullet had dug a bad crease along the right side a’ Happy’s head just at the right level where it cut his right ear plumb in half whenever it got that far along. “He ain’t dead, is he?” I kinda choked out.
“He’s alive,” Sly said, “and I think he’ll be all right, but we’d better get him to the doctor right away.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Let’s haul him on over there.”
So me and ole Sly picked up Happy, and I never knowed his ole skinny ass could be so damn heavy, but I never complained none, even though I was still wore out from that running what I done. Doc said Happy would be all right, and that made me feel some better, even though Sly had already said it. Well, we left Happy there in good hands and went back to the bank. Moneybags come a-running at me.
“Barjack,” he said, “we’ve been robbed.”
“The bastard what shot Happy?” I said.
“Yes.”
“Tell me about it,” I said.
“Well, I went to open up the vault to put today’s money away. After what had already happened I was a bit nervous, you can understand. He was in there. In the vault. He pointed a gun at me, and I held up my hands and said something like don’t shoot, and just then Happy said put up your hands, mister. You’re under arrest, and the man shot Happy and ran outside.”
Me and ole Sly, we looked at each other, and we both said at the same time, “In the vault,” and we rushed over to the vault what was still open and stepped in it and looked up, and sure enough there was a hole in the damn ceiling up there. Cody had fell plumb through. We had just failed to look inside the vault.
“So it weren’t no ghost,” I said.
“No,” Sly said, “but he still disappeared again. I’d call him ghostlike.”
I set Moneybags to counting his cash so’s he could let me know how much had been got away with, and then I went back to the Hooch House, after I called Butcher down off the roof, and Sly went back to Lillian’s place. I found Bonnie and Polly and Miller and Dingle all in there, and then me and Butcher set our ass down too. Then someone said where’s Happy, and I had to tell them all the whole story.
“When Cody fell through the roof,” Polly said, “he fell through the ceiling right into the damn vault. That’s just like the son of a bitch.”
“Yeah, and then he went and disappeared again,” I said. “Sly called him ghostlike.”
Dingle was a-scribbling. I figgered he was for sure writing down that ghostlike.
“But Happy’s gonna be all right?” Bonnie ast, sounding a little bit worried.
“He’s just going to be a mite uglier than usual,” I said. “He’ll have a fine scar right acrost the right side a’ his face, and his right ear is tore plumb in half. Other than that he’ll be just fine.”
She punched me on the shoulder hard enough to rock my chair up on two legs and skeer me I might turn over, and at the same time she shouted at me, “Barjack!”
Just about then Aubrey showed up with my glass a’ whiskey and a drink for Butcher. Ever’one else seemed to be doing all right. Bonnie shoved her chair back and stood up.
“I’m a-going over to Doc’s,” she said, “and see Happy.”
“I’ll go with you,” said Polly, and the two gals left the place, leaving just me and Butcher and Miller the Churkee and Dingle the scribbler. We wasn’t very good company, not even for each other, and by and by ole Miller he said, “Barjack, shouldn’t we be out hunting for that damn Cody?”
“Churkee,” I said, “you do whatever the hell it is you want to do. Right now I don’t even want to be thinking about no ghostlike son of a bitch, much less be out a-chasing after him.”
Well, he finished his drink and left. Butcher kinda sheepish said, “Barjack, should I ought to go along with him?”
“Not ‘less you want to,” I said. “I never sent him out. I don’t like to send folks out on wild-goose chases like that.”
“Well then,” he said. “I guess I’ll just stay here.”
“Good. I need some company ‘sides ole Dingle there. He don’t even look up from his scribbling. He’s worse than no company atall.”
“I’m not that bad,” said Dingle, but he never even looked up from his scribbling.
Right then in walked a bastard a-wearing a longtailed black coat, and he walked right up to the bar and ordered a whiskey. I put my hand on my Merwin and Hulbert and kinda stiffened up somewhat. It come into my head that I could stand up and go after him and then he would just disappear. I didn’t think I could stand that. In another minute Sly come in. He stopped just inside the door and looked hard at that man in the black coat. Then he looked over at me kinda puzzledlike. He walked over to my table and sat down acrost from me. He nodded toward the black coat.
“Is that him?” he ast me.
“I don’t know,” I said. Hell, all I could see was that long-tailed black coat. And just then another one come in. He walked to the far end a’ the bar and ordered hisself a whiskey. Neither one a’ them two bastards looked at me or at Sly, nor for that matter at each other, and I thought that was a little peculiar for two men looking like twins to show up in the same saloon and not even notice each other. Sly looked at me again, but then right quick I seed him look toward the door. I twisted my head, and I seed two more black-coated bastards come a-walking in and not paying no notice to one another nor to the first two what was already in there. They both walked up the bar and ordered whiskey, but whenever they got their drinks, one of them went to a table at one a’ the front corners a’ the place and the last one, number four, I’ll call him, I guess, he went to the other front corner.
“What is this, Barjack?” Sly said. Dingle were a-scribbling as fast as he could. “Hell if I know,” I said.
“You think we can take the four of them?” Sly said.
“They’s pretty damn scattered out,” I said.
“That’s what’s worrying me.”
“I’ll take the one at the far end a’ the bar,” said Butcher. We was all talking in real low tones. Then I seed Dingle slip a hand in his coat pocket, and I knowed that he had that there British Webley in his pocket. “I’m with you,” he said. “I’ll take that closest one.”
“That just leaves you and me, Barjack,” said Sly. “Which one do you want?”
“The bastard on this side a’ the room,” I said, and I was asking myself what the hell should I do? Should I try to arrest them and haul their ass to jail? Or should I just yell shoot and kill all four of the sons a’ bitches? They was all dressed like that damned Cody, and it were obviously some kinda setup, likely just to get me nervous as all get out, and it were working kinda. But then I decided that I really would like to get at least one a’ them alive. “Butcher,” I said, “go on over and see can you arrest yours. We’ll cover you. Boys, keep your eyes on your own target. Go on now, Butcher.”
“Sure thing, boss,” he said, and he stood up and
walked over to his man at the bar. He tapped the man on the shoulder. The man turned to look at him. Butcher said something and the man responded. Butcher said something else and hauled out his gun. The man backed up some, surprisedlike, and he kinda raised up his both hands some. Then he walked outta the Hooch House in front a’ Butcher. I never seed Butcher take no gun from the son of a bitch, though. I never thought that he were that damn dumb. “Dingle,” I said, “you think you can do that?”
“It looks pretty simple, Barjack,” he said, and he stood up and hitched his britches and stuck the Bulldog pistol in his pocket again but kept his hand in there with it. He walked to the bar and stepped up right behind and right close to his man. He reached out with his free hand and tapped the man on the shoulder. The man turned around.
“What?” he said. “What is it?”
“I’m a deputy town marshal,” said Dingle.
“Is that supposed to bother me?” the man said. We could hear these two on account they was a whole lot closter to us than the first two.
“I’m placing you under arrest.”
“What the hell for?”
“You can take that up with the marshal later.” Dingle slipped the Bulldog out of his pocket and pointed the business end of it at the man.
“Hey,” the man said. “You’re serious.”
“Damn right I’m serious,” said Dingle. “Now get to marching.” He nodded his head toward the front door, and the man started walking. They went right through the door and on outside. Me and ole Sly give each other a look.
“Me next?” Sly ast.
“Go on ahead,” I said, and he stood up. He walked to the far front corner a’ the room, and pretty soon I seed him walking that feller out the front door. I couldn’t hear nothing neither one a’ them said, but it sure didn’t take hardly no time atall. Well, it were comed down to me then. I couldn’t think a’ no way to put it off no longer. I weren’t skeered a’ the bastard. Hell, his three look-alikes had gone and let theyselfs be marched off to jail without even much of a fuss. I were thinking that when I got to the jail with this bastard, there wouldn’t be no one in my jail cells. They would all have disappeared.
Well, I still had a good gulp a’ whiskey in my tumbler, so I picked it up and turned it down. Damn, but that were good whiskey. I stood up. “See you, Barjack,” Aubrey kinda called out to me. I waved at him and headed for the front door, but before I reached it, I turned real sharp to my left and walked over to that feller there in the long-tailed black coat. When he seed that I was a-coming at him, he looked up and he kindly smiled.
“Hi, there,” he said. “Looking for a place to sit down?”
“No,” I said, pulling out my Merwin and Hulbert and pointing it at him. “I’m fixing to take you outta here and over to the jailhouse.”
“Wha-wha-what for?” he stammered.
“You’ll find out in due time,” I said.
“Will you let me finish my drink?” he said. I looked at it and he did have a good swaller left. I hated to deprive a man of a good drink, especial when he has done paid for it.
“Go on ahead and drink it,” I said, and he did in one fast gulp. Then he stood up. “Let me have your gun,” I said.
“I—I don’t have one,” he said.
“Hold that there coat wide open,” I said, and he pulled it open. I patted him down real cautiouslike, and by God, he hadn’t lied to me. He weren’t packing no gun. I gestured him toward the front dore and he started walking. I pointed in the right direction whenever we got on the sidewalk. As we was walking down he street, me behint him with my shooter out, I was thinking about the ghostlike Cody and now his four look-alikes and wondering what I was going to find in my jail. We got there final and stepped inside and Sly and Dingle and Butcher was all there, and they was three long black-coated shitheads a-setting my jail cell and looking downright puzzled and pissed off at the same damn time.
“Put this one in, Butcher,” I said, and he did. Then I said, “Take that one what you arrested and take him in the back room and question him some. I want to know do he know Cody, and I want to know how come him to be dressed like he is and to be in my saloon right when he was.”
“I’ll find out for you, boss,” Butcher said, and he grinned real big and tuck the first black coat outta the cell and into the back room. The other three were looking after them and looking worried.
“Don’t worry, fellers,” I said. “He’ll get around to you by and by. Just then we heared a loud smack from outta the back room.
Chapter Twenty-one
Well, by God, Butcher come dragging that ole boy back out right away after that smack what we heared and put him back in the cell with the other’ns. Then he turned back to look at me, and he was a-grinning. “So?” I said to him.
“He said a feller what was dressed like he is now paid him ten smackers to put on them clothes and go into the Hooch House and have a couple a’ drinks,” Butcher said.
“Is that all?” sez me.
Butcher’s smile faded off, and he said, “Well, yeah. You want me to find out more?”
“Never mind,” I said, and got my ass up outta my chair and walked over to the cell. That ole boy what Butcher had questioned had a right smart mouse up along the left side a’ his face. He looked up at me. I was just a-staring at him is all.
“What?” he said.
“This feller what paid you,” I said, “what was his name?”
“He never said.”
“Where’s he a-staying?”
“I don’t know.”
“What the hell do you know?”
“I was just walking down the alley, and he just kind of appeared right in front of me. I don’t know where the hell he come from. He give me this rig to wear and give me ten bucks. I hadn’t never saw him before, and I ain’t seen him since.”
I turned to the other boys, and they give me the same kinda story. Butcher said, “You want me to question them some more, boss?”
“No,” I said, “never mind. I expect they’re a-telling the truth.”
Just then we heared about four or five shots what sounded like they was just right out in the street. Me and Sly and Butcher all hauled out our shooters and headed for the door. I guess Dingle just kept on a-scribbling. Well, the other three of us wound up standing out in the middle a’ the street looking all around like three dumb asses. Final we went to walking up and down the street a-looking and asking anybody we seed had they saw anything atall, but they all answered negative. (I learnt that word from ole Dingle. You mighta figgered that out for your own self.) Anyhow, Miller the Churkee come a-running around a corner with his shooter in his hand, and whenever he seed us, he come a-running on up to where we was at, mostly in a cluster in the middle a’ the street.
“Where’s those shots come from?” he said.
“We’re damned if we know,” I said. “We was in my office when we heared them. Where the hell have you been?”
“Just checking around town for Cody,” he said. “No luck.”
“Well,” I said, “he’s here somewhere. He just sent four bastards into the Hooch House dressed up like his own self, and then come those damned shots.”
“I don’t know where he could be,” Miller said. “I’ve searched all over.”
“Hell,” I said, “let’s all of us go back to the Hooch House.” So we walked over there and took up our usual place at my private table. Aubrey brung drinks all around.
“I don’t like this, Barjack,” said Sly.
“What the hell?” I said. “Do you think I like it?”
“No, but I like to know who it is I’m dealing with. I like to see him.”
“We know who he is, all right,” Miller said. “We just can’t find him.”
We heared four more shots then, and we all of us run back outside. You won’t be surprised none to hear that we never seed no one. We give it up again and went back to our drinks. By God, my glass were empty! Some son of a bitch had dranked it all up.
<
br /> “Goddamn it, Aubrey,” I shouted. “How come my glass is empty?”
Aubrey said, “You must’ve drunk it.”
“I never touched it none, not one drop, and then we heared them shots. Who come in here and come over to my table?”
“I never seen no one come in,” Aubrey said.
“It was Cody,” said Miller. “Who else could it have been?”
Aubrey heared him and said, “I’d have seen that son of a bitch if he’d’ve come in here.”
“He was invisible,” said Miller.
“That would explain a lot,” said Sly, “but I’m not sure I can believe it.”
“I wonder if his goddamn blood will bleed red or invisible if I was to get a slug into his ass,” I said.
Dingle was a-scribbling as hard and fast as ever I seed him scribble. Four more shots come. They sounded like as if they come from way down the street this time.
“He’s either the fastest man alive or he has some accomplices,” Sly said. Aubrey was a-bringing me a fresh drink. Miller and Butcher jumped up and headed for the door, but I never moved. Whenever Aubrey picked up my empty glass and set down a fresh one, I said, “Aubrey, break that damn glass.” I didn’t want to be drinking after no ghost nor even no ghostlike feller.
“Yes, sir,” Aubrey said, and he just throwed it straight down on the floor and smashed it into a whole bunch a’ little pieces.
“Damn,” I said. “I never meant to do it right here.”
“I’ll sweep it up,” he said, and he walked back over behint his bar. It wasn’t no time before Butcher and Miller come back in with their faces long and their heads a-hanging. They come back and set back down. Aubrey sauntered over with a broom and a dustpan and went to sweeping up the broke glass. Then I heared three shots from the other end a’ town.
“Don’t bother, boys,” I said. “You won’t find him.”
Barjack and the Unwelcome Ghost Page 16