"My throat's dry," Lily said. "I won't be able to sing a note."
"It's natural to be nervous," Julie said. "You'll feel perfectly fine once you start singing."
But as she stepped on stage, Lily decided she'd never felt less perfectly fine in her whole life.
* * * * *
Zac watched from his position near the bar. Dodie was right. The men did notice Lily. Maybe if he put the girls in shorter skirts and moved them around a little more, it would do the trick. Of course he could always turn down the lights on Lily and turn them up on the girls. In all that black, she'd practically disappear.
But not her face. Only a complete blackout could dim her inner radiance.
Zac smiled to himself. She was scared to death. She was smiling, and she was singing with every bit of nerve she could muster, but if anybody said boo, she'd probably faint on the spot. He had to give it to her. She had guts.
Her voice was rather good. Maybe even a little too good. More of the men had stopped to listen. A few even drew close to the stage to get a better look. Zac didn't like that. He wanted them to keep their distance, to show only a marginal interest.
At the same time he was proud of what she'd managed to do in spite of her stage fright. The volume of the applause caught him by surprise. They did more than notice her. They liked her very much.
"You ought to get rid of those other girls and feature Lily," Dodie said. "She's got a pretty good voice. Once she gets over her stage fright, she won't be half bad."
"I'll do nothing of the kind," Zac said, aware he was speaking more forcefully than necessary.
"Why not? The men like her. Look around. Half the games in the room have stopped."
"I don't want the games to stop. I can't make money that way."
Dodie leveled a penetrating glance at Zac. "You don't want her to succeed," she said. "Why?"
"It's not suitable for a girl like Lily. Look at her. Is she what you'd expect to find in a gambling hall?"
"No, and that's exactly why featuring her would bring in twice as many people. All men can appreciate a woman like Lily."
"I didn't want her up there in the first place. I'm not going to compound my error by turning her into a byword along the Barbary Coast."
Even now he wanted to pull her off the stage, send her upstairs, tell everybody she'd gone back to Virginia. He wanted to shield her from their prying eyes, protect her from the thoughts he could see behind their hungry, glistening eyes.
Who were these men? What could they offer her? Nothing. The most decent ones were married, but even they wasted their time and money on whiskey and gambling. They stared openly at women's bodies, made crude and suggestive remarks, went home so drunk they couldn't find their way without help.
That wasn't the kind of man for Lily. She deserved a nice, respectable, faithful, attentive husband who would give her the love she deserved and the home she wanted. She wasn't cut out for the kind of existence Zac found so appealing.
Zac didn't know how she was going to find anybody like that singing to a bunch of drunken gamblers in the Little Corner of Heaven.
* * * * *
Lily wasn't mistaken. Somebody was crying. She never would have known if she hadn't returned to her room in the middle of the day. It was her time of the month, and she wasn't feeling her best.
It didn't take her long to locate the room. The name on the pasteboard was Kitty Draper. Lily knocked softly. The crying stopped abruptly. Lily knocked again.
"Who is it?" a voice asked.
"Lily Sterling."
"What do you what?"
"I heard you crying. Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
A pause. "Yes."
"Can I come in?"
A longer pause. The door opened about two inches. A brunette Lily couldn't remember seeing peeped through the crack.
"You don't have to. I'm all right."
"I know. I just thought you might like me to sit with you for a minute. It gets awfully lonely around here sometimes."
Kitty burst into tears. Lily pushed her way into the room, sat them both down on the edge of the bed, and held Kitty in her arms until she stopped crying.
"I'm sorry," Kitty said. "It's just when you said . . . "
She starting to cry again.
"What's wrong?" Lily asked.
Kitty reached inside the pocket of her robe and handed Lily a letter.
Dear Kitty,
The baby is sick with the croup again. The poor little mite makes such terrible noises it scares me half to death.
Old Mrs. McCutchen and her daughter are moving, so I'll have to be on the lookout for another wet nurse. He does hate the bottle so. It breaks my heart to see him not eat when I know he's hungry.
I didn't mean to send such bad news, but I thought you ought to know."
Love, Ma
"He's only three months old," Kitty said when Lily returned the letter. "It broke my heart to leave him."
"Why did you?"
"I came looking for his father, but he's disappeared."
"Why didn't you go back?"
"There's no work back home. Besides, I had no milk. I thought I could earn enough here so Ma could take care of him. I could also keep looking for his father. But I didn't know I'd miss my baby so much."
"Why don't you have your mother come to San Francisco?"
"I can't afford it."
"What do you do?"
"I run one of the roulette wheels. I'd make more money with a faro bank, but Dodie says I can't move up until I have more experience."
* * * * *
"I have no objection to moving Kitty to a faro bank," Dodie said. "It's Zac's rule. Six weeks is the absolute minimum."
"But she's been here almost five weeks."
"Then she's only got ten days to wait."
"She's missing her baby," Lily said. "The other girls say she cries herself to sleep every night."
"Don't take it out on me. Talk to Zac. But not until he gets up," Dodie hastily added when Lily immediately got to her feet.
* * * * *
Lily was waiting at the bottom of the stairs when Zac came down.
"Don't say a word until I have my coffee," he said, his eyes only half open. "I can see you're going to be after me for something."
Lily couldn't help but smile as she watched him make his way to his office. He was so adorable when he was half asleep. He was like a big baby. She almost wanted to give him a cuddle.
She didn't think he'd appreciate it.
She waited a moment before she followed him. He studied her over his coffee cup, wary, distrustful.
"You want me to do something," he said. "I can see it in your eyes. You're just like Rose."
"She must be a wonderful woman."
"An absolute queen among women, but she's the most unrestful human being I know, unless it's Iris."
"I think Rose and Iris are both charming."
Zac took a hasty swallow of coffee and burned his tongue. "Okay, out with it."
"I want you to bring Kitty's mother and baby to San Francisco."
"Who the hell is Kitty? Why should I give a damn about her mother and baby?"
"You're never this cross when you get up. What's wrong?"
"I had another go around with that damned fool, Chet Lee. I spent half the night at the police station."
Lily let him get down a few more swallows of coffee. She knew he'd give in. He was too soft-hearted not to. She just had to let him growl and snarl for a bit to show he was the master. Just like her father. He would balk if he thought he was being managed. She suspected Zac would do the same.
The thought stunned her. It seemed incredible that they should have anything in common, that Zac could be as much like her father as he was his opposite. It made her more wary of Zac. At the same time, she began to wonder if her father was as far wrong as she had thought.
"Now tell me why I'm supposed to care about thi
s woman's baby," Zac asked. He looked up suddenly. "You don't have her outside the door, do you, or hiding in the closet?"
"She's getting ready to go to work, but I told her I'd tell her what you decided."
"You women are all the same. You gang up and back a man into a corner. Then you tell him you'll be happy with whatever he decides."
"But I won't," Lily said. "I'll be very upset if you don't help Kitty bring her baby to town."
"Kitty," Zac said half to himself. "Brunette. Runs a roulette wheel. Does very well."
"Exactly. Only she needs to move up to a faro bank to make enough money to support her baby."
"She hasn't been here long enough. She's got a little more than a week to go."
Lily decided Zac was pulling the wool over Dodie's eyes. He pretended he didn't know what was going on in the saloon, but he obviously knew more than either of them thought.
"Dodie says she's good enough already. She has no objection if you--"
"Can't do it. It wouldn't be fair to the other girls."
Zac was clearly getting his feet under him. He was also becoming unexpectedly businesslike.
"But you don't understand her situation."
"Okay, make me understand."
Lily was feeling decidedly uncomfortable with this side of Zac. While she explained, she looked in vain for some sign of softening. Maybe this was the other person Dodie said was hiding inside. But why had he decided to come out now?
"It's cruel for her to be separated from her baby," Lily finished up. "It's only until she finds its father."
"I doubt she'll find him," Zac said. "I won't move her up until she’s been here a full six weeks, but I will lend her the money. She can pay me back when she gets promoted."
"I was thinking you might give it to her."
Lily didn't like the hard glitter in Zac's eyes. It made him look very unfriendly. Cold and hard.
"I never give anybody anything," Zac said. "It only encourages them to expect more. I run a business. I expect to make a healthy profit. If I don't, half those girls out there would be in the street."
Lily didn't know quite what to say. She didn't like this side of Zac, but she couldn't argue with it. It was exactly what her father would have said.
Zac's gaze turned even harder. "Did she put you up to this?"
"No," Lily hastened to assure him. "I heard her crying. She didn't want to tell me. It was my idea to talk to you."
"Next time, I'd appreciate it if you'd talk to me before you go making promises. You might make one I can't keep. None of us would like that."
"No," Lily agreed, feeling she had been justly chastised.
"Go find Kitty. We might as well put her out of her misery."
Lily was on the verge of fleeing, but Zac's expression changed. Suddenly he was smiling, looking like the Zac she was used to. She held her breath, waiting.
"You've got a soft heart," he said. "Maybe too soft."
She made no reply.
"I have to be careful. I can't help everybody. If I stretch myself too thin, I might fail the ones I've promised. You understand, don't you?"
She did. She was a fool not to have seen it earlier. She felt an overwhelming desire to cry.
* * * * *
"I can't keep going on stage looking like I'm going to a funeral," Lily said to Dodie.
"Talk to Zac. He's the one who doesn't want anybody to notice you."
"I have, and he won't listen. Those black eyes start to go hard, like some of that black rock I saw in Utah. He glares at me like he wants to send me to my room. Then he tells me he's only doing it for my protection."
"You don't believe him?"
"Of course, I believe him. Zac wouldn't lie to me. Don't arch your eyebrows. I can't imagine Zac lying to anyone. It's too much trouble. Besides, since he doesn't care what they think, why bother."
Dodie burst out laughing. "You don't have a great opinion of the man, do you?"
Lily grinned. "I like him too much for my own good, but I'm not blind. Papa may be hardheaded and stubborn, but he taught me never to make a fool of myself by seeing in people only what I want to see."
"I'm glad your pa said something useful, but that doesn't solve the problem of a dress, or why you want one."
"I'm tired of Zac looking through me like I'm not there," Lily confessed. "Maybe if the customers really liked me, he'd stop treating me like a nuisance he hopes will go away."
"You're not getting sweet on him, are you?" Dodie asked.
Lily had asked herself that question a dozen times without getting a satisfactory answer. She hadn't given up on her goal to save Zac from himself, but the more she was around him, the more she believed he really didn't need saving, that he only needed a reason to stop throwing his life away on a gambling hall.
When she thought of the women he had helped, she wondered if she wasn't the one with the limited perspective. In his own way, Zac was doing far more good than she ever had.
"I don't know," Lily answered truthfully. "Despite what he says about himself, he's a good man. He has very strong principles and holds firmly to them. Though in a part of his life, he seems to be floating along without a rudder. Then there's his looks."
"Yes, every woman gets around to his looks sooner or later. Mostly sooner."
"How could you not swoon over a man who looks like Zac?"
"I can't help you there. I certainly did."
"And you still care for him, don't you?"
Dodie took a moment to light one of her thin cigars. "If I have to be totally honest, I guess I have to admit I'll always love Zac. He gave me my life back again, and he wouldn't take anything in return. I used to think he was incapable of feeling real emotion. Then you showed up."
"Me? He hardly knows I'm alive. If I disappeared tomorrow, he'd breathe a sigh of relief and forget my existence within a week."
"No, you've shaken him. I'd never have dared put him out of his bed for anyone else. If anybody else had been doing your number, he'd have had her front and center, dress hemmed high and cut low, enough paint on her face to be seen coming through a fog."
"Are you sure? He doesn't seem interested to me."
"You're in love with him, aren't you?"
"I don't think so, but it's terribly hard to decide with him ignoring me. I can't tell if I truly like him, or if I'm only interested because he's hurt my vanity."
Dodie let out a crack of laugher. "At least you're honest."
"Papa said--"
"Don't tell me. I feel like I know the man, and I've never set eyes on him. Do you really want to find out what Zac feels?"
"Yes, even though it frightens me a little. I'm petrified I could never live up to his expectations."
"If Zac ever truly falls in love, he'll be so busy trying to live up to his own expectations he won't notice if you slip a little once in a while."
"I think it's time we find out," Lily said. "Let's talk to the other girls. I want to change the whole routine."
Chapter Twelve
"If you don't hold still," Dodie admonished, "you'll have lipstick smeared from one side of your face to the other."
Lily couldn't sit still. She'd never worn face paint. Her father said it was a sin to alter what Mother Nature had given you. But Dodie said Lily would wash out under the strong lights. If she wanted to make an impression on Zac, there was no point in half measures.
Lily had changed her hair, too. Instead of letting it fall over her shoulders, she had put it up in a French twist. Then she had pinned a spray of blue forget-me-nots in her hair.
"Ready for your eyes?" Dodie asked.
"Just outline them," Lily said. "I don't want them to get lost in my face. My eyebrows, either. I'm too fair. I wish I had been born a brunette." She thought of Zac's ebony eyebrows and lashes with envy.
Lily was not sure about the dress Julie had chosen for her. Julie might be reluctant to appear in the saloon herself, but she was only too happy to make a dress for Lily of a clear blue ma
terial that glistened in the light. It was nearly off her shoulders and cut so low Lily felt like she was in a constant draft. The hem was so high people could see her ankles.
Papa would have apoplexy if he saw her in anything like this. She just hoped Zac didn't have a similar reaction.
"There," Dodie said, "all done. Now you're ready to go out and face the world."
"Let me see," Lily said.
"You're not going to look like yourself," Dodie warned.
"After all this, I hope not."
Lily took the mirror and held it up. A brazenly painted face stared back at her.
"Do you like it?" Dodie asked.
"Of course she does," Julie said. "Can't you see she's speechless?"
Lily could hardly believe she was looking at herself. The entire character of her face had changed.
"Do I really belong to that face?" she asked Dodie.
"Not yet," Dodie replied, understanding instantly what she meant, "but if you're going to undertake the capture and taming of one Zac Randolph, you'll have to."
But Lily wasn't sure she wanted to capture and tame Zac enough to go around looking like this all the time. She felt like Delilah on the prowl for Samson.
Julie took the mirror from her. "You don't have time to admire yourself. I hear your music starting. You'll be going on stage in about two minutes."
Lily stood. She felt awkward in such high heels. It was even harder to dance in them, but she knew it was necessary. No half measures. She wasn't certain she agreed with her own philosophy, but once she had talked everyone into helping her, she couldn't let them down.
She was so nervous she worried she wouldn't be able to sing a note. She had worked on the number for a week. The other girls had gotten up an hour early each morning so they could rehearse without fear of Zac coming downstairs and finding out what they were doing. She couldn't fail them now.
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