Baby By Christmas (The McIntyre Men Book 5)

by Maggie Shayne

  Jack shrugged. “You wouldn’t understand.”

  “I do understand. I don’t have any parents.”

  “Everybody has parents,” Jack said in his knowing voice.

  “I guess that’s true, but I never knew mine. They gave me away when I was little and I spent lots of Christmases asking Santa for a family. And when it didn’t happen, I was sure he wasn’t real. Just like you are now.”

  “So, I’m right.”

  “No, I don’t think so. I don’t think I was either.” The look in the little boy’s eyes made Logan’s heart break. It was like his last shred of hope was vanishing.

  “Santa might not be able to fix everything, but I believe he’s real. There’s something magical about Christmastime. People start looking out for each other and doing nice things for each other, and let me tell you kid, that doesn't happen every day. That’s real magic—the best kind of magic. It’s the kind that you can trick yourself into thinking isn’t real. But it’s the most real kind of all, Jack. Because it’s not just toys and presents. It’s something a lot harder to make. Something that matters.”

  Logan knew Allie was standing behind him. He didn’t know how long she’d been there, but he knew she was listening.

  “Everybody says he’s gone and he’s not coming back, but do you think the magic could be strong enough to bring my dad home this year?” Jack didn’t meet Logan’s eyes when he asked it. Logan knew he should say no. He didn’t want Jack to be holding out hope again, only to be destroyed Christmas morning. He couldn't bear the thought of that, but he couldn’t be the one to destroy the little guy’s last hope either.

  “I don’t know, Jack. What I do know is if your daddy could be here with you, he would be. And he wouldn't want you to stop believing in magic just because he didn’t make it home.”

  Jack nodded. He turned his head back toward the television, but his arm snaked around Logan’s and he rested his cheek against his shoulder. Logan couldn’t help but notice the tears that dripped onto his shirt where the little boy’s head hung, but he pretended not to. Jack’s little shoulders shook and Logan squeezed the little boy closer to his side.

  Allie came around the side of the couch, her own eyes were damp. She mouthed a silent thank you and sat down in the spot that the dog had vacated. Logan’s fingers found Allie’s, and without letting go of the little boy, he held her hand.

  Logan wondered about their child. He prayed their baby would never have to go through what Jack was going through. He knew this was Allie’s reason. It was why she didn't want to try to have a future with him, and he couldn't blame her. He’d spent hours with this little boy and his heart broke for him. He couldn’t imagine Allie, knowing what Jack had gone through, what their own child might face if things went wrong, and still taking a chance on a relationship with him. The situation seemed hopeless, but her fingers were warm against his. He hoped this could be the start of a future for them. But how could it be? In less than two weeks, he’d be flying back to Afghanistan. How was he supposed to make things work with her when he only had twelve days to do it?

  Angie stepped out of the bathroom with Cassie in her arms. The little girl was dressed in Grinch footie pajamas and she looked the picture of innocence as she yawned against her mother’s shoulder. “You two might have to visit every night,” she said in a hushed voice. “It usually takes me hours to get Jack down.”

  Allie squeezed his fingers and let go of his hand and he knew it was because she didn't want her sister to know there might be something between them.

  “He’s had nightmares ever since…”

  Logan stood, scooping the little boy into his arms. “He’ll be okay. It just takes time,” he gave Angie a reassuring smile. “Where should I put him?”

  “Follow me,” Allie said.

  She led the way up the stairs to the entryway and then up another set to the second level. A nightlight lit the hall and he followed Allie to the end of it. She opened Jack’s door and hurried inside to pull back the covers on his bed. Logan walked carefully, trying to avoid the toys that were scattered on the floor. His foot slammed into a robot and it started talking and flashing lights. He held his breath for a second, hoping the noise wouldn’t wake Jack.

  The little boy stirred and wrapped his arms tighter around Logan’s neck. He snuggled close. “Daddy,” he muttered in a sleepy voice. Logan felt his heart crack in his chest all over again. He lay the little boy down in his bed and tucked the blankets around his shoulders.

  * * *

  Allie’s little farmhouse was quiet when they pulled into the driveway. Adam’s car was nowhere in sight and Allie thanked her lucky stars for that. She loved her brother, but a little more alone time with Logan wasn’t unwelcome. Maybe he’d explain himself, or admit the truth, or….kiss her again.

  What harm could it do? She was already pregnant.

  But she knew that would lead to more complications. She wasn’t ready to plan a happily ever after with him, and she knew that would only make her more confused about what was happening between them.

  The coward in her wanted to sneak off to bed, but she didn’t think she’d get any sleep with him in the next room. She’d be thinking about that kiss every time she closed her eyes.

  Logan didn’t look at all bothered by the situation. He closed the door behind her after she let them both in, and then he walked into the kitchen. She took off her coat, and heeled off her shoes, stretched her back, and then went further inside to see what he was up to. He had a plate of cookies and had poured milk for two.

  He gave her that mischievous grin that made her toes curl. She didn’t return it.

  “Are you unhappy with my snack selection?”

  “Not on your life.”

  He set the glasses down on the kitchen island and moved closer to her. “Are you unhappy with something else I’ve done?”

  “No.”

  “Then maybe you’re unhappy because of something I haven’t done yet.” He moved closer still until he was mere inches away from her. His fingers trailed over the side of her face, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. “Is that it?”

  Her head was suddenly clouded with thoughts of him. Of what could happen between them.

  “You don’t really want me. You couldn’t. Stop pretending.”

  “Allie, I told you, you have no idea what I want. And if you think I don’t want you, you’re fooling yourself. Do you know how many nights I spent alone dreaming of having you this close to me again?” He twisted a lock of her hair around his finger, rubbing it with his thumb. “I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you right now.”

  She closed her eyes, wishing she could believe him.

  “I could prove it to you.”

  Her breath caught in her throat. He leaned down to kiss her and all her fears and doubts came to the forefront. His lips brushed across hers, and she felt panic settling in. She slid a hand onto his chest between them and pushed him gently.

  “We can’t... You’re leaving soon. This isn’t smart.”

  He sighed and looked down at her with a sad smile. “That’s what I thought you’d say. Hence the cookies.” He shrugged, gave a sad smile. “So, do you want to take ‘em to the couch and watch a movie?”

  “Just because I’m pregnant, you assume I want cookies?” She made her tone teasing, to hide the storm going on inside her.

  “No, I want cookies. But I’m willing to share. If you don’t want any, I’m more than happy to eat them myself. You make some damn good cookies.”

  She smiled. “Don’t be silly. I always want cookies.” She turned and headed into the living room, sank onto the sofa and reached for the remote. “We can each them while we watch White Christmas.

  Logan brought the cookies and milk and sat down beside her. She was eager to watch her favorite holiday movie, and more eager to watch it with him. But when he sat down beside her and put his arm around her shoulders, she had a hard time concentrating on the television screen.


  Logan didn’t seem to be having the same problem.

  “The Army must have been a lot different in the forties. No one in my unit has ever preformed a song and dance number while taking mortar fire.”

  Allie smiled. “Maybe if you hadn’t come home before Christmas, you would have seen some kind of a show.”

  “Maybe,” he said.

  It felt good, sitting beside him, eating cookies, watching him enjoy the film. She told herself not to get used to having Logan around. The more she let herself enjoy this now, the worse she would feel when he was gone. And yet, she couldn’t stop herself from snuggling closer and leaning her head on his shoulder, and before she knew it, she was fast asleep.

  * * *

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Edwards?” Adam’s voice pulled Logan out of a sound sleep. The first decent sleep he’d had since coming home.

  He was tired and groggy and it took him a minute to figure out why Adam was so upset. But once his brain started firing on all cylinders, he realized that the reason he was so warm and comfortable was because Allie was snuggled up at his side. Her head was cradled on his chest and his chin had been resting on the top of her head.

  Logan placed a finger to his lips and struggled to untangle himself. It took some effort. Allie’s fingers were wrapped around the collar of his shirt, and she didn’t seem in any hurry to let go.

  Adam stood there, apparently seething.

  He finally managed to roll Allie away from him and he stood up and walked into the dining room. Adam followed.

  “What is going on with you and my sister?” Adam wasn’t speaking in best-friend tones. He was 100% in C.O. mode.

  Logan wanted to tell the truth. This was his chance. His friend was asking him a question and he didn’t want to lie. But all he could see in his mind was Allie’s eyes as she’d begged him to keep the secret for just a little longer. He couldn’t betray her now.

  “Look, she’s…she’s an amazing woman. She needs someone to lean on right now and I don’t mind being there for her,” he said instead.

  Adam looked at Logan for a long time. When he spoke, he was calmer, but just as firm. “She’s in a fragile state. Maybe you’re just trying to be a good guy, but it would be easy for her to get confused right now. She can’t handle someone else coming into her life and then taking off again just when she needs them. Not again.”

  It was like a knife to his chest, but Logan knew Adam was right. He hadn’t intended to leave Allie to handle an entire pregnancy on her own, but he had. And he was going to do it again only this time she would be left to handle a baby.

  “I just want to help her while I can. That’s all.”

  Deep down, though, he had to admit that helping Allie wasn’t his true motivation. Part of it, yeah. But being with Allie made him feel better than he’d felt in a long time. Maybe it was selfish, but when he was around her, he didn’t feel like an orphaned kid in search of a family.

  He felt like a whole person. He felt complete.

  “That sounds noble, Logan, but I swear to God, if you end up hurting her, I’ll make your life a living hell.”

  If he hurt her, Logan thought, Adam wouldn’t have to make him miserable, because he’d already be there.

  Adam paced out of the room and back to the couch. He shook Allie’s shoulder and she woke with a start. “It’s just me, Lexie. I think it’s time for you to get to bed.”

  Allie muttered unintelligibly, stood up and shuffled her feet to the stairs and up them, to her bedroom.

  Logan followed her up, and headed into the guest room, knowing Adam was still at the foot of the stairs watching. He wanted to walk right back out the door and into Allie’s room. He wanted to hold her in his arms and fall asleep with his body pressed tight against hers, but he knew that would only cause her trouble, so instead, he punched the pillow on the hard futon and looked forward to another night of tossing and turning.

  * * *

  Chapter Ten

  * * *

  3 Days before Christmas

  Allie woke up alone. Her bed felt huge and empty and cold. All night, she had dreamed about that kiss in the fairy light pavilion outside Haggerty House. She’d replayed it in her mind over and over, and now that she was awake, she was still replaying it. Reliving it.

  She knew what Logan was doing. He was trying to make her fall for him.

  This was stupid. She couldn’t fall for Logan. He would be gone in two weeks. Less! Marriage to a soldier was the one thing she didn’t want. She wouldn’t put her child through it. She wouldn’t put herself through it.

  God, poor Angie. And Jack—Jack broke her heart.

  She wondered if Logan was up yet, then wondered why she was wondering. Then she sat up in bed and listened for sounds from his room. It was silent and she hoped that meant he was still asleep. She needed to get out of here and find a place where she could have some solitude and a cup of fake coffee.

  She crept out of bed, grabbed some clothes from her closet and tiptoed into the bathroom for a quick shower. And the whole time her mind was churning. What was Logan offering here, anyway? What did he have in mind?

  What did he plan to do after his deployment? Would he’d be stationed nearby? Did he plan to re-enlist when his time was up? And what did he want from her? Did he want a real marriage—a relationship with her, romance, regular sex, the whole shebang? Or did he just want a paper marriage, for the baby’s sake? And why was she wondering all that, when she’d already decided she couldn’t be with him?

  Her entire life was about to change, and starting a relationship—a real one, with a husband, for God’s sake—didn’t seem like the smartest idea. It was just bad timing. How much change could she handle all at once?

  And what if they tried and failed? What would a divorce do to the baby?

  She’d hoped the shower would clear her mind, but twenty minutes later she’d put on a dress and dried her hair, and she was still had no answers.

  She sighed, tiptoeing out of the bathroom, and down to the living room. She grabbed a pair of ballet flats and shoved her feet into them, grateful that she didn't have to mess with laces. She was putting on a jacket when she heard footsteps on the stairs. Logan came quietly down, wearing jeans and a long-sleeved thermal shirt the color of cranberries. He was still yards away, but she could smell the faint trace of his cologne and it made her heart beat a little faster.

  “What the—are you leaving?”

  “How the heck do you hear me every time I try to sneak out?” she asked in a loud whisper.

  “Because you’re in the room next to mine and I’m sleeping with one eye open in case you go into labor. Are you really leaving me here to deal with Adam on my own?”

  “Are you really too scared to face him by yourself?”

  “Course not.” He shrugged. “He’ll probably murder me and throw my body out for the coyotes. But I’m prepared to face it like a man.”

  “I hate to miss all that, but I have a doctor’s appointment, so I have no choice.” She patted her belly bump. “Gotta do what’s best for the baby.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned on the newel post. “I know I’m new to this, but do they regularly schedule those for six a.m.?”

  “I like to be punctual.” She shot a look at the closed door to the den and hoped they wouldn’t wake her brother.

  “Bull.”

  He was right and he knew it. She had two hours before the appointment, but she didn’t want to be here, and he was the reason why.

  He crossed the room, stopping a few feet shy of her. “Don’t…fathers…usually go along, for these kinds of things?”

  Allie’s pulse sped up. This felt too real, this concern of his, this wanting to be involved, this devotion. For a second she could imagine that they were a normal couple, doing this the normal way. That he would be there to help her through everything from now on. But that idealistic image rippled and faded when the usual questions came rushing back. Who knew wh
at tomorrow would bring? He might disappear after the holidays and never come back. He might show up on birthdays and holidays and nothing more. He might get shipped halfway around the world. He might hit an IED like her brother-in-law did.

  “What would we tell Adam?” she whispered. God, was she actually considering letting him come with her?

  Logan rolled his eyes. “I love your brother, but I’m sick of watching everything I say and do because of what he might think. He’s going to figure this out eventually, and when he does, I think he’d be happier knowing that I was trying to be involved than he would be if I shirked my fatherly duties. Besides, I want to go with you.”

  “I don’t know,” Allie said. She wanted to keep whatever this was with Logan under the radar. She wanted to put off telling Adam until after the baby was born, if she had to tell him at all. “Hell, I left my purse in my room.” She hurried up the stairs, back to her bedroom to grab her purse, but stopped in the hallway outside Logan’s room. The door was open, and there on the nightstand was her copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting. A bookmark stuck out the top, and Allie was quite sure that she hadn’t put it there. Her heart swelled, and even though she tried to ignore it, she felt herself melt a little bit. She got her bag, and headed back down.

  He was standing right where she’d left him, waiting near the front door. “Okay,” she said. “You can come with me.”

  * * *

  First, they went to Sunny’s Place. Sunny herself unlocked the door to let them in, despite the CLOSED sign still hanging in the window. She looked like the picture they would put in the dictionary beside the word “Sunny.”

  “I’m sorry I’m here before hours,” Allie said. “I just needed—”

  “Fresh brewed decaf and a great big cream-filled, chocolate-frosted donut?” Sunny blinked her big Bambi eyes.

  Allie smiled as if in bliss. “You read my mind.”

  “Take a spot in the back, Allie. The CLOSED sign will stay up for another twenty minutes, so you can have all the solitude you need to go with that breakfast.” Then she smiled right at Logan. “Hi, again.”