I Can't Make You Love Me, but I Can Make You Leave

by Dixie Cash

  “I know every single word of every single song you ever sang,” Edwina said. “And baby, I can move it.” She began snapping her fingers, stepping in a circle and gyrating her hips. “I’m miles ahead of those disloyal bums already. And I work for free.” She did a little salsa step. “Cha-cha-cha.”

  Darla laughed. “That’s good, because I can’t pay you. What I can do is mention your business and introduce you individually. You can even say something on the air if you want. I know it’s asking a lot, but gosh, ladies, don’t you think it sounds like fun?”

  “We sure do!” Edwina said, snapping her fingers and thrusting a hip to one side. “Oom-pah!”

  Debbie Sue shook her head. “We? . . . Ed, when I look in a mirror I don’t see we. Best to speak for yourself. You go ahead. I’m not in. Sorry, I’m just not.” She turned her attention to Darla. “But there’s a couple of other local women who might do it and be pretty good at it.”

  Edwina stopped dancing. “What is wrong with you, Debbie Sue? Just who do you think would be better at this than us?”

  “I was thinking of Avery Carter. Or Paige Atwater. They’re both younger than we are and a lot better-looking.”

  “And they’ve got husbands and kids. They’re busy.” Edwina dropped to one knee in front of Debbie Sue. “It’s the stage fright, isn’t it? You’re afraid you’ll freeze.”

  Darla turned her attention to Debbie Sue, a puzzled expression on her face. “You freeze up onstage?”

  “Like a popsicle,” Edwina answered for her.

  “I used to barrel race in ProRodeo,” Debbie Sue said. “Almost made it to the national finals in Vegas. So I’ve been in front of crowds before. That never bothered me because I had my horse with me. He was more important than I was. But standing alone in front of a crowd without Rocket Man terrifies me.”

  “But, hon, you wouldn’t be alone,” Edwina said soothingly, taking one of Debbie Sue’s hands in both of hers. “I’d be there with you. And if you need a horse, we could haul Rocket Man with us. Just look at that pretty trailer you’ve got for him to ride in. Or if you don’t want to do that, we could probably find you a horse up there in Midland.”

  “Forgodsake, Ed.” Debbie Sue freed her hand. “I don’t need a horse.”

  “Hmm,” Darla said, staring at the floor. She tapped a knuckle against her upper lip. “Bringing a horse onstage is out of the question anyway. How about a disguise instead? Fixing yourself up to where no one would recognize you? I’ve known plenty of big names who had stage fright, but they’ve told me that in costume or some fancy getup they feel like a different person, and they don’t care what people think of that person. They not only don’t have stage fright, they crave getting up in front of people.”

  “Oh, hell, yes,” Edwina exclaimed, getting to her feet. “You know I can fix you up to where no one, not even Buddy, will recognize you, Debbie Sue. Think how proud your mama would be if you were singing backup to one of her songs.”

  “Let me think about it, okay?” Debbie Sue said with little show of confidence. “This is something I’ve never, ever, planned on doing. I’m afraid I’ll embarrass you, Darla. Worse yet, I’m afraid I’ll embarrass my husband.”

  Darla tilted back her head and laughed. “Dear girl, your embarrassing me is the least of my worries. It isn’t humanly possible to embarrass me at this point in my life. And we can just tell your husband to cowboy up.”

  “Ma’am,” Debbie Sue said, “my husband is the last man anyone who knew him would ever tell to cowboy up. He spends every waking, breathing moment totally cowboyed up.”

  “Oh. Well, I . . . whatever,” Darla said.

  Debbie Sue looked at a beaming Edwina. Excitement and enthusiasm oozed from the woman’s pores. Debbie Sue smiled weakly, knowing full well that when it came to something Edwina Perkins-Martin wanted, she would stop at nothing.

  “Well, I’d best get back to the café,” Darla said, standing and reaching for her bag. “Bob will be wondering what happened to me. You ladies think about it.” She flashed that huge trademark smile. “But don’t take too long.”

  “Bob?” Debbie Sue asked.

  “That’s her manager,” Edwina said. “Used to be her husband, if memory serves me right.”

  Darla gave Edwina a look. “You know that much about my life?”

  “I read it a long time ago. Back when I was quitting smoking. I read everything, including big books.”

  “Yeah, Ed knows what’s in all the books in all the world,” Debbie Sue said.

  “Really,” Darla said, obviously amazed. Then, “Well, it’s no big secret. Bob was my first husband. Should’ve been my last, too. But life’s not worth living if you don’t screw it up every now and then, is it?” She tossed her hair nonchalantly, but Debbie Sue thought the display of audacity was false.

  “Didn’t I read that he’s remarried?” Edwina asked.

  “Sure did. Roxie Jennings is her name. Roxie Denman now, I should say. She’s a singer. She’s also my opening act. Yep, she’s the new Mrs. Bob Denman, and would desperately like to be the new Darla Denman.”

  “Y’all are all traveling together?” Debbie Sue asked, an incredulous tone lacing her question. “How’s that working out?”

  “We’ve had our moments. Bob and I’ve been divorced a long time and I’ve been married three times since. I’m past the jealous stage, but Roxie doesn’t make it easy to be liked. In fact, she makes it pretty damned easy to be despised. I don’t think there’s anyone on the bus who would miss her if she fell under the bus, so to speak.”

  A pregnant pause followed, then Darla hoisted her purse to her shoulder.

  “I think I’ve said too much. I’ll get back to you ladies as soon as I talk to Bob. And Debbie Sue, I hope you decide to join us.”

  “Hold on,” Edwina said. “What are y’all gonna do for transportation ’til your bus is fixed? It could take days before it’s running again.”

  “I haven’t thought much about it. That’s Bob’s department.” Darla’s brow furrowed. “But now that you mention it—”

  “Problem solved,” Edwina said, returning to her hobo bag and pawing through it again. She pulled out a set of keys. “Y’all can use Vic’s pickup. It’s a crew cab, so it’ll seat all of you and you can put your equipment and stuff in the bed.”

  “But won’t he need it?” Darla asked, reaching for the keys. Almost too eagerly, Debbie Sue thought.

  “Nah. He’s on the road all week. Drives big rigs now. Can’t stand to be shut in. He’d be proud for y’all to use it.”

  “Are you sure? That’s just too generous of you. I mean—”

  “He won’t mind. It’s parked in the back. I’ll get a ride home with—” Edwina stopped, then exclaimed, “Oh, my God. Sleeping. Where are y’all gonna sleep?”

  “Like I said, that’s Bob responsibility and—”

  “Debbie Sue, isn’t your rental vacant?” Edwina asked. “They could stay there, couldn’t they?” She turned to Darla. “It’s fully furnished.”

  “Yeah, my renters just moved out just last week,” Debbie Sue said. “It’s got three bedrooms and a bath. It’s in good shape. I just had it cleaned and the utilities are still on. You’re welcome to use it.”

  “Beats the hell out of the Starlite Motel,” Edwina said. “And it’s free. Right, Debbie Sue?”

  “A camping tent’s better than the Starlite Motel, Ed,” Debbie Sue replied.

  Darla’s eyes rimmed with tears. She looked away, made a swipe at her face and cleared her throat. “I don’t know when I’ve ever met better folks.”

  “Nonsense,” Debbie Sue said, feeling her cheeks heat up with embarrassment. “We’re happy to help out.”

  “Yeah, we’re tickled to death,” Edwina said, looping an arm around Debbie Sue’s shoulder in a one-armed hug.

  Darla laughed self-consciously. “All I wanted was a couple of backup singers and I’m walking out with that, a vehicle and a place to sleep. I feel like I just won the l
ottery.”

  “Don’t be too happy,” Edwina said. “You haven’t seen any of those things yet.”

  “True, all too true,” Darla said, laughing as she turned toward the doorway. “If it’s okay, I’ll send Bob over for the pickup.”

  “Great,” Debbie Sue said. She stood arm in arm with Edwina and watched as their new acquaintance picked her way across the gravel parking lot in her high-heeled sandals and on up the street toward Hogg’s. She looked back and waved before disappearing from sight around the corner. Debbie Sue couldn’t keep from wondering what she and Edwina had gotten themselves into.

  “You didn’t give her the address,” Edwina said.

  “Oops. Well, I will when they come to get the pickup.”

  “Ain’t life a hoot?” Edwina said.

  “Like you’re reading my mind, Ed. Like you’re reading my mind.”

  Keys to a vehicle lying on his open palm, Bob stood and looked at Darla, obviously stunned. “A vehicle and a house?”

  Eddie hovered at his elbow. “Wow,” he said.

  “Great,” Mike said. “I was getting tired of flea-bitten motels.”

  Darla winced inside. She couldn’t blame Mike for his sarcasm. Through the tour, Bob, Roxie, and Valetta Rose slept, along with her, on the bus, but she had paid for motel rooms for Mike and Eddie and the two backup singers. She couldn’t deny that the rooms she had rented for them hadn’t been the most luxurious, but they were all she could afford.

  “No questions asked? No security deposits?” Bob said.

  “Nope. Just my good name.” Darla glanced smugly in Roxie’s direction.

  Bob sighed. “Man, I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.”

  “But honey, you haven’t even heard the best part,” Darla said enthusiastically.

  “You’re finally going to give up and return to Nashville?” Roxie asked. “Feel free to go. I won’t have any trouble keeping the show going.”

  Darla shot an icy stare at the younger woman. “Nooo. I went into that salon to ask the owners, Debbie Sue and Edwina, to help me find some backup singers. And they volunteered. For free.”

  “Uh-oh,” Eddie muttered.

  “Crap,” Mike said.

  Mike and Eddie’s remarks Darla could ignore, but she was dismayed to see the look of excitement on Bob’s face fade from happy to quizzical and horrified. She deliberately didn’t look at Roxie or the makeup artist, Valetta Rose. What she did with her show was no business of either one of those empty-headed girls.

  “Darla,” Bob started, speaking slowly as if picking his words carefully, “you’ve been drilling into my head how important this telethon is. Why would you approach a couple of women you’ve never met and ask them to be backup singers? Don’t you think that’s a bit of a gamble?”

  “You take the cake,” Roxie accused, standing up from her slouched position in the corner booth, planting both hands on her hips and thrusting her chin forward. “This isn’t just your big-ass fucking career that’s on the line. What about mine?”

  Darla had had enough of Roxie’s venomous criticism of everything that happened. It was time for all of them to pull together as a team and deal with this crisis the best they could. She faced her ex-husband’s young wife squarely, nailing her with a piercing squint. “Your career? Up to now, including this very moment here and now, you’ve had a job. When in the hell did it become a career?”

  “Enough of that,” Bob said, stepping between them. “God almighty. Both of you wear me out. I’d go back to Nashville myself, but I’m afraid to leave you two alone. Roxie, zip it. Let me finish this conversation. Darla, tell me more about these women. I wish you had discussed this with me before doing it.”

  “I wasn’t sure myself what I was going to do. I went into the beauty salon to ask them if they knew of someone we could hire. But after I met them, I thought they were precious. One is older than the other but they’re both younger than me and very attractive. I told them we’re using recorded backup so they don’t have to sing.”

  “Fine, but can they mime the words and move to the music?” Bob asked.

  “A better question is do they have all their teeth and can they stand erect?” Roxie sniped. “From what I’ve seen of this town, I’ll be surprised if they’re not using canes or pushing those damned walkers around.”

  Bob glared at her.

  Darla ignored her and focused on Bob. “Let me finish. Here’s how I plan on playing it to the audience. I’ll announce that two of their very own friends and neighbors have been selected to be on stage with me as my backup. The crowd will love it. They won’t care if the ladies do good or bad. They’ll be so proud it simply won’t matter.”

  “Hmm, I like that,” Bob said, frowning and nodding. “Hometown pride. You might be onto something.”

  “I know I am, Bob. We could even make this a contest for the entire tour. Select two women from each town to be onstage with me. We can use the Internet for fan club sites. Think of the money we’d save.”

  Bob paced back and forth, rubbing his chin. Darla watched anxiously, hoping he would buy into this great idea that had just jumped into her head.

  Finally he stopped and a big grin spread across his face. “It’s brilliant.”

  “Sounds like a good idea to me,” Mike put in.

  “I’m okay with it,” Eddie added.

  “It’s bullshit,” Roxie spat, obviously barely able to control her rage, much less keep her mouth shut. “And if there’s anyone who does not have a say in this, it’s you, Mike.”

  “It’s the way it’s going to be,” Darla snapped at her. “And you can take it or leave it.”

  Roxie huffed. “I think I’ll leave it.”

  She grabbed Valetta Rose’s arm, dragged her out of the booth and pulled her across the dining room to the front door. She hit the plate glass door with the heels of both palms, making a loud thump, then sailed through the open doorway with Valetta Rose scrambling behind her.

  Bob turned to Darla, his mouth set in a grim line. “You can’t say she doesn’t know how to make an exit.”

  “No kidding,” Darla said numbly. She was exhausted. Confrontations with Roxie left her drained, but pride and her sense of justice wouldn’t allow a spoiled twit to hurl random insults at will and run roughshod over everyone with whom she came in contact. “I’m just glad they’ve got good glass in that door.”

  Chapter Five

  Debbie Sue waited impatiently for Edwina to finish her second phone call. She had tried to remain quiet, but her anxiety had intensified with each passing second. Edwina hung up and immediately keyed in a number for a third call. Debbie Sue’s patience expired. “Good grief, Ed. Would you just give it a rest long enough for me to talk to you?”

  Edwina snapped the phone shut and shoved it into her pocket. “You’ve got my full attention, Dippity-do. What’s up besides your dander?”

  “My dander is not up. I’m just not as thrilled as you about being a backup singer. I haven’t even checked with Buddy about it.”

  “You don’t check with Buddy about anything, or maybe I should say you never have before.”

  “That’s not true and you know it. Buddy and I have one hundred percent open communication. I run everything past him and then—”

  “And then you go ahead and do whatever you want. Baby girl, who do you think you’re talking to here?”

  “Okay, okay. I’ll be the first to admit I’m hardheaded, opinionated and an altogether pain in the ass, but I do discuss things with my husband, especially things that are going to put me in the public eye. Publicity doesn’t help him in his job, you know. Especially since he got promoted to sergeant. I don’t want to embarrass him.”

  “Come again? Who do you not want to embarrass?”

  “Him.”

  “Who?”

  “Okay, dammit, I don’t want to embarrass myself, either. We didn’t even ask what we’ll be wearing, Ed. What if it’s an itty-bitty, next-to-nothin’
thing?”

  “Well, first off, this is Darla Denman, not Lady Gaga. Personally, I’m more worried we’ll be in Dale Evans costumes with cowboy hats and boots. That’s what scares the shit out of me.”

  “Now that I would love. I’d feel right at home.”

  Edwina looked toward the clock above the payout desk. “We’re running out of time.” She combed her fingers through her flattened hair and picked at it with her fingertips. “My hair’s dry now. Let me get my wig from the back. I’ll throw it on and we’ll just go over to Hogg’s and ask Darla. Hell, they aren’t going anywhere for a while and Maudeen won’t be in for half an hour—”

  “Maudeen canceled,” Debbie Sue said.

  A worry crease furrowed Edwina’s brow. Maudeen Wiley was their favorite octogenarian. Her advanced age and declining health were cause for concern. She lived at Salt Lick’s only retirement residence. “Is something wrong with her?”

  “Don’t worry. She’s all right,” Debbie Sue answered. “She’s hungover is all. She bought a beer-making kit off the Internet and whatever she concocted didn’t agree with her. In fact, it made a bunch of those old ladies at the retirement home sick.”

  “Sweet Jesus,” Edwina said. “How’d I miss hearing about that? All I can say is please let me go out like Maudeen. She’s the only person I ever met who really understands we only go around once.”

  “I know. We can agree on that much.”

  “Well, then what’s your problem with the telethon, girlfriend? You’ve got a chance to strut on stage and definitely have something to someday tell your kids about and you’re pulling up on the reins. I don’t see a single reason for hesitation. I say bring it on and let’s do it.”

  “Hell, you’re probably right, Ed. God, I’m glad you’re around to set me straight every now and then.” Debbie Sue picked up a tube of lipstick and leaned nearer the mirror. “Go shake the dust off that damned old wig and let’s get over to Hogg’s before Darla changes her mind.”