East of Hounslow

by Khurrum Rahman

  Then there was Parvez.

  Our relationship‚ not quite strained‚ wasn’t the same as it once had been. Gone was the annoying‚ agitator. Replaced by a Paki I did not recognise‚ quiet‚ determined‚ focused.

  On a mission.

  *

  I had completed a five-mile run‚ my eyes open‚ seeing everything. I felt strong. My mind sharp. The words of the Imam ringing in my head. Allah gave you a tool‚ a vessel. It is your duty to keep it conditioned. It had become a daily routine‚ a fruit breakfast followed by pounding the pavements of Hounslow.

  I decided to warm down and walk the last mile to the alleyway behind Lampton Park where I was due to meet Parvez. We were going to attend Zohar Prayers together at Sutton Mosque. It was my idea. I had spent the best part of the last few months’ trying to convince a still-sceptical Parvez that I had the right to walk beside him. He wasn’t suspicious about my intentions‚ he just didn’t think I had it in me. He still saw me as Jay the fuck-about‚ the Jay that he had grown up with.

  I slipped my headphones off as I reached the alley way. I was a little early so‚ using the wall for support‚ I killed time stretching out cramp from my legs. From the corner of my eye I saw a young couple approaching. I recognised the girl‚ she lived a few streets away from me. Her name was Sabina or Saara‚ I couldn’t quite remember. It was one of those white-sounding Paki names that parents like to call their kids so they don’t get picked on at school. She was strolling without a care in the world with a skinny white boy. Hands entwined like they were ready to take on the world together.

  I checked the time and grimaced‚ it was bang on twelve. I hoped hard that the ever-punctual Parvez would be running late.

  But no. There he was.

  Turning into the alley‚ a stone’s throw behind the couple‚ and I knew he was looking at exactly what I was. A Sister‚ short skirt‚ bare legs‚ hand in hand with a Kafir. I couldn’t make out his features‚ but I could just picture his face‚ eyebrows painfully narrowed and deep frown lines on his forehead. He would have been fucking livid.

  I was going to let them pass‚ I should have let them pass‚ but I saw an opportunity to prove myself to him.

  I cursed under my breath and sprung myself off the wall as love’s young dream neared‚ all smiles and sweet talk‚ probably off to the Lampton Park to eat each other’s faces.

  ‘Wotcha‚ Jay‚’ she said‚ smiling broadly. I positioned myself so that my back was to Parvez‚ I didn’t want him to know that I had clocked him.

  I looked at her up and down‚ all seventeen years of her. And then I looked down between them at their linked hands‚ before my eyes travelled to his. The look on my face made him immediately liberate his hand from hers. She looked at him disappointedly.

  ‘This is Casey. Casey this is Jay.’

  He nervously snaked his hand out towards me‚ looking for a shake. He didn’t get one. They looked at each other‚ embarrassed‚ the shift in dynamic obvious to all.

  ‘We should go‚ Saara?’ he said. ‘We’re going to be late?’

  ‘What’s your problem‚ Jay?’ she said. ‘Why you acting like a dickhead?’

  I remembered her being such a sweet girl. It looked as though she had developed quite the feisty side. She grabbed Casey’s hand tightly and lifted her chin up at me as a show of defiance.

  ‘Why aren’t you at school?’ I said‚ like an overbearing big brother.

  ‘Why don’t you mind your own business‚ Jay? You obviously have a problem with this‚’ she said‚ lifting up her linked hand and taking his along for the ride.

  ‘What happened to you‚ Saara? You used to be a bright girl. Why are you hanging around with Kafirs for?’

  ‘Since when did you start using words like Kafir? Never mind what happened to me. What happened to you? Oh I get it; you’ve joined the God Squad. Well good for you. I heard that you were hanging around with those guys. That’s your decision. But don’t you dare try and tell me what I can or cannot do.

  Behind me I knew Parvez was rubbernecking‚ and with adrenaline still coursing through me from my run‚ and in the absence of an intelligent response I dropped down to street mentality.

  ‘Does your Mum know she’s raising a fucking slapper?’

  The words sickened me.

  It was at that moment Casey decided to grow some balls‚ he moved forward between us and dared to look me in the eye. His jaw set tight‚ his fists balled. I stepped into his face‚ ready to get into it.

  ‘I feel sorry for you‚ Jay‚’ she said‚ grabbing his arm and moving him away.

  They walked away and I kicked a discarded coke can towards them.

  ‘You feel sorry for me?’ I snorted‚ to myself.

  Then... I started yelling. ‘Don’t feel sorry for me‚ I’m fine. It’s you I feel sorry for.’ I was hopping around now‚ ranting‚ the sound of my voice bouncing off the narrow walls in the alley. Snippets of what she had said to me were at the forefront of my mind. ‘I’ll tell you what happened to me‚ I opened my fucking eyes‚ yeah? It’s time you opened yours. You are destined for hell‚ yeah? You hear me‚ Sister? Hell!’

  I felt Parvez’s squeeze my shoulder‚ his fingers circling deep under my collar bone‚ calming me the fuck down.

  ‘It’s okay‚ Brother‚’ he said. ‘Don’t waste your energy. We must pick our battles carefully.’

  Breathing hard‚ I bent down and placed my hands on my knees. I closed my eyes tightly and tried to justify my actions. I inhaled through my nose and exhaled deeply through my mouth. My temper calmed and my breathing relaxed and with a clear mind I thought‚

  What the fuck have I become?

  46

  Parker sat opposite me and stared. Those dead eyes that used to scare me no longer had that effect. I saw them for what they were. Dead. I stared back at him with my own glare‚ one that had hardened over time.

  ‘You missed our last meeting‚’ he said.

  ‘I was busy‚ man‚’ I said. ‘Besides‚ I had nothing to report last week.’

  ‘You haven’t been answering your phone or texts.’

  ‘You’re starting to sound like a girl I used to go out with.’

  Parker slowly nodded‚ a hint of disappointment in those dead eyes.

  ‘Look‚ I told you‚ if there is anything worthwhile to report‚ I’ll call you.’

  ‘I’ll decide whether or not your information is pertinent. From here on you turn up to meetings‚ you answer your phone and you respond to texts.’

  ‘Call this a meeting?’ I mumbled under my breath‚ as I looked around the same shitty garage we had been meeting at since it all started.

  ‘Is everything all right with you‚ son?’

  It had started to grate on me‚ that word. I’d found out recently that Parker had a family somewhere‚ a wife and children. Family that he did not see anymore‚ or‚ more accurately‚ family that did not want to see him anymore. So I’d let him get away with calling me son‚ but it had started to make me feel uncomfortable. He wasn’t my dad‚ he wasn’t my father figure.

  ‘Everything is fine‚’ I said‚ dropping my eyes.

  ‘Have you spoken to your… mother recently?’

  ‘Yeah‚ spoke to her a couple of days ago.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And what?’ I said. ‘What has that got to do with anything? What has that got to do with you?’

  To his credit‚ he didn’t rise to my outburst‚ which I regretted as soon as it flew out of my mouth. It wasn’t my intention to be difficult but I was aware how I was coming across. I had a job‚ I know‚ a fucking duty‚ but it was becoming increasingly difficult. I was getting too close to them. In and out of class‚ bonding‚ forming real relationships‚ the environment too suffocating that it was squeezing the life out of me‚ and then coming here and unloading all that I was entrusted with. The Imam’s words‚ at times‚ justifiable‚ making me realise‚ at times‚ that my duty as a Muslim was above and
beyond my duty for anything else‚ but at other times‚ I knew… I knew what I had to do.

  I stood up and boiled the kettle. I didn’t offer Parker a drink but made one for him anyway.

  ‘Sorry‚’ I mumbled as I handed him his coffee. ‘I’m just been a bit stressed out.’

  He nodded his appreciation at the gesture.

  ‘I was away‚’ I said. ‘That’s why I missed our last meeting.’

  ‘Oh?’ He waited for me to elaborate.

  ‘I only got back yesterday.’

  ‘Where did you go and who were you with?’

  ‘Kevin Strauss and Al-Bukhara. Luton‚ Coventry and Bradford. I wasn’t expecting to go away‚ it was a last minute thing. That’s why I couldn’t get in touch. While we were away‚ we stayed together‚ pretty much throughout. It would have been too risky to call you.’

  ‘Okay‚ Jay. Tell me about this trip.’

  ‘Three meetings in three cities. The first was in Luton‚ in what seemed like an unoccupied house. The second was in Bradford‚ sat in the back of a dark blue transit van in the middle of a forest. The third in Coventry‚ in an aeroplane hangar. This was‚ apparently‚ the most productive of the three. So much so that they arranged another meeting for the following night‚ at the same location. At that point money was exchanged.’

  ‘Exchanged for…?’ Parker asked.

  ‘For guns‚’ I said. ‘Ten sawn-off AK47s. Ten Glock 19s. Clean‚ never fired. Boxes and boxes of ammo‚ I couldn’t tell you how much‚ but more than necessary for a neighbourly dispute.’

  ‘Sawn-off?’

  ‘Yeah‚ around this size‚’ I spread my hands to indicate around eighteen inches.

  Parker hmm’d and nodded and scratched his face. That particular information seemed to get him ticking.

  ‘What is it?’ I asked. ‘The sawn-off?’

  ‘Yes’ he said. ‘A sawn-off is easy to conceal. It has no sight or stock. It’s cut for close quarters‚ close destruction.’

  ‘So‚ what? A public place. In amongst the crowd. A shopping mall‚ possibly.’

  ‘Possibly… There are six of you in your class‚ right?’

  ‘Seven if you count the Imam.’

  ‘No‚ he wouldn’t get his hands dirty. Any mention of location?’

  I shook my head. ‘No. And I didn’t ask him. Al-Bhukara does not like to be questioned. But… on the trip back to London he was‚ I don’t know… loose‚ relaxed. As though another piece of the puzzle had been placed. He spoke freely and openly‚ but it was like a riddle‚ it didn’t make complete sense. But the intention was clear.’

  ‘What did he say?’

  I sat back in my chair‚ took a sip of my coffee‚ taking my time of what I was to reveal. I’d taken a risk‚ I had a recording on my phone that if the Imam ever decided to carry out a random check‚ I would have been dealt with viciously and without question. But the risk was calculated‚ the way Al-Bhukara treated me‚ the respect and something close to love that he heaped on me‚ I didn’t think that he would have ever checked my phone.

  I selected the voice recorder app on my phone‚ placed it on the table and pressed play. Al-Bhukara’s voice filled the room.

  Make no mistake my young Brothers. Qayamat is coming. Judgement day is almost upon us. The day of reckoning‚ the day when we must answer. It has been prophesised‚ written fourteen hundred years ago. Look around you and you will see the truth. Look around you and you will see the signs.

  Women are naked in spite of being fully dressed. Earthquakes have increased. The distance on Earth has become short. People are competing in constructing the tallest of buildings. Women lie with women and men lie with men. Trust is used to make a profit. Leaders of men cannot be trusted. Power and authority is in the wrong hands. The nations of Earth gather against the Muslims.

  The predictions are coming true before our very eyes. We are duty bound to be ready for Judgement day. We must be prepared‚ stand our ground and give ourselves wholly to the cause.

  No longer are we in a position to ignore these signs. We see them always in our everyday lives‚ we read about them and talk about them and we brush them off. No more. We refuse to be blinded by the sinners. We refuse to share the same oxygen as a man who speaks ill of us. A man who supports a war that only leads to the devastation and destruction of Muslims in every corner of the world. We are a hunted species no longer. Mark my words‚ Brothers.

  There will be much murder and killing.

  47

  Despite the high winds‚ I drove with my window down. I hadn’t been sleeping too well and the biting air hitting my face helped me stay focused as I drove. I clocked myself in the rear-view mirror; tired as fucking hell stared back at me. The dark circles under my eyes had deepened and my stubble was days away from being a fully fledged beard. Mum would have been horrified. I had been speaking to her‚ or lying to her‚ once a week. She seemed so happy in her new life with Andrew‚ scoring herself a part-time job as a hotel receptionist‚ while Andrew was excelling at his job‚ teaching English at a local school. Yeah‚ man‚ she was pretty happy‚ especially happy with the lies I was feeding her about how fucking happy I was. She thought I had an office job! She thought I was in a steady relationship! I could hear in her voice how proud she was of herself that she had finally raised her boy into a man.

  Yeah‚ I was a man all right. Just not the man that she had hoped for.

  It had just turned half eleven‚ the threat of that fucked-up sideways‚ windy rain looming. We had been summoned to the house for midnight. Al-Bhukara didn’t give anything away apart from the time and date. I was close‚ and I was early by thirty minutes so I parked my Nova near number 15 and strolled down to the nearest Costcutters. A black Lexus slowly crept past me and away into the night. It was the same car that I’d seen on two other occasions over the last few weeks‚ once cruising menacingly down my road. I had a feeling who it was‚ and who had sent it. A typical Silas move‚ aimed to intimidate. It was obvious that he would by now have cottoned on to the fact that it was me who was responsible for him being locked up‚ and he was keen to illustrate his power from behind bars by sending the shivers up me. Even behind the tint on the windscreen‚ I knew it was probably Staples at the wheel‚ but even he wasn’t dumb enough to try anything with so much heat around Silas and his crew. So I let them have their moment‚ not giving it too much thought.

  I walked into Costcutters and picked up a bottle of water‚ a black coffee and some cigarettes. I still had around twenty minutes to kill so I decided to just walk from aisle to aisle‚ killing time. I spotted Parvez in the magazine section‚ he was engrossed in a movie magazine. Arnie on the front cover announcing that he was back! I slowed my pace and watched Parvez with interest. It was weird seeing somebody who was so against the West‚ reading something that embodied everything that the West was about.

  He turned towards me and quickly placed the magazine back on the shelf as though I had just caught him reading Playboy.

  ‘Salaam‚ Brother‚’ he said.

  ‘Walaikum-Salaam‚’ I said.

  ‘You’re early too.’

  ‘Yeah‚’ I nodded. ‘I’m going out for a smoke.’

  ‘I’ll join you‚ Brother.’

  We stepped out and leaned against the wall at the side of the shop. I slipped out a cigarette and had some difficulty lighting it due to the wind. We waited for the clock to tick down in bouts of silence punctuated by the odd dialogue.

  ‘You ever smoked‚ Parvez?’ I asked.

  ‘Yes‚’ he chuckled. ‘Do you not remember? With you at your place‚ years back. We both had our heads out of your bedroom window.’

  ‘Oh‚ man. Yeah‚ I remember‚’ I said‚ laughing at the memory. ‘That’s when your mum walked past and you crapped yourself.’

  ‘That was the first and last time‚ Brother. Mum would have killed me.’

  ‘You were convinced that she saw you‚ you were too scared to go home.’
>
  ‘Petrified‚ Brother… Petrified.’

  The chuckles died down and we were left with that stupid grin one wears on their face in the afterglow of laughter.

  ‘I saw your mate‚’ Parvez said. ‘Brother Idris. The policeman.’

  ‘Yeah?’ I said‚ casually‚ wanting to ask more but not allowing myself to.

  ‘He’s doing well.’

  ‘That’s Idris. Always lands on his feet.’

  ‘What happened between you? You two were like real Brothers.’

  I shrugged‚ more to myself‚ and threw my cigarette down. ‘We just drifted‚ you know. He’s doing his own thing‚ and I’m doing mine.’

  ‘Do you miss him?’

  Like I’ve lost my right arm.

  ‘What kind of a girly question is that? Course I don’t miss him. We just drifted… Besides‚ I now got you to irritate me.’

  ‘Do I irritate you?’ he said‚ as if it was news to him.

  ‘You’re all right‚ Parvez‚’ I said‚ sidestepping the question. ‘I’ve got a lot of time for you.’ I smiled at him. ‘Come on. Let’s walk down.’

  We walked at snail’s pace despite the first signs of rain. ‘Do you have any idea why the Imam requested us to meet tonight?’ I asked.

  ‘Yes‚ Brother‚ I do.’

  ‘Well… Are you going to tell me?’

  ‘You are going to find out very soon‚ but I don’t think that it will concern you personally too much. I think you have only been invited to observe.’

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘Look‚ Jay. I stopped questioning the Imam’s motives a long time ago. It was strange the way he demanded your presence a few months back‚ it’s strange how he never raises an eyebrow at you. And it’s particularly strange that he wants you here tonight. You have only been with us for a few months but he treats you as though you hold the same experience as the rest of the group.’