by CJ Thomas
Kendra was the sweetest thing, and after seeing her visibly shaken by the harassment of Angelina Davis, I wanted nothing more than to protect her from whatever was being said. The more I thought about it, I couldn’t help but wonder if Oscar was behind some of it. That would be his style. Friendly to people’s face but looking for weakness, preparing to stab them in the soft underbelly of their gut when the opportunity presented itself. And after what I did to steal Kendra away from him, I wouldn’t put it past him to do just that. Revenge inspired by resentment. Directing his assault at Kendra as a way of getting at me. It was the ugliest of truths in the world of justice, but one I was very familiar with.
Each time I closed my eyes I could see Kendra’s beautiful figure. My fingers tingled with the need to touch her, make her forget the lies and rumors that seemed to be circulating about me behind my back. Maybe, mentally, she was ready to move into the submissive role, a role I wanted her to take, but clearly, I needed to put more thought into it when it came to living up to my own demands.
My phone lit up and I stole a quick glance, not wanting to take my eyes off the road for too long.
Despite my desire to please and comfort Kendra, I didn’t expect to receive the text I did tonight. To say that it caught me by surprise would be a great understatement. It came completely unexpectedly, and Kaycee was the last person I thought I’d be hearing from. In the end, curiosity got the best of me. I needed to know why now, why here, and why after so many years did she decide to reach out to me tonight?
Pulling onto the interstate, I opened it up, pressing my foot further down on the accelerator, settling in for the hour drive east to San Bernardino.
As my mind slowly drifted from Kendra to Kaycee, I couldn’t help but chuckle. Couldn’t she have at least done me the courtesy of meeting me in the city instead of requesting to meet all the way out here?
It had been so long since the last time we’d spoken, I couldn’t help but think that maybe it was her way of testing the waters to see if I’d meet her request or not. After all, it was impossible to ignore how we’d left things the last time we did see each other. We hadn’t parted on a good note, and perhaps that was one of the reasons why I was so willing to drop everything—including Kendra—in hopes of meeting some kind of reconciliation with Kaycee.
Turning the music over to alternative rock, I shifted gears and scanned the horizon for patrol cars.
If I drove well above the posted speed limit, I could get to Kaycee quicker. Knowing that I would want to speed was half the reason I chose my Audi TT versus the Thunderbird that was more for show.
A strange mix of emotions pumped through me the further I moved away from the city. One minute I was excited. The next, nervous and doubting I’d made the right decision in leaving Kendra behind so I could visit another woman.
I could see Kendra’s eyes now, the look I knew she would give me if she found out, and it wasn’t all that different than the way she’d looked at me when I left. Her forehead twisted with concern, those amazing doe eyes boring a hole through me. I could still feel her emotions. The paranoia and insecurity that came with it was almost unbearable. I wished that I could be more open with her. Tell her the reason that this call couldn’t wait. But with her already questioning everything I was doing, I knew it would be impossible to explain without something getting lost in translation. She wouldn’t understand. It was too personal, and our relationship was too new.
Up and down my emotions traveled as my mind raced. And before I knew it, I had passed through San Bernardino, winding up the mountain canyons before arriving at a gorgeous lodge at Big Bear Lake just about an hour after I stepped behind the wheel.
The air was cool and dry as I marched through the front entrance, making my way to the bar tucked in the back. Kaycee was already there, sitting with her back to me, a half-full glass of beer sitting next to her.
Slowly, I walked toward her, appreciating her strawberry blonde hair cascading down her back. She wore a black, loose fitting blouse and blue jeans. It was the same casual style I remembered she always wore, and it was impossible to not think back to the happy memories we had shared that now seemed like a lifetime ago. “Kaycee.” My hand gently fell to her shoulder.
She turned her head and as soon as our gazes met, tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. “Kelly.”
I pulled her to her feet, needing to wrap my arms around her. She squeezed her muscles tight around my neck as if she, too, knew that things between us could be better than the way we’d last left them.
“It’s great to see you,” she murmured against my neck.
“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”
Kaycee dropped her heels back to the floor, letting her eyes continue to dance with mine as she hung off my shoulders. “God, Kelly. You look incredible.”
“You too.” I smiled, forcing my hands to release her warm body.
Her cheeks flushed a warm, welcoming glow each time she stole a glance in my direction. I couldn’t stop appreciating how familiar she was—her appearance, even the way she looked at me like I was the best thing she’d ever seen. Seeing her was like visiting home after being away for some time. Everything about her—her smell, the way her lips curled when too embarrassed to flash a full-toothed smile, the way she carried herself, relaxed, yet strong—transported me back to a younger time in my life when I thought I knew what it was I wanted to make of it.
“Can I buy you a drink?” she asked, looking toward her beer.
“No. I’m fine.” I pulled out the empty stool next to her and rested my tailbone on its edge. The wooden stools were hard, butting up against a brass foot rail at a high counter with crowded booths and tables behind us. “I stopped drinking.”
Her brows raised, but only slightly. “After the accident,” she whispered.
I nodded. “Got sober not long after the last time I saw you.”
Her mouth frowned and a small quiver shook her chin. “I’m sorry, Kelly. I should have known.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I reached out with splayed fingers and let my hand come to rest between her shoulder blades. “It was a long time ago.”
The bartender came and I ordered a sparkling water. When it arrived, Kaycee’s eyes moved to my glass. “You know I’ll never forget that time you, Nora, and I snuck into that party in Malibu—” her eyes sparkled as she smiled, beginning to tell her story, “—thinking that no one would notice we weren’t on the guest list.”
My fingers wrapped around my sweaty, cool glass as I stared into the popping fizz, nodding my head. “We nearly got away without getting caught.”
“And we would have, too,” her eyes crinkled with amusement as she glanced in my direction, “if you hadn’t gone back for that last drink.”
We both laughed.
“I’ll never forget the good times we shared.” Kaycee curled her lips over her glass and sucked down a gulp. “So, how have you been, Kelly?” Her shoulders drooped as sadness hit her eyes.
I knew what she was really asking. And the only response I had for her was to duck my head, nod, and say, “Good.”
“The pain never goes away.” Her voice was barely a whisper but it rang loud in my ears. Even through the murmurs of the crowd behind us, I heard her clear as day.
When I turned my head to meet her watery gaze, a stone formed in my throat.
A deep silence settled between us as we each thought about what could have been. I didn’t know what to say or where to begin. And when I caught a whiff of her beer, in that moment, I actually wanted one even though I hadn’t had a drink in some time.
The urge I felt to have a drink wasn’t because I wanted to get drunk and drown out the pain from the suffering both Kaycee and I had experienced but, rather, it was a desire to go back to when my life was good, organic, and I was happy—truly happy—with where I was and who I was with.
“Sometimes I wish I could have been there to stop it.” Kaycee’s voice cracked.
Overnight, our worlds had changed forever. No matter how many times we replayed those days leading up to the moment it all came crashing down, it would never be enough to rewrite history.
“Me, too.” I cleared my throat. “Me, too.”
Kaycee tossed back the rest of her beer and slammed the empty glass down on the counter. Her frustration was clear. We both felt hopeless knowing that no matter how hard we tried, there was no turning back the hands of time.
“We’ve been through so much,” she angled her body toward me, “shared so much of the same misery, and despite not seeing each other until all these years later, it still feels like it happened yesterday.”
I watched Kaycee’s hand lift to my arm. Her tender touch caused my heart to skip a beat. It was smooth and forgiving as her fingers ironed down my arm. “It’s really good to see you, Kelly.”
My eyes lifted and met hers. “It’s really great to see you, too.”
Her hand stayed on my arm. “God, it’s fucking great to see you.” She burst out laughing as if she couldn’t believe we were here, talking again.
“Kaycee—” she turned to look me in the eye, “what’s the real reason you called?”
Her hand lifted off my arm and she ducked her head, giggling with disbelief. Then she turned back to face me, shoving a hand through her thick locks. Shaking her head, she said, “Nora, she really loved coming here.”
Kaycee leaned back, taking a moment to soak in the lodge’s grandeur. I watched her face soften, and I knew that a part of her could feel Nora’s spirit in the building. When she wasn’t looking, I glanced at her ring finger. It was void of any kind of band and I couldn’t help but wonder if she ever married.
“It’s that time of year again,” she spun her knees around so she faced me, “when I start thinking of Kelly Black.” All those tears and sad faces she was making just a minute ago had now vanished with a renewed spirit.
Reaching out with palms facing the ceiling, I invited her hands to fall into mine. Kaycee didn’t hesitate to allow me to hold her. I could feel her pulse against the tips of my fingers, and when I looked up at her beneath my brow I asked, “You came all this way—made me drive for an hour—just so you could tell me that you’ve been thinking about me?”
Kaycee’s chin dropped to her chest as she snickered. “I need you, Kelly.” She lifted her head to show me the sincerity twinkling in her eyes. “You have to be there for me. I can’t do this alone.”
I licked my lips and let out a heavy sigh.
“You know it as well as I do.” She squeezed my large hands. “We are supposed to do this together.”
14
Kendra
I was awake before Alex and helped myself to one of her bananas.
Angling the piece of fruit from side to side, I studied the curvature, measuring its girth by circling my fingers around it. Then I reached to pluck two bright orange tangerines out of the fruit bowl and placed them on the counter in front of me.
I looked back at the banana, then to the tangerines, then back to the banana before setting the banana directly in the middle of the two tangerines.
“Do you ever think about anything else?”
My head spun over my shoulder as I giggled. Alex had her hand fisted in her messy hair, holding it up and away from her face. “I’m debating whether or not I should eat it for breakfast,” I said.
Alex’s mouth parted as her forehead scrunched. “And you thought it might sound more appetizing if you first made it look like a giant cock?”
I turned to look at my yellow and orange masterpiece. “Well, yeah.”
Alex padded to the counter and pulled out a box of cereal. “There are other options, you know?”
I dropped my banana to the counter, turned so my tailbone rested on the edge of the counter, and folded my arms. “That looks all fine and dandy, but do you know how much sugar is in one serving of that?”
Alex didn’t bother looking at me. Instead, she went straight for the coffee maker, loading it up with grounds and flipping the switch before pulling a bowl from the cabinet above.
“Well, let me tell you.” I nodded at the box. “It’s a fuck-ton. And with Kelly demanding I eat better, I think I’ll stick with fruit.”
Alex shrugged, opening the box of cereal and making herself a bowl.
My brows squished. “Really?”
“What?” Alex said with milk dripping out of the corners of her mouth.
“We’re supposed to do this together.”
“Oh, no.” She swallowed her food. “That’s your thing. Not mine. I can eat whatever I want.”
“What about the agreement we made?”
“Huh?” Her brow arched.
“You know. The one we made at the spa?” When Alex’s forehead was still twisted in confusion I continued, “The one about getting in shape with me. Working out. Eating well. Going to the gym?”
Alex spooned another large spoonful of cereal into her mouth.
“Ah, never mind,” I said, waving my hand at her before peeling the banana.
We stood there in silence, watching the coffee brew. She munched away on her cereal and I chomped down the sweet banana. It didn’t matter if I had to go this alone. Kelly gave me reason to think about my health, most importantly what I ate. It wasn’t that my diet was bad before I met him, but I could cut out more of the processed foods that I knew weren’t all that good for me.
“Hope I didn’t wake you when I came in last night,” Alex murmured as she finished her bowl, setting it in the sink.
“What time did you get in, anyway?”
It wasn’t that Alex didn’t expect me to sleep at her place again, but maybe it was a little sooner than either of us would have thought. But with the way my night had gone—with Kelly leaving and my mind struggling to comprehend what I thought I saw—there was no way I was going to sleep at my place, alone. I needed company, or at least the illusion of it, because no matter how much I refused to believe what I knew I’d seen, his face lurked in the shadows of my mind all damn night.
“After midnight,” Alex said, blinking away her exhaustion.
“Nash is working you like a dog.”
“It’s this film. We’re on a budget and a tight deadline.”
“I guess you have to be careful with what you wish for.” I directed my comment to Alex, but really it could be applied to me, too.
Alex floated to the coffee maker. Holding up a cup, I nodded and she proceeded to fill both of our cups to the rim. “I’ll need the extra boost today,” she said, handing me my cup. “I’ve got another long day ahead of me.”
I thanked her and curled my lips over the mug. The hot liquid was robust and immediately packed a punch. “Whoa, you aren’t kidding. This stuff is strong.”
“How’d you sleep?” Her sleepy eyes peered over her mug as her forehead wrinkled with a hint a worry.
“Okay,” I cast my gaze into the black liquid abyss, “considering.”
Memories of last night immediately betrayed me. It was easy to think that none of it happened. That it was all a dream. I could go on with my day without having to confront the demons of my past or answer to a concerned friend. It wasn’t that I didn’t invite, or appreciate, Alex’s thoughts on everything that had become my life, because I did. It was just that we didn’t always see things the same way. Sometimes I hesitated in telling her too much.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Alex’s lips thinned into a flat line and her face grew stern.
Determined to forget everything and move on with my life, I ducked my head and turned to my tangerines. Staring at the two orange balls, I thought more about Kelly and why he left me—whatever that reason was, I still didn’t know. And even though those questions went unanswered, I still imagined him coming home to find me gone. “There’s nothing more to say.”
Alex watched me leave the kitchen and jump into the far corner of the couch. “I’m happy you came here,” Alex moved to the window, “even if I wasn’t home
when you arrived.” She turned to look over her shoulder. “I like finding you here.”
“I’m liking this, too.” I smiled. “I hope Nash never comes home.”
Alex scurried over to the couch and tossed a pillow at my head. My arms deflected it and we both laughed. Taking her mind off me and reminding her what was missing in her own life was my best defense to not having to talk any more about who I might have seen or what Kelly was up to without me. Because the truth always had a way at coming out. I just didn’t want it to have to be now.
Alex snuggled up against me. Pulling her knees to her chest, she hugged her legs and asked, “Does Kelly know about who you saw last night?”
My chin tipped to the ceiling until the back of my head fell to the back of the couch. “You know I can’t tell him.” I sighed.
“Then,” Alex angled her head to look at me, “who can you tell?”
She wasn’t going to let this go. Her persistence was as annoying as my own. I loved her and hated her for it. There would come a time when I felt comfortable telling her more of what my childhood was like and what happened to me, but that time wasn’t now. There was too much I needed to work out with Kelly first. “I’m sure I was just seeing things.”
Alex looked at me. Shaking her head, she clucked her tongue then stepped away, moving back to the kitchen where she topped off her coffee. “The way you’re dealing with this isn’t healthy.”
I covered my face inside my hands. “But it’s my way of doing things.”
When I removed my hands, Alex was hovering over me. “What is it?”
“What is what?” I snapped.
“There’s something you’re not telling me.”
I sprang to my feet and tossed my arms around Alex’s neck.
“Kendra!” Alex pushed me off, wiping at the coffee I spilled on her shirt.
“I do apologize, my dear.” I curtsied, getting Alex to giggle. Pulling my hair back into a ponytail, I walked away saying, “Kelly took me to the Mayor’s ball last night.”
“Is that where you saw him?”