Caching In

by Tracy Krimmer

  “I wasn’t.”

  “I realize that now.” I leaned back against the car. “Alyssa and I talked, for a long time. She told me everything.”

  He squinted his eyes in confusion. “Everything?”

  There was no use pretending the conversation didn’t happen. “I know about Willow.”

  The pain in his eyes evident, he replied with a simple, “Oh.”

  “Yeah. I understand this time it wasn’t what I thought. That doesn’t change the fact you lied to me, never called, and now you’re out on a date and it’s been maybe two weeks.” I laughed. “And to think I was going to try and win you back.”

  “Win me back? I’m not a prize, Ally.” He crossed his arms. “Is this because of Willow? You want to get back together with me because you feel sorry for me?”

  “No, I - “

  “This is why I didn’t tell you.” He punched his fist into the palm of his hand. “Damn you, Alyssa! It wasn’t her place to say anything.”

  “Don’t be upset with her. It slipped out while we were talking and she filled me in because I was clueless.” I reached out for his arm to comfort him, but he yanked it back.

  “She doesn’t get to make that decision. Alyssa isn’t my wife anymore.”

  “But she’s your friend.”

  “And my friends don’t need to go around talking about my daughter and I don’t need you pitying me.”

  How could I get out of this one? Of course I felt sorry for him. His past, however, had nothing to do with the future I wanted with him. I cared for him before I knew about Willow. He was scared, and damned if I wasn’t as well. If I said I didn’t pity him, I’d be an asshole. If I said I did pity him, he’d think I only wanted to with him for that reason. I was stuck.

  “I don’t want to get back together with you because of what you lost. I care for you, Seth.”

  His mouth parted, and I waited for a smile. I longed for a kiss, understanding and hope. Instead, as he turned around to walk away, he said one word, crushing me to the depths of my soul. “Don’t.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  I needed to get the hell out of town again. Yes, I had only been back for a few days, but after Seth tore me down, I couldn’t sit around the house and mope. Chelsea’s birthday was coming up on Monday, and with her pregnancy and epiphany over Daniel’s definite deadbeat status, she wouldn’t mind leaving town, too. We decided to leave Friday night, and spend the weekend in Wisconsin Dells, shopping, having caricatures drawn, and going on some tours.

  The days dragged until Friday evening. My mom kept busy with Paul, I didn’t want to bother Perry every night on the phone, and Chelsea melted from exhaustion by the time she got home from work as she acclimated to her new position.

  I booked our room at the Holiday Inn. Tourist season in the Dells was in full swing, and I was shocked to find a hotel at a reasonable rate. Since we were celebrating Chelsea’s birthday, I fronted the entire bill, so I couldn’t get us anything extravagant. A weekend at a spa resort, or even one of the full-fledged hotel and waterparks sounded spectacular, but I needed to remain smart about my choices.

  On Friday, all packed and ready to go, I picked her up at her place an hour after work. In the next month she’d be moving back into her parents’ house as she prepared for the birth of the baby, so most of her one bedroom apartment was filled with boxes, making it difficult to maneuver. I helped her with her bag, tossing it into the backseat as she hopped in the car.

  “Ready for this drive?” Chelsea asked.

  “It’s only a little over an hour and a half. That’s not too far.” I started the car and began our ninety-mile journey.

  “Have you ever driven a significant distance with a pregnant woman in your car?”

  “Only in the comfort of my mother’s uterus.”

  “Gross.”

  “You brought it up. Besides, don’t forget you have a little one in yours. When do you find out if you’re having a boy or a girl?” My interest in Chelsea’s pregnancy had been lukewarm at best, and I did want to know about it. In a non-blood way, I’d be this child’s aunt. Chelsea was my best friend, and I planned on being involved in the baby’s life, too. In fact, I made a mental note to talk to her mom about planning a baby shower.

  “Not for a few weeks yet. That ultrasound isn’t until I’m twenty weeks. I’m excited.”

  “I bet. A little one for you to dress up!” Out of the two of us, Chelsea dressed more like a fashion model than someone just looking for comfort. In the summer, she usually wore skirts, even off of work time. The only time you catch me in one would be during working hours, or the rare date. In the fall, winter, and spring, she often dressed in nicer slacks and a blouse, with a wrap or sweater over it. She was so gorgeous, and I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t find herself a faithful, single guy ready to devote himself to her entirely.

  She adjusted herself in the seat. “My parents are over the moon. My dad keeps talking about a grandson he can teach how to play baseball. My mom is throwing me the ‘I don’t care as long as my grandbaby is healthy’ line, but I know she would love if this little bean were a girl.” She kept her hands on her tummy, rubbing in a circular motion. “Ally, can I ask you something?”

  “Definitely. Anything. What?”

  “Nevermind, it’s dumb.”

  “Go ahead, Chels. Ask me.”

  With her hands still rubbing her tummy, she asked, “Do you think if this is a boy, he’ll turn out like Daniel? That he’ll treat women like crap?”

  “Only if you teach him to. He’ll learn how to treat women from how your dad treats your mom, and how you allow men to treat you. You’re so much better than Daniel. Don’t forget, though, Daniel will be in your life forever now.”

  “No, he won’t.” She turned her head to the window.

  “Yes, Chelsea, he will. He’ll be a part of your life. You’ll see him at drop offs and picks ups when it’s his turn to watch the baby. Birthday parties, graduations. He’ll be there for all of it.”

  “He won’t.” She began to sob. “He has made it very clear that he doesn’t intend to be a part of this child’s life at all. He doesn’t want Lauren to find out. I’m completely on my own.” She covered her face with her hands as the sobs came full force.

  We just drove onto the freeway, so I pulled off as far off the busy road as I could, and put the car in park. “Oh, Chelsea. I’m so sorry.” I turned so she would allow me to take her in a hug. I stroked her hair. “You’ve got me, your parents, and so does this baby. You won’t be on your own.” In the time I’d known Daniel, I always considered him the King of Assholes, but never a coward such as this. How could a man completely separate himself from his child, pretend his own flesh and blood didn’t exist? She didn’t plan on pursing court action, but I assumed he’d at least help out somehow, even to drop off diapers, buy formula here and there, even send fifty measly bucks a month.

  She pulled away. “I’m so stupid, Ally. You warned me time and time again, but his sweet words and his eyes - he blinded me. I was stupid to think he’d even consider taking responsibility.”

  “No, you weren’t. You were in love, Chelsea. No one can fault you for what your heart feels, and if they do, fuck them.”

  “So fuck you, then,” she laughed through the tears.

  “Fuck me, then.” Wow, I had been a jerk just like Daniel. “I may have been harsh on you when it came to Daniel, and that was only because I love you. I didn’t want, well, this to happen and to see you with your heart broken. That said, I don’t blame you. Hell, I fell for a guy that cheated on me. Or he didn’t. I’m not sure what I believe at this point. I’m an idiot, too.”

  “It wasn’t a real date. He didn’t cheat on you. Even if he had been on a date, you said yourself at that point you assumed it was over.” Her tears stopped, but her face remained red. I handed her a tissue to wipe the less than attractive snot forming under her nose. “Seth likes you, but what happened in his past is holding him bac
k.” She blew her nose. “He isn’t through the grieving process yet.”

  “I can’t sit back, though, and be in a relationship that pulls me back and forth emotionally.”

  “Would you walk away if I lost my baby?”

  I rested my hand on the shifting gear. “That’s not fair, Chelsea. You can’t compare the situation.”

  “Why not? Don’t you think I’d be an emotional mess? Seth may be pushing you away, but he needs you. He wants you to help him.”

  Before he walked away from me the other day, he ran after me first. If he didn’t want me, he wouldn’t have tried to make me understand. Maybe he did need me.

  When did my best friend get so damn smart?

  ----------

  Two hours, three bathroom breaks and one stop for gas later, we walked into the Holiday Inn, bags in hand, a newfound strength beaming from both of us. A good cry in the car, along with some loud music, and we arrived with a new attitude.

  We checked into our room, headed down the hall and dropped our bags on our respective beds, crashing beside them. “Short drive, but still took a lot out of me!” Chelsea said as she put her arm over her face. “I could totally go to bed right now.”

  “Come on, Chels. It’s not even ten o’clock. We need to get out and do something. We’re still young!” I didn’t want to spend my night cramped up in a tiny hotel room. With two twin beds, a nightstand on each side, and a television, there wasn’t a lot of room to even walk around.

  “I’m carrying another human being with me. You do that and tell me how much energy you have.”

  I couldn’t relate to Chelsea’s lack of energy, or how her body must feel, but I didn’t think a little fetus the size of a peanut really made her that tired. “Just an hour or two, Chelsea. Please?” I got off my bed, and knelt down next to her, my hands in prayer. “I beg you. I need a drink. You can’t even have one, so you can be my designated driver. Hell, I promise to limit myself to only one if you come with me.”

  “I’m tired, Ally. We’re here all weekend - plenty of time for you to drink.” She closed her eyes, smacking her lips.

  Not giving up, I grabbed her shoulders and playfully shook her. “Chelsea! It’s your birthday weekend! Live it up. You may be pregnant, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself. We’ll go out and dance, flirt with some random guys, and forget we’re in our late twenties.”

  She opened her eyes, squinting them in disapproval.

  “Hey, face the music. You’re twenty-six now. You’re officially in your late twenties. Welcome to the club.”

  “There’s a club?” She groaned as she rolled to her side. “Do we have to celebrate?”

  She didn’t even have a baby yet and already she pooped out on me. I wasn’t asking for the world here. Only a few hours to let loose and enjoy ourselves. “It’s your birthday, Chels. Of course we’re celebrating. You don’t need to get all crazy like we used to.” In our earlier years, Chelsea ruled the bars. She got pretty wild dancing and held her liquor pretty well. Bar hopping with Chelsea topped my favorite things to do.

  She sat up. “I guess you’re right.”

  I stood up and slapped the bed. “There you go. One drink, we’ll be back in an hour.”

  “Ugh!” She groaned, clearly irritated but recognizing defeat. “Fine! But I want to be back here in an hour, tucked in bed, sound asleep.”

  “Anything for my best friend.” She used it against me, so why couldn’t I against her? An hour. Easy peasy.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Since my last big drinking fest happened months ago, right after Josh and I broke up, I didn’t want to end up in the wrong kind of bar. In order to avoid walking into a place where freshly turned twenty-one year olds were piss drunk, girls showing their boobs and guys hitting on everything that moved, I needed to scope them all out from the outside. Not only did I want to watch out for the amateur bar hoppers, I didn’t want to be somewhere singing karaoke with middle-aged couples. I pulled out my phone and did a quick search, but decided our best bet would be just to hit up Highway 13, the main strip, and peek inside the windows.

  I changed into a cute pair of capris, tossed on a nice top, and placed a barrette in my bangs, pulling them out of my face. Chelsea kept on what she wore on the drive up. She always put together the cutest outfits. It didn’t matter. As her baby bump grew, she’d still look just as adorable as ever.

  “Come on, Ally. Pick a bar already. Your hour is almost up and we haven’t even gone into one.”

  “It’s not my hour. We’re out for your birthday.” I peeked into one, but while it appeared quiet with only a few stools occupied, the patrons seemed older than my mom. “I’m looking for the perfect place.”

  “What does that even mean? It’s a drink. Go in, we’ll sit down, talk about what jerks our exes are, then we’ll leave. What do you need the ‘perfect bar’ for?”

  Truth be told, I couldn’t think of an answer that would please her. I wanted to unwind and relax, maybe even dance with a few guys. Since Seth and I split, again, I deserved fun, some time to play the field and be single, and not give a damn about a relationship. If she held out late enough, I planned on staying out until at least midnight, possibly later. She could go back to the hotel, and I could take a cab back, if she got bored. After the shitty few weeks I had, sue me if I needed a fun, wild night. I wasn’t going to let her hold me back.

  “Okay, this is it,” I said as we approached a bar with people inside who appeared young, but acted mature enough to not be new to the drinking game.

  “It’s about time.” Chelsea hated my indecisiveness, but I didn’t want the wrong crowd to spoil my fun.

  We entered the bar, which had two stools open. I ordered a beer, and Chelsea her water. “Ah,” I said as I took my first sip, the sweet, rich lager sliding down my throat. I appreciated a good beer. “I need this.”

  “Sort of like how I need sleep, huh?”

  For the sake of us having a half way decent time, I hoped she let it go soon. Soon her nights of uninterrupted sleep would disappear, and every night would be restless, getting up for feedings and diaper changes. She should consider this practice. “You’ll be fine. It’s not like you work in the morning. You can sleep in.”

  “That doesn’t change the fact I can barely keep my eyes open right now.”

  The music started getting louder, so I raised my voice. “Relax. Have some fun, Chelsea!” I raised my glass to her. “Happy twenty-sixth!”

  Her glass tapped mine, but not before she rolled her eyes, followed by a smile. After drinking her water, she set it on the bar. “Do you think things are completely over with Seth?”

  Any talk about Seth was off the table. Not tonight. I took another drink. “I don’t want to spend the evening thinking about him. I’ll drive myself crazy. Tell me about your first official week on the new job.”

  She shrugged. “I guess it went okay. I’m still training. Daryl is a little afraid to be too close to me now, so I’m studying some book on sales, watching stupid videos, and he wants to send me to a different branch to shadow someone. I hope I can do a good job.”

  “You’ll do fine. Once you start doing it on a day to day basis, it’ll become second nature. You’ll get into a groove. Then you’ll have this baby and you’ll go on maternity leave, come back and have to figure it all out again!”

  She blew air out of her mouth, obviously overwhelmed about what lay ahead in her life. I didn’t envy her. Sure, at some point, I planned on doing whole kid thing, but if my current life gave any indication, it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. Now, I would live in the moment and enjoy my freedom. From everything.

  My face lit up when the music changed. “Hear that, Chels?” I pointed my finger in the air as though she didn’t realize I was talking about the music. “One Direction, baby. I’m gonna go dance. Wanna join me?” I hopped off my stool.

  “No. I don’t think so.”

  “Come on. It’s classic One Direction.”


  “Those words can’t be used in the same sentence, Ally. Their songs are hardly classics.”

  I grabbed her hand. “You know what I mean. Come on.” She took her water in her hand and shook her head. “Suit yourself.”

  The dance floor was filled with about fifteen people - none of them guys. Not surprising. My beer in my hand, I swayed to the music, recognizing that while I loved to dance at home, I probably shouldn’t dance in public. What did I care? I was in Wisconsin Dells, and I didn’t know anyone.

  When the song ended, I had almost polished off my beer, and Katy Perry came on. I had to keep going. Dancing like no one gave me this amazing feeling of self-acceptance. Until that moment, I never realized how letting myself go and not caring about those around me could feel so good.

  Then someone tapped me on my shoulder.

  ----------

  “Chris!” I tossed my arms around my old friend, and Josh’s best, Chris Spangler. “I last saw you at least six months ago. How are you?”

  Chris stood much taller than me, six-feet at least, shaved his head because of patching baldness, which started at the age of twenty-three, and wore glasses. He worked as a substitute teacher part-time, and owned a tattoo parlor he worked at in the evenings. “Pretty good,” he said as he nodded. “I sold the shop.”

  I stopped dancing. “You what? Sold it? You love that place and were doing so well!”

  He smiled. I always loved his smile. “Yes, I do love it, and things couldn’t have been better. They were so good, someone gave me an offer on it only a fool would refuse. Meanwhile, an opportunity came along to work up here in the summers at a shop down the street. I figured I don’t work in the summer, and I made a decent amount of cash on the deal, so why not come up here, work a little, and have fun? No more overhead costs, extra cash in my pocket. Works out great.”

  “Are you up here the rest of this summer then?”

  “Yep. Been here since mid-June. I rent a tiny house.”

  “Nice.” I grabbed him by the arm. “Come sit down. Are you here alone?” I paused, hanging on his response.