Here's to Yesterday

by Teagan Hunter

“Rae, chill. They’re brownies,” I tell her once my laughter subsides.

  “No, I won’t ‘chill’! Brownies are my most favorite thing ever, and he ate them! Ate. Them.”

  Tucker continues to laugh his way over to the sliding glass door, motioning for Hudson, who comes through the door about ten seconds later.

  “Hey. Why in the hell are you holding a bowl of cereal?” Hudson says off the bat.

  Tucker flicks his gaze to me. Smirking at him, I think it all finally clicks. He gets now that I’ve been waiting to see how long he’d hold on to it for. The answer? Way too long. “No idea, man,” he tells Hudson, handing him the bowl.

  Hudson peers down at the bowl and back at Tucker, the same look of confusion that Tucker had earlier now covering his face. Those poor bastards.

  Depositing the bowl into the nearby sink, Hudson turns to his girlfriend, who happens to be throwing sharp eye-daggers his way.

  “What.” It’s not a question that comes out of her mouth. It’s more like she’s daring him to say something.

  Hudson—the brave man that he is—rolls his eyes and turns back to Tucker.

  “Joe’s outside with Gaige and Perry. Wanna go see what the heathens are up to?”

  “You mean you left Joey out there to babysit those fools? That’s brave,” Tucker says.

  Rae growls—like, legit fucking growls—at Hudson as he leaves the kitchen. He doesn’t bat an eyelash at her behavior. Guess he’s getting used to it. Good. Rae needs someone capable of handling her crazy.

  “Come on. Let’s go supervise,” I say to Rae.

  “Fine,” she huffs. “But I’m not talking to him.”

  “Uncle Tucker, watch this!” I hear Joey yell.

  I’ve spent almost the majority of the party watching Tucker play Adventure Time with the kids, who are all dressed up as different characters from the show. Most people would think that a little girl would dress as the princess, but not Joey. She’s dressed as Finn, and it fits her personality effortlessly.

  Every moment spent watching Tucker, I am in awe of his patience with them all. Then he peeks over at me and flashes a smile that’s full of love and adoration of Joey. I give him one back before I realize that I shouldn’t be smiling at him like that, but the love he shows his best friend’s daughter and the fact that he’d do anything for her only makes him more attractive, so I can’t help it.

  More?

  I need to scrub my head of these thoughts because I should not be having them. But they keep coming.

  Fuck.

  “Okay, everyone, time for presents!” Rae hollers, finally giving me something else to focus on.

  The kids come running, and we all sit around as Joey “oohs” and “aahs” over her gifts. When she’s opened all the ones from her friends, in true Joey fashion, she gets up and heads over to where Tucker, Gaige, and I are sitting. She knows we have stuff for her.

  “Have you been good?” Gaige asks his usual question for her. Joey nods, smiling brightly. “Well, that’s boring. But here you go anyway.”

  Gaige hands her a box, helping her lower it to the ground since it’s too heavy for her alone. Joey begins ripping away the paper, concentrating hard on getting her gift out.

  “No way,” I hear. “NO WAY! Uncle G, you’re the best! Thank you! I love you!” She launches herself into his arms and hugs him tightly.

  “Hey!” Tucker says teasingly.

  Gaige shoots him a grin over her shoulder. “Sorry, dude, but I got her the complete hardback set of Harry Potter. I win.”

  “It is technically a double gift for me and Joey. He may have you beat,” Hudson says.

  I know that if there weren’t kids around, Tuck would so flip Hudson the middle finger. But he refrains.

  “All right, Joe,” I say. “Here’s my gift.”

  I hand her my small bag, and she immediately lets go of Gaige and starts pulling the paper out. Her tiny face lights up when she sees the box inside.

  “Wow! This is awesome!” she exclaims, opening it.

  I beam at the smile that’s gracing her face. She stares downs at the antique gold necklace I got her. It’s shaped like a leaf and has a small ladybug on it. Next to it dangles a round pendant with a ‘J’ engraved on it for her name.

  I guess it’s something that started many years ago—her obsession with ladybugs, that is. She collects any and everything with them on it and even gets called “bug” by just about everyone. It’s neat to see a kid so into different things.

  “Can you put it on me?”

  “Of course! Get over here, munchkin,” I tell her happily.

  Once I’ve clasped the chain around her neck, she spins around to give me a hug. I glance up to find Tucker staring at me. The look in his eyes makes me pause.

  He seems peaceful. I can’t help but think back to the other night when he told me about what he did for Joey and Hudson. What he gave up and his devotion to them is so inspiring. It also makes me sad because I feel like he’s given up on finding that spark for himself. But I’m going to do everything I can to help him find it.

  Tucker’s eyes shift to Joey as she pulls away, and they light up brighter than normal.

  “You ready for my gift, bug?” he asks her.

  She darts over to him and holds her small hands out. Before placing his gift in them, Tucker grabs hold of them and stares her directly in her eyes.

  “Now, you know I always bring you a new ladybug, right? And you put them all on your bug shelf?” Joey nods, her raven-colored hair bouncing. “Well, this time I got you something that you get to keep on you at all times.”

  Joey is trying to contain her excitement, but I can practically feel her vibrating over here. It’s so precious.

  Dropping a hand, Tucker leans back and retrieves a small black box from his pocket with a name on it that means so much more than her eight-year-old mind can grasp. Then he leans forward and whispers in her ear. I watch as she nods several times. Before she sees the gift, she wraps her arms around him. He returns the hug and squeezes his eyes shut tight.

  “I love you, Uncle Tuck,” Joey says softly, and Tucker hugs her tighter.

  “I think my heart just stopped,” I hear Rae say quietly.

  Mine too.

  “Join the club,” Hudson responds, swiping at his cheeks.

  Rae must say something next to him, because his head whips around and he scoffs at her.

  When Joey finally opens the box, her squeal is loud and rightfully so. Because inside that velvet black box sits the most beautiful pair of gold ladybug earrings I have ever seen.

  Joey jumps up and down and shouts, “Thank you, thank you, thank you! Eeeek! I love them!”

  “Yeah? Good thing. Don’t lose them, okay?”

  “Scout’s honor!” Joey says.

  Tucker laughs lightly. “Were you even a Scout?”

  And Joey, not knowing exactly what that means, leans forward and whispers, “I’ve been one my whole life, Uncle Tuck.”

  All the adults—and I use that term loosely—laugh, and it causes the kids to giggle along, which is adorable since they have no clue what they are laughing over.

  “Sure do got a cute kid, Hudson. Can’t say the same for you,” Rae says.

  “Okay, lady. What is your deal today?” Hudson asks loudly.

  Rae crosses her arms over her chest and huffs, “You. You’re my deal.”

  “And what exactly did I do?”

  She narrows her eyes and points an accusing finger at him. “You know.”

  I look to Tucker, Gaige, and Perry to make sure I’m not the only one trying hard to hold in my laughter. I’m not.

  I realize then how much I miss Haley, who is missing from the group. Guess she and Rae haven’t finished patching things up yet. Last I heard they had started talking, but they still aren’t as close as they used to be. Not since she found out Haley was keeping a massive secret from her regarding their mother. Rae’s angry, and I don’t blame her one bit for that.

&n
bsp; I glance up in time to catch Hudson rolling his eyes at her for the second time today.

  “You know, I was gonna ask your crazy ass to move in with me today, but now I’m not so sure.”

  Rae freezes up. “You want me to live with you? A brownie stealer? Not in this lifetime!”

  “That’s what this is about?” Hudson slaps his hand over his mouth and tries hard not to laugh at Rae, who is now shaking her head at him. He snickers and says, “I’ll go make you more if it gets you to stop being mad at me.”

  “Now?” she asks.

  Hudson nods. “Yep. Right now. But you have to promise to stop acting nutty.”

  Rae considers this and offers a compromise. “If I say yes, can I still move in?”

  He pretends to think about it, but we all know he’d do anything for her. “I guess. But only if I get half the pan of brownies.”

  “Deal,” she agrees immediately, doing a little happy dance and launching herself into Hudson’s waiting arms.

  Gaige pipes up, “Yeah, not sure what I just witnessed there.”

  “Rae’s moving in!” Hudson yells, spinning my tiny friend in circles.

  “And I’m getting brownies!” she adds.

  Everyone but Perry laughs. He sits there with a stunned expression on his face and mutters, “Weirdest. Couple. Ever.”

  Joey turns around and looks at Perry. “You mean: Best. Birthday. Ever.”

  Heart, meet floor.

  We’re standing in the kitchen, cutting the cake, when Rae drops a bomb on me.

  “You know that Tucker likes you, right?”

  What? “Yeah? Well, I like him too.”

  “No,” she says, scooping out a spoonful of vanilla ice cream and plopping it down in a bowl. “He likes you¸ likes you.”

  It takes everything I have not to say, I like him, like him too.

  But I refrain.

  Because I do. I do like him. And I definitely shouldn’t. It’s not right, and it’s not fair to Tanner—who just now crosses my mind for the first time since this morning.

  I’m a walking cliché. My boyfriend is out of state, so what do I do? I start crushing on his brother. Great.

  However, if I’m honest, it was Tucker who I resisted at first. It was Tucker who had drawn my attention from the beginning.

  But it was Tanner who got my heart.

  Because I let him. Because I didn’t let myself want Tucker. I’m all kinds of messed up.

  Heart? You suck.

  “Okay,” I say.

  “Okay? That’s all you have to say?”

  I nod, not trusting myself to speak, because I know I’ll do nothing but dig an enormous, deep hole for myself. One that I do not want to dig. At least not here at a birthday party.

  “Interesting. Your boyfriend’s brother has a mad crush on you and you say ‘okay’? Right?”

  “Right,” I repeat.

  “And you’re not gonna fess up to crushing on him back?” she inquires.

  The bowl of cake and ice cream I’m holding goes falling to the ground.

  “Well, waste all the good food, why don’t you.”

  I want to strangle her for doing this to me. But that’s Rae. She says crazy things and then moves on from it all while everyone else is still standing around with their jaws on the ground.

  “You gonna be okay?” she says, waving a hand in front of my face.

  I don’t know. Hearing all this out loud is…overwhelming. It seems much safer to think in my head.

  “I…um…I…”

  “You know I’m not going to judge you, Maura. Am I ticked you didn’t think you could come to me about all this? Sure. But I won’t judge you. We can’t help who we like,” she says softly, bending down to pick up the bowl.

  I snap out of whatever odd trance I’m in and move to grab a paper towel.

  “Am I a bad person?” I say, squatting down next to her to wipe up my mess.

  She looks at me, directly in the eyes, and says, “I’ll never think you’re a bad person, Maura. You’re the best person I know.”

  I close my eyes briefly to hold back the tears, because damn. That meant so much more to me than I thought it ever would.

  I blow out a breath and open my eyes back up. “Thank you.”

  “Anytime. Now—” she pulls me up along with her “—tell me.”

  I throw away the paper towel, and we go back to scooping ice cream and cake.

  “It’s…complicated.”

  “What isn’t?” she mumbles.

  “That’s not fair. You and Hudson weren’t complicated at all. You fell in love and BAM! Happily ever after.”

  She sighs dreamily. “Yeah, it was like that, huh?” I nod. “But it’s not always pretty. I mean, you saw us today.”

  “You argued for like four hours. Tops. You two never fight. You flow.”

  “We disagree on lots of things. Hudson is an ass sometimes, and I’m a crazy bitch. Wanna know our secret? We let shit go. Neither one of us likes to focus on the bad crap. We’ve had enough of it in our pasts. We know how fast you can lose someone you care about. Working on the here and now, always looking to tomorrow, that’s what’s important to us.”

  I consider what she says, and I guess I have to agree. I focus too much on yesterday. I need to start concentrating on the future.

  “Anyway. This isn’t about Hudson or me. Let’s un-complicate this shit here and now. Let me in, Maurie,” she says, elbowing me lightly and wiggling her eyebrows at me. “You know you wanna.”

  “Fine,” I grumble. “Tucker was the first one I noticed. When you were over there getting their drink orders, I was checking them out. I had no idea it was Hudson’s table, but I was definitely interested.”

  “In Tucker,” she clarifies.

  “In Tucker.” I nod. “Something about him has always called to me. Always.”

  She screws her lips up. “That I can see. So, how’d you end up with Tanner?”

  I start to speak when she interrupts.

  “Let me guess—your parents.”

  “Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner.” Rae being Rae, she fakes the roaring of a crowd and fist pumps. She may be a loser, but she’s my loser. “They were all I could think of every time I looked at Tucker. He stuck out to me, but all I could hear were my parents picking him apart and saying all their usual bullshit to me about him.”

  “So you settled,” she finishes.

  “Yep.”

  Rae grimaces and flatly says, “That’s…stupid.”

  “Yep.”

  “So. Now what?”

  “What do you mean, ‘Now what?’ I live with my choice. I break up with Tanner because it’s not working, and I can’t keep faking it. Then I cut my losses and move forward. The end.”

  “Well, that’s bullshit,” Rae says with obvious exasperation.

  “What?”

  “You! You’re gonna give up on someone who makes you feel like he does? I don’t think that’s fair.”

  “And I don’t think it would be right of me to break up with one brother and then jump into bed with the other.”

  “The heart wants what the heart wants, Maura. End of story,” she says haughtily, practically throwing the ice cream back into the freezer.

  She thinks that’s going to work? Telling me the heart wants what it wants and trying to make me be with Tucker won’t work. At all. I’ve had enough people making decisions for me in my lifetime.

  “I say end of story. I’ll cut my losses. Deal? Deal,” I tell her firmly as I stack bowls onto a tray and carry them outside.

  The kids, and Perry, come running over immediately to get their hands on the sugar-fest I’m currently holding.

  It doesn’t take long for me to feel Tucker’s eyes on me. Since he’s so good at reading me, I’m sure he can sense my irritated mood.

  When I finish handing out the last of the bowls, I deposit the tray onto the small table that’s outside. Making my way over to Tucker, because that’s where I’m starting to
feel most comfortable, I ignore the pointed stare I’m getting from Rae.

  “You good?” he asks as I sit down next to him.

  “Hmm.”

  He chuckles softly, and I can see that beautiful smile of his out of the corner of my eye. “Yep. You’re good. Sassy as usual.”

  “Sassy? Never heard that one before. Shy, meek maybe, but not sassy. I like it.”

  Tucker leans over and says, “Me too, Maura. Me too.”

  I smile softly at that.

  “You should do that more often.”

  “Do what?” I ask.

  “Smile like that. It’s cute,” he responds, getting up to go grab dessert from Rae.

  Did Tucker call me cute? No, no way. He called your smile cute, Maura. Not you. But still. It should kind of count. Right?

  Screw it. I’m counting it.

  I’m not going to think about how I shouldn’t. I’m not going to think about what his compliments mean to me. And I am definitely not going to think about how he accepts me as I am, never pushing me.

  I’m not. I won’t. I can’t.

  “He’s right,” Gaige says in a low voice, pulling me from my thoughts and taking Tucker’s seat. “You’ve got a great smile. Or should I say your smile for him is great.”

  I want to glare at Gaige for being so nosey, but instead I ignore him and refuse to peek over in his direction.

  He doesn’t wait for a response, because he knows he’s not getting one.

  “You’re different with him. You even sit differently when he’s around. You’re not as stiff. I think he may be good for you.”

  “You know, I always thought you were just the quiet handsome one.”

  “Yeah? What the hell do you think I’m doing when I’m so quiet? I’m a watcher, Maura,” he tells me. I don’t have to look over to know the type of grin he’s wearing.

  “And a pervert.”

  “Sometimes.”

  I laugh lightly at that. Gaige is…different. He’s beautiful, sure, but he’s also quiet. So quiet that he usually doesn’t say anything until about ten minutes into one of our little group gatherings. His silence is captivating, makes a person curious. Plus, he has this vibe about him that makes anyone within a five mile radius fall in love with him. That’s never good for a heart. And I have a feeling he’s broken a lot of them along the way. He’s lethal.