by CJ Thomas
My eyes widened as a dark tunnel blurred my vision.
I couldn’t believe it. Madam had called the DA.
The walls of the room closed in as I sat with my elbows on my knees, trying so hard to listen past my thrashing heart.
Was this her plan all along?
They were discussing Mario’s case, the case I was supposed to be overseeing.
I blinked and gently cast my gaze to the floor, thinking.
The Madam was giving the DA ammunition he could use to make a full-on assault against me—and my reputation. What was she doing?
By the time I had snapped out of it, she had hung up. When the room stopped spinning I said, “What was that about?”
“Oscar will knock some sense into Mario,” she said, stepping around her desk and floating down to her chair. “You know, threaten him with a bleak future without having strong representation.” Her face scrunched with added thrill. “All the juicy stuff DAs do to get people to make the decisions we want them to be making.” Her cackle filled the room.
Leaning back, I blew out a weighted breath. And without taking my eyes off of Madam, I knew she had more strings to pull than I ever thought possible.
“I need to know what Mario knows about Stone.” She picked up a pen. “And if you can’t convince Mario to accept Cobbs’s counsel, then I will.”
An intensity zapped the room that wasn’t there before.
“I hate to say this, Kelly,” she sighed, “because you rarely let me down, but if Kendra is the reason you’ve failed to find a way to work with Mario, then perhaps I’ll have to nullify the month-long agreement I allowed you to have with her.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” I waved her accusation off. “That’s ludicrous.”
“Then do me a favor.” She set her pen down. “Send her in. I’d like to have a word with her.”
My tongue swept across the seam of my lips as my heart paused in my chest.
Her brows raised. “Alone.”
35
Kendra
With his hand firmly placed on the small of my back, he nudged me out the front doors of Madam’s building reminding me to keep quiet until safely tucked inside his car.
Janine eyed me on the way out but I refused to stoop to her level. I had more important things on my mind than having to show her my claws.
Kelly held out his keys and unlocked his car. The horn beeped and the lights flashed before he stepped forward and reached for the handle. Opening the door for me, he held out his hand and assisted me inside. “Good thing I didn’t leave my things in your car,” I said, peering up at him.
He slammed the door hard enough to get my insides to jump. Then he marched around the hood of the car and jerked his door open. The entire car dipped and shook under his weight and he adjusted his seat behind the wheel with a grunt of frustration.
He wasn’t in the joking mood so I wasn’t going to say anything else. Silence filled the air as I looked everywhere but at him. Finally, he said, “What did Madam have to say?”
Glancing up at the red-brick building that housed Madam’s office, I said, “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
Kelly put the key in the ignition and just before I thought he was about to crank the engine over, he paused.
I didn’t want to tell him what the Madam said. The thought of her taking him away from me—now, with everything going on in my life—was unbearable. I needed him. More than I was willing to admit myself. But I could still hear her words echoing between my ears. “Kendra, doll, don’t get too attached to that man. Soon I’ll require more of your time for deliveries.”
“I see,” Kelly said, nodding. “And you expect me to believe that?”
I cast my gaze down to my fingers playing on my lap. And even though I wasn’t looking at him, I knew he was looking at me. I despised having Madam come between us. But there wasn’t anything I could do about it. At least not now.
And on top of her demands, I had Kelly’s too. Not to mention worrying about what my uncle would do next. Letting my head hit the headrest, feeling exhausted, I sighed. “Can we just please drive?”
Kelly didn’t budge. He held his stare and I refused to look him in the eye out of fear that this conversation may very well lead to a discussion I simply didn’t have the energy for. “Kelly, I’m exhausted.” I closed my eyes for a second before rolling my head to him. “We can talk about this later.”
His brow wrinkled and his jaw was tight. “Whatever she said, it’s probably bullshit.”
I rolled my eyes thinking that nearly everything that woman said was complete and utter bullshit. But what could I say? I was stuck.
“You can’t break up with me, Kendra. It won’t be that easy. And I won’t allow it.”
I gave him an arched look.
“That’s what she wanted to tell you, wasn’t it?” His nostrils flared. “To give you a way out.”
My brow furrowed. “Excuse me for saying this, but isn’t that what you were speaking to her about?”
He laughed. “This isn’t a game.”
I clucked my tongue, shaking my head. “Good. Because I’m not playing any games. Now, let’s just drive.”
“If I wanted to end this it would have been finished already.” He breathed hard, hot breaths through his flared nostrils. “I don’t need the Madam to make my decisions for me.”
There was heat in his eye when I lifted my gaze up to his. We stared at each other, neither one of us blinking, before he shoved his fingers through my hair and pulled my face close.
My heart pounded in my chest.
He set my insides ablaze.
But there was also enough uncertainty to keep me feeling trapped.
I didn’t know what he was going to do or what his intentions were. But somewhere past the fears I silently begged and pleaded for him to claim my lips as his own.
“Tell me, Bella, if it wasn’t about our relationship, then what was it you discussed with Madam?”
I couldn’t stop staring at his thick lips. The same ones I wanted to be tasting. I liked the way they moved when he spoke. How his tongue darted out from time to time to wet his lips exactly as I saw them go dry. The man was intoxicating and I needed him to see how drunk I was on him.
His other hand lifted to my neck. Gently, I felt the pads of his fingers smooth over the thick vein pulsing below my ear. My panties were wet knowing he could have me any way he wanted, yet, for whatever reason, he refused to take me until he learned the exact details of what it was Madam had to tell me.
“Fine,” I conceded. “You want to know why Madam keeps contacting me?”
He leaned closer and I could feel his hot breath over my face. “I do,” he said in a low, sultry whisper.
My heart slammed against my chest. It raced as adrenaline filled my body with the courage I needed to peel his fingers off my neck—uncurling them off the back of my skull. A small whimper escaped my chest as I reluctantly said, “There’s been a man stalking me.”
His eyes darkened into something dangerous. It was a new look, one I hadn’t ever seen. And though I wouldn’t want to see that look directed at me, I could appreciate that his anger was fixed on the secret I had just shared.
“There. Are you happy?”
His eyes twitched as he turned his head. “You should have told me.”
I reached over to his lap. Taking his hand inside of mine, I squeezed.
He snapped his head back up. “What’s his name?”
My eyes softened though I couldn’t stop the tremor that visibly shook my entire core. This wasn’t what I’d discussed with the Madam but it was better than having to explain the deliveries I was making for her. Slowly, I shook my head and a lump formed in my throat.
“I fucking knew it.” Kelly slapped the steering wheel with his hand. Then he turned and gave me a disappointed look that made me want to cry.
“I didn’t know what to do.” Tears clouded my vision and my chin quivered.
“Y
ou come to me,” he barked. “I’ll deal with it. That’s what you do. That’s what you should have done.”
My tongue darted over my lips as I nodded. “Except it’s not what you think.”
Our eyes danced as I saw assumptions quickly fill his head.
“I’ve been seeing this guy everywhere. He knows me and I know him.” My words came out fast, like I’d been waiting for the day to finally tell Kelly everything. “He haunts me, Kelly. I can’t go anywhere without having to look over my shoulder, thinking that he’s just one step behind.” I rambled on and as I did, my mind was processing everything at the same time, trying to come to some conclusion that would make sense of the madness that seemed to follow me wherever I went.
Then I stopped.
Kelly leaned forward and lifted his hand to my shoulder. “What is it?”
A light went off and I couldn’t believe it. “Madam knew. She knew everything.”
Kelly hooked his finger under my jaw and forced me to look him in the eye. He shared the same glossy look as I had as he raced to keep up with what I was saying.
“She got me all riled up.” I laughed. “Made me get angry that you were representing a rapist.”
Kelly looked at me like I had lost my mind and I couldn’t stop from rolling through a fit of disbelieving laughter. “Kendra, baby, tell me who is stalking you.”
I covered my mouth to stifle my laugh when I looked at him.
“What does he look like?”
I threw his hand off of me. “I can’t believe you. I tell you this, and you think I’ve forgotten about the blonde you’ve been seeing?”
He shook his head and turned the key. The engine purred and as soon as we hit ten miles per hour above the speed limit, I rolled down the window and let the fresh air hit my face.
I felt used.
Betrayed.
And, most of all, confused.
The Madam knew about my rape—had known about my rape—and I had to assume that Kelly did, too. Why else would he have demanded I stay at his apartment until further notice? Or assign Maxwell to take me wherever I needed to go?
Rolling my head toward him, I said, “You knew.”
Kelly down shifted and took the next turn much too fast.
I braced myself and rode it out. Then, when we hit the next straightaway, I said, “You both knew.”
“Excuse me? Knew what? Kendra, listen to yourself. Words are coming out of your mouth but you’re not saying anything.”
My eyes narrowed. “When did she tell you?”
Kelly’s foot hit the brake and slowed to turn into the hotel parking lot.
“Did she tell you before you purchased me for a month? Or did you find out after?”
The sun disappeared as soon as Kelly dove the car beneath the concrete garage and zipped to the corner where he parked in his special spot. He killed the engine, leaned over the center console, and said, “Please tell me what exactly you’re talking about. Because I don’t fucking know.”
My chest heaved as I looked back with protruding eyes. “You knew my uncle lived in LA. So did the Madam. That’s why you put Maxwell in charge of me.”
“Why should I worry about your uncle?” His eyes danced with mine. “Huh? Tell me. Is he dangerous?”
“I hate him so much,” I whispered, feeling my entire face scrunch up. Heat flushed through my body and my muscles quivered. The deep hatred I was feeling toward everyone I knew consumed me. I wanted to fight back, show them that I couldn’t be fooled. But, most of all, I wanted to run away and start over.
“Why Kendra? Tell me why you hate him so much.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I whipped my head around with tears filling my eyes. “Because he’s the man who raped me!” I screamed.
Kelly’s eyes went wide.
I watched him slowly retreat, looking at me like he didn’t know who I was.
My heart ached as I wiped the tears away that were streaming down my face.
A hollowness filled my chest as I looked around, wondering what would happen to me.
I loved living in LA, was enjoying my time with Kelly, but now neither one seemed like the friend I thought I had. They were strangers in a familiar land. And it hurt, hurt so fucking bad.
I wrapped my arms around myself. I tried to bring life back to my cold, dead body. When I glanced at Kelly, his eyes were still bulging out of his head and he hadn’t moved since learning my secret.
“That night I left your apartment,” I began, choking back the tears as I talked, “the night of strawberry champagne and fruit…”
Kelly blinked and I knew that he was listening.
“The reason I left,” I paused, unable to believe I was actually telling him this, “is because the way you touched me,” the tears began pouring from my eyes, “reminded me of him.”
Kelly dropped his head inside his hand, refusing to show me the pain I knew he was feeling.
I sat there crying, waiting for him to speak. An eternity seemed to pass. The tears continued to fall and I sniffed them back, hopeful that he would still want to make this work.
Several minutes passed before Kelly brought my worst fears to life.
“I can’t do this, Kendra.” Kelly’s voice was soft, low and hidden behind his hand. “All the games, all the demands, the sex, the parties…it has to stop.”
I broke into uncontrollable sobs as my stomach hardened.
When he finally looked up at me, his eyes were watery with regret. “Get out.”
All the air in my lungs escaped and I couldn’t breathe.
“Get out, Kendra.”
I began to hyperventilate as I looked around, wondering where I was going to go.
“Get out!” He yelled.
36
Kelly
My knuckles were white on the wheel as I drove fast and reckless.
I was pissed. Kendra should have told me that she had been raped and that I was the cause of her trigger. I could have done something, maybe even have prevented her complete collapse.
The tires squealed as I whipped around a turn.
A car honked, having to slam on its brakes to avoid hitting me head-on, and I pressed my foot down on the accelerator and continued driving without so much as a second glance.
She had to leave. It was the only way. And though it hurt to see her looking back at me like I was supposed to be the one to cure her aches and pains, I couldn’t let her stay.
My chest tightened and I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had made a mistake. But without being able to touch her—too fearful that I would set off a series of torments that would eat her from the inside out—it would be impossible for me to console her.
This was bad. Really fucking bad.
When I blinked, I could see the pain in her eyes. She cried like something I hadn’t seen in a very long time. And that hardened my stomach with the memory of how I felt when Nora passed. Not even Kaycee cried that much these last few days she’d been in town. And my heart ached to see Kendra hurting as badly as she was.
But she had to leave.
I had to be alone.
What I was about to do she had no business being a part of.
The roadside was empty as I pulled to the curb. Shutting off the engine, I tossed the keys on the dash and took a minute to look around.
Mature trees cast their shadows over the dozens of tombstones that rested between the meandering paths. Between the grays and greens was the occasional array of freshly laid flowers. It seemed as if I couldn’t escape this place this week. It was the focus of much of my attention and I thought that my latest visit with Nora was my last—at least for a while. But now I knew that I had nowhere better to go than here that would help me come to some kind of conclusion on how best to move forward in my life.
Saying a quick prayer, I reached for the glove compartment and took the revolver into my hand. I tucked it away inside my suit jacket pocket before gathering the orchid flowers I had brought Nora.
I still couldn’t believe what Kendra had told me. She thought I knew about the rape but I didn’t. And maybe Kendra was right about the Madam, perhaps she knew and that was part of the reason she told Kendra about me representing Mario. And if that was true, Madam’s plan worked—creating tension within our budding relationship to cast enough doubt to get us looking at each other with a skeptical eye. But that wasn’t the reason I demanded she live with me, or the basis for why I assigned Maxwell to be her driver.
My vision tunneled as I worked my way through the maze of tombstones.
Each step was lighter than the last.
I deeply regretted that today was going to be a much more difficult visit than my previous visits here with Kaycee.
It was different.
Darker.
With more at stake than what I thought was possible.
But, truth be told, I’d had enough. Enough of Madam’s fucking games. I was growing tired of how she controlled and manipulated her way into my relationship with Kendra. If only things would have been different—if Kendra wasn’t one of Madam’s girls, if we’d met under different circumstances—then maybe we wouldn’t be where we found ourselves today.
Glancing down, the grass was wet on my shoes. It had been recently cut and that fresh-cut grass smell of summer filled the air. It should have been enough to fill me with hope. Instead, I was nervous and bloated with remorse.
The sun had disappeared over the horizon by the time I reached Nora’s grave. The birds were singing their last songs of the day as I mumbled past a constricted throat, “You’re the only one I want to be with.”
Then the first tear fell.
Her name—Nora Spears— carved into stone, stared back at me as I continued mumbling through the streams of tears falling down my cheeks.
“Nora, baby, I can’t let you go. I can’t give you up. You’re still with me. Day in and day out. You’re there. Every step of the way.” I pinched my nose and wiped the moisture away. “And you want to know what’s worse?”