Your Own Human

by Arizona Tape

  Suddenly, without any warning, I felt torn.

  For the first time since I went down, I realised I wasn't as happy as I believed I was. I missed home. I missed my house. I missed father. I missed my friends.

  I looked up in the sky, wondering how long I’d been standing here. My sense of time became really messed up in the human world and I wasn't able to tell how much time actually passed.

  I stared at the city again. I knew that if I ran as fast as I could, it would only take about four hours to go back and forth. Four hours wasn’t much, but I could briefly visit Father and relax in my own couch for a minute. I could visit my friend in the hospital and sit with her for a little while. I could pop by the library and say hi to Darren, see if there had been any trouble lately. It would only take a minute.

  “Were you just going to leave without saying goodbye?” a soft voice asked.

  My head snapped in the direction of the sound and I found Heather staring at me. A strange look in her blue eyes as she gazed at me and breathed out white clouds of smoke.

  “N-N-No... Of course not. I-I... No, no, I wasn't leaving,” I stuttered, feeling how my cheeks blushed red.

  Busted.

  “You look like you were about to run off.”

  “I-I... I was thinking about it,” I confessed truthfully. I owed her the truth.

  “But I was going to come back! I promise! I was only thinking about a quick visit. It’s only a couple of hours after all. That’s nothing.”

  Heather pulled up one eyebrow questioningly, accusingly.

  “Well... For me, I mean. As a vampire. Because an hour is like nothing to us. I mean, not nothing, but it is short. Sho—” I rattled, trying to justify what I said, but she interrupted me.

  “You miss home?”

  I let out a sigh. “Yes,” I said, looking down at my feet. For some reason I felt ashamed and guilty, but I couldn't make out why.

  Was I feeling guilty because there was no reason for me to feel homesick since my stay with Heather had been nothing but pleasant? Or was I ashamed because I was longing for a place that was built on the corpses of humans?

  “That’s understandable.”

  “I can't help it, this is just how I fe— Wait. Did you just say you understand?”

  “Yes, I do. When we lived in your flat, even though I liked being with you, I felt homesick too.”

  “But you never tried to run back home.”

  “That’s because I wasn't about to jump off your balcony,” she grinned, the soft look in her eyes indicating that she was only teasing. Still. She was right.

  “Ouch,” I winced, holding a hand over my heart and pretending I got stabbed.

  Heather smiled and walked towards me, placing a hand over mine. “Listen, it’s perfectly okay for you to feel homesick. You should have said so. But I know this isn't just about that. We still need to talk about what I told you.”

  I nodded, reluctantly admitting she was right. The feeling was just amplified by the urge to run away. Run away from everything she told me.

  “I just... I always thought we were superior, you know?”

  “Well, technically, you are.”

  “No, not in the way that I thought. I never realised—”

  “Never realised what?”

  “That we were so vain. So short-minded.”

  “Who, vampire or humans?”

  “Both... We pride ourselves in being strong and fast. We built our world to accommodate and enhance those features. From when I was really young, we were told we were the most superior of all the species on earth. And all because we’re strong and beautiful.”

  “And that’s bad?”

  “Not bad, but just extremely shallow and pathetic. We aren't smarter, or emotionally more stable or connected to ourselves. We aren't socially a better tribe than any before us, nor are we psychologically stronger or philosophically more advanced. The only thing that sets us apart from humans is our physical abilities. And time. We have so much time. Time we stole. Time we don't deserve.”

  Heather wrapped her arm around me. “Hey, that is not true. The world you built isn't that bad. There are no wars and there’s no hunger. Nobody is homeless and there’s as much equality as possible.”

  “That goes for your world as well.”

  “But the difference is that your world still supports individuality. Mine doesn't.”

  “I guess... But still. We’re so shallow. I mean, look at me. I’m ten times as old as you, but mentally. Mentally? We’re still the same age. Tell me how being strong or beautiful is better than that.”

  Heather placed her hands against my face and softly pushed my head up, forcing me to look in her eyes. “The fact that you considered beauty and strength as a superior feature isn't your fault. People have been obsessed with beauty and physical features ever since ancient times. That’s how it has always been. And you have nothing to doubt. You’re smart and mature and kind. You’re so much more than just strong and beautiful.” she whispered as she placed her forehead against mine.

  “But...”

  “No buts. Nobody is free from an appearance. Our appearance is the cover to our story. But it’s just a cover. You know that what truly counts about a book is the story it holds. And you shouldn't apologise about having a beautiful cover because your story is way more beautiful or interesting than anything else,” she added, looking so fiercely at me, I couldn't but believe her.

  “Thanks,” I whispered, closing my eyes as I felt a faint smile break through on my face.

  “We aren't our history.”

  I snapped my head up and for the first time since she found me, I dared look in her eyes with the same intensity. “No, you’re wrong. We are our history. We are the results of our history and we carry the victories and defeats with us. At least, we should. Because that’s the only way we can learn from it. By holding ourselves responsible and accountable for all the damage that has been done by us.”

  “But,” Heather protested, thinking I was going to a dark place, but I wasn't. In fact, I saw everything more clearly than I had before.

  This time, I cut her off. “No buts. We are our history. And that’s a good thing. We’re a good thing. Don't you see?”

  She shook her head, looking at me quizzically, not following my train of thought.

  “You and me. We’re both the result of human greed and in our past, we fought. Humans and vampires. They fought till the death, trying to eradicate each other. And yet, here we are. In love.”

  Things finally clicked for Heather and a shimmer appeared in her eyes. “We’re defying the odds, aren't we? You knew about this story, about our history. Yet, you fell in love with me, someone you were taught to hate. And here I am, fully aware of what happened between our ancestors, but my feelings for you haven't changed one bit. To me, we’re equal.”

  “I feel the same way,” Heather blushed, nudging my shoulder.

  “Don't you see? We have a once in a lifetime opportunity here. We can't undo our past and we can't undo the horrible things that have happened. But we can do better. We can learn from our faults and live better. I mean, what we’re doing right now, one day this will be history. So let us make great history!”

  “What are you saying?”

  “If we can do it, anyone can do it, right? I don't see a reason why humans and vampires can't live together. I’m sure that we could learn from each other and grow and become stronger together. All of us. There’s so much the humans could teach us and so much that we could show them. I mean, this can only turn out beneficial!”

  I couldn't help the excitement bubbling up in me. I was always fascinated by history, but now I knew what happened, I realised that living in the past wasn't an option. I wanted to move forward. I needed to move forward. Instead of studying and reading history, I wanted to make history. This knowledge I just gained, this was what I’d been looking for. This was our missing link. And now that we knew, now that I knew, I couldn't just let it stay knowledge
. I needed to turn this into something.

  “Woah, slow down there. What you’re talking about is crazy! Yes, we’re making this work, but we’re just two people. Getting two societies to merge is something completely else. I don't think it can be done,” Heather protested, holding her hands up as to ward off the ideas spouting from my mouth.

  “But come on! This could be the big breakthrough we all need! We could all live above ground. We might be able to bring back more animals and figure out how to get the earth green again. We can figure out how to make the humans live longer and give you property and personal things. You can all become individuals again!”

  “I know it sounds good in theory, but you’re getting ahead of yourself. Stop and think about it. Really think about it. I’m sure there were vampires and humans in love with each other when it all started out. I’m sure they tried to keep the peace, but the vampires and humans just didn't mix. What makes you think they can do it this time?”

  I looked up at Heather and the doubtful expression on her face. She truly didn't believe this could be done, but I knew that if we tried, it would work.

  Why wouldn't it?

  Although our appearances, norms, and customs were different, we came from the same place and we had the same mental capabilities.

  “But this would be great. This could turn into a new world. We could make the new world! There will be more diversity, more personalities, more individuality. If we succeed, we can make you all stronger and get you to age slower so you can live in our world and we can figure out how to get pregnant and live together in such a tight-knit community. It would be the greatest experi—” I abruptly shut my mouth before a forbidden word came out.

  “Experiment,” Heather finished, throwing me a look filled with disappointment. Shame filled my chest and scratched the back of my neck. Damn, I got caught up again.

  “I sound like one of those scientists, right? Wanting to modify things for the greater good, but who am I to decide what is the greater good,” I muttered, biting my lip as I thought back to how the scientists must have felt when they started modifying and transforming humans.

  “I think... That if somehow our worlds are forced together, I would feel more reassured, knowing there are people like you. I would like to believe that if a merger couldn't be avoided, it would be a peaceful one. But that being said, I don't think we should put that into motion,” Heather muttered.

  I nodded, admitting she was probably right. “I guess I got ahead of myself. But...”

  She looked at me questioningly and I couldn't help but stare back at her, completely mesmerised. The rain turned into a soft drizzle and there she stood, illuminated by the evening sun in a haze of stray droplets. Her beautiful blue eyes shimmering brightly, brimming with life.

  I had never seen anything so beautiful. I never wanted this moment to end.

  No, wrong. I never wanted my time with her to end.

  But seeing as things were right now, there was a good chance we wouldn't make it.

  We came from two different worlds and if we couldn't reconcile humans and vampires, there was no middle ground for us. And that would’ve been okay if we could just pick a side, but there was no place for us both in one of those worlds.

  We couldn't stay down there. I didn't age. People would start to ask questions. And that was the least of my worries. I couldn't exist in a world where I didn't exist. I wouldn't be able to work, or study, or take up a hobby. I wouldn't be able to make friends or meet Heather's family. All I would be able to do, is watch how everyone around me withered away from old age.

  And she couldn't stay up here with me. She wouldn't be able to do anything here. Everything was too high up or too far away. And there would always be this lingering fear that someone would find out she was human and hurt her. Or worse, if I took her back and the council found out the human was back, they would most definitely lock her up, outside of my reach for more testing and I could not allow that.

  And even if we found a physical middle ground, I’d only be able to spend a tenth of my life with her. Maybe even less, she would grow more responsible as her years were shaved off. Maturing never had anything to do with the years lived. It was all about the years left. With every passing year, I’d stay pretty much the same. But Heather, she wouldn’t.

  We liked to pretend our age didn't matter, but it did matter. It mattered because I wanted spend my life with Heather and I wanted to have a life as long as possible and as fulfilled as possible. But with Heather… That would mean going too fast for me or going too slow for her.

  In ten years, she might want kids. For me, kids could wait another century. But she didn't have that sort of time. I wasn't even sure we would be able to have kids. Adopted maybe, but I didn't know if Heather's DNA would match with mine and...

  Wait. Why was I thinking about kids?

  I stopped my train of thought going to places it shouldn't go. This wasn’t the time to bring this up. We still had plenty of time to enjoy together before kids became a real issue. We first needed to figure out how we were going to make us work before thinking about involving more humans... No, vampires... Humpires? Vampans?

  What would a mix between a human and a vampire be called?

  Not the point!

  “So... Do you want to go back down? Or are we going up?” I asked carefully, looking in both directions before returning my gaze at her.

  “I... Can't we do both? Go up at times so you can visit your friends and family and then go back down, so people don't suspect I’m leaving?”

  I nodded slowly, thinking over her offer. For now, that seemed like the best option. After all, I could easily avoid people in my world for weeks or months before they’d think anything was out of the ordinary. But if Heather was away for over a week, they’d get suspicious again. They might lock the vents, separating us forever.

  Heather was right. It was probably best to keep the two worlds apart. At least for now. To avoid detection, we both needed to maintain a presence in our respective worlds, as not to raise any suspicion.

  “So, that means we should be spending our nights down in your world, right?” I asked, scratching my head.

  “I believe so. Unless...”

  I frowned. “Unless?”

  “Well... You don't really need the sleep, so you could use the nights to go to your world and do the things you need to do?”

  “Hmm,” I hummed. That wasn't half-bad idea. After all, in her eight hours of sleep, I could go back home, have four more hours to myself to keep up appearances, and return to spend the day with her.

  That could actually work. Except for…

  “But then we won't have any bed time together,” I concluded, ruling out this idea. I didn't want to give up the only time we were truly alone. In her world, we were always surrounded by people. Everything was communal and even though we could isolate ourselves by going to the museum and the waterfall, we were always on guard, making sure we weren't drawing attention to us.

  I cursed at myself for not considering all this when I first started looking at her differently. I could have avoided this whole conundrum if I just stayed away from her.

  But then again. I didn't really want that. I was glad I hadn't stayed away from her. I liked her and all the trouble she brought along.

  She was worth it.

  Now I just needed to find a way to make this work...

  Chapter 15: Blood

  After running for only one hour straight, I stopped because something felt really, really… Odd.

  I couldn’t really describe it, but it felt like my body was suddenly working against me. Like my skin became tighter, far too tight. Or if my lungs had shrunk.

  Had the air became even more scarce?

  Somehow, it felt like my joints had reversed and with every step I took, I had to bend them the right way. It ached.

  I ached.

  That was impossible. My body was used to running at high speeds for a long period of time. But here I w
as, feeling… Tired? Was this how it felt? Being tired?

  Did I do something wrong that I felt this way? Was it because I wasn’t used to carrying Heather?

  No, that couldn’t be it. I’d done that before.

  So what was the reason?

  I wanted to keep running and get to my place in one go so we wouldn’t be away for too long from the human world, but I just couldn’t. I needed to let my muscles rest for a little bit so I wouldn’t endanger Heather.

  She jumped down from my back and I fell down by the side of the road. Dust fluttered up and I could almost feel it dry out my tongue.

  Was I thirsty?

  That couldn’t be right. Could it?

  I’d only been down in the human world for a short while, but it seemed like so much time passed. Everything seemed different up here.

  The air felt different, the ground was odd, and everything had a slightly bitter smell to it. It wasn’t very pleasant. After being surrounded by humans, everything felt different. Down there, everything was easy and fine. Most doors opened automatically but the ones that did need opening, I could open with my pinky. I just had to make sure not to walk too fast so that Heather could keep up and I crushed quite a couple of items when I held them too tight. Down, I had to reel my strength back in and even then, I had to be careful.

  But up here, I seemed to have a little bit of difficulty. And I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it one bit. I felt slightly dizzy and there was a strange tingling around my scalp. My blood was racing and apart from all that nonsense, I still felt too cold. Why couldn’t I get warm?

  “Have a seat, you probably could use a break,” I muttered to Heather, too ashamed to admit I was having trouble. I didn’t want her to know I was having some issues. That would only worry her and it was nothing, really. It would probably pass in a minute.

  “Yes, good idea. The wind is really harsh up here,” Heather agreed, rubbing her reddened cheeks, seemingly happy and cheerful.

  I patted the spot next to me, urging her to sit down and fell flat on my back. Compared to the underground world, there really was less oxygen up here.