Pegasus: A Novel

by Danielle Steel

  Paul regained his composure quickly, congratulated his son, and said he would book passage on a ship to America as soon as he could. He hurried off to make some calls and was back half an hour later. He had booked Nick and the boys in first class in two cabins, on the luxurious Bremen, which was leaving in four days for New York. It was willing to take the boxcar and the horses with its cargo, and Nick and the boys would have to tend to them. It was going to be their last voyage in luxury, possibly ever, or for a very, very long time. Who knew when or if they would ever come back to Germany? The atmosphere was one of jubilation and sorrow, excitement and despair. And when Nick told the boys they would be leaving, everyone cried.

  The six of them spent the next four days together, and Alex was relentless rehearsing their act with them. Nick and the boys actually looked like an experienced circus team by the day before they left. And Marianne and Alex and Nick’s father were planning to accompany them to the boat. They were going by train to Bremerhaven, via Nuremberg and Hanover, and boarding the ship there. And on the last night, Alex and Marianne had them to dinner at Schloss Altenberg. The meal was superb, there were many toasts, many silent moments filled with emotion, and a constant flow of tears. It was hard for all of them. Lucas was the most excited, but he had no real concept that they might never come home.

  Their documents were in order, Paul had paid their emigration tax, and thanks to the general, the Reich had given its seal of approval to the plan. It was satisfied to see them leave. As far as they were concerned, there would be three fewer Jews in Germany, which appeared to be what they had in mind, to either force them to leave or strip them of all the rights they had ever had, or find some excuse to treat them as criminals. Hitler was “reclaiming Germany from the Jews,” and now suddenly Nick had become one of them, and so were his boys.

  By the time they boarded the train from Bavaria to Bremerhaven, and saw the boxcar with the horses loaded onto the train as well, all six of them were silent when they took their seats for the long ride. There was nothing left to say. They had said it all the night before: their hopes, their dreams, their regrets, their fears for one another, their sorrow to be parting. They watched the countryside slip by, as Toby and Marianne held hands, and they all fought back tears. Nick had a lump in his throat the size of a fist when the train pulled into the station in Bremerhaven, and Alex got up to help him oversee the move of the boxcar by crane onto the ship. The two men looked at each other for a long moment, as they watched it with their hearts in their mouths, terrified the boxcar would slip, and at that moment, Nick knew exactly what Alex had done for him with his plan and his incredible gift. He had given them a new life, safety, and freedom. Nick hoped he could do as much for him one day, but it didn’t seem possible. Alex had saved them from an unknown fate and given him and his sons the chance for a future. And as they watched the boxcar gently set down on the deck of the ship, Nick whispered silent thanks, and Alex put an arm around his shoulders, as both men wondered when they would meet again.

  Chapter 4

  Once the horses were safely on the ship in their boxcar, the six of them stood on the dock, looking at each other. Passengers and their guests were boarding the ship, to stroll the deck and visit the cabins, but Nick didn’t want to leave the pier. This would be the last time he would stand on German soil, and once he boarded the ship, he would lose everything he loved and knew. He couldn’t bear the thought of his father being alone, and he turned and spoke to him quietly, out of earshot of the others.

  “Will you come, Papa? Please? I don’t want you to stay here. You can come to the circus with us. I’m sure they would sponsor you too.” He could come on the next ship—he wasn’t in the danger that Nick and the boys were and could take more time to leave. But Paul slowly shook his head. All the pain he was feeling over their departure was plain in his eyes.

  “I can’t. I can’t abandon everything we have here. I need to take care of it for you and the boys. I don’t trust these people in the Reich. They’re going to destroy the country if they can. I want to at least protect and preserve our small part of it for you.” A sense of responsibility and duty was keeping Paul in Germany, but his heart was leaving with Nick, Tobias, and Lucas. After they left, there would be nothing for him in Germany, except their land. Paul was the guardian of their property now, and nothing else. And he ached with an almost physical pain to see them all leave. He was grateful, too, that he and Nick had done some fancy footwork the previous year to keep Toby out of the Hitler Jugend. Their doctor had given him a letter saying he had asthma and couldn’t attend meetings. Paul wanted to contribute nothing to Hitler’s Reich, least of all his grandsons. Paul hated the Nazis even more now. He would never forgive them for making Nick and the boys leave.

  “I’m going to miss you, Papa,” Nick said softly, and Paul nodded and lowered his eyes, unable to speak. He would miss them, too, beyond measure.

  They stood there for a few minutes then, in silence, and Alex came over to them to talk to Nick.

  “I want to check on the horses.” He looked concerned. There were eight horses in the boxcar—Pluto, Nina, and six Arabians, of which two were stallions and four were mares—and he wanted to be sure they were all right after the train ride and having the boxcar moved onto the ship. He wanted to see for himself that none of them had been injured and that they were relatively calm, although they would sense something different happening. Alex had given Nick and the boys all the instructions they needed, and even some fancy bridles to use in the circus. And to the very end, he had refused to let Nick pay him. It was an enormous gift, which Nick knew he could never repay with an equally important gesture, other than his love and loyalty forever, but Alex had had that from him for years and always would. The two men looked bleak and despondent at the prospect of saying goodbye.

  Only Lucas was in good spirits as they boarded the ship. He was itching to go exploring, but Nick told him to wait until later after they set sail. Nick and Alex went to look at the horses, and they were skittish but fine. Alex said they would settle down, and he hoped it would be a smooth trip.

  And while Nick and Alex were busy with the horses, Lucas stood talking to his grandfather, and Toby stood quietly chatting with Marianne. She had been dabbing at her eyes with a lace handkerchief since they left home, and she looked at Toby sadly now.

  “I’m going to miss you so much,” she said miserably. He was like her little brother, and had been since he was born. “Write to me every day, and tell me what the circus is like. I want to know everything.” She tried to distract both of them. He nodded and promised to write, although he usually didn’t like writing letters and seldom had, but he said he would for her.

  “Will you visit Opa?” Toby asked her wistfully, and she nodded as they glanced at his grandfather. Lucas was chatting animatedly with him, and even managed to make his grandfather laugh, which wasn’t easy today.

  They visited Nick’s stateroom, and the boys’ cabin next door. Both rooms were very elegant, and Nick knew this was the last grandeur they would see for a long, long time, until they returned to Germany. He had been allowed to take ten reichsmark with him. And Paul had slipped a wad of cash into Nick’s hand unseen, which he concealed under his clothing once he was in his cabin. It was all they had now, other than the bond posted by the circus and the salary he’d earn once he was hired. He couldn’t imagine living on his salary, but they would have to. He had left his Bugatti with Alex and told him to use it. And they had brought several trunks with them, including two filled with evening clothes to wear when they performed with the horses. He had several tailcoats and two top hats with him, and another set for Toby.

  As they stood chatting in Nick’s stateroom, the boat horn gave the signal for all visitors to disembark. The mere sound of it filled them with panic, and Toby clutched Marianne as though he were drowning, and they both burst into tears, and Nick hugged his father and then Alex. The two men closed their eyes as they stood in a last embrace, like brot
hers who were about to be separated for life. And then Nick hugged Marianne, and she bent to kiss Lucas on the cheek.

  “You be a good boy, and don’t marry the fat lady in the circus before you come back to me,” Marianne said, and Lucas guffawed and promised he wouldn’t. And then Paul hugged his grandsons again, and looked longingly at his son, as though to engrave every detail of him into his memory. Nick and the boys walked them to the passerelle, and they all hugged one last time before Paul, Alex, and Marianne disembarked. Nick had no idea why the other passengers were leaving Germany, for pleasure or as emigrants, but their own departure was so emotionally charged and so painful that their three visitors could barely tear themselves away, but finally did. All of them were in tears except Lucas, who was too excited by the ship to be as sad as everyone else. And joining the circus still seemed like fun to him. The agony of their leaving Germany was somewhat lost on him, since he was only six.

  Nick moved away from the passerelle and stood at the rail farther down the deck to watch them, and Toby stood beside him, as Lucas came and went, talking to sailors, or other passengers, and returning to his father like a puppy. Nick and Alex exchanged a long look between the pier and the ship, and Marianne could no longer stop crying as she waved to Toby, and he was fighting back tears. Paul’s chest was heaving with the sobs he was holding back, and at last the passerelle was put away, and tugboats slowly moved the giant ship from the dock, as the boat horn sounded continuously, and Nick waved at the three people he loved standing on the dock. He heard Toby choke on a sob next to him, and he put an arm around his shoulders and held him close to him, and then Lucas came to stand next to them and waved at the others on the dock.

  Nick, Toby, and Lucas waved for as long as they could see them, and the three on the pier never moved from the spot, until the ship was too far away to see anyone on it anymore, and they slowly turned to go home. The SS Bremen had set sail with everyone they loved on it. The three of them were pensive on the trip home, and never said a word. The only sound was Marianne blowing her nose discreetly from time to time, and then she put her head on her father’s shoulder, and exhausted from the emotions of the day, she fell asleep, with her handkerchief still in her hand. They had all cried rivers that day.

  Nick wanted to check on the horses again after they set sail, and he tried to convince Lucas to come with him, but he wanted to explore the ship, so his father let him. Toby was sitting in their cabin, looking destroyed, and too upset to do anything. His eyes were rimmed with red from crying.

  “We’ll be back,” Nick said gently, and Toby nodded, to be polite, but he didn’t believe him. They were outlaws and outcasts in Germany now, displaced persons who had no right to occupy their own home. They had been banished like common murderers and thieves. And the stamp on their passports said “Deported,” although they hadn’t been and had left of their own accord. And there was a red J stamped on their passports now as well, for “Jew,” “Jude.” They were political refugees, and their German citizenship had been canceled as Jews.

  When Nick got back from the horses, Toby was gone, and Lucas was visiting the elegant swimming pool and the kennels. There was a smoking room, a lounge, and a famous ballroom as well. He had said he wanted to see the dogs, and Nick strolled quietly along the deck, and stood at the rail looking out to sea. He had noticed several pretty women when they boarded, but he had no interest in pursuing them. All he could think of was the world they had just lost. The elegant ship was the last vestige of it. Lucas didn’t understand that, and Toby grasped it to some extent, but Nick fully realized what was happening to them and just how painful it would be. The fact that they were joining a circus in a foreign country was even stranger, and hard to fathom or imagine what it would be like. He didn’t even want to think about it now, as he stood looking out to sea with his heart full of Alex, and his father. Nick hadn’t felt so bereft and devastated since his wife and daughter died. He stood at the rail until he got too cold, and then went back to his cabin, and lay on the bed for a while, hoping to sleep. When he couldn’t, he went below to visit the horses again. He picked up one of the brushes Alex had given them, and began currying Pluto, as the stallion turned toward him with a pleased look.

  “Good boy,” Nick said, patting his snowy neck, and continuing to brush him. All of the horses were tethered on short lead lines to secure them so they wouldn’t get hurt, and they’d have to do without exercise for several days. Nick just hoped that the sea wouldn’t get rough, so they wouldn’t be injured. He didn’t want to lose any of them before they even arrived. He had brought a loaded pistol with him, in case he had to put one of them down. It had been Alex’s suggestion, and he hoped he wouldn’t have to use it. Particularly for the Lipizzaners—they were precious cargo on the ship, and Nick’s ticket to a new life.

  He stayed with the horses for a long time, and then went back on deck, where he ran into his boys playing shuffleboard and talking to two young girls. Nick smiled when he saw them. Toby looked happier than when they’d set sail, and Lucas ecstatic, wielding the shuffleboard paddle that was taller than he was, and trying to impress the girls, who giggled at what he said. They were closer to his age than to Toby’s, and eventually they scampered off, and Lucas lost interest in the game, and came to where his father was sitting in a deck chair with a blanket, to tell him what he’d been doing. And from the sound of it, he’d been everywhere on the ship, in first class, since the lower decks weren’t accessible to him.

  “Can we go swimming later, Papa?” he asked excitedly, and Nick agreed. It distracted him from his miseries to be with his children, and he wanted the trip to be a happy time for them, before they faced the unknown, and joined the circus.

  The two boys went to a movie at the cinema later that afternoon, and Nick continued to stroll the deck, and visit the horses periodically. One of the other passengers questioned him about it, when he went indoors for teatime. There was an elaborate buffet set out for the first-class passengers, and the German equivalent of high tea. The food was supposed to be notoriously good on the ship, but Nick couldn’t eat. All he wanted was a cup of tea, which he followed up with a stiff malt whiskey.

  “I understand that you’re traveling with a boxcar full of Arabians,” the man who’d asked about the horses commented with interest. He was American, said he was from Kentucky, and that he owned horses himself, and had been in Germany buying hunters and two racehorses, but they were being sent to the States on another ship, with handlers he had brought over. He said his name was Beauregard Thompson. “Where are you taking them?” he asked, in a heavy Southern accent Nick could barely understand. He was used to British inflections and not an American accent from the South.

  “To Florida,” Nick said simply, and the man nodded, impressed by what he’d heard about Nick’s horses. Transporting eight Arabians was a sign of great wealth.

  “You’re smart to have them on the ship with you,” he complimented him. “You can keep an eye on them yourself. I’d love to have a look at them sometime,” he suggested politely, and Nick nodded as he took a long sip of the whiskey. He needed it, it had been a hard, deeply emotional day.

  “Of course,” Nick said pleasantly. “Only six are Arabians actually. The other two are Lipizzaners,” he said casually, not sure the man would know what they were.

  “Oh my God,” the man said, awestruck. “Now, that I’d like to see. Are you taking them to show them?” Nick nodded with a wry smile. He was taking them to be “shown” in a circus. He was sure that if Thompson knew that, he’d be shocked. There was nothing gentlemanly about the circus.

  “I’ll be happy for you to see them,” Nick volunteered, and Thompson left after that, to find his wife, who he said was shopping at the ship’s boutiques.

  Toby and Lucas came to find Nick in his stateroom after the movie. They went swimming, and then Nick and Toby went to clean out the horses’ stalls before they went to change for dinner. Nick hadn’t done stable boys’ work in years, but he found
it easier than he remembered, and not totally unpleasant. It was a good chance for him to get to know the horses, as he moved between them, patting them now and then. Pluto was the most responsive to him, and nuzzled him each time he walked by, as though to say hello. Nina, the Lipizzaner mare, was the most upset. And the Arabians still seemed nervous, but all right. And all eight horses were eating and drinking. Nick was careful to notice that.

  And once he and Toby had cleaned out their stalls, and disposed of the manure as they’d been told to, they went back to their cabins to bathe and dress. Dinner that night was white tie, for him and Toby, and Lucas was going to eat in their cabin with a steward. He was too young for the formal sitting in the dining room, and it sounded boring to him anyway. And the young steward had promised to take him to the kennels again. According to Lucas, the ship was full of dogs. Theirs were the only horses.

  Nick and Toby introduced themselves once they were seated at the captain’s table. There was a very glamorous-looking couple from Berlin—he was from a well-known banking family, and they were planning to visit relatives in New York. There was a relatively famous German actress, who eyed Nick with interest, a sentiment he didn’t return. She was twenty years older than he was, and drank way too much at dinner. There was an Italian couple, and a British writer Nick had heard of but not read, and a very pretty French woman named Monique, who mentioned that she was widowed. Her husband had been German, and they had a schloss in the Tyrol. And there were two other German couples of no particular interest whose only attribute seemed to be that they had a great deal of money, but they were neither fun nor attractive.

  After dinner, they all moved upstairs to one of the bars on the upper deck for coffee, cigars, and liqueurs. A band started playing, and there was dancing. And just as they began playing, Toby asked his father’s permission to slip away, which Nick granted. And after Toby left, Nick danced with Monique, and was still dancing with her when the captain and some of the others left. The bar was full of passengers, and everyone seemed in good spirits and very lively, and although it had been a hard day for him, Nick’s spirits improved as he chatted with the attractive French widow, who was an exceptionally good dancer and very pretty. There was a surreal feeling to all of it for him, as he hung suspended between two worlds. And for a moment or two, in the glamorous context of the boat, he could pretend that nothing bad had happened, but he knew it had, and it weighed on him heavily between drinks. He was working hard to flee the truth. The young French woman sensed that something was wrong in his life, but was polite enough not to ask.