The Reluctant

by Aila Cline

  “Will?” I asked on the third night before forking some spaghetti into my mouth. I swear that I gained five pounds that first week with him.

  He finished his own mouthful before answering. “Yes?” For some reason, he sounded apprehensive.

  “Are you drugging me?”

  He laughed nervously. “What makes you think that?”

  “I’m comfortable with you,” I answered carefully. “I shouldn’t be. I know I shouldn’t be, yet I’m here with you, playing Xbox and eating spaghetti like we’ve been dating for years. I haven’t even wanted to call my parents to let them know that I’m alive.”

  He smiled shyly, an increasingly endearing trait since he had no problem touching my body at any time I felt like it. “I tried to tell you before that there are things you should know about me.”

  Before when I asked him about his job, he had coyly danced around not answering me. I dropped my fork.

  “You’re a drug dealer?” I asked shakily. I wanted to feel angry. I knew it at my core, but for some reason, my brain didn’t respond.

  He waved away my words. “No, no, no. Nothing like that, baby. There are certain things about my body that you should know.”

  Like so many other things about Will, I felt oddly relieved that I wasn’t correct in my assumptions. “I’ve seen your body—all of it,” I said boldly.

  He nodded. “Yes, and your calmed state is a reaction to it.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense. The sex was good, but it’s been days.”

  “Do you know about pheromones?”

  I reached hazily back into my basic education. Remember, I was only nineteen at this point, not the strongest student as indicated by my reluctance to enter college right after high school, but neither was I stupid.

  “Aren’t they chemicals or something? Like when girls’ periods sync up when spending a lot of time together?”

  “Right,” he said instantly to make me feel smart. He flattered me like that, and I definitely had no problem letting him.

  “That’s what’s doing it.”

  I pushed my plate away, digesting what he had just told me along with my few bites of spaghetti. “And I thought only bees had sex pheromones. Wait, you’re doping me?”

  “Yes. Pretty much, my presence makes you drunk.”

  A giggle burst forth from my lips and I fought to stifle it. “Well, no more Friday nights at the bar for me. I’ve got my boy and my beer right here.”

  He laughed quietly. “I’m not a boy.”

  I gave a wan smile. “I’m sorry. You’re a man, but still, other men don’t make me feel this way.”

  And yes, he was a man. His physical attributes confirmed this, and he appeared beautifully proportioned. Twenty-four with a Master’s degree in business, he was more man than anyone else I knew.

  “That’s not exactly what I meant.”

  I leaned over playfully to nip his ear and stared meaningfully at his crotch. “Well, I know you’re not possessed of any female anatomy, so you’ll have to explain yourself thoroughly.”

  Will sighed, a sound of great burden that made me want to enfold him in my arms. “I’m scared to tell you.”

  I reached for him, but he flinched and drew back. “You can tell me,” I coaxed, my hand still hanging in the air. His whole body went rigid.

  “No, I have to go,” he said as if grinding his teeth.

  He vanished from the kitchen quickly without a further word, even before I could ask him to stay. What was he scared of? I heard the back door slam behind him. I wasn’t quite sure how to react. Flabbergasted is a word that I don’t get to use too often, so we’ll call it that.

  I stared hard at my abandoned spaghetti. I realized that I could have been free if the inclination took me. I had no desire to run back to the life of living with a mother and father who were annoyingly attentive, and no ambition to enroll in college or get a job. Dallying with this stranger seemed like a good option at this juncture in my life. All I wanted was to wait for Will to return with or without his pheromones intact.

  And I may not have wanted to escape at that moment, but I did want to see the outside. We had spent a few moments in his vast backyard the first night I spent here, but the wind had picked up and drove us inside to warmth. I decided that the front would provide more scenery even though I had discovered that Will lived in the middle of nowhere. California offered privacy for those who could afford it, and even though Will would not divulge how he kept his bills paid, I could tell he possessed the financial means to live his solitary life. Some of the stories he shared would have passing references to people. Unfortunately, I had met none of his friends or family; being unable to put a name to a face made me forget most of the names.

  The cool breeze caressed me and I took a long, deep breath. The vigorous autumn air filled my lungs and reminded me why I loved to be outdoors. And suddenly, a veil lifted from my body and mind. The malaise that had afflicted me for these last few days just dissipated. My skin felt cold. I realized that I had been in the same clothes for some days now, and had stupidly stayed with a man who openly professed an obsession for me and may be mentally disturbed. Oh good God, he had raped me! Why was I still here?

  I looked around. Nothing but trees surrounded the house. A lazy path wound its way through the wood. That was my ticket out of here. I could run, but not barefoot. The path held pebbles that would shred my skin on contact. I had not thought to look for my shoes these past few days. Now, with Will disappeared, I had a purpose. I entered the house intent on finding my damn shoes and leaving. No one would stop me, not even the muscled man who had practically fled my presence.

  I took two steps into the house and froze. A black dog stood a few feet away, watching me with a horrifying intensity through glistening blue eyes. I don’t know why I was instantly afraid, but something about the large canine sent a shiver through me and made me want to flee. And the word “large” is a bit of an understatement. His shoulders easily reached just below my ribs and if he hurled himself at me, his full height stretched out over me would be greater than mine, for his legs were of a greater length than his body. I gulped, noticing that the creature had talons as long as crayons. A strange analogy, I know, but my mind works oddly under stress. His teeth were not bared at me—in fact, I thought it odd that all he did was stare. Will had never mentioned a pet, and I would have noticed this beast in the days I was here! Had it slipped in through the backyard when Will rushed out?

  I backed away slowly. The door was right behind me. I could run out and slam it shut. The dog could not follow. “Good boy,” I said as soothingly as I could in my shaking voice. “Don’t bite. I like dogs.”

  The thing growled, making me stop, petrified. He gave a sudden bark, and I was off like a shot, thrusting the door back behind me, hoping it closed. I took great gulps of air as I tore down the path. I wanted to sob and panic, but that would decrease my ability to run. As it was, my feet felt like shards of glass prodded at them each time they hit the ground.

  I veered off the rocky path. Think me weak if you like, but my feet had always been shoed by the best athletic gear available. They were my tender friends, and I needed them more than ever at this point.

  I dodged trees with no idea of where I ran to. The sun began to set, and the shadows stretched out to warn me of the danger of being in a forest far from home. As I ran, my mind stretched back over Disney films I had been raised on: Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, even Mulan to an extent. Before happily ever after, there had been dragons, and witches, and Huns. Now, I could add dogs to that list, even though I was no fair maiden lost in the woods. Chancing a glance over my shoulder, I saw nothing pursuing me. Hopefully the thing remained trapped in Will’s house. Let him deal with it.

  Finally I had to stop. Darkness blanketed the landscape now. I threw my head back and filled my lungs again and again with the crisp air. That dick! How could he seduce me after forcing himself on me, then convince me to stay with him? That part about ph
eromones had been bullshit. He was drugging me with every meal, and not finishing my spaghetti had obviously diluted its effect, allowing me to think clearly.

  Some good it did me now, I thought ruefully.

  Breathing out a stream of my breath once more, I fought for calm. I had no phobia of dogs, but that beast’s intentions had radiated maliciousness. I looked around, grateful for the lack of its chase. The woods sighed quietly around me, wind rustling the branches and leaves shivering against each other. I slid down to the ground to massage my feet. The blood got under my fingernails, making me want to gag.

  And then I heard it.

  The soft breathing of a predator. Several predators. The wood held its breath for them; that’s why nothing moved. The animals knew they would be hunted if they called out into the night. And my dumb ass had sat down on the ground, thinking myself safe. I bit my lip as hard as I could stand to do. First dogs, now probably cougars or bears.

  A low growl met my ears before I sighted the animal, and then I remembered: cougars and bears don’t hunt in packs. Wolves do.

  As if they had heard my thoughts, five wolves stepped into the moon’s light. All of them towered over my seated body, equally as large as or larger than the monster I had trapped in Will’s house, who I realized belatedly had been no dog. In the sane part of my mind, I knew that words had no effect on animals, but I couldn’t help but plead softly.

  “No, please. It’s okay. See?” I said, stretching out my hand. “I won’t hurt you. You’re good dogs, right?”

  Those words were my undoing. The one closest snapped at me, and those jaws barely missed as I pulled away. The rest formed a tight circle which I would not be able to break through. I jumped up, determined to at least die on my feet. They circled me, as dramatically as any movie that Disney would never make. Abstractly, I remembered that Wart had escaped the wolf in Sword in the Stone with his naivety. I would get no such chance.

  I leaned heavily against the tree and closed my eyes, knowing that this time those teeth would not miss. I waited for the pain.

  After a few seconds, with nothing happening and my attackers quieted, I opened one eyelid, then the other. A sixth wolf had appeared, a large brown breed, and the other wolves watched as he meandered towards me. Their expressions seemed very human, very rapt, and I thought it strange that they waited for this other animal to appear.

  The creature approached me slowly, warily almost. He matched the biggest of the others pound for pound. Standing directly in front of me, he sat on his powerful haunches.

  And then I met those eyes, alive with emerald fire that ignited the strangest recognition in me. I reached out a hand towards the seemingly tamed wolf and ventured headlong with my odd conjecture.

  I gasped. “Will?”

  The wolf’s tongue lolled out his mouth and he looked around at his companions lazily, staring each one down. One of the grays growled a challenge. The alpha wolf meandered over and stood—stood!—on both legs. Those long limbs supported his weight easily, and the other wolf backed down. I felt faint at the notion that wolves could walk on their legs like men, but I dared not pass out. If this thing were indeed Will, I needed his protection. The other wolves still stared at me malignantly. Without his appearance, they would have gladly torn me to shreds.

  The erect creature dropped to all four legs and yapped twice. Four of the wolves yipped and ran, but the last one, the big gray who had defied the alpha, gave a low snarl before turning slowly to leave. My savior barked again and the gray slunk into the shadows.

  Satisfied the threat had dissipated, the brown wolf turned his attention back to me. Yes, those eyes were uncannily familiar. He fearlessly sauntered up to me and rubbed against my legs, almost like an attention-hungry cat. After discovering that he had no intention of biting my leg, I reached down and petted him. Stupidity cannot be ruled out as the motivator for this action. A shiver went through his body and he pressed closer against my legs. He hooked gleaming teeth into my jeans and tugged gently. I was to follow.

  More afraid of the beasts in the forest than the beast in the house or the one beside me, I followed the pace set by my furry companion. We walked for quite awhile. I, conscious of my feet, chose my ground carefully. The wolf did not push me to move faster. Rather, he slowed for me. Even on four legs, he strode longer than me. The moon waxed full tonight, so it provided helpful rays of light. Still, I was no normal night adventurer. Well-lit running paths had spoiled me. The darkness brought out my clumsiness. The house was a welcome respite from night’s embrace. On the doorstep I paused. Did I invite the wolf into the house?

  Obviously not, because as soon as I opened the door, the green-eyed wolf bounded off into the woods. Grateful for his assistance but not so grateful as to go bounding off after him, I crept into the house, peeking around for the large black creature from earlier. No sign of him, thankfully. I resolutely locked the doors and made sure all the windows were locked. If Will returned from his brooding soon, he probably had a spare key somewhere. After the night’s events, I wasn’t much concerned about it. Exhaustion claimed my attention.

  I soaked my feet in hot water, knowing that the damage could have been worse. Much worse. I crawled into Will’s bed just to inhale the scent of him, warm and spicy. Something about it comforted me, and I fell asleep. My dreams that night were not pleasant.

  Will

  I thought I was safe from my mother’s world. After all, her family comprised of both Lycanthrope and a few Lycanti lived in Mexico. The great bulk of Lycanthrope and their mates do not leave South America. Never had she mentioned others of her kind lurked in Southern California. It seems that she lied to me, but is it really a lie if she just chooses not to divulge the truth?

  College for me, thanks to a rigorous high school education, turned out to be easy and I excelled at most things set before me. I had a scholarship that covered tuition and a little extra, so I didn’t bother with a job—I truly was a spoiled undergrad. Unfortunately, as those with leisure time are apt to do, I had a great Achilles’ heel for English literature, which, because I loved to read, I chose as a minor to supplement my M.B.A. studies. Sometimes business majors overpopulate a campus with their cynical ways of money grubbing and success strategies, but those proficient in English, those who choose to be lumped into a category that people claim will only have job opportunities as teachers or professors, tend to be a more idealistic group. I found comfort in them. Their musings on literature inspired me, especially as a junior who might very well spend the rest of his life worried about the intricacies of the stock market. Numbers are harsh; literature is gentle. It helped me find balance.

  Imagine my surprise then when I found one of my professors gazing at me in a predatory manner one day. She was the toughest I had that year, an attractive middle-aged Hispanic beauty who taught Victorian lit and had a passion for gothic novels as well. I was on the verge of failing due to my poor skills at analysis. “I need to talk to you,” she told me during class one day. “Come see me during my office hours. It’s about your last paper.”

  It wasn’t about my paper. That’s all I can say without being vulgar. It was about my body. She wanted it, refused to live without it, and being a weak boy who wanted an A in a class that exceeded my academic talents, I gave in to her. I was no virgin. I had been popular in high school and had my share of girls. Don’t judge me, Emily. I know that you’ve had other men before me. I can also say that I continued to see other girls while sleeping with this professor. Obviously she wasn’t satisfied with my attention to her though.

  “You’re mine,” she snapped at me one day. I had never seen her angry. “Don’t you forget that. That’s no need for you to parade with those little sluts.”

  I balked. “I belong to no one. The last time I checked, I was a free man.”

  “We’ll see about that,” she said. I left her office not thinking much about it at the time. Ah, the confidence of youth.

  But then I worried. In fact, I worried a lo
t in the upcoming weeks. What if she turned me over to the dean? I would probably be thrown out of school for fraternizing with a teacher. But that didn’t make any sense. She would implicate herself as well, and most likely be fired. As one of the top professors of English in the country, she would also lose all of her carefully cultivated prestige. So I relaxed a little. When grades posted, I had my A. Now that I look back, it wasn’t worth it.

  U.C.L.A. gives its students a break between semesters, like most colleges who know that burnout can be a problem. Since I had no family and my friends had all gone home, I spent Christmas with my friend Brooke. Quick-witted and gorgeous, she and I had an agreement that we weren’t involved emotionally, but oh, how she helped me through those lonely holidays when I was missing my mother. I think she liked me more than she admitted and held out for a relationship with me at that time, but I will forever remember her for that kindness of lying to me that our actions were all no strings attached. We parted ways right before New Year’s Eve, promising to hook up when classes resumed January. She even extracted the promise of a real date from me. Soft towards her because of her benevolence, I agreed. Definitely not my usual standard operating procedure.

  When I returned to my dorm, I had a surprise awaiting me. Of course, there’s no genuine surprise in who it was: my demanding professor. I’ll never know how she got into the room. Probably the maintenance guy let her in. Who knows? Anyway, I can’t even remember exactly what was said between us, but she had been very calm. She simply told me that I was to see no other woman, and she knew that I had been with Brooke over the holidays and wasn’t happy about it. I attempted to reestablish that I was a grown man who could see whoever I wanted to as long as the woman consented. She pointed out that I could not be with Brooke if she was dead. I laughed at her morbid words then, but I came to find out that her threat was not idle.