Binary

by Sarah Cole

  Finishing the task I was given, he grabs the hem of my dress, and pulls it over my head, before wrapping his fingers around my throat and squeezing just enough that stars begin to dot my vision. The room is warm, but I still feel my skin prickle under his gaze.

  It’s consuming me.

  “When we are together like this, you obey me. When we are together, we will be honest with each other. It’s the only way it works.” He says, and I don’t know how much I can give him. There’s so much he doesn’t know and will never know.

  He lets go of my neck and circles my body to unfasten my bra, leaving me only in my thigh high boots and thong. I notice his voice has taken on a different tone. It’s still seductive, but lower now with an intense authority about it.

  He continues, “It will be intense, both in pleasure and pain. Do you think you have any hard limits, baby?” The way he uses that nickname curls around me, warming me up from the inside.

  “I don’t know if it qualifies as a hard limit, but I’m not a fan of anal penetration,” I confess, and the memories of my face being pressed into a filthy mattress while I’m taken from behind try to claw their way out. Clenching my teeth and taking a deep breath, I try to force the rest of those memories back into the dead hole inside of me that holds all of those inhuman and vile parts of me. Those demons only come out to play when I let them, or when I need them to feed my aggression like they feed on my pain.

  “Tell me why,” he commands, and for the first time in years, I shrink into myself not willing to take a stand. I can’t tell him this. It is far from the worst things I’ve done, but to me it’s more shameful because I felt like I was powerless.

  “I can’t do that.” I drop my eyes, unable to meet his gaze.

  “Anika, it stays with me in this room. Trust, remember? I need to know, so I don’t hurt you.”

  I swallow past the lump in my throat, cursing myself, hating myself. “I’ve had a bad experience. It was many years ago now, but I can still remember the feeling. I remember the burn, and feeling like I couldn’t breathe. It felt like I was being ripped open…” I can’t finish.

  “Christ, Anika. How old were you?” he wraps his arms tenderly around me. The softness of his embrace is at complete odds of the fire in his eyes.

  “I’d just turned sixteen. I had already lost my virginity. I didn’t want… my brother… It was just something I had to do.” I leave it at that because I’m not sure there is really a way to describe how I basically whored myself out at fifteen- trading sexual favors to dealers and crooked cops just so my brother would not get beaten to a pulp or wind up in juvie.

  “I promise you this, Anika.” He tilts my face to meet his. “You won’t feel like that with me. You can let that fear go. There will be pain, but it will be nothing you don’t crave more of. Trust me, Anika.” He soothes me, stroking my hair.

  “I trust you.” I don’t think I’ve spoken those words in fifteen years, if at all, but I know they are the truth. I trust Carter because I know that even with these dark fantasies and fetishes, he is the light in my own darkness.

  “I hope you don’t need it, but if you do, what do you want your safe word to be?” he asks, and I don’t hesitate before I say, “limit,” in Russian.

  “What was that?” he asks.

  “Predel.” I pronounce it phonetically for him. “It means limit in Russian.”

  “Warning word?”

  “I won’t need one, Carter. It’s time for you to trust me now.” He doesn’t look happy with my decision, but he respects it.

  “We’re going to do this a little differently this time. Tell me what you want, Ani. Pain then pleasure, only pleasure? It’s your birthday – I’m allowing you to choose.”

  “Pain first, then pleasure. I need to be punished, then fucked until I forget,” I say as he runs his thumb roughly along my bottom lip. I see the questions swirling in his eyes, but he’s wise enough not to ask.

  “Take off your underwear, but leave the boots.” His tone has returned to the commanding voice of a dominant and I obey as my sex clenches involuntarily.

  “In this room, you will not speak unless you have permission, you will bend to my will, and you will not cum without me allowing you to do so. If you can’t follow the rules, there will be more punishments. Understood? You may answer.”

  “Yes, sir,” I answer him and he groans.

  “Normally, my submissive for the night calls me by my name, but god if I don’t love you calling me sir,” he tells me almost as if it is a thought and not meant for my ears.

  “Go to the bench, lean over it and grab the handles on the wall, Anika.”

  Doing as he asks, I bend myself over the black leather whipping bench and hold on tightly to the handles. My skin tingles with anticipation as I feel him behind me, and I know he’s planning his next move. He’s so much like me in that every move he makes is deliberate. Calculated.

  “Look at you, my pretty girl, dripping at just the thought of taking my whip,” he practically growls as he runs his full hand through my slick heat, and uses his wet hand to smack me harshly on my backside. It’s still slightly tender from earlier. I choke out a moan at the delicious warmth that spreads outward from where his hand had been.

  “You like that? Hmm?” he asks, smacking the other side with just as much intensity.

  “More,” I command, needing to feel something.

  “What did I tell you about speaking? I know what you need, baby.” I feel him leave for a second, but I don’t look after him, determined to make this work. He returns, and I hear the steady slapping of leather on his hand.

  “Normally I wouldn’t warn you, but since this is our first time playing, I’ll be considerate.” His voice is calm, and within a second I feel the sharp sting of leather on my ass.

  Out of the corner of my eye I see him holding what appears to be a black leather belt with a handle. It has tiny studs dotting its surface.

  “Head down,” he barks, and I obey as the leather hits me again with a loud snap.

  It’s a biting pain, but not so much that I pull away. Instead, I find myself wanting to inch closer, press against it to feel it deeper again and again as the leather meets my skin along my back, bottom and thighs. I want to let it turn into that sweet, tingling warmth that edges me towards a release that most people don’t know is possible, and others can’t possibly understand. I feel it over and over, and I hear myself whimpering and making wanton sounds amidst the brutality that should do the opposite. But I’m sick, and I know it. I want and I crave things that would make most people ill. Suddenly the beast within me takes over and the leather on my skin isn’t enough any longer, I yearn for more pain. To hurt physically like I have emotionally and to receive the hurt I’ve dealt out. I want to earn the pleasure by enduring my punishment, and believe me, I deserve to be punished.

  “More,” I choke out again, hoping he’ll feel my need and give me what I want.

  “Anika…” he warns in a low voice, but I know he knows what my body needs and wants despite our lack of words. I know he wants to punish me and use me as an outlet for his own pain and torment, and I want it because I don’t feel the pain. I only feel the need for more.

  “You’re getting five canings because you just can’t seem to keep your damn mouth shut. That is your punishment, and believe me it isn’t pleasant.”

  “Good, I need it,” I say through gritted teeth as I hold onto the handles, my knuckles turning white from gripping them so tightly. I think he was just waiting to see what I’d say. I know the damage that a good caning can inflect, but I want it so badly. I wait for it, craving it.

  There’s no hesitation when he lands the first blow. There’s a white-hot fire that sears against my already tender skin from where the cane hits. My vision turns hazy at the edges as I hold my breath to keep from coming unglued. The rage is surfacing and I can’t contain it.

  “Breathe, baby. You’ve got to breathe,” he soothes calmly, forcing me to release the
breath I’d been holding inside of me. When I do he takes his opportunity, and lashes out repeatedly, following through on his promise. The fourth time though, I scream in frustration and pain as tears prick my eyes. With the fifth strike, I nearly black out as I hear the instrument slice through the air and smack my flesh. When it’s over, I feel a lone tear streak down my face as he covers my body with his. Even with his weight on top of me, I feel like a million pounds of weight has been lifted from me and I’m floating as the blood pounds in my ears.

  “You’re amazing,” Carter whispers, kissing the side of my neck and his words warm me. I find myself wanting to please Carter, make him proud because he’s different. Without knowing me or the details, he still gets me and what I need, and he makes sure I get it. In this moment of clarity, I know that I can’t continue my original plan to fuck him and let him go. I have to have more of him. I need him in my own sick and twisted way.

  “Where did that come from? You’re a monster,” he says, and I hear the humor in his voice.

  “You have no idea…” I say, and he wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me with ease as he supports my legs with his other arm. Laying me gently on the bed I wince from the purple welts that I’m sure are raising on my other side.

  “You’re going to be sore, but I promise I’ll make you feel better when we’re done.” He strokes his thumb down my cheek and moves to take my arms and secures them with the velvet lined cuffs that are built into the bed frame. I watch every move he makes as he strips himself out of the rest of his clothing including his underwear, leaving him bared to me. His thick, hard cock is standing at attention, glistening with want and I squeeze my thighs together surprised at my level of arousal.

  “Open your legs and keep them open for me. If you close them, your ass is getting another beating and I won’t let you come.” I spread my legs as wide as they will go letting him see me and I love how he looks at me. It’s not only with a hunger, but with acceptance and affection.

  “Your pussy is begging for me, Anika. I can see it. It wants me to be buried inside you.” He moves to straddle my hips and rubs himself between my folds. My hips buck, seeking out satisfaction in the friction.

  “Look at us Anika. See how wet you are for me. Does that tight, pretty hole of yours want my cock?”

  “Yes, please. Please give me your cock, Carter.” I find myself begging like a whore because I need it. I need him. I need him to fill me- fill up the emptiness inside of me.

  “Good girl. I like to hear you beg for me. Are you on birth control of any kind? I want to fuck you bare Anika. I need to feel your tight pussy on me.” He is the master of dirty talk and it has me dissolved into an unrecognizable version of myself. I’m quickly learning he’s also the master of my body.

  “Yes. I get the shot. Please, fuck me.” I don’t even know who I am right now. I’d toss all of my caution to the wind just for one more second of this with him.

  “What are you doing to me, Anika?” he asks, eyes never leaving mine. He takes my legs and hoists them over his shoulders, and plunges into me with such force, he bottoms out inside of me causing a delicious pain.

  “Keep your eyes open and on me, baby. And for the love of God, I need to hear your sounds. Just the sound of your voice gets me hard.” He continues to drive into me relentlessly at a punishing pace our eyes locked on one another.

  “I’m going to come, Carter,” I warn as the sounds of our fucking echoes off the walls.

  “Good, but don’t think I’ll be done with you tonight,” he says, reaching down stroking my clit in just the right way. I feel my body building and building, climbing higher and higher just waiting.

  “Come, Anika. I want to feel you squeeze my cock as I unload inside of you.” His filthy command, pushes me over the edge until I’m falling into his darkness, shattering into a thousand pieces. The only thing I know for sure is he’s falling with me.

  Chapter TEN

  Carter:

  I pull her into my arms and kiss her sweaty face. Her eyes are drooping with the need to sleep. For hours, she took what I gave her and did so without complaint. I’m still not sure how she did it. Most women would have tapped out, but Anika never did. Instead, she begged me for more. It was fascinating to watch. There’s a darkness that lives inside of her and watching it come to life is equal parts terrifying and beautiful. She snuggles closer, and I stroke her smooth skin, relishing this moment where she’s mine.

  “How did you learn?” she asks with her cheek pressed to my bare chest.

  “Ray, the club owner. His wife is a good friend of my mother’s. I’ve always been a sexual deviant – liked things rough and a certain way, but he sensed my need for control. He invited me here one night to observe, and the rest was history. After that, I realized I needed it and it helped me. He took me under his wing and taught me about the lifestyle. It was beautiful to watch the exchange of power with no filter of morality. It was so base that it was divine. I don’t even like inflicting pain necessarily; I just like the power and I love watching people crave the unordinary. I like what pain does to people. It exposes the truth. I still have a lot to learn.” I try to answer the best I can. I’d like to say this lifestyle is merely a kink that makes me feel alive, but for me it serves as an outlet for my anger and my thirst for control. A person never truly understand how important control is until it is taken from you, and you’re no longer given a choice. It was taken from me once, and I vowed that it wouldn’t happen again…until now. My control is slipping, and it is falling right into Anika’s hands.

  “Hmm,” she hums against my skin placing a small kiss right over my heart. I feel it as it swells and opens just enough to fit her inside, and I like it. I like the way it feels to have her own a place inside me.

  “Anika? Say you’re mine…only mine.”

  “I can’t do that, Carter,” she says sitting up. The satin sheet falls away revealing her perfect breasts and the bite marks I left behind. “I can’t be what you want and need.”

  I sit up with her and pull her to straddle me, my dick springs to life again, apparently insatiable around her. “I don’t understand. You’re already what I need. I just need you in my life, in my bed, everywhere. I don’t want to share you.”

  Her forehead rests against mine, and I breathe her in as she closes her eyes. “I’m toxic, Carter. I will destroy you. I have demons inside of me that are always there, and I spend too much of my time trying to lock them up. You’d see me sooner or later and wish you’d never met me.” Her sadness breaks something inside of me.

  “Look at me. Give me those eyes.” I cup her cheeks in my hands and shake, trying to break her out of herself. “When are you going to accept the fact that I’m not going to stop trying, Anika? I’ll take you any way I can get you, demons and all. You’re already in my veins, baby. The only way to get you out is for someone to bleed me dry.”

  Her eyes flash, “Carter, you need to be careful what you ask for. I promise you. I’m not what you think I am.”

  “Then tell me!” I plead, but she just shakes her head before burying it in my neck and I wrap my arms around her, loving how she seems to fit me – if only I could convince her that we fit each other.

  “At least stay with me this weekend,” I try again.

  “Carter, can you please just take me home? I’ve given so much already. I can’t process it right now.”

  “I will take you home. But first, I’m going to treat that bruised ass of yours and then I’m going to feed you again.”

  “I think I can handle that.” She leans up smiling again, even though I know it isn’t genuine.

  Anika:

  Carter waits until I get inside my house, like a gentleman, before pulling away. I lock the door behind me. There’s only a few hours until sunrise, and thankfully I don’t have anywhere to be. I head to the bathroom to peel off my dress. Carter wouldn’t let me put my underwear back on after he iced and put lotion on my backside. I step into the shower, cursing as
the hot water meets the angry marks on my body. I wash quickly making sure I get any of the blood that may be lingering anywhere and I use the bleach spray to spray down my shower. I’ll take care of my other clothes later. Too tired to function, I slide into a loose pair of satin pants and a soft long-sleeved shirt that won’t irritate my skin too much. Grabbing a few aspirin and a bottle of water, I pull back my fluffy duvet and slide underneath. Laying on my side, I burrow into my freshly laundered sheets.

  When I close my eyes, I don’t see what I typically see. Where there’s usually blood and darkness, there’s only Carter. The way he punished my body and gave me an outlet for the anger was freeing in a sense. I felt like I was free from my past and the monster I’ve become, and when he was done, he took all of that pain that had been lifted from me and erased it as he worshiped my body relentlessly, whispering sweet and filthy things in my ear drawing orgasm after orgasm from me. That was wonderful, but the way he bared his soul to me and held me like I was the most precious gift he had ever been given turned me inside out. He wants me in more ways than he should, and I want him to want me like that. I want that life where we are just two people that fell in love. And I want to love him… I could easily love him, and maybe the part of my heart that still beats does. But he’ll never know because I’m too busy holding onto my past with blood stained hands…

  “Carter,” I say, and he smiles up at me as I straddle his hips with his hard length nestled deep within me.

  He reaches up to brush the hair out of my face, “You’re so beautiful.”

  I lean down to kiss his warm lips at the same time he thrusts, eliciting a moan from me.

  “I thought I was supposed to be in control this time.” I bite his lip and his hand winds through my hair, yanking my head back forcefully.

  “You’ll never be in control, Anika. I own you, and I know your secrets.” I pull my head free from his firm hold to look at his face, but he’s no longer Carter. I’m staring into the face of Lance Jennings and his mouth is twisted into a menacing smile as he continues to hold me to him.