“I want to make it right between us. I can’t live the rest of my life knowing that you of all people is out there hating me. I can’t stand it.”
“I couldn’t stand the thought of you leaving, and you did it. I survived. If this is how you wanted to rehash things, then congrats, the topic is open for discussion. It doesn’t change anything and it doesn’t take away my pain.”
He ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head, “What more do you need from me? What will it take to earn your forgiveness?”
Billie swallowed all the words she wanted to say, “Time.”
Chapter 8
Slayer finished smoking his cigarette before he leafed through the papers in his hands. His mom’s affairs were settled. After a week and a half back in Georgia, he was able to close one very long, very unfinished chapter of his life. He kicked at the loose soil beneath his boots and looked up at the sky.
“I miss ya, mama. I’m sorry it took me so damn long to come home, but it sure does fill a hole in my chest I didn’t ever think would be full again.”
The tombstone that read her name was pretty, delicate, a perfect choice for Laura Osborne. His mother had been one beautiful lady, who loved to live and loved to laugh. She did a real fine job raising him and Billie. Billie was a lot like her when she wasn’t spitting venom at him from every direction.
She used to be a lot more open like his mama, but then, he hadn’t exactly rewarded her for sharing so much of herself with him, now had he?
“I screwed up, bad. I don’t know how to fix it, either. What do I do? What am I supposed to say? I never was very good with women, but Billie was always different. What the fuck am I supposed to do to fix this mess?,” He muttered as he sat down cross-legged in front of her grave.
The cemetery was quiet so early in the morning, and normally he would take more time in town to figure out what he needed to file next or pay off, but he’d taken care of everything. He didn’t have a reason to stay in Georgia anymore and he didn’t have an excuse to spend half the day hiding from Billie, either.
He was at a crossroads again, and this time, he couldn’t convince himself to ride out of town. There was an entirely different universe waiting for him in North Carolina, and all he could think about was how to convince Billie to leave town with him.
“What do I have to do to convince her that I still love her? Sayin’ the words won’t be enough, and I know that. I have to show her. But, how?”
He got no response, as he knew that he wouldn’t, but the sunlight hitting him directly in the face disappeared for a few moments as a cloud moved in front of the sun. Convincing Billie that he wanted to start over with her seemed damn near impossible.
“Remember the day you caught her and I kissin’ behind the shed? You were so mad, but after a few hours, you came around tellin’ me you’d always hoped I would fall for her. That I was blessed to know someone so closely and get to see them for who they really are. You told me I was one lucky son of a bitch because Billie knew the real me, down to my bones, and she loved me anyways,” Slayer said to the air.
It was true. Billie did know him better than probably anyone on the planet after his mama, and she was gone now. Billie was all that was left to remember the first couple of decades of his life, and he’d turned his back on her. The shame he felt bubbling to the surface was enough to put a lesser man on his ass, and Slayer knew that. He knew he’d done her wrong.
“I gotta fix this, mama. You always understood, and I loved you for it, but Billie? She won’t get it until she sees where I’ve been.” The hard part would be convincing her to leave the comforts of Georgia for the uncertainty of North Carolina.
◆◆◆
Billie was folding sheets when Slayer walked in. She’d decided to call him as he asked because he wasn’t the man she’d been holding on to for years, and it was time for her to let him go. Noah just didn’t fit the man standing in front of her. It was early for him to be home considering his usual schedule, but she didn’t comment on it. She figured if he wanted her to know what he was up to, he’d tell her.
“Billie?”
She made a noncommittal sound under her breath and waited for him to continue.
“Do you think you’d like to have dinner with me?”
She didn’t know what to say at first; he’d yet to ask her to do anything of the sort and she wasn’t exactly sure how to navigate this new softer, nicer behavior he was exhibiting. Slowly, she set down the sheets she was holding, and looked up at him.
“Why?”
“Do I have to have a legit reason other than the fact that I want to spend time with you when we’re not at each other’s throats?”
Billie didn’t have a response to that other than, “Okay. Dinner. Tonight?”
“Tonight works for me. I got all mom’s stuff sorted, so I’ll be heading out in a couple of days.”
For some reason, hearing that made her absolutely terrified. She’d known from the get that he wouldn’t stay, he never did, but this time she’d been so wrapped up in her anger, that she hadn’t adequately prepared herself for the inevitable shift. She didn’t know if she could face the actual goodbye.
“Slayer…”
“Don’t bring it up. I can see by the look in your eyes that you’re thinkin’ about me leavin’ and I can’t stand to hear the words come from your lips again. Dinner, that’s all I’m asking for right now.”
Right now…
That implied that there would be another time he’d ask her for something, for more, and she couldn’t deny the excitement that the prospect of more brought to her belly. Butterflies the size of eagles soared through her tummy as she watched him lean against the front door jamb, his blue eyes trained on her.
“What happens after dinner?”
“Whatever you want,” He replied easily.
She placed her hands on her hips and tipped her head towards the front porch.
“I don’t lose my head like that often, Slayer-”
“Billie- I know. I know the kind of woman you are, and the kind of woman you ain’t. I know you, even after all these years, like the back of my hand. You may be different, and so am I, but you can’t deny the fact that we’ve always been in sync with each other. That’s what makes it magic,” He said with a smile.
“Magic?”
“If you deny it now it’ll only break my heart.”
She knew that a part of Slayer was joking, but she could tell that he was being at least partially honest. Billie knew that whatever they had between them was due to being in such close quarters for years, some strange animal attraction they shared, and a mutual love for one another that. Just. Wouldn’t. Die.
“This feels messy,” She breathed.
“Ain’t it always been messy, baby?”
Billie felt that term of endearment all the way to her fucking toes, because it was the name that used to slip past his lips whenever he spoke to her. Baby. Such a basic pet name and even still, the timbre of his voice always had her shivering in her boots.
His blonde hair was tucked back behind his ears and his cut was hanging open in the sunlight, revealing a faded Seven Deadlies t-shirt beneath it. The green material looked good wrapped around his broad shoulders and against his tan skin, she noticed that, too. She definitely noticed the way his black jeans fit his toned thighs and perfect ass.
“It’s not gonna be like it was before,” She warned.
Slayer smiled an irritatingly happy smile as his head lifted slightly, his gaze colliding with hers.
“Is that a yes?”
She couldn’t stop herself from smiling in return as she slowly nodded her dark head.
“Yes.”
Slayer surprised the fuck out of her when he stepped closer to her, pulling on the ends of her hair before his rough palms wrapped around the backs of her thighs, lifting upwards slowly, until the pads of his fingers were brushing against the loose threads on the hem of her cut-off shorts.
“Tell
me you’ll let me taste you again.”
“Does the taste of me really matter all that much?,” She asked, her head tipping back so she could look him in the eyes.
His eyes narrowed in obvious confusion, “It’s the only flavor that never leaves the back of my tongue, Billie.”
Chapter 9
Billie was wearing a dress for the first time in a long time. She was wearing high-heeled wedges and she had no idea why. Slayer had seen her at every stage, including at her worst, so why was she bothering to impress him?
Because he’s a man now, and you want him to see what he gave up.
That was the fucking truth, and she couldn’t lie to herself.
She was even wearing lipstick, some deep red shade that matched the color of her dress, and felt pretty. Her curvy frame was tucked into the only dress she owned, she’d shaved her legs, and even curled her long hair. Slayer was waiting outside for her now, and it wasn’t until she clasped her shoes around her ankles that she began to really feel nervous.
This is when everything will change, I feel it.
“Billie? You ready?”
“Coming!,” She called.
She pushed the front door open and had it poised against her hand, her fingers twisting the lock before she turned around and saw Slayer sitting on the porch railing, his legs crossed at the ankles. He was wearing clean clothes, plus his cut, and he looked sexy as hell. Billie knew in that moment that she didn’t stand a chance.
His eyes raked over every inch of her exposed skin like he could see though her little red dress, but she supposed in a way, he could; he already knew what was hidden underneath it, intimately, but that didn’t mean she had to let him have it.
“It’s just dinner,” she said again.
He looked like he knew she didn’t actually mean it.
“Yeah, you said that. I figured we’d try out this new place in town I saw the other night when I was tossin’ you over my shoulder. What do you say?”
Billie didn’t have a problem with it, so she nodded.
“You’re wearin’ a dress which means we have to take the car. Sorry, but I’m drivin’.”
“Why?”
Slayer rolled his eyes and Billie hid the grin she was fighting under the palm of her hand.
“Why do ya gotta be so damn difficult all the time? Just get your fine ass in the vehicle and lets go, I’m hungry.”
As he said this his eyes worked their way from the tips of her toes to the top of her head, and she was left with no questions about what he meant. He wanted her, and for Billie, that was like a sweet, sweet tonic. After all these years, she still had some effect on him.
“Fine. I’ll get in the car.”
He nodded, and worked his way over to the passenger side door to open the door for her. She looked up at him, surprised.
“I have fuckin’ manners, Billie. I may not use them where I live now, but I sure as hell remember them.”
She tried not to laugh at the ironic way he posed that statement, what with his sexy mouth cursing at her and all, but she failed. His lips quirked, and for a long moment, Billie was sure he would kiss her again.
“No, no, Willow Aria King. You’ll kiss this mouth after I’m sure it’s what you want, and not a moment before,” He whispered softly.
Billie slowly got into the car, those words echoing in her head.
Not a moment before.
What did that mean, exactly? They were going out to dinner, she was wearing a dress, why wouldn’t she want at the least the possibility of a kiss?
As he slid into the driver’s seat, Billie was reminded of more than one occasion when they were younger where his mouth was on hers. Their first kiss was by far her favorite; fumbling hands and minty breath and innocence all tied together behind her favorite willow tree in their backyard. Laura caught them shortly after and nearly painted both of their back porches red, but even back then, Billie could see the love and adoration on her face. She was probably up in heaven cheering them on, even now.
“You had steak recently?”
Billie shook her head.
“Let’s take this old school, visit the Tavern downtown. Have some steak, some beer, and catch up.”
Billie had to wonder if he truly thought it would be that easy. If Slayer honestly understood that nothing was settled between them yet, she’d just decided to wave a little white flag for the sake of the evening.
“Steak and beer.”
“And, good conversation. Relax, Billie. I’m not going to hurt you, not intentionally. I think what I have to say may surprise you.”
“That doesn’t exactly fill me with butterflies and rainbows.”
Slayer rolled his eyes but his warm palm landed on her bare thigh and her breath caught. So many memories of his hands on her skin, his mouth at her ear, his promises sticking to her heated skin like wallpaper. She wanted to believe that this time, things could be different. She wanted, with all of her heart, to have just one easy night between them before he left her again.
Billie just couldn’t do it.
“Pull over!,” She cried.
Slayer looked over at her, confused.
“What?”
“Pull over, pull over!”
They were at the halfway point from their house and downtown, and were surrounded by nothing but trees and open farm land.
“What the hell is going on?,” He asked as he veered the car off the side of the road. As soon as the car was parked, she was opening the door and stepping into the darkness. The sun was almost gone as she looked up at the sky, the moon ready to take its position. The stars were bright, so bright, as she blinked away tears.
Slayer stormed out of the car, slamming the door behind him.
“What the fuck, Billie?!”
She threw her hands out, frustration visible on her face.
“I just can’t pretend, okay? I know that’s what you want me to do, I know that you want me to just let it go, but for fucks sake, Slayer! I can’t do that!”
He ran his hands through his hair and shook his head, his blue eyes glued to the everything but her.
“Billie, don’t apologize, okay? I’m the one who’s sorry. I should have known this wouldn’t end well. This,” He took a moment to gesture back and forth between them, “Deserves to be settled before we have ‘dinner.’”
Billie stood stock still, shocked.
“What?”
“You want to hear the truth? What I should have said before, but was too pussy to get out? I love you, Billie. I’ve always fucking loved you, and I’ll continue to do so until the day I die. I loved you the moment I laid eyes on you at eight years old okay?”
She was crying, ugly crying, but she couldn’t stop it.
“You left.”
“I left, you’re right, and I can’t change that. I can’t take it back or make it better or make it disappear- I know that! I wish I could say that things have changed and that I’m here to stay and that this time it’ll be different, but I can’t.”
His voice tapered off, cracked, and he went silent.
“You should have come with me,” He murmured.
Billie turned to face him, “And leave your mother behind?”
He winced.
“She could have come, too!”
“Jesus, you never used to be this selfish, Slayer! Your mother had no one after your father died. I was not going to leave her here all alone to fend for herself so I could ride off into the sunset on the back of your bike! Life doesn’t work that way,” Billie argued.
He grunted under his breath and shook his head.
“So, what? This is it? We just let each other go like it’s even possible that we’ll find the same thing that we share with someone else?”
That hit Billie hard. She knew that letting him go again was the one thing she couldn’t do. She knew that if she didn’t at least fight him over it, one more time, that all the bitterness she’d held deep inside for six fucking years would be null and v
oid.
“I want you to come with me, Billie. I want you to come back to North Carolina with me, to stay.”
Billie laughed, her fingers running through her hair and tugging on the roots.
“Are you insane? You come back here to handle your mother’s death after over half a decade, and now you want me to move to North Carolina with you?”
Slayer nodded, his hands reaching for her, but she stepped away.
“It’s been years since we’ve been anything other than strangers, Slayer. I can barely stand to be in the same room as you, let alone move away with you! Jesus, this is all fucked. I can’t handle this right now, I really can’t-,” Billie paused to suck in a deep breath, and Slayer used that as an opportunity cup her face in his capable hands.
He didn’t even let her get a word in before he was kissing her, hard. His mouth was a force against hers. Billie fought against him for a moment before she melted into his arms. Her hands moved to the back of his neck, her fingers tangled themselves in the strands of his hair. It didn’t seem to matter how many years or miles spanned between them, touching one another always calmed something inside the both of them.
Slayer’s hands moved to her waist, wrapped around her back, his knuckles pressed against her spine. He held onto her tight, like he never wanted to let her go. Billie basked in the attention, the way that her cold little heart finally felt warm, in the way that the void that basically filled her chest, finally felt full.
He yanked her head back by the roots of her hair and gazed down at her, his lips rosy, his cheeks flushed.
“Whatever this is between us, it ain’t ever gonna go away, Billie. We’re always gonna need each other. Ya gotta come with me. I can’t live another fuckin’ day without knowin’ you’re there with me.”
“I can’t just leave my life.”
“Yes, you can. Billie, there ain’t nothin’ here for you anymore. I know losing my mom was hard, and I can never repay you for taking care of her. I should have been here for that, and I’m sorry as shit that I wasn’t. We can keep the house, it’s paid off. Use it for vacations, whatever we want. Just- come with me,” He pleaded roughly.
Lust (Seven Deadlies MC Book 5) Page 5