Forget You

by Jennifer Snyder

  If I was done feeling sorry for myself, then she needed to be too. Everyone did.

  “Fine, thanks,” I bit out, knowing I sounded like a raging bitch, but not caring.

  * * * *

  Throughout the entire fiasco of getting primed and ready for the wedding, I barely said more than two words to anyone. However, I did manage to plaster a forced smile on my face. By the time we arrived at Jason and Blaire’s house, the smile had become real, and I’d somehow managed to loosen up.

  Yes, I’d lost someone only days ago, but today I was celebrating something special with my closest friends and their families. My loss would not tarnish their love on this day; I’d decided that once I saw Blaire’s vibrantly shining, happy face.

  Standing in the kitchen, I stared out at the back deck, where the ceremony would take place. Everyone looked frozen solid, but happy. It was the dead of winter, but the sun was still shining, and giving everyone a slight amount of warmth. There was a gentle breeze, which swept through the women’s hair and ruffled their dresses. This day was spectacular for a wedding, regardless of the temperature.

  “Are you ready to freeze?” Mindy asked from behind me.

  During all of my hoopla, I’m nearly forgotten about inviting her as my plus one. That day seemed like a lifetime away already.

  “Yeah, I am,” I insisted. “I don’t think it’s too cold out there.”

  “It’s the middle of winter and they chose to have the ceremony on a dock over a lake.” She eyed me. “Yeah, it’s pretty chilly.”

  “Well, at least the sun is shining. It could be worse, right?” As soon as the words left my lips, I recognized their truth. Things could always be worse. I knew this with a certainty now.

  “True, very true.” Mindy smiled. “I’ll see you out there. I’m going to go chat up the best man.”

  My eyes shifted to the guy she was talking about. I knew his name. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t remember it. He’d been Jason’s roommate in Tennessee. Cameron stepped to my side suddenly. He was dressed in a black suit and a tie, carrying a glass of something in his hand.

  “It’s cold as shit out there, but they sure did spruce the place up nicely,” he said.

  It was small talk. That’s all anyone was having with me. They were all tiptoeing around my feelings, and carefully wording the things they said. Jason’s mother kept glancing at me every few seconds as though she were waiting for me to fall apart any moment.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t be here,” I insisted.

  “Why would you say that? Blaire is freaking over the moon that you are.”

  “I feel like I’m the elephant in the room.”

  Cam handed me his drink. “Here, have a drink and relax. You’re right where you need to be.”

  Normally, I wouldn’t drink when I was down, but damn it, I needed anything I could to help me appear happier right now. I didn’t want to be the damper on Blaire and Jason’s day by being here, but I didn’t want to leave and have that cramp everything all to hell as well. I was supposed to be in the wedding. If I didn’t walk with Jason’s other friend, Matt, then who would?

  I gripped the glass and downed the contents. It burned like a mother, but it woke me up too.

  “Now you’re ready,” Cam insisted. “Let’s have some fun.”

  That was exactly what I planned to do. This was all part of my “forget Sawyer” plan, because when you forget something—or in this case someone—there was no way anything about them could hurt you anymore.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  SAWYER

  A warm hand touched my forehead. I didn’t open my eyes though. I knew by now that, when I did, it wouldn’t be whom I wanted to see most. It wouldn’t be Eva.

  The soft voice that had become familiar to me over the last few days broke out into a haunting melody. This was one thing I’d learned about the woman caring for me; she enjoyed singing. She would come into the makeshift room I stayed in, and swipe a damp cloth over my head and around the ear she continued to monitor, singing softly. Even though I couldn’t understand a word she was saying, her voice was comforting and beautiful.

  Opening my eyes, I glanced at her. She was older, maybe in her late thirties, with dark hair twisted up on her head. Her eyes were the color of chocolate, rich and dark. Her skin a smooth brown without a single imperfection I could see. When she finished changing the bandage on my ear, I slowly sat up in bed. She pushed my shoulders, just like all the previous times when I’d attempted to get out of bed, until I was forced back down. This woman was adamant that I stay lying down, only sitting when I was drinking or eating.

  I couldn’t sit here anymore though. I needed to know where I was. I needed to find out what had happened to the rest of my unit. I needed to go home.

  “I can’t.” I gripped her hand in mine, and gently pushed it away as I continued in my efforts to sit up. “I need to go home.”

  The room spun as I moved to sit up fully. Damn it, I had hoped this sensation would be gone by now. The woman sat back, and stared at me. I knew she more than likely didn’t understand a word I said, but it didn’t stop me from trying again.

  “Where am I?” I asked. My words were muffled to my own ears.

  My hand came up to press against my head, in an effort to stop the damn spinning. It didn’t work. What was wrong with me? It was as though I’d been drugged and the crap wouldn’t wear off. I moved my feet to the end of the mattress, and the dizzying sensation grew worse. The woman’s hand reached out to press against my shoulder. It was another effort to make me lie back down.

  I shook my head, and the dizzying sensation lurched to new heights. “I can’t. I need to go. I have to let someone know where I am.”

  My efforts to stand did not set well with my stomach, and as soon as I forced myself halfway from the bed, the spinning sensation intensified, and I vomited on the floor. The woman’s hands came back to my shoulders; she pushed me gently back onto the bed. This time I didn’t fight her. Something I couldn’t understand passed from her lips. I figured it was probably something along the lines of a sympathetic I told you so.

  The second I laid back against the grungy mattress, the room stopped spinning, and my stomach seemed to be on its way to settling. What the hell had happened to me? Did I have a concussion? In all my years of racing bikes growing up, I’d never suffered from one, but Ryker had. The time he flew over the handlebars when this kid with a big competitive chip on his shoulder cut him off hardcore during a race flashed through my mind.

  I remembered him in the hospital, and the doctors running tests to check various things. Then when he went home, he was dizzy and confused for a while. Bright lights had hurt his eyes, and he was slightly lethargic. The doctors had claimed his symptoms could last for a few weeks, but in Ryker’s case, it had only been a few days. Never did I remember seeing him throw up from the dizziness though. That’s what scared me about being here most; this woman wasn’t a damn doctor. Why was she keeping me here? It was almost as though I was her fucking prisoner.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  EVA

  The wedding had been beautiful, freezing, but beautiful. Blaire looked stunning in her sweeping white gown. Tinley, her little niece, had stolen the show for a bit with how cute she looked as she made her way down the dock dressed in a pale yellow, frilly dress with a white furry cape wrapped around her tiny shoulders. She set out every single flower in her basket one at a time in a delicate manner on her way to the preacher. My favorite part had been seeing Blaire and Jason lock eyes as she stepped through the back door.

  That moment had been priceless.

  It made me grateful I had decided to pull myself together and be here for them. This was their special day, and I was honored to have been invited to witness it. After they said their I-dos and kissed, the entire group, who had been given the same privilege as I to witness their beautiful day, clapped and cheered for them. It was an amazing moment.

  The reception was insi
de the house, thankfully. When Blaire first mentioned the decision to have both the wedding and the reception at Jason’s place, I’d been opposed to the idea. All I could think of was how cold it would be and how tiny the house was on the inside, but Blaire had insisted it was what Jason wanted. He got to pick the place, and she got to pick everything else. That was the agreement they had come up with, and it had turned out beautifully.

  “Drink?” Cam asked, coming up behind me. I spun to face him, taking note of the glass filled with something dark and red. Red wine, my favorite. “You look like you could use another. You’re scowling.”

  I took the glass from his fingers. “I feel hollow, like this is all a dream, and I’m not really here. I’m trying to be happy, and I am happy for both Blaire and Jason. I’m just so not in the mood to be here.”

  Cam nodded and pulled me in for a hug. “I know. You’re a hell of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for though. Most people wouldn’t have come today. Most people would still be locked inside their bedroom.”

  “Trust me. That’s exactly where I want to be right now.” I leaned into him, and blinked away the tears threatening to spill over.

  I spotted Sharon, Jason’s mother, staring at me from across the living room. Her face twisted into a strange expression, and I looked away. Pulling myself from Cameron’s arms, I ran my fingertip under my eyes, and sniffled. Straightening my back, I took a small sip of wine, determined not to make a scene here. I was sure that’s exactly what Sharon thought I was on the verge of doing.

  My eyes traveled over the roomful of people, taking in all the happy faces. Happy. I needed to focus on how happy I was for Blaire and Jason.

  “Can I talk to you for a second?” Sharon was directly behind me.

  My stomach sank as I imagined all the things she would more than likely say to me about being here today. The first one was probably how I was ruining Blaire and Jason’s glorious atmosphere with my sour and depressing mood. Then she would probably mention that I should have stayed home and mourned alone behind closed doors instead of coming to her son’s wedding with all of my baggage.

  “Sure.” I flashed a small smile.

  Sharon moved through the little groups of people crammed into the living room, sitting here and there with plates of food balanced on their laps. She headed straight toward the back of the house. I followed behind her through the narrow hallway, and into Jason and Blaire’s computer room while knots the size of my fist formed in my stomach.

  Closing the door behind us, Sharon immediately pulled me in for a hug. The unexpected motion nearly made me spill my wine.

  “I’m so sorry for your loss,” she whispered. Her hand stroked against my back in a soft, motherly way. “I know how hard it must have been for you to come here today, but I want you to know that Jason and Blaire are elated you did.”

  “Thank you,” I said, only because I didn’t know what else to say.

  When she finally released me and pulled back, her eyes were glossy with unshed tears. I swallowed hard, fighting the urge to down the remainder of my wine in an effort to ease this awkward moment.

  “When Jason’s father passed, I stayed in bed for three weeks before I decided to finally pull myself up by the laces and move past the grief. I knew he would have wanted me to,” she said. “I’m amazed at your strength.”

  I resisted the desire to scoff and tell her exactly how strong I wasn’t, that I was more along the lines of a damn good actress.

  “Love is difficult to find, but we never stop to think about how difficult it is to lose.” A sad smile twisted her lips. “I think that’s the hardest part, when you lose it.”

  The tears I’d attempted to blink away while wrapped up in Cam’s arms flooded my eyes again. I wiped them away with the tip of my finger, and dropped my gaze to the floor.

  “I didn’t know him for long. I’m not even sure if I’d reached the point of loving him,” I admitted.

  She’d been married for years to the man she lost and had a child by him. How could she compare what I was feeling to what she’d felt? It seemed like comparing apples to oranges. My sadness couldn’t even be a fraction of what hers had been.

  “Love knows no time limits.” She reached out, and wiped away a traitorous tear before pulling me back in for a hug. “The only thing love knows is truth, and the truth of the matter is you wouldn’t be feeling this way if you didn’t feel something for him, even if it was just the beginnings of love.”

  My tears flowed faster at her beautiful words. I had felt something for Sawyer, something I’d never felt with anyone else before.

  “I didn’t mean to make you upset. I just wanted to let you know how strong I think you are, and to say how incredibly sorry for your loss I am.” She smoothed her hand across my back, and then stepped away. “I’ll leave you to your thoughts.”

  I nodded my head, but didn’t speak. Sharon exited the room, leaving me alone. Sniffling, I wiped at my eyes, and let out a few deep breaths as I attempted to gather myself. While it might be true that I had felt something for Sawyer, I was still determined to forget.

  You can’t be hurt by someone you can’t remember, I thought.

  This wasn’t a new theory of mine. It was actually one from my childhood. One I used to repeat to myself when I was a little girl and missing my mother. One I used to repeat when I grew older, and was thinking of the horrible things that had happened to me while in the care of my previous foster parents.

  I’d used those words—that thought—many times throughout my life to get through situations. Inhaling deeply, I was determined to apply it to this situation as well.

  Gripping the doorknob, I stepped out into the hallway, and started toward the party. Downing the rest of my wine, I headed to the kitchen for a refill.

  “Hey, there you are,” Lauren said. She was leaning against the counter, sipping on a glass of wine. “I was looking for you.”

  “Here I am,” I said. I moved around her, and poured myself another glass. “What’s up?”

  “Nothing.” Lauren shook her head. “Just wanted to see how you were doing.”

  I wished everyone would stop asking me that. I wished they’d all stop checking on me and leave me the hell alone already. That’s all I wanted—to be left alone. How could I put my motto to use when everyone kept bringing him up?

  “I’m fine,” I insisted with a little more sharpness to my words than was probably necessary.

  Lauren nodded, and took another sip of her wine. “Okay.”

  Lauren never was one to pry. If someone said he or she was fine, she left the person be. She didn’t dig deeper or nag an issue to death. This was another reason why we got along so well.

  The sounds of laughter, whistling, and music filled the house all of a sudden. Arching a brow at me, Lauren smirked.

  “Looks like this party is finally getting started!” She headed in the direction of the commotion, already moving her hips to the music as she walked.

  I followed her, and spotted Blaire sitting in a chair in the center of their beautifully decorated living room. She was blushing like a schoolgirl as Jason worked his way down to his knees, and gripped the edge of her dress. He muttered something to her I couldn’t hear, and she playfully slapped him across the chest, just before he dipped his head underneath her dress.

  Blaire’s head fell back in laughter as Jason maneuvered her garter belt free from her thigh with his teeth. The entire place erupted into a fit of claps and whistles when he came out with it dangling from his mouth. Blaire shifted, and arranged her dress so you couldn’t tell Jason had been under it, her face still flaming. I sank my teeth into my bottom lip to suppress my smile as happiness for the two of them swelled within me.

  Jason stood, and flung the scrap of blue and white into a group of guys standing to the side. Cameron caught it. He spun it around his index finger as he flashed everyone a shit-eating grin. When his eyes landed on Paige, he arched a brow, and she beamed at him.

&nbs
p; “Line up, ladies!” Blaire shouted. Her smile was still in place, and her cheeks were still stained pink. “Time for me to throw this thing!” She waved her bouquet in the air.

  Lauren locked arms with me, and pulled me to where the single women were congregating in the center of the room. I laughed, and didn’t put up much of a fight. The energy and excitement of the moment was infectious. Blaire stood with her back facing us, and did a few practice motions, before she released the bouquet of white and yellow roses into the air. It brushed across the ceiling, making silken petals rain down on us, before landing directly in my hands. For a second, everyone in the room seemed to still. The irony of the situation was not lost on me, and for whatever reason, I cracked. Laughter straight from my gut bellowed out of me. Soon, everyone in the room joined in, and the mood shifted.

  Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was my frazzled emotions, but all I could think was how mocking the universe was.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  SAWYER

  I couldn’t be sure exactly how much time had gone by, but I did notice the stubble on my face was now thick and bushy. When I wove my fingers through the coarse hair, I was amazed that it seemed to have come in less patchy than I would have thought. My dizziness was going away gradually, and the cloths the woman had been using to clean the area around my ear seemed to hold less puss and dried blood when she changed them out.

  I’d concluded that, during the blast, my eardrum must have ruptured. I also thought I could have possibly incurred a concussion when I was thrown backward from the blow.

  Swallowing the final spoonfuls of the broth-like soup I’d been offered, I skimmed my eyes over the woman caring for me. While I was grateful beyond words that she had taken me to her home and nursed me back to health, I still needed to leave. I needed to let my unit know I was alive. The worry my family and Eva had been notified days or even weeks ago that I was dead or missing hit me like a punch to the gut every time I thought about it. They needed to know I was okay, that I had survived.