Truth be told, she liked the way he handled her.
This was not the young boy she’d loved years ago, this was a man who knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it. He knew how to work her body over, knew exactly where to touch her to get her to whine his name. He seemed to like that too, because every time she did it, he tightened his hold on her and rewarded her with a graze of his fingers against the wet apex of her thighs.
Billie fucking loved it, loved that he was taking what she was willing to give and then some, because it’d been a long time since she felt like a woman, and he made her feel gorgeous. His tongue snaked into her mouth and she couldn’t deny the fact that it felt glorious, amazing, everything she never knew that she needed to feel again.
He unsnapped the button of her jeans and she shimmied enough to get them down her thighs, which is all the room he needed. His thumb and index finger pressed against her lace panties and caressed her clit immediately, making her head fall back against the wooden post keeping her grounded. She lifted her hands above her head and gripped the worn wood, her fingers grazing the wooden splinters that she happened to know needed to be sanded.
“You like that?,” He whispered against her mouth.
Billie nodded, thinking that would suffice, but he surprised her by wrapping a gentle hand around her throat; he wasn’t squeezing, but his grip was firm.
“Let me hear you say it, Billie.”
“I like it,” She breathed.
Noah tightened his grip on her throat just enough to make her eyes widen as he looked her in the eyes and slid her panties to the side. She waited on bated breath for him to do what they both wanted to do. For him to finger-fuck her until she was delirious with lust. So consumed by it that she could forget the last six years like they never happened, and take from Noah what her body so dearly wanted.
This? This didn’t require forgiveness or anything of the sort. This only required her consent, and besides her body, she didn’t have to give him a damn thing. That was the beautiful part about it; she only needed to give what she wanted to, and was required to share nothing else.
Noah’s hands were lifting her hips ever so slightly so that he could feel her against him, his throbbing cock making its presence known as he unzipped his pants and slid them down his thighs.
Billie’s mouth met his with ardor as she pulled his head down towards her, her tongue snaking along the edges of his teeth, her lips memorizing the shape his mouth. These kisses weren’t anywhere near the ones they’d shared in their youth. These were desperate, lonely, and the aching regret that tainted her tongue as she tasted the only man she’d ever loved? Well, it just about ended her right then and there.
Just as he worked her tense body into a pre-orgasmic piece of art, she felt her sanity fall back into place. Maybe she’d worked off her buzz or maybe the universe was sending her a sign, but either way, the taste of Slayer just didn’t taste right.
“Stop! Stop!,” She huffed.
Noah immediately stopped moving, his open mouth poised above her pulse point. She could feel the thick hairs of his five o’clock shadow scraping against her heated skin. Time seemed to stand still as he slowly began to realize that she was serious, and that she was sad. She didn’t stop him because she wanted to, hell no, she wanted to keep going. She stopped him because she realized that if she gave that part of herself to him again, if she let him have her body, he would leave with her heart.
He was probably going to do that anyways, but at least this time, she could go to sleep at night and tell herself that she hadn’t helped the process along in any way. Before, she couldn’t say that; she’d known for quite some time that he’d planned on leaving, she just hadn’t believed that he would actually ditch her and Laura.
But, he had.
Noah backed away from her with his hands raised, his blue eyes downcast.
“I’m sorry. I must have read the signals wrong,” He said softly.
She shook her head, trying not to cry.
“It’s my fault. I didn’t- I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m sorry. I should get inside and go to bed,” She whispered.
She couldn’t hide the waver in her voice or the fact that she had to yank her pants up just to get moving, so there was no saving her dignity. There was no saving anything between them, and she had to remind herself of that when she felt the trace of his fingertips along the edges of her spine. “Billie…,” He trailed off when she sniffled and spoke to him over her shoulder, “Not tonight, Noah. I’ve had enough for one night.”
He didn’t say another word, something she was grateful for as she walked into their old home and took in the space. Her chest heaved for one slow second, a pain that she couldn’t deny settling against her ribcage. It hurt, it hurt bad.
One day, it won’t be so fucking hard to let go.
Chapter 7
Ox watched his men circle his table before he slammed the gavel once and greeted them.
“Mornin’ fellas. We got a few things to discuss, and I want to make sure we’re all happy about the way some of this business is about to go.”
He watched every one of his men look up at him, obviously aware of the fact that some serious shit was about to be discussed. He loved that about the Seven Deadlies; he never had to question any of their loyalties, and that said a lot. Besides the mishap they had when Rayna arrived, all of his members remained loyal. Happy.
“We all know our man Axel has had it rough the past couple of years. He lost more than one member to lying and deceit, and we all know how much damage that does to an MC like ours,” He started.
His men nodded, Green leaning forward in his chair, his astute eyes trained on Ox.
“We takin’ this where I think we’re takin’ it?,” He asked.
Ox sometimes wished the Irish bastard wasn’t so smart; it would be nice to have the upper hand on Killian, at least once.
“Maybe. Axel and I have concluded that it would be best for us if we patched them over,” He said.
A collective look of surprise was cast over the table, each man forming their own opinion in two seconds flat.
“They need us that bad?,” Limit asked.
“They don’t need us, but they want to clean up their act. Axel doesn’t want to be like every other MC, much like we don’t. We know we bounce to the beat of our own drum around here, and I like that about us. We ain’t the same as everybody else, and that, my friends, is a huge accomplishment. I don’t see why Axel and his men can’t be a part of that, too. Besides, we’re the Brady Bunch, remember? What’s three more members,” He joked. Laughter filled the room, and Ox watched Green and Fury wiggle their eyebrows at each other comically.
Prettyboy cleared his throat, “What about the whole ‘Seven Deadlies,’ thing?”
“So, there will be more than seven of us around here. Torch was gonna make that happen anyways before Rider passed, bless his soul, so why not?”
Ox watched as each man pondered that, Torch sitting back in his chair in complete relaxation. He seemed to be okay with it, which made perfect sense.
“I think it’s a good idea. We could combine both of our territories and double our profits if we combine our expenditures,” Fury said. Ox knew Fury would agree.
“I don’t see why not. We gonna take a vote on it?,” Limit asked.
Ox slapped his hands together and nodded.
“Yeah, let’s take a vote. Slayer can’t be here, but I called him this morning to confirm and he said yes,” Ox informed them.
He watched, satisfied, as one by one each remaining member of their club raised his hand in agreement. There was never any worry that they wouldn’t agree to patch in Axel, Tango, and Rebel.
“All in favor of patching over The Lone Rangers?”
A collective ‘yes,’ when through the room, and Ox slammed the gavel down twice.
“Good, that was easier than I thought. We’ll wait until we have Slayer back before we have a party to celebrate, it just wouldn’t b
e fair to have all that foreign pussy floatin’ around without him here,” Ox joked.
Laughter filled his ears, and he smiled at the happiness he felt. Contentment, really. He couldn’t ask for a better group of men to watch his back and that was saying a lot with the lifestyle they led.
“We got anything else to settle?,” Torch asked.
Ox nodded sagely and threw a file onto the table. He didn’t want to have to discuss something like this, especially after what happened with the Steel Ponies and Prettyboy. A fight over their territory may just be in their midst, and that was another reason Axel and Ox were so chummy about combining MC’s.
“We got a relatively new MC causing waves close to us, and I don’t like the looks of it,” He said.
Fury combed through the pictures first, his dark hair falling into his eyes as he did so. He tsked under his breath and handed the file to Prettyboy, who was already reaching for it. Apparently he’d learned his lesson on turf wars the first time, and Ox didn’t even blame him.
“They’re not wasting any time are they? They really lifting and distributing that much coke? This early? Who do they have connections with?,” Torch asked as he scowled at the photos on the table before him.
“Apparently the only reason they’re headed in this direction is because they were working with Pierce and Chris,” He said smoothly.
“You’re shittin’ me?,” Green asked. He glanced at the photos and swore under his breath, his green eyes alight with anger.
“Yeah, that shit has followed us here. But, now that they have their own little network, they’re getting too big. I don’t want any outside bullshit ruining what we’ve got lined up for us, fellas. We worked hard and long to undo what my father did to this club, and I’ll be damned if I let some punks fuck it all up for us,” Ox said heatedly.
“Ain’t that the truth,” Torch said under his breath.
“We got to handle this right now? We got a game plan?”
Ox wished he had a better response at the moment, but he wouldn’t until he talked to Axel about it. There wasn’t much he could do without his whole club here to discuss it.
“I’m just as clueless as the rest of you right now. Axel and I discussed it and decided to work with the flow here, see where they end up by the time Slayer is home again. They may not come this far east anyway, but for now, we’ll just keep our eyes and ears open.”
“So, when do Tango and Rebel move in?”
“Well, we have the extra space for them now that a few of our rooms have opened up. They can file in as they please over the next couple of weeks. I didn’t give Slayer too much time to settle his affairs with this questionable shit happening around here.”
“Uh, boss, does this MC have a name? Or are they still undecided on that?”
Ox reached for the file that had circulated around the table and read the name off, “Madmen,” He said.
“I haven’t heard about them, must not be doing too well,” Torch said.
Ox happened to know that Torch had more than one connection in the drug trade which they didn’t need to utilize, but it never hurt to have connections in their world. It would only serve to keep them more informed about this new MC.
Ox pointed at Torch, “Call your contacts. See what you can find out about them.”
Torch nodded his yes and then Ox looked around the table and eyed his club, his brothers, the men he’d take into battle, by his side, without hesitation.
“Everything is about to change around here, but hopefully for the better. Here’s to the next chapter!”
The sound of cheering echoed in his ears, and Ox had no doubt this was the start of something great.
◆◆◆
Billie’s eyes opened slowly as she tried her best to ignore the sound of Noah working on something far too early in the morning. She could hear the steady pound of the hammer as she rolled over, still ashamed at the fact that she’d almost let him fuck her after so long apart.
Should I really feel guilty?
Billie didn’t want to think so, but it was hard not to regret what had happened, not to regret the way her mind forgot about everything he’d done. She couldn’t deny that it would have been her fault too if they’d gone through with it and slept together; she was giving him all the signals he needed to keep going, including telling him that she liked it, which she did.
But, that wouldn’t have made it any better if she’d let it happen.
The hard part was facing him now that she’d let it go that far, and for the life of her she wasn’t sure if she could do it. Her feet hit the floor softly, but the rest of her was dragging ass. Billie rolled her eyes at her own immature behavior and climbed the rest of the way out of bed.
Slowly opening her bedroom door, she listened for the sound of the hammer before she walked into the kitchen and eyed Noah, who was fixing the crooked cabinets she’d meant to get around to, but hadn’t yet.
“I was gonna do that, ya know.”
He didn’t look up at her as he nodded, his blue eyes fixed on a hinge that needed replacing.
“I figured as much, but I can handle it. I’m not busy today.”
He said that like he’d been oh-so-busy all the other days he’d been back; he usually spent half the day in town and the rest of his evening in the house, with her, which she did find strange. Didn’t Slayer have better things to do then spend time with her? She thought so.
“Whatever you say,” She replied lamely.
“We gonna talk about last night?”
“Not if I can help it?”
His eyes met hers from his spot perched on the kitchen counter and she dipped her chin, trying to do all she could to avoid his gaze. She opened the refrigerator and pulled out a carton of orange juice and began to pour herself a glass. Under different circumstances she would offer to pour him one too, but not today. She was too ashamed to interact with him at all, but it was obvious he wasn’t going to let her escape that easily.
“Do you really think now is the time to rehash this, Noah?”
“Please call me Slayer. I’m not Noah anymore,” He huffed.
Billie slammed her glass down onto the counter top and stared at him, her eyes narrowing.
“Well, you’re not Slayer to me, so why would I call you that?”
Even though she could tell he wanted to argue with her about it, he didn’t, and instead opted to use another tactic.
“I like what happened between us last night,” He murmured.
Billie took a moment to assess his expression; she’d always been able to tell when he was bullshitting her before, but now, she wasn’t so sure. She wanted to think that she would know, but if she had to bet on it, she would probably lose.
“I’m sure you did like it. You almost got laid, got a little action in between. What man wouldn’t enjoy it?,” She spat.
He surprised her by slamming the cabinet door closed and hopping down from the counter, his lips twitching with fury.
“You don’t get to demean my feelings like that just because you’re mad. I know that things between us aren’t peachy keen, Billie. I know that I fucked up, and I know you deserve an epic apology, but how the hell am I ever supposed to give you one, if you won’t let me?”
Her eyes filled with angry tears that she couldn’t stop even if she wanted to, as she watched him. His breathing was shallow, his nostrils flared; he seemed to be just as affected by the situation as she was…
“Try then,” She whispered sadly.
She knew that she had to look pathetic with her jade eyes watery and her shoulders slumped, with her arms crossed over her chest like that could save her from the hurt. She couldn’t deny that he had a valid point. If she didn’t let him try, she was only short changing herself in the end.
“Back then, I had all these…ideas that I could leave this place and be someone better than I ever thought, ya know? A lot of it was me being naïve, and a lot of it was me wanting better. There was nothing wrong with my life here,
I just wanted something different, Billie.”
“No offense but this doesn’t sound like the best apology I’ve ever received-”
“Let me finish, damn it!”
She jumped at the sharp tone of his voice and slowly nodded. He ran a hand through his hair and gazed at her for a second before he continued. His fingers slid through the long ends of her hair and tugged gently. It was something he used to do when they were younger, and she recalled more than one night where they fell asleep together, him with his fingers twisted around her hair.
“I left because I wanted to go out there and conquer the world before I came back here and tried to conquer our world. I was young and stupid and I was terrified that if I didn’t go out and find myself, I would get lost. This- what you and me have- it ain’t ever left my head, Billie.”
She didn’t know what to say to that other than, “I find that hard to believe. Where’d you earn the nickname, huh? I bet you earned it the hard way, didn’t you?”
He didn’t have much to say to that, and she wasn’t surprised, but it did still sting to know that she hadn’t whored herself out only to discover that he had. That wasn’t something that he could undo, or that she could really judge him for, but if he was going to tell her that he never forgot about her, she was going to need a little more than that to believe it.
“I did a lot of things that I can’t take back, and I don’t actually expect you to forgive me for them. I know what I did to you and mama was wrong, okay? I called mama as often as I could and I know that ain’t the same as visiting, but I did what I could at the time. I could have made more time to come out here, but I didn’t…Fuck, I didn’t want to face this. Face you. Is that so hard to understand?”
No, it wasn’t, and her empathy resonated deeply, because she could have called him. She could have driven her unhappy ass all the way to North Carolina and told him how she felt, she could have fought for him to stay. She knew where he was going before he left, she could have gone with him. The only thing that stopped her was her pride.
“You chose another life over the one we had planned, and I appreciate the fact that you know you were wrong in doing that, but you continued on with your life like we didn’t exist. Like I didn’t exist, and that’s a very hard pill to swallow.”
Lust (Seven Deadlies MC Book 5) Page 4