The Hornbeam Tree

by Susan Lewis

  Feeling nervous enough to shoot off herself at the moment, Katie took a quick slug of hornbeam then picked up the phone as it started to ring.

  ‘Hi, it’s me,’ Judy told her. ‘Just calling to let you know we’ll be at the pub later, if you want to join us.’

  ‘Thanks, but if all goes to plan, I imagine we’ll be staying at home tonight.’

  ‘Of course. I just wanted you to know where we were, should you need us for anything.’

  ‘Bless you,’ Katie responded. ‘I’ll keep you posted on how it goes, but hopefully not before tomorrow.’

  As she rang off she was thinking of Michelle, and the similar conversation she’d had with her an hour ago, when Michelle had offered to jump on a train and come straight back if Katie needed her. Honestly, the way everyone seemed to be building this up into such a big deal, she was starting to wonder if she actually had a handle on its importance herself. But no, it was simply that they cared, for which she was deeply moved and grateful – and before she started riding the waves of self-pity towards her sad little beach, she decided to take her spiritual counsellor’s advice and have a brief commune with her higher self to try and get in the mood.

  Ommm …

  Upstairs in her bedroom Molly was in a frenzy of indecision over what to wear to the party. She still hadn’t told her mum she was going yet, or that she would be out all night, but this was like, the biggest, most important night of her life, so no way was anyone going to stop her. She just needed to choose the right top to go with the flared black mini she’d bought today, but then her mobile rang with a text and seeing who it was she started jumping up and down in joy and relief. It was from Brad! He’d got in touch last night, and now here he was again.

  Hi Babe, C u

  tonite. Lkng fwd

  2 it. Wear smthng

  spesh. Lv Bx

  ‘He wants me to wear something special,’ she cried down the phone to Allison. ‘So which top? The red or the gold?’

  ‘Bring both,’ Allison told her, ‘you can make up your mind when you get here. Or you can change halfway through. But definitely wear the black and white check shoes with the red bow and slingbacks, because they’re like, sooo wicked. I wish I’d bought a pair too. Cecily nicked hers, did she tell you?’

  Molly’s heart gave a thud. ‘No,’ she answered, feeling queasy as she realized they could all have been arrested. ‘Is she there yet?’

  ‘No. Her and Donna are coming about eight. When will you be here?’

  ‘I’m leaving in a minute. Oh God, I feel really nervous. What if he decides he doesn’t like me?’

  ‘No way. And I’ve got loads of Breezers here, so you can be like, really chilled out by the time the party starts, and Donna says she’s bringing some weed.’

  ‘Will any other girls be there?’ Molly asked.

  ‘Duh! It’s a party!’

  ‘How many are you expecting?’

  ‘About forty, I think. My mother’s already gone to spend a weekend in London with her husband who’s supposed to be my father, but you’d never guess. They won’t be back till tomorrow night, so we’ve got the entire place to ourselves. Toby’s bagsed their bed for him and Cecily, but there’s a guest room you and Brad can use which is like, OK, it just has two single beds instead of one big one, but that won’t matter … Anyway, listen, got to go. Just get here as soon as you can.’

  As she rang off, Molly’s nerves were churning up so badly that the smell coming from downstairs was making her want to hurl. Obviously her mum was cooking something, and she only hoped she wasn’t expecting her to eat it, because just no way.

  Her heart did a sudden lurch again as she thought about Brad and what they were supposed to do tonight. It made her hands all shaky, and her stomach like really blah.

  ‘Shit!’ she muttered, stuffing all her make-up back in a silver zip-top purse. She’d take it to Allison’s and do it there. Perhaps once she’d had a couple of drinks she’d calm down a bit, because God knew, after the week she’d just had she needed to. What with the police taking away her computer, and Brad not calling, then that horrible business with Michelle that had so gone wrong it was turning her all hot and cold even now. Oh yeah, and there was the fact that Michelle was supposed to be marrying Tom, which had seriously pissed her off, because it had to be like, really upsetting for her mum, when she had no-one, and she didn’t want her mum to be upset and on her own. Then Tom had disappeared, and – thank God – so had Michelle, but then her mum had started putting on the pressure for them to talk, which made her feel all panicky and weird, because like, didn’t she have enough going on, without having to be lectured and preached to about something she wouldn’t bother listening to anyway.

  Still, none of it mattered now Brad had called. That was all that was important. She was going to see him tonight, and it would be like, bliss, and even though she still wasn’t sure about going all the way, once she’d had some drinks and a few puffs of weed, she’d be like, really out there and up for it, just like the DOLs said. So, emptying out her school bag, she threw in her make-up, some clean undies, her trainers and jeans for tomorrow, and the gold halter-neck top – she’d keep the red one on for the moment, but make the final decision later. Now all she had to do was get past her mum. First though, she’d better put her check shoes in the bag and wear the trainers, because it was a bit of a walk to Allison’s, and she didn’t want to get her others muddy.

  Katie was in the sitting room when Molly got downstairs, lighting candles and humming away. A stab of conscience immediately pierced Molly’s chest, because this was what they always used to do on Saturdays, cook and light candles and watch videos, so maybe her mum thought they were going to do it tonight. Well, she was sorry, but she couldn’t. And it wasn’t her fault, was it, if her mum had gone to a lot of trouble. She hadn’t said anything, so how was Molly supposed to know what she was planning? If she had, she’d have been able to tell her she was going out. God, it got right on her nerves, the way she was always made to feel as though everything was her fault, when it wasn’t!

  ‘Oh, there you are,’ Katie said, coming into the kitchen. ‘I was just going to check on …’ Seeing Molly’s best coat, trainers and school bag she stopped. ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘I’m going out.’

  Katie frowned. ‘But I’ve made a lasagne, and I thought … Well, I thought this was what you wanted, for us to spend a bit more time together.’

  ‘Yeah, but not tonight. I’m going to a party. And before you start having a go, you never said anything about us staying in together, so how was I supposed to know you were cooking? I’m not a mind-reader.’

  ‘You’re not very polite either,’ Katie retorted sharply. ‘And I don’t think I heard you ask if you could go to a party, so any more of that attitude and you won’t be going.’

  Molly’s cheeks flamed. ‘I’m just saying that it’s not my fault you cooked,’ she said sulkily.

  Katie eyed her closely, keeping a strict face to cover her disappointment. ‘Well, at least you can have something to eat before you go,’ she said.

  ‘No!’ Molly cried. ‘I don’t want anything. I’m not hungry, and it’ll just make me late.’

  Wishing she could stop her, but knowing if she tried it would only turn into a row, Katie said, ‘I suppose it’s at Allison’s.’

  Molly’s eyes slanted away. ‘So what if it is?’

  ‘Who else is going to be there?’

  ‘I don’t know. All her friends.’

  ‘And Brad?’

  ‘He might be.’

  ‘I want to know more about this boy, so let’s start with how old he is.’

  Molly’s mouth pursed. ‘He’s the same age as me, all right?’

  Katie sighed. ‘Molly, you’re such a bad liar.’

  ‘Well what difference does it make how old he is? If I was twenty-four and he was twenty-eight no-one would say anything.’

  ‘But you’re not twenty-four, you’re fourteen, and if
he’s eighteen that is not acceptable. He’s too old for you.’

  ‘I never said he was eighteen. You did.’

  Wondering how on earth she could reach across this horrible gulf, Katie inhaled deeply, then decided not to argue any further. ‘OK, I want you back here by ten,’ she said.

  Molly’s eyes flew open. ‘Oh, no way!’ she cried. ‘It’s a party, Mum! It’ll just be getting going by ten, and then like, I’m supposed to leave? I don’t think so.’

  ‘Well, I do, and once again, let me remind you that your attitude is doing you no favours.’

  Immediately Molly turned on the reasonable voice, saying, ‘Look, I’m going to be fifteen in January, and loads of girls my age stay out late on Saturday nights. Some of them even go to discos and things, so they don’t get home until gone two in the morning. I know you won’t want me out wandering the streets at that time, so I’ve asked Allison if I can stay over …’

  Katie was shaking her head. ‘Oh no,’ she said. ‘You’re not staying over if boys are going to be there. I’ll come and pick you up …’

  ‘No!’ Molly raged. ‘It would be like, so fucking embarrassing having my mother turn up to take me home. Everyone would think I was a right baby …’

  ‘I’ll wait at the end of the drive, no-one need know I’m there.’

  Molly’s expression was turning thunderous. ‘I’ve told Allison I’m staying now, and I’ve got all my stuff packed …’

  ‘Then you can just unpack it. And while you’re at it, I’d like to see what you’re wearing please, because this is hardly the weather for bare legs, so open your coat …’

  ‘For God’s sake,’ Molly seethed, slamming down her bag and spinning away in disgust.

  Katie moved over to the back door, to block an escape. ‘Take your coat off,’ she repeated.

  Bristling with resentment Molly flung her coat open and let it fall down to her elbows. ‘Satisfied?’ she demanded, planting a hand on one hip and tapping her foot.

  Katie took one look at the thigh-top mini and skimpy red bustier and said, ‘You’re not going out dressed like that.’

  ‘What’s the matter with it?’ Molly shrieked. ‘It’s like, fashionable. I know you don’t know what that is, but it’s what girls my age are wearing.’

  ‘You look like a cheap tart.’

  Molly’s eyes flashed. ‘Well you should take a look at yourself, see what you look like,’ she spat nastily. ‘And at least I don’t behave like a tart, the way you do when you’re around men.’

  ‘OK, that’s it,’ Katie said. ‘You’ve gone too far, now. You’re not leaving this house …’

  ‘Just you try and stop me.’

  Katie turned round to lock the door and found, to her annoyance, that the key wasn’t there. ‘I don’t want to get into a fight over this,’ she said, turning back again. ‘You know very well how difficult you’ve been this week, so I’m afraid parties and sleepovers are out of the question until you can mend your ways and learn some manners. Now go back upstairs, take off those trashy clothes, then we’ll sit down and have something to eat.’

  Molly’s temper totally exploded. ‘I’ve already told you, I don’t want anything!’ she shouted. ‘And I’m going to that party, I don’t care what you say. It’s my life. I can do what I want …’

  ‘I’m your mother and you’ll do as I tell you. Now go upstairs …’

  ‘Just try and make me!’

  ‘Molly, please,’ Katie implored, feeling the situation moving out of her grip. ‘We need to talk, and you can’t keep on finding excuses to avoid it.’

  ‘I’m not finding excuses,’ she yelled. ‘I’ve been invited to a party, and I’ve got to be there.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I just have. You don’t understand.’

  ‘Try me.’

  Molly’s face was shaking with fury. ‘Just shut up keeping on all the time!’ she shouted. ‘Now let me get past.’

  ‘You know what we have to discuss, don’t you?’ Katie stated, her eyes blazing the challenge.

  Molly almost recoiled.

  ‘Yes you do,’ Katie said, ‘but you don’t want to hear me say it. Well, Molly, it has to be said. We have to face it.’

  ‘Shut up,’ Molly seethed, blocking her ears. ‘Just shut up.’

  ‘It’s not going to go away,’ Katie cried. ‘It’s here, it’s a part of me, and we have to deal with it.’

  ‘No, no, no,’ Molly gasped, shaking her head from side to side.

  ‘Yes, Molly. Yes! I’m going to die. That’s what we have to face, but Michelle will be here to take care of you …’

  Molly lunged at her. ‘I don’t need anyone to take care of me,’ she seethed, as she tried shoving her out of the way. ‘I can take care of myself. Now let me get past.’

  Katie grabbed her and started to shake. ‘Stop running away,’ she sobbed. ‘This is hard enough, can’t you see that?’

  ‘Stop crying!’ Molly shouted. ‘I don’t want you to cry.’

  Not even realizing she was, Katie said, ‘Then let’s stop this now … Molly!’ she gasped, as Molly’s fists suddenly slammed into her, and as she fell back against the wall, banging her head on the corner of a cupboard, Molly tore open the door.

  ‘I’m going out, and I won’t be back till tomorrow,’ she raged. ‘And if you come anywhere near Allison’s tonight, I’ll never ever speak to you again.’

  Still breathless from the blow, Katie stood where she was, listening to Molly running, the gate opening and closing, and the ducks squawking as she passed. She knew that those dreadful words had already been blocked from Molly’s mind, cut out as though never spoken, but they’d be back, how could they not, and as the full horror of the last few minutes began closing in on her, Katie wondered if she’d ever handled anything more disastrously in her life. If she had, she was at a loss to know when or how, and with her head pounding and the rest of her turning so weak she feared she might actually pass out, she stumbled to a chair and sat down with her face in her hands.

  After a moment she was able to start taking deep breaths – in, out, in, out. It worked to a degree, but she was still shaking badly, and was so torn about what to do next that even to try and think of it was making her faint.

  Starting as the oven timer shrilled, she forced herself to her feet and went to turn it off. Suddenly she was sobbing, and tearing off a piece of kitchen roll she attempted to dry her eyes. More than anything she wanted to call Michelle now and ask her to come home, but she wouldn’t. Nor would she go over to the pub later to join Judy. She simply couldn’t bear anyone to know how dreadfully she’d just messed up with Molly, for the shame of it was already taking hold of her as though to try and drown her in its depths.

  So no, she was going to see this through on her own, because really it only concerned her and Molly anyway. The best thing to do was sit here and wait for Molly to come back, because she would, eventually – she just hoped to God it would be tonight.

  ‘If you drink any more of those now you’ll puke,’ Allison warned, grabbing a Breezer bottle from Molly before she could finish another.

  ‘Let me have it! Let me have it!’ Molly insisted, jigging up and down and already feeling drunk. ‘I’m like, so nervous, and excited,’ and throwing out her arms she started to spin. ‘I’m going to see Brad and you’re seeing Miles and we’ll be a real foursome … And wheeee!’

  Laughing as she spun her round, Allison cried, ‘The DOLs are getting laid tonight!’

  ‘Getting laid! Getting laid!’ Molly echoed. Then, attempting to be serious, ‘You know, I reckon after tonight we should start going down to see them at weekends. Oh God, yeah! We can like ride on their motorbikes and hold on to them, which will be soooo cool … Do you think they’ll bring them tonight?’

  ‘Probably,’ Allison answered, going to change the CD.

  ‘Oh my God! I am just so excited!’ Molly squealed. ‘Where’s that bottle? I’ve got to have some more.’

  ‘Save some for
the rest of us,’ Cecily drawled, as she and Donna came in the door.

  ‘There are loads in the fridge,’ Allison assured her. ‘But better hurry up because she’s going through them like they were lemonade.’

  ‘This is going to be like, the best night of my life,’ Molly bubbled.

  Cecily shot a glance at Allison.

  ‘I’ve got some weed,’ Donna declared. ‘Let’s light up now, it’ll really get us in the mood.’

  ‘Oh yeah, definitely,’ Molly enthused, turning to look at herself in the mirror, pouting and posing.

  ‘What happened to the red top?’ Cecily demanded, putting a match to Donna’s joint. ‘It’s really sexy …’

  ‘I thought it looked a bit tarty, so I decided on the gold one,’ Molly told her.

  ‘But it doesn’t work as well as the red,’ Cecily protested. ‘You’ve got really great tits, so you should show them off. It’ll really get him going.’

  Donna sniggered and coughed on the joint.

  Taking it from her, Cecily said, ‘Where’s Toby?’

  ‘Getting ready in his room, I expect,’ Allison answered. ‘Or downstairs sorting out the music. Mother had some food sent in, by the way. It’s in the kitchen, all set out on the table. Sometimes I could almost like her.’

  ‘Do you think it’s going to hurt?’ Molly asked, lying back on the bed with Donna and taking a long drag of the joint.

  ‘It might, at first,’ Cecily told her, going to check on her make-up.

  ‘It’s going to be so cool,’ Donna chanted. ‘I want it now. Take me, take me.’

  They were all laughing as Toby burst in the door to have a go at Allison about one of his CDs that was missing. Cecily sidled up to him, and slipping an arm round her he snogged her, then went on laying into Allison.

  Molly giggled and hiccoughed and carried on lying on the bed with Donna. She didn’t care if Toby could see all up her skirt, because she was in a great mood, and anyway he might tell Brad that she had fantastic legs and was wearing a thong. She took another puff on the joint, held it, blew it out, then drank. Next to her Donna started giggling, so she did too. Allison took the joint away and they laughed even harder. Then Allison told Toby to shut up and get lost while they finished getting ready.