by CJ Thomas
I rolled my neck, dipping my head from side to side, and when I opened my jaw wide, the joint popped. A shooting pain cramped the side of my face and made me wince.
But it wasn’t just Kelly’s history or what he was going to determine our future to be that left me most frightened. No, that was the easy part.
My chest heaved and I began hyperventilating as the mere thought of it spun around my brain.
I gasped for air, fearing that Kelly might take this whole thing too far. I knew myself well enough to know when to stop. But I also couldn’t deny the reason I started working for the Madam in the first place. I wanted excitement, sought the thrill of what Kelly was now offering, and with it within my grasp I freaked and became paranoid, thinking that I would allow him to lead me down this rabbit hole of sexual experimentation to the point of danger.
I pushed off the wall, turned to allow the hot stream of water to hit my back, and hugged myself inside my arms.
It was impossible for me to know what his end goal was, or what activities he was preparing me for. Inside, my gut told me I could do the kink. He could twist me and take me in a variety of different ways, no problem. Being blindfolded and bound wasn’t the issue. No. The issue was much more than that—hell, I liked all that.
Spinning back around, I tipped my head back and opened my mouth. A river of water poured over my teeth and when it flooded the back of my throat, my chest expanded as I gagged, choking on the hot liquid. Hurling over, I spit it out with thoughts of what it would feel like to drown—
—because that was where this was heading. And I couldn’t conceive playing with death in the name of getting off.
Orgasms were cool. Death wasn’t. Simple as that.
I cupped my breasts inside the palms of my hands and ran my fingers over my soft nipples and down the front of my body.
Kelly’s semen was gone, washed away down the drain of his fancy shower. Half of the walls were encased in glass. The other half was black marble tiling. There were two shower heads, one on either end, with a bounty of other options of where the water could shoot out from depending on what knobs were turned or what buttons were pushed. To my left, I stared out into the empty jet Jacuzzi tub, ideally set below a stained-wooden wall of wax candles. They were unlit, but I could easily imagine the mood it set when burning.
Glancing over my shoulder, I wondered what was taking Kelly so long to join me. I was certain after what we just did that he would. I even purposely kept the door cracked open, as if thinking there wasn’t any way he could pass up an opportunity like this.
This, I thought, looking around at the luxury.
No matter how awkward tonight was, I didn’t want to lose this—and I certainly wasn’t ready to lose him. But I couldn’t continue to allow him to do whatever he wanted to do to me without first sitting his ass down and setting limits. I didn’t care what paperwork I signed or how much money he paid to have me—however large that number might be. Kelly was going to walk me through his desires before I agreed to be blindfolded again.
Turning the shower knobs to off, I opened the glass shower door and stepped onto the plush bath mat. Reaching to the wall, I pulled a fresh, dry towel off the rack and wrapped it around my body.
As I headed back to Kelly, I thought about how I was going to approach this. It was best I brought it to him gently, not wanting to upset him or push him away. He was a reasonable man, and I was sure that he would recognize my concerns once he listened to the boundaries I wanted to set, convincing myself he’d understand and make a compromise.
I found him still proudly naked, standing next to his bed. I was undeniably attracted to him. He was strength and smarts packaged together in a beautiful combo and a flutter still rolled through my stomach each time I saw him—especially when I saw him like this. “Hey, so I was thinking…”
Kelly didn’t move, didn’t respond.
“Kelly?” I inched closer to him.
His head hung down to his chest, and when I peered to the side, changing the angle of my approach, I could see that his focus was buried in whatever he had opened on his phone.
“Hey, baby.” This time I said it a little bit louder, hoping to elicit some kind of response.
A second passed before my words seemed to register. Slowly, he turned his head, glancing at me over his shoulder. One look at him and I knew that something had happened in the short time I was showering.
My brows drew together and my gaze narrowed as I studied his face.
Kelly had a wild appearance about him—feral almost. The man I was looking at now wasn’t the same man I’d left only minutes ago. The lines on his face were twisted and tied, and the air seemed to have gotten sucked out of the room. His eyes bulged and he never blinked as he stared back at me with dull, dark eyes.
I reached up and touched the necklace he had given me. “Is everything all right?”
When he swallowed, it looked like it was difficult for him. “Yeah.” He turned back to look at his phone as if needing to read the message one more time, somehow still not believing whatever it was he just received. “It’s just a text.” His voice was barely a whisper but it cut through the air like a sharp knife.
I felt the pulse in my neck tick up another notch, and instinctively I tightened the towel around my body, staring at the bright screen of his phone. It was impossible to read. I was too far away but I desperately wanted to know who it was from and what it had said. But it wasn’t my place to ask. It was up to Kelly to decide if he wanted to tell me or not, yet still, I pleaded with him with my eyes to do just that.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” I asked.
Kelly looked back down to his palm one last time before closing out his phone. “Something came up.”
I nodded, watching him move across the bedroom and open a dresser drawer. He dug around, pulling boxer shorts out with a pair of socks. I felt helpless, knowing that something was wrong. But without him asking for help—or knowing anything about what was unfolding in front of my very own eyes—I couldn’t do anything but stand there, frozen stiff, feeling helpless.
“I’ve got something I have to take care of,” he muttered as he skimmed past me on his way to the bathroom.
My skin prickled against the cool breeze he stirred up and my core shivered in his wake. I dropped my head inside my hand and closed my eyes. The bathroom door closed behind me and my heels flew off the wood floor.
Covering my mouth, I was visibly shaken and I had no idea what was actually going on. Truth be told, I hated how this night had turned out. In a way, I felt like this was all my fault.
As soon as I heard the shower turn on I padded lightly to the dresser in search of his phone.
Doubt crept up my spine and spread like ivy. I wanted to snoop, scroll through his list of contacts, read his messages. Except it didn’t take me long to realize that his phone wasn’t here—he had taken it with him.
I swore to myself that I was going to strangle Angel the next time I saw her. She was the reason I couldn’t fully trust Kelly right now. Even if I was naturally a skeptical person, this had gone much further than what even I would consider healthy.
Not even a minute later the shower shut off. Kelly was out of the bathroom and digging through his closet, plucking a white button-down from its hanger and slipping his legs through a clean pair of dark slacks.
Resting my bottom on the edge of the bed I asked, “Do you want me to come with you?” The moment I heard myself say it, I knew how foolish it sounded. I wasn’t even dressed.
“Stay here,” he said as he stood in front of the mirror. “Get some rest and I’ll be back as soon as possible.”
Insecurity rolled through my limbs as I sat there staring, hating how handsome and put together he looked. He made it look so easy. Only Kelly could pull something like that off after just sticking his member down my throat. “What’s going on?”
Kelly turned, finishing the last of his buttons on his cuffs, and sauntered over to me. Gentl
y, he brushed his thumb over my cheek. I wanted to press more of my face against his hand, beg him to stay, but resisted the urge. When he stepped away, he hurried to the front of the penthouse and I followed two steps behind.
“Is it work?” My voice sounded more desperate with each question that went unanswered.
“Get some sleep.” His voiced echoed down the hallway as he opened the front door. Without looking behind it closed after him, leaving me to grasp the sudden silence of his home-away-from-home.
It was much too quiet. The room began to spin and I didn’t like it.
It didn’t take long for loneliness to settle in. I couldn’t stop wondering who he’d left me to go see. His lack of communication was killing me. And after all that had happened tonight, I couldn’t help but feel that his promise of not leaving me was only another lie specifically directed at my already achy heart.
He was hiding something. And, clearly, he couldn’t trust me enough to tell me what was going on. There were too many secrets and the pile was only growing taller. If he meant all the things he said, I should know these things about him. But I didn’t. And that was what was killing me the most.
It was then I decided that I couldn’t do this. Couldn’t stay here, couldn’t deal with my thoughts alone anxiously waiting for his return.
Hurrying back to the bedroom, I dropped the towel and slipped on my bra and the panties he hadn’t let me wear to the Mayor’s before zipping back on the dress I’d been happily wearing most of the night.
I was out of Kelly’s suite and on my way to the elevator, messaging Alex.
I paced.
I sighed.
I spun in circles, waiting to hear back.
Glancing at my phone’s screen for the millionth time, there was still nothing from Alex.
I entered the empty elevator car as my stomach churned. My legs were restless and it was impossible to stand still. With each passing minute, I grew anxious and impatient enough to finally hit the call button next to Alex’s name.
The line rang and rang and when she still didn’t answer, I dropped my phone to my side and muttered a few choice words.
As soon as the elevator doors slid open, I feared that Kelly would be in the lobby. My imagination ran wild with how he would react if he saw me. There was little doubt in my mind that it wouldn’t end well. Disobeying a direct order was cause for punishment, and visions of him forcing me to retreat back into his empty penthouse, demanding I wait there until his return, filled my insecure, spinning head.
But I was leaving. Not chasing after him. He’d made the choice to go and not bring me with him. Not me.
Hugging my clutch against my chest, I searched the far corners of the hotel lobby, looking straight ahead but letting my eyes wander. There was a sea of faces, typical of this place, but not one was Kelly’s.
My steps were small but my gait shortened even further when I shared a glance with the woman at reception. Her face was new to me, and that encouraged me to want to talk to her. If it had been the other front-desk employee who refused my entrance when I’d found Sylvia Neil leaving Kelly’s apartment, I wasn’t sure talking to her would be worth my time.
A tall man headed directly for me and smiled as he passed. I passed a few more people before I reached the front desk, thinking why in the world Kelly spent so much time here instead of the house he supposedly owned.
The woman behind the computer saw me coming and smiled. I matched her glow, and asked if she knew Kelly Black. “I do,” she said with friendly eyes.
“Do you remember me?”
Her eyes searched my face. “You were with him earlier tonight.”
“I was.” I nodded. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.” She angled her head to the side.
“Do you know if Kelly is normally alone or with someone when he is here?”
“Well, like we just established, he was with you tonight.”
“Yes, I know.” I shook my head, mildly annoyed by her response. “But what about when I’m not here?”
Her lips thinned and the warm smile she’d greeted me with was now gone. “I can’t say.”
I dropped my tone and leaned further over the counter. “You can’t say because of policy or because you don’t know?”
“I don’t know.” She cast her gaze to her hands. “I’m sorry.”
“Thanks, anyway,” I muttered, stepping away. “Have a good night.”
My phone was still void of Alex’s return call, and I wished she would just text me back, acknowledging me. With Nash still away, I couldn’t imagine she was up to anything important. Maybe she was sleeping or working late. Either way, I was coming for her.
Pushing through the revolving doors, I stopped midstride as my eyes widened in disbelief. “Watch it!” I screamed, fearing the pedestrian crossing the street was about to get hit by the oncoming car.
The vehicle came to a screeching halt, barely missing the man, and my heart beat wildly in my chest.
I gasped, covering my mouth with a trembling hand.
The man stood mere inches from the car’s hood, never getting hit, but I watched him yell against the car horn blazing. I couldn’t believe the driver—the way he was acting after nearly clipping the man in the legs, like it was his fault and not the other way around. I watched them exchange words of anger, thinking that I should come to his defense having witnessed it all. But when he turned to look at me—
—my heart stopped.
With our gazes locked, the hair on the nape of my neck stood on end. I wanted to duck my head, but couldn’t. My legs were heavy and I was frozen stiff, unable to move. My mind shriveled up into the helpless girl I once was. It had been so long ago, but those eyes—his eyes—were ones I would never forget. He was the man who still found his way into my dreams, haunting me at night, and now we were standing only feet apart.
My mind screamed at me to run—to pick up my legs and move. Still, I couldn’t.
Slowly, his head tipped back and a knowing curve hit his mouth.
Our shared past crashed into the present as my fingers shook. I was cold. And without warning, I began backpedaling as if a higher power had come to intervene, saving me from the danger that lurked in front of me.
He held up his finger as if wanting to talk to me.
My fingers pinched my clutch so tight my knuckles went white. I could feel the blood leave my face and I was sure I was as white as a ghost.
I reasoned with myself that he might not have recognized me—only wanted to get a statement for the near-accident that had almost occurred. But I wasn’t about to talk, because I sure as hell recognized him. I would never forget his face. Not after what he did to me.
A car pulled to the curb and placed itself between me and the man. I watched the driver roll down the passenger side window. “Hey.”
I blinked. Then I blinked again. It was the Ugandan Uber driver I’d been seeing regularly, and without saying a word I hurried over and got into his empty backseat. He laughed, but when he saw me staring out the window he asked, “Are you okay?”
“Just drive. Please, just drive.”
As soon as the wheels began to turn, the back of my head hit the seat and I sighed. Closing my eyes, I fought back the tears I felt welling behind my lids. I was convinced I was just seeing things. I just needed this night to end. When my phone started to ring, I quickly saw that it was Alex. “I just saw him,” I answered the call.
“You saw who?”
“The man who raped me.”
13
Kelly
My grip readjusted on the wheel as I made a left turn.
I hated that I had to rush off in a hurry, leaving Kendra behind. It was the last thing I expected to have to do tonight. But life surprised us all in ways we never expected, and my only hope would be that she would understand.
Turning my head toward the empty passenger seat, I knew that if this was anything else Kendra would be right here with me.
If I knew anything, it was that Kendra needed to be held, her body massaged. My heart felt like it was shrinking the more I thought about how tonight had played out. It started off so well—we were having fun, laughing—then after Kendra told me she needed to leave the party, everything changed. I didn’t know what had gotten into me, but I knew that I had pushed her much further than I should have. What I did wasn’t meant for a virgin Sub. Binding her arms behind her back and pushing my cock into her mouth expecting her to swallow a sword, was too much too soon.
My palm slammed down on the wheel. “Fuck, Kelly.”
I was off my game. The way tonight transpired was my fault. It had been a while since I’d played the Dom role, and tonight it showed. Instead of establishing a foundation, I went in for the kill. Kendra talked like she knew what she was doing, and maybe that had fooled me into believing she knew more than she did. But now I knew the truth. And if I didn’t work to correct the practice, it would break the entire experience I was creating for us. And the last thing I wanted was for her to be scared and ask to step away. The responsibility of a Dom was greater than anything else I knew, yet tonight I’d failed her.
Turning my head, I stared out into the pitch-dark night. It was impossible not to think of how Maria Greer had died. One wrong move on my part and Kendra could end up dead in a similar way to Maria.
But that wasn’t going to happen.
That wasn’t me. Wasn’t my style.
My eyes grew heavy with the thought. Feeling overheated, I cracked my window.
It was better I was alone. I needed it. If only to collect my thoughts, to give myself time to decide what exactly I wanted from her. When I was leaving the apartment, I couldn’t look at Kendra without feeling extremely disappointed with myself. It was too much, and my emotions would eventually get the best of me.