I Am Yours (Heartbeat #3)

by Faith Sullivan

  “You can’t go in there. Jada, he’s exhausted. He finally fell asleep and I’m not going to have you go storming in there, waking him up.” Katie juts out her chin, defying me to challenge her.

  “Look, I get it. The two of you hooked up and you want him all to yourself.” I prop an elbow against the wall, ready to wait her out. “But I’m not here about that.”

  “We didn’t…you know.” She can’t even say it. “He’s just tired from driving and I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go in there and rile him up. He’s had more than enough drama for one day.”

  “Why don’t you let him decide for himself, huh?” Ducking under her outstretched arm, I sneak into the living room. Nothing much has changed except that Katie’s belongings are spewed all over the place. Her rabbit-eared cell phone cover is on the table. Her lace-trimmed hoodie is draped over the couch. Her pink Converse sneakers are in front of the TV. Seeing all of her girly shit in his apartment makes me want to hurl.

  “Jada, c’mon. Don’t do this,” she begs, reaching for my arm.

  But I shake her off and keep going. The door to his room is partially closed but I barge in anyway. The blinds are drawn and I can just make out the outline of his body under the blanket. But he’s not peaceful or at rest. He’s thrashing wildly, on the verge of falling out of the bed.

  “Adam, wake up!” I don’t even hesitate. I rush to his side. The only nightmare of his I witnessed happened in his car before we got to the motel, but this is nothing like the one I remember. This is awful. He’s in such distress. I shake his shoulder but he doesn’t respond. “What the heck is wrong with him? Why won’t he snap out of it?”

  “I don’t know. The last time I couldn’t wake him either.” Katie sits on the other side of the bed as we form a makeshift barrier to keep him from tumbling onto the floor. “It’s like he goes somewhere else when he’s having these dreams.”

  “Think, Katie. How did he come out of it before?” I’m agitated as hell but I need her to guide me through this. “It’s important.”

  “His phone rang.” The look she gives me over Adam’s stricken body chills me to the bone. She’s seems absolutely terrified as he starts rotating his arms as if he were swimming.

  “Katie…” he mumbles under his breath. “Don’t leave me.”

  “I’m not, Adam. I’m right here.” She grasps his hand to keep him from moving. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Her remark feels like acid being poured across my heart, but I have to let it go. Adam needs me to think clearly, not get caught up in my emotions. I’m scared that he’s going to go into a seizure or something. This is not good.

  “Where’s his phone? Is it in here?” I glance around the room, but it’s too dim. I can’t see for crap.

  “It should be.” Katie struggles to hold on to Adam as she blindly gropes the nightstand. “I don’t…”

  Then everything stops when his phone rings. It’s not a normal ring, more like a piercing whistle. Adam goes still. Then he starts blinking his eyes. Katie and I look at each other in amazement.

  “That’s what happened before. It’s that same shrill sound. I’d know it anywhere,” Katie whispers, trying not to disturb Adam as he slowly regains consciousness.

  “Shit,” I mutter, almost to myself.

  “What? You’ve heard it before?” Katie asks, desperate for my confirmation.

  “No, but I’ve read about it.” I don’t want to have this conversation with her, but there’s no getting around it.

  “Jada? What are you doing here?” Groggily, Adam reaches over, taking my hand in his. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Katie look away, no doubt hurt that I’m the one he responded to first.

  “I have some pretty big news. That’s why I came over.” His aquamarine eyes hold mine, making it hard to keep my train of thought. He’s never given me that look before. It’s like the one he gave Katie when he saw her for the first time. But why is he looking at me like that with Katie sitting inches away on his bed? He must still be coming out of his dream. That’s the only possible explanation. He’s confusing me with her.

  “I’m so sorry, Jada, for how things ended back at that bar.” Adam yawns, stretching his arms. He’s not wearing a shirt, and I can’t help but notice the way his muscles ripple against the sheet. I know this isn’t the time or place, but damn it’s such a turn on. I cross my legs tightly, trying to fight the surge of arousal coursing through my body. I can’t think about what almost happened that night in the motel room. I can’t or I’m going to lose it.

  “That’s funny. I thought you just went to pick up Brian.” Katie raises an eyebrow, and it’s like Adam finally realizes she’s there.

  “Katie…” He smiles contentedly at her, but it’s not how his eyes were blazing at me a second ago. He strokes her arm with his thumb. “I went to check on Brian and Jada was there.” He seems to lose interest in her, quickly turning his attention back to me. “You didn’t have to hide at the wedding, Jada. You were invited, you know.”

  “You saw me?” I play dumb, refusing to acknowledge the silent conversation we had across the dunes.

  “Of course,” he chuckles like it’s some private joke between the two of us. “You’re my partner, aren’t you?”

  Katie gasps and I can’t say that I blame her. What the hell is he doing? Why is he flirting with me in front of her?

  “Not anymore.” My voice is firm, causing his smile to falter.

  “Oh yeah, that’s right.” He grips my hand even tighter like he’s staking his claim. “I wish I never listened to Talbot’s voice mail.”

  “Why don’t you say what you came here to say, Jada?” Katie jumps in, steering the conversation back on course. Her expression is pained as she observes the interaction between Adam and me. It can’t be easy for her. I should know.

  “About that…I think Brian should be the one to tell you since he’s the one who figured it out. But he’s still sore over everything that went down and he didn’t want to get you involved until he had absolute proof. So I was going to swipe your phone for him instead, but I guess that plan’s out the window.” My brow creases as they both stare a hole through me.

  “We noticed something was wrong with his phone, too,” Katie pipes up, surprising me. “Those sharp whistle calls aren’t even recorded. None of them appear in the log.”

  “I don’t hear them at all,” Adam admits glumly. “If it weren’t for you and Katie, I’d have no clue they were even coming through.”

  “It’s because someone is messing with you.” I don’t want to be the one to have to tell them, but I can’t walk away, leaving them in the dark. They deserve to know.

  “But who? I don’t know many electronic geniuses that can wipe a phone’s memory. Why would anyone go to so much trouble for a stupid prank?” Adam releases my hand, as well as Katie’s, as he pushes away the covers. Immediately, I miss the warmth of his fingers against my skin. I live for the moments when he’s tender with me, and I can’t stand that I’m upsetting him. I hate myself for it.

  “Because it’s not some little prank. It’s way more complicated than that.” I gauge his reaction as he measures my words. “There’s a lot at stake. You’ve basically been a guinea pig without even realizing it. The two of you, actually.”

  “Oh my God,” Katie moans as she slides off the bed, hiding her face in her hands.

  “Jada, stop scaring her, will ya?” Adam throws his legs over the side in order to comfort Katie as she visibly starts to tremble. “You’re making more out of this than what it’s worth. It can’t be that bad.”

  “No, she’s right, Adam.” Katie’s voice shakes, confirming my suspicions. “I had a feeling something like this might be going on, but I didn’t want to believe it. Oh God, it’s all starting to make sense now.”

  “What is?” Adam’s gaze switches from her to me. “Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?”

  “It’s Dr. Savoy, Kelly’s boss,” I say dispassionate
ly as the anger in his eyes zeroes in on me. “He’s conducting experimental research on mind control and he placed you and Katie in his test group without your permission. He’s been getting inside your heads, manipulating your dreams since February.”

  “But…but how?” Adam struggles to form a complete sentence. “This is crazy. I’ve never even met this guy. How can he be controlling my mind?” Adam gets to his feet and frantically begins to pace. “This is just something Brian cooked up to get back at Kelly, isn’t it? And now he’s dragging you into it. Unbelievable!”

  “Adam, I don’t think—” Katie starts, but I don’t let her finish.

  “Brian didn’t want to talk to you about it until he could prove his case. He knew you wouldn’t buy into his story without concrete proof. So he was going to have a friend of his take a look at your phone to see what they did to it.” Adam sighs heavily like I’m spouting a bunch of nonsense while Katie hangs on my every word, panic-stricken. “Guys, I saw Dr. Savoy’s notes. He’s not fooling around. He’s really doing shit like this to people, and Kelly’s the one recruiting them.” I should stop now. I’ve said too much. I’m only going to make things more confusing than they already are.

  “So you’re telling me that Brian goes snooping through Kelly’s stuff, copies some of her boss’s confidential files, then starts making wild accusations against an Ivy League professor just because I got his girlfriend pregnant?” Adam shakes his head at me like I’m the gullible one. “Jada, I thought you were smarter than that. You can’t fall for his conspiracy theories. He does stuff like this all the time.”

  “But Adam, I saw the documents. Savoy needs funding before he can get the green light on this. He has to show that what he’s doing doesn’t cause any long-term side effects, but the university won’t allow him to hold clinical trials because it’s too risky. They don’t want to be held accountable. So he ignored them and went off on his own.” The details still amaze me even after reading the reports several times. It’s downright scary, imagining the lengths this man will go to.

  “And let me guess, who’s withholding the funding? The government?” Adam asks, mocking me.

  “Yeah, but…” I pause. What if Brian really is leading me down the wrong path? Saying all of this out loud makes it sound even crazier than reading it in a file.

  “That’s what I figured,” Adam grunts, laughing bitterly.

  “It’s all about helping people deal with trauma—soldiers coming home from war, rape victims, children involved in school shootings, you name it. The market on post-traumatic stress disorder is huge. If he’s successful in his attempts, he stands to make a fortune. Sure, he’s still working out the bugs, but basically what he does is sync patients’ phones with his online network. First, he bombards them with subliminal messages during a one-on-one visit which are later reinforced in a dream state. He triggers it with a preprogrammed sound coming from the phone, taking hypnosis to a whole new level. When they wake up, they think their dreams are real, and Savoy gets rid of their bad memories from the inside out.” I swallow. It’s a mouthful and I don’t really understand all of the ins and outs, but that’s the gist of it. “Bottom line, this type of mind manipulation is something the government is dying to get its hands on and they’ll pay top dollar to the first one who manages to do it successfully. But no one’s even come close—until now.”

  “But why would Kelly do this to me? I’m her cousin!” Katie props her head against the mattress, looking blindly up at the ceiling. “I’m not some lab rat.”

  “Katie, you don’t actually believe any of this?” Adam glances at her worriedly.

  “Yeah, I think I do.” Katie sniffles, utterly dejected. “I hate to admit it, but it’s not that far-fetched. In February, Kelly came to see me before she stayed with you, and there are long stretches of time when I was talking to Dr. Savoy that I don’t remember. She could have easily done something to my phone when I spaced out. Maybe she showed me your picture and started filling my head with thoughts of you. Because that night I went to bed and you were there in my dream.” Katie’s voice is so low I can barely hear her. “It all fits.”

  “Adam, your nightmares fall into the same time frame.” I don’t want to argue with him, but he’s being so ridiculously stubborn. “Even if you can’t remember precisely when they started, they did begin shortly after the accident. There’s no denying that.”

  “But I don’t get it. Why did I dream about Katie, thinking she was the girl who died in the accident? Explain that.” Openly defiant, he beats his fist against the wall.

  “Adam, I can’t. I don’t have all the answers and neither does Brian. We’re still trying to piece everything together. We didn’t want to involve you until it was absolutely necessary. We were hoping we were wrong, but it doesn’t look like that’s the case.” I move to the foot of the bed, staring at Adam’s back, wishing he’d turn around.

  “So we should toss our phones then?” Katie looks up at me expectantly.

  “I wouldn’t, at least not yet. Brian said that Savoy’s not sure what happens if subjects quit the program cold turkey. You might have to be weaned off gradually.” I feel like a jerk for delivering the harsh truth, especially when Katie’s eyes start to fill up with tears.

  “So the only way out of this is to confront Savoy. Let’s call Kelly now and get her to arrange a meeting. I don’t want this to go on any longer than it has to.” Adam runs his hands up the wall before tapping his head against the smooth surface. “I can’t believe this is fucking happening. What if they screwed us up so bad we’ll never get back to normal?”

  “I’m afraid we can’t do that, Adam.” I flinch as he starts banging his head on the wall.

  “Why the hell not?” he cries out.

  “Because Kelly’s too intimately involved with what’s going on. She’s closely tied to Savoy. She’s not just his bumbling assistant, following orders. Brian thinks her baby might be his.” This is the part of the puzzle I hope is true. It’s the one ray of light in the midst of this enveloping darkness. But Adam doesn’t seem relieved as he scrapes his fingernails down the wall before dropping to the floor.

  “Adam!” Katie crawls over to him, cradling his head in her lap while smoothing his hair out of his face. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. It’s going to be all right.”

  “I thought you’d be glad,” I practically shout at him from across the room, too afraid to go near him. “Did you hear what I said? You’re probably not the father.”

  He doesn’t respond. Instead he kicks the edge of the dresser before rolling onto his side. He’s gasping for air and heart-wrenching sobs begin echoing from his chest. “Jada, get out! Just leave!” he yells at me, choking back tears.

  “Adam, you can’t be serious. The baby’s not yours. It probably never was,” I reaffirm, keeping my tone as even as I can.

  Shoving Katie roughly aside, he stumbles to his feet. I take a step back, but it’s too late. His arms are around me, scooping me up. Pressed against him, I feel him draw a ragged series of breaths. This close, the anguish on his face is indescribable. I’ve seen him deal with a lot, but I’ve never seen him like this. He doesn’t stop upon exiting his room. He keeps walking through the living room and down the steps. Throwing open the front door, he finally lowers his arms, depositing me outside.

  “You’re not who I thought you were.” He glares at me harshly, and I feel like a thousand knives are stabbing me all over my body. “Don’t ever come back here again.”

  “Adam, wait—” I reach for his arm, but he yanks it away before shutting the door in my face.

  I stand there, stunned. All I can hear is the hoarseness of his voice ringing through my head, and I think of how I might have hurt him beyond repair.

  Chapter Twenty

  Adam

  I charge back up the stairs. The last thing I want to hear is Jada pleading with me to let her back in. Not after what she said.

  Katie is sitting cross-legged on the couch, anxiously awai
ting my return. Shit. She was supposed to come here to lower her stress level, and I ended up raising it. She’s already been dealt a series of blows. She’s going to crack if I burden her with anything else.

  But the baby’s not mine, and I don’t know how to deal with that.

  I mean, it’s not like I’m father material. I’m probably not cut out to be a dad, but truth be told, I was looking forward to it. I was excited to think that I’d somehow created a life, and now that dream’s been ripped out from under me, too. Why can’t Jada understand that I’m upset about that?

  “Do you need to be by yourself? I can go in the other room.” Katie’s voice is timid as she observes me clenching and unclenching my fists.

  “Jesus, Katie!” I snap at her and she recoils, shrinking into herself. “No, I don’t want to be alone. That’s the last thing I want.”

  She remains quiet, keeping her distance from me. I’ve most likely scared the crap out of her after physically throwing Jada out of my apartment, ranting and raving like a lunatic. Her father’s a hothead from what I’ve heard, and now she must think I’m just like him—or even worse.

  I slump down next to her, lowering my head and pinching the back of my neck, but there’s nothing I can do to relieve the tension. I shouldn’t be yelling at her. She doesn’t deserve it. She’s as much a victim in all of this as I am. I bet she wishes she never heard the name Adam O’Malley. I mean, where the fuck do we go from here? Um yeah, I was brainwashed into liking you, but do you wanna go out sometime? Life doesn’t work that way.

  “Katie, I honestly don’t know what to think.” I rest my elbows on my knees, keeping my face hidden from her. “What if these feelings between us aren’t even real? What are we supposed to do now?”

  “I don’t know. That’s why I texted Kelly.” She slides her feet out from under her, inching away from me as she speaks.

  “You what?” My head snaps up. “Are you nuts?”

  “I didn’t let on that we know. I said that your nightmares are getting worse, and I got scared when I couldn’t wake you up. I said whatever I could to lure her up here without giving too much away.” Katie’s eyes search mine, begging me to believe her. “We need to get to the bottom of this, Adam, and she’s the only one who can help us.”