The Reluctant

by Aila Cline

  “Don’t move.”

  I felt the metal pressed into my back, and I was surprised that anyone could have gotten so near with my newly enhanced senses. It could only be one person.

  “Luka?”

  “You can’t be here,” he said firmly. “Leave.”

  I turned, heedless of the knife he held and tried to fold myself into his arms. “Luka, it’s me. How could you not want to see me?”

  He swallowed and took a deep breath, wincing at the contact of my skin with his. “I can smell it on you, Emily. I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, but this is the Lycanti side of you speaking now.”

  I laughed. “Isn’t it wonderful? I was so scared, and now it’s great!”

  “You fear nothing now.”

  I cocked my head, trying to figure out if his words signalled a statement or a question.

  “Should I?”

  “Yes.”

  I moved towards him and threw my arms around him; his arms hung limply at his sides. “Should I fear you?”

  “Yes.”

  I rolled my eyes and let my body mold and stretch against his length. “What a scowl! Why would I ever be scared of you?”

  His eyes met mine and sent a bolt of electricity straight through me. I felt the muscles of his stomach contract as he let me push my body up against him. He wrapped me in his arms. That brazen cerulean gaze never left mine.

  “Luka…”

  I couldn’t speak, for his lips had found mine. They ignited a fire in me that had to be put out by only him. We pulled away and I tried to catch my breath.

  “Make love to me, Luka,” I gasped.

  He groaned deep in his throat, and I heard the knife hit the ground.

  “No. Emily, leave. Go, now, before I change my mind.”

  I pulled his head down to mine again for another exhilarating kiss. I could feel how much he wanted me—his body trembled and he was so swollen against me that his hardness pushed indelicately into my hip, demanding my attention. I reached down and put my hand against it, massaging him slowly.

  “The decision’s already made,” I insisted.

  “You’ve got to leave before she scents you.”

  That stopped my passion cold. I withdrew my hand and pulled away from him. “Who?”

  “My wife.”

  I looked at him, aghast. “Will didn’t tell me.”

  He looked at the sky and licked his lips, clenching and unclenching his fists. “No, he would not do that. He refuses to acknowledge her as such.”

  A ball of hurt formed in my stomach. “You said you would never love again.”

  “I have already loved again, but I do not love her.” The words were said without emphasis, and I saw the torn emotion as an ember in his eyes.

  I stared at the grass, determined not to feel anger. I would human my way out through this, not rely on the Change to get me out of a situation.

  “You love me.” It came out as an accusation.

  “Yes.”

  “But you married someone in the two weeks since I’ve seen you.”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  He tipped my chin up to him. “She will have my child. After the baby is born, I will take them both back to Venezuela. I plan to forget that I ever knew you or Will.”

  I grabbed his arm, desperate to feel him again. “I will have your child.”

  His nostrils quivered. “I would not take that from Will, not tonight. It’s not my place to take what is his.

  “Anyway,” he continued, interrupting my logical thoughts. “It is done. We are Bonded. I will not leave her. The best thing you can do is return home.”

  I could not focus on his face. The tears were going to start if I didn’t talk. “Is she as good as Shasta?”

  “No.”

  “Does she love you?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  That hurt me the most. “Why then? Why even bother?”

  He could not meet my eyes.

  “What? What is it? Luka, you can tell me.” My voice dropped to a choked whisper. “We were friends once.”

  He reached forward to wipe away the one tear that had gotten past my guard. “I had to have someone after I left you alone that night, Emily. If not, I would have come back to take you. She intercepted me in the woods and followed me home; she knew how vulnerable I was at that moment. I am sure she could smell it on me. It didn’t matter to her. It turned her on to know that she could have me even though I wanted someone else. It made her feel like she owned me, if only for a few moments.” He paused and swallowed again, as if the next words hurt. “It especially gave her joy to know that it was you I thought of.”

  The anger rose up within me at his cold words. “Oh, Luka, no, anyone but her—”

  He cut me off, but his voice broke. “Emily, I had to have someone. It might as well be her.”

  I felt sick, so sick that I couldn’t stand. I didn’t have to. My body solved the problem for me by allowing me to escape the emotional reality of those words. I did not even look back at Luka. I just ran, ran until I Changed back, pulling myself together before I crawled back to Will.

  Luka would never have me, because now, Brooke had him.

  The rage did not disappear after my Change. Rather, it swirled around like a riptide inside of me, forming eddies in my limbs and solidifying. I wanted to pull her head off, destroy the child inside of her, hurt her somehow.

  But I knew that Luka would protect her. It occurred to me that’s why he used the knife to threaten me. He was hunting me to save his mate from another female who wanted him. It was not so very different than Will’s protective impression over me before I was Changed. I had been vulnerable then. Brooke was vulnerable now. Luka sensed that something had shifted in me; I was now able and willing to kill for what I wanted. I wondered if it scared him that he was what I wanted.

  The house was warm, almost too warm, and it only served to irritate me more. I could not think straight. Had I still been a rational human, I would have told Luka about Brooke’s involvement in Shasta’s destruction. I’d like to see him stay with her then. I’d like to see her alive after I told him that.

  But I was not a collected human; I was a naked, pacing werewolf fresh from the Change, stalking the confines of the house for someone to take my rage out on.

  And of course, the only one around was Will, my favorite slab of flesh to vent my aggression on. I found him in his amateur audio-visual room, a hobby from his U.C.L.A days. He looked up as soon as I entered but did not smile.

  “You’ve been with Luka.”

  I didn’t speak. I knew he could smell his best friend on me; surely Luka’s scent was all over me since I had rubbed up against him in the most intimate way possible. I needed Will to take that edge off. I needed him to get my mind off it.

  “Fuck me.”

  He leaned back in his chair. Still his face looked only worried instead of happy to see me. His next words came out as if he had crawled over broken glass to say them.

  “Have you been with him?”

  I was no idiot. I knew he meant had I fucked Luka, not had I literally stood next to him. Will may have had a taste for rough sex, but he avoided using the terms in conversation as often as possible. His well-bred interior revolted against such a filthy mouth. I had once found it charming, now I found it annoying.

  All I wanted was his hips pounding against mine, summoning me into that rhythm at which he excelled.

  I crawled onto him, straddling him in the chair. He looked up at me with suspicious eyes, but I knew he couldn’t fail to appreciate my naked body. I grabbed his hand and forced it down to my slit that wanted him so bad. My body felt like it was on fire for his touch.

  Suddenly, Will pushed me off him. I hit the floor, thudding down onto it as if I were a fallen bowl. Shattered rage splintered from its solid pools inside of me, but I fought the Change, fought it with everything I had. And I won.

  He stood over me, looking down on m
e with a look that was not quite anger and not quite sadness. Surely, I thought at the time, he could not be pitying me?

  “I think you need a cold shower, Emily,” he said evenly. “It seems you’ve had a little too much excitement today.”

  I growled deep in the back of my throat, more animal than human at that moment. I got to my knees to tear at his pants with my hands and teeth, freeing the part I craved in a smooth action that made him pull away from me. He hardened instantly and gripped his fingers in my hair as I began to run my tongue over his shaft. I took it in my mouth and sucked enthusiastically, biting down hard enough to make him gasp every few moments. My breasts rubbed on his thighs, sending pulsating rhythms down my body. I looked up at him when I knew he was about to come. His eyes had never left my moving mouth. They seared me with their need.

  “Now fuck me,” I demanded.

  He nodded, his fingers still tangled at the nape of my neck. He pulled his hand away gently. I stood before him and let him take in my body. He reached out for me, but I knocked his hand away.

  “Let me tie you up,” I said in a low, seductive purr. “Let me be the one fucking you.”

  All he could do was nod his assent as I bound his hands to the back of the chair and straddled him again. He did not notice the arrow perched beside us, left there carelessly by him after a hunt one night.

  But I did. I had noticed it as soon as I entered the room, smelling the traces of old blood that made my mouth water. I used it to carve long grooves into his flesh. He bucked and hissed at me but did not tell me no. In fact, the whispers of pain intermingled with his heavily exhaled groans as an orchestrated symphony of pleasure. I ran my fingers along his wounds and pulled the mixture of sweat and blood up to my mouth, licking my fingers as if they were his cock. Some of the deeper cuts did not heal quickly and I lavished my attention on them.

  I just could not stop, even while I rode him I continued to slice him open to suck the blood as he thrust up into me, once even tearing a piece of flesh from his shoulder and swallowing it down. He yowled with the pain, but did not tell me to stop. The blood coated my throat and my body with a deep satisfaction that I craved.

  And oh God, did it taste good.

  Will

  There is a way to cure our disease. And rest assured, I will tell you one day, but not now. Luka told me that the Lycanthrope have that choice. For now, we are together. I have waited for you a long time, and having you here brings me peace. I always believed that being an animal was easier than being human. I can concentrate on hunger and my body’s demands rather than the tousled complexities of the human mind and heart. But with you, I have found comfort. It is enough that you are here, finally, to give meaning to my life. I am no longer empty. I love you, Emily. Know this before you listen to the remaining monologues. Listen and learn with the faith that I will never hurt you purposely. I will protect you from those who would harm you. One day, you will be the mother of my children, and they will have a choice. Lycanthrope or human. They will not be tormented by the Lycanti for holding onto the human in themselves, as I am, as you do, or dominated by a Clan they know nothing about. The Clan will hate you for your humanity, too. Don’t let their arrogance deceive you. Likewise, do not let my words scare you.

  I know you love Luka. But I also know that you are loyal to me. I can deal with both because you make me happy and you make Luka happy. It’s hard for me to begrudge him your friendship. Our own friendship will heal one day, and I will not stop you from seeing him if that is what you desire. He has been hurt enough in this life; I cannot add to it without a heavy conscience.

  I just want you to know the truth. I’ve only ever wanted you to know the truth.

  And the reality is, I would die for you, Emily. Truly.

  Emily

  Somehow I found myself at Luka’s, cleaned of blood and remarkably composed except for the scalding waves of need that escaped me. He met me even further away than before, almost halfway to Will’s house as the crow flies through the woods. I wondered if he ever stayed home anymore, or was he just that miserable? He had been hunting Lycanti as a wolf. His naked form in front of me after his Change brought back the heat for him and the hate for Brooke.

  He did not say hello, just stared at me with wary eyes.

  The words forced themselves up immediately. “Brooke killed Shasta.”

  Every movement in his body ceased, even his breathing, as he processed my words. He began breathing again and his focus on me was dizzying.

  “I smell Will’s blood on you.”

  “We had a fight,” I improvised. He knew that Lycanti fights could get vicious since we healed quickly and could not control our tempers. He would accept my lie. “That’s not why I’m here though,” I added.

  “I don’t believe you about Brooke.” His face turned to stone. “She hunts humans, but I was with Shasta when she died. It was my fault, no one else’s.”

  Leave it to a man to believe me when I lied and refuse to accept my words when I spoke the truth!

  “The man who Changed me admitted that your father didn’t want a Lycanti in your family. He gave Brooke a knife with something on it to kill Shasta quickly and before you could complete the act.”

  He looked as if he had swallowed acid. “My father loved Shasta. He loves me. He would never do that. Grow up, Emily.”

  “I’m not lying,” I shouted. I leaned in, intending to slap him for his words

  He caught my hand and brought me face to face with him. Pressed against him inch for inch, his naked body against my clothed one, no matter how angry I had been I now wanted him more than ever.

  “I cannot think straight with you so close to me,” he said lowly. “But I know what I saw in regard to Shasta.”

  My body became hot at his touch, but I tried to keep my words steady. “I would not lie to you about this, Luka. You deserve to be happy. Brooke will not make you happy. You already told me that she doesn’t love you. Shasta loved you, and you know that I do, too.”

  His face fell as he crushed me to his chest. I breathed him in, rubbing my hands down to the small of his back and running my nails over his naked skin. He kissed my neck and my face, anything but my lips. He knew that it would be over then.

  I brushed his shoulder blades with my lips and teased him with the tip of my tongue, running it up his neck over his ear and making him shiver with pleasure.

  “I love you more than life,” Luka said unsteadily. “But I am Bonded to Brooke now. You and I cannot be together. The Bond is forever.”

  I ignored his words and bit down into his shoulder. Hard. A tremble went through his body as he breathed in my scent. His body gave way to mine, surrendering the battle against me. His words rushed back to me: If I am near during your time again, Will and I would fight to the death for the right to mate you.

  But Will was not here, and Luka would not have to fight for the right to my body. I would willingly give him whatever he wanted, even a child if it meant he would leave Brooke. Right now all I wanted was his lean body against mine, those blue eyes melting me with their intensity. His hands already explored my body, following the curves of my hips and thighs and grabbing at my breasts. Our tongues met again and again as if fighting within our mouths, firing the need for my fingers to slip down to manhood and stroke him.

  He caught my hands with his. “I can’t do this, Emily.”

  I tugged his hands to their rightful position around my waist and slipped mine back down. “You can. I know you want to.”

  “No,” he said, trying to pull away.

  I kissed him again, putting all of my sweetness and rapture I possessed for both him and Will into it, and this time he did not struggle against me. And then I knew that he was mine. He would not say no to me. Ever.

  I ran. I didn’t know what else to do. My protector was gone, and those who had wanted Will as I had had him would not take kindly to my disposal of him. The fear Changed me; the hangover of Luka’s loving potent in my skin. I ran from
that house, that scene of blood and lust, the weakest point of me exposed. Now I ran for survival. The wind shifted around my body, ruffling the tawny tips of my fur and cooling my body.

  I mourn him deeply though it was me that did it.

  The blood and the tears I experienced with him, because of him, for him, live in my veins, breathing fire into my cavities and bringing home the realization that I will never be a victim of the Clan again.

  There’s a part of me that wishes this would have ended differently. Like when I watched Romeo and Juliet with Will, my sensitive English minor Will, I wanted them to both live at the end of the tomb scene so badly. Will had laughed at me then, saying Shakespeare had to have some way to make his viewers appreciate what they could potentially lose. But no matter how many times I sit through it, Shakespeare’s version just doesn’t ring true with the Disney-flavored world that raised me.

  Walt Disney would not have approved to the end of my story. But it’s more complex than even the things I have told you—especially in the Lycanti world that has swallowed me. I can only convey so much through my own limited experience. In their world, our world, Will owned me, body and soul. By the laws of our world, his clan could chase and kill me simply because we defied them with my Change, albeit not willfully, or because I killed one of their sons. Maria had tried to have me metaphorically killed once and all she did was make me stronger. I dare the bitch to try it again.

  To those other Lycanti or Lycanthrope that might think to hunt me—even you, Luka, for I know that you are the one they will send after me—be warned:

  I am not your prey. I will never be part of your clan. And this is reality, not a Shakespearean play.

  You should know, however, that I am a damn good hunter thanks to Will. I got tired of being Juliet. There are too many things that can go wrong when you allow yourself to be the victim.

  One more thing: I cannot seem to sate this appetite for blood and flesh. So come for me if you feel you have to or if you think you can.