Stubborn Love

by Wendy Owens

  I also don’t know why I said yes when he asked me if I wanted to have dinner, but I did. After he left me there, in the park, I realized I had been smiling so long my face was hurting. But the fact that I didn’t know why I said yes to all of these things didn’t change the fact that I had agreed to have dinner with him that very night. He would be picking me up at the apartment in a matter of hours.

  What the hell are you doing, girl? I stared in the mirror, repeatedly asking myself that question. Thanks to a lot of hair product, I had managed to tame my frizzy, dirty blonde mess into oversized, gentle curls. Leaning forward I checked for any stray, unruly eyebrow hairs that might need plucked. One last touch up of blush and an additional layer of mascara should be enough. As I applied the makeup the thought rushes through my head again: What the hell are you doing?

  When I left Indiana I swore to myself I wouldn’t lose focus. I was determined I would keep my head down, make it through the year, and get my ass back home. I was here to experience things, as long as it didn’t include men. Countless museums and parks were on my list of must-sees. Dating was for certain on my list of don’ts. Ashton had been my first real boyfriend, my first kiss, my first everything. A first love that ends in such tragedy can only mean one thing: I was not cut out for love. Yet, here I was.

  I made the mistake of telling Paige I had a date, and since that moment she was like a dog with a bone. She wanted to know everything about him, although I didn’t have much to tell her—only what we had discussed that day in the park. It didn’t take long for her attention to shift to my evening’s wardrobe choice. She was less than impressed by the sundress I had chosen. Instead, she pulled a little black number out of her closet for me.

  I was certain my size ten curves were not going to fit into anything she had in her size two closet, but leave it to Paige—she found the one dress I could squeeze into. The black spandex gave in all the places it needed to in order to fit my frame. I wasn’t as convinced as Paige when I put it on. I believe her exact words were ‘smoking hot.’ All I could see when I looked in the mirror was cleavage and a bubble butt. After Paige left to meet Christian I seriously considered changing back into my own clothes. A part of me resisted; I should really find that part and strangle it.

  I walked out of my bathroom and into my small, but well organized bedroom, slipping on the one pair of heels I had brought with me from Indiana: a simple and plain pair of matte black stilettos. High heels were something I considered having a love/hate relationship with. They made my long legs look amazing, lengthening my calves and making them appear athletic. They also made my feet ache, and I usually had a two-hour time limit on actually wearing them. However, they were the only shoes that did the dress Paige lent me justice.

  Lipstick and I’m ready. My mother had taught me when I was just a girl to always apply lipstick last to keep it looking fresh as long as you can. Grabbing the tube, I stepped in front of the full-length mirror hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Seeing myself completely put together I had mixed thoughts. On one hand, I thought I did look pretty amazing. In fact, I wasn’t sure if my breasts had ever looked better. On the other hand, I worried I looked too sexy. Maybe I was sending William the wrong message. Hell, I wasn’t even sure at this point what message I wanted to be sending.

  I knew I missed being touched. I looked at other couples, the way they touched, and kissed—the most basic level of interaction—and I missed it. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself not to miss it, I did. I wanted it again, and I also wished I didn’t want it. It was too hard, too complicated, too messy. In that moment I wished I were that type of girl. A girl who could seek out pleasure from a man and it not mean love. I wanted to be a girl who could have a one night stand, quench that fire and move on with my life with no complications.

  Twisting up the tube I watched as the blush-colored lipstick rose from its hiding place. Applying the color to my top lip, I was suddenly interrupted by a knock at the door. I finished, pressing my lips together firmly, flattened out the dress over my abdominal area, and with a deep huff I turned to welcome my date. God, what the hell are you doing, girl?

  Initially I struggled to walk in the heels, but after a few steps my legs remembered how to accommodate the shoes. Walking through the kitchen, I turned the doorknob slowly, my heart beginning to race. Pulling it open, my heart fluttered as I saw Colin Bennett standing there. His arm was perched above him on the doorframe, his head hanging down. He raised an eyebrow as he drank me in, one side of his mouth lifted into a sinister smile.

  Damn it! Why did he have to look so damn sexy when he was being so dirty? I knew exactly what he was thinking as he was looking at me. He must have had plans; well, he was wearing a black button up shirt, only the top button undone, a lean cut charcoal gray blazer over it, hugging close to his body. My eyes moved down to his black slacks and vintage suede leather shoes. His hair was pushed back, a few wild strands hanging in his eyes. I felt an ache deep within me, which only made me want to slap him, even though I knew it wasn’t his fault I was starting to lose control of my body.

  “What do you want?” I asked, turning and walking away, leaving the door hanging open. I knew if I looked at him standing there any longer I might lose it. Why did he have to look so good? I suppose the jerks always did.

  “Damn,” he whispered softly, not moving from his perch. I couldn’t help but smile as I continued moving away from him. I was glad I had garnered that sort of reaction; at least the dress was doing its job. I just hoped it would do the same for William.

  “Do you need something?” I asked looking over my shoulder, making sure he didn’t see his response pleased me.

  Colin pulled his arm down, and following me into the apartment, he closed the door behind him. I grabbed my clutch from the couch and dropped the tube of lipstick in, turning and looking back at him for some sort of answer to my question. He was still staring at me intensely, like an animal that wanted to devour its prey.

  “Christian told me to meet him here,” Colin explained at last.

  “What? No, that can’t be right. Paige already left to meet up with him. They were going to some party, I think,” I enlightened him.

  “I know, apparently it was lame. He called and told me to meet him here. We’re going to The Half King instead. I’d invite you, but it appears you already have a wild night planned for yourself.” He smiled mischievously, and I could tell exactly what he was insinuating.

  “Well, they’re not here,” I replied, refusing to give his last comment any sort of acknowledgment. Time was ticking by quickly, and I wanted to get Colin out of the apartment before William showed up. The last thing I needed to explain was why he was at my place.

  “So, ‘not-interested-in-dating-right-now,’ where are you going dressed up like that?” he inquired, making himself comfortable in the oversized chair near the window. I couldn’t believe he actually had the nerve to ask me that, and even worse, to throw my own words back up in my face. A week ago I had no intention of dating anyone. Hell, right now I had no intention of dating anyone. I wasn’t about to tell him I was horny and a hot guy asked me out so I caved. I thought I sounded like a slut for just thinking it.

  “I don’t really think it’s any of your business where I’m going.” I nervously looked back at the door; I needed to figure out how to get him out.

  “I suppose not, but I think it’s obvious by the way you look you’re going on a date. The question is, why lie to me about not wanting to date right now?” Colin pushed; the line of questioning was clearly a thrill for him.

  “It’s dinner, not that big a deal.” I dismissed his statement, not allowing him to see how much he was getting under my skin.

  “Well, you look amazing, Em,” Colin complimented in a deep and irresistible voice. I couldn’t stop staring at his beard—it always seemed to be kept at the perfect length of slight stubble. I was certain it was smooth enough to not irritate you when you kissed, but lo
ng enough to accentuate his strong jawline. Damn it Clementine! Quit thinking shit like that!

  “Thanks. But like I said, they’re not here, so I guess you should head home and try calling him perhaps,” I urged, desperate for him to leave.

  “I’m fine. I’ll just wait here for them… if you don’t mind. You can keep me company,” Colin replied, looking me up and down again.

  “Actually—” I began, but then was interrupted.

  “Oh, wait, I get it. You don’t want me here when your date gets here,” Colin said, clasping his fingers together, watching me intensely from the chair. “What is it? Is he ugly? No wait, he’s old… like really old, right?”

  “Excuse me?” I growled as he laughed, trying not to laugh myself.

  “That’s it, isn’t it?” Colin leaned forward, still laughing. “You’re into the geriatric dudes aren’t you?”

  “No!” I exclaimed, chuckling slightly. “He’s actually very hot.”

  Why are you talking to him? I asked myself. He’s just playing you. It’s what he does. Closing my eyes for a moment I took a deep breath, focusing on the task before me: getting Colin the hell out of my place before William showed up.

  “Sweetheart, I was just playing around. I’m sure he’s a great guy.” Colin smiled as he attempted to soften the blow of his earlier teasing. I didn’t have time to respond, because in the next moment there was a knock at the door.

  It was too late. I had run out of time. I turned away from Colin to answer it. I needed to think quickly. I would open the door and slip out so there would be no time for William and Colin to meet. Pulling back my shoulders, I pushed the air from my lungs, opening the door. As I did, I heard Colin’s voice… directly behind me.

  “Don’t worry, he’ll think you look as hot as I do.” He was standing so close I could feel his breath on my neck. What the hell? Was he some sort of stealthy vampire? How in the heck did he sneak up on me so quickly? It was too late now; the door was already open. My jaw had dropped, my mouth hanging open from Colin’s comment.

  William stood there looking at me with flowers in his hand. They were a beautiful array of wild flowers, but I could say nothing, only look back at him, expressionless. Colin was directly behind me—his breath still finding its way to my bare back.

  “Hi,” Colin greeted him, reaching past me and extending a hand to my date. “I’m Colin Bennett. You must be the date.”

  I couldn’t believe my ears. He was really doing this, and I was just standing there like an idiot, letting him.

  William hesitated for a moment, obviously puzzled, a nervous half smile emerging. At last he freed a hand, and the two locked in a shake. “Yes, I suppose I am the date. Name is Stryker, William Stryker.”

  As he pulled his hand back, Colin burst out into a robust laughter before asking, “Like Bond? James Bond? Sorry, friend, I don’t mean anything, that’s just, well—that’s quite a name.”

  William looked annoyed. I remembered when we were at the park, and how he mentioned he had been made fun of for his name while growing up. Leave it to Colin to alienate a guy in the first thirty seconds of meeting him. “I’m sorry, who are you?”

  With an elbow to Colin’s ribs, I managed to block any answer from him as he gasped in response. Any reply he had would probably be dripping with sarcasm and only create an uncomfortable evening for William and I. “Nobody important. Tell Paige I’ll be back late.”

  I grabbed the flowers with a smile, remarking how beautiful they were and what a thoughtful gesture it was. Shoving them into Colin’s hands, I slipped through the door and pulled it closed behind me.

  As we walked down the stairs, I knew what was coming. There was no way any guy would let slide what just happened. There would be questions.

  “Who was that?” he asked. And there it was. I had expected to make it out onto the sidewalk before the questions began, however, William clearly was one not to beat around the bush.

  “My landlord,” I answered plainly, as if it were quite inconsequential to me. Yes, he was a super hot landlord, and he also made me want to strangle him sometimes, but William didn’t ask me those questions.

  William shook his head as he followed me out into the night. “Wait, what? Does he live with you?”

  I knew I would not be able to avoid the questions with a dismissive attitude and decided if I wanted any chance at a fun evening I would need to clear the air quickly. I stopped and turned to look at him.

  “God, no! My roommate Paige is dating Colin’s brother. He was there waiting for them. I don’t know, I think they’re all going out or something.” There, I had explained, it and it didn’t sound as insane as I thought it would. “So, where to?”

  “Is he an ex or something?” William continued to push for answers.

  “What? No way! Gross! Colin is not the type of guy I would ever date,” I informed him, clueless as to what would ever give him the idea there had been something between us at one time.

  “Really? He seems nice enough, and I suppose good looking, if you like that drop dead gorgeous type thing.” I needed this conversation about Colin to end… and quickly. He was the last person I wanted to be thinking about.

  “I guess… I never really noticed…” I lied. I wasn’t interested in dating Colin, but anyone with a set of eyeballs could see he was gorgeous.

  “Are you hungry?” William asked, my answer seeming to satisfy his curiosity.

  “Famished,” I replied with a smile, linking my arm into his.

  “You look beautiful, by the way.” I was pleased to have him confirm Colin’s sentiments. Here I was, on my first date since—well, that’s not important. I was ready for a fresh start.

  The light peeked through the slatted wood blinds in my bedroom. Morning apparently did not care that I had stayed out late—it was determined to come upon me, no matter what. I begrudgingly drug myself to the bathroom sink, the picture of the girl in the mirror shocking me. In my late night semi drunken stupor, I had made my way to my bedroom, slipping out of the borrowed dress and climbed into bed.

  My morning breath was offensive, mascara was caked on under my eyes, and if the raccoon look wasn’t bad enough, my hair was a veritable rat’s nest. Staring at the sexy black underwear, I couldn’t imagine what I must have been thinking when I put them on.

  Splashing my face with some warm water, I lathered up and rinsed away a few of the traces of the previous night, using my wet fingers to comb through my hair. Pulling the tangles up, I placed the matted hair into a loose and feeble attempt at a ponytail. A toothbrush hanging from my mouth, I walked out and searched my drawers for sweat pants and one of Ashton’s oversized t-shirts. This had become my uniform for bumming it since as long as I could remember.

  Walking back into the bathroom, spitting and rinsing, I flicked off the light, shaking my head in disappointment at myself. A cup of coffee and bowl of cereal would make everything better, I decided. Attempting to be as quiet as possible, I cracked my door open. I held my breath, but it did not seem to lessen the creaking under my feet. The last thing I needed this morning was the third degree from Paige about how the date had gone.

  “About time!” I heard Paige call out from a reclined position on the couch. “I didn’t think you’d ever get up.”

  I smiled. I should have known she would be waiting for me. “Good morning.”

  “Morning? I don’t know what clock you’ve looked at lately, but it’s past noon, slut,” Paige snarled, clearly pleased with her comments.

  “Oh God, are you serious?” I asked in disbelief, still walking gently as I made my way to our small kitchen and began preparing my breakfast. As soon as I turned the corner I saw them—the flowers William, or should I say Stryker, brought me the night before. “Thanks for putting my flowers in water.”

  “I didn’t do that,” Paige replied, not the least bit curious about who did. I, on the other hand, immediately thought about it. It must have been Colin. I had
been such a bitch to him last night; I couldn’t believe he would take care of a gift a date brought me. Perhaps it was an unconscious gesture.

  “I can’t believe it’s so late. I never sleep in like that,” I noted, carrying my breakfast, or lunch rather, into the living room, taking a seat in the chair Colin had been perched in the night before. A thought flashed through my mind of how great he looked, but then I remembered all of his annoying little comments, and eagerly pushed any notion of him from my aching head.

  “It’s because you got home after me. Nobody ever gets in after me. So does that mean there was a walk of shame this morning?” Paige asked, sitting up and rubbing her hands together like she was waiting for something juicy and delicious.

  “No,” I mumbled with a full mouth, lowering my eyebrows in disgust.

  “Oh, come on, roommate code, you have to give me all the dirty details, same as I have to give you all of mine,” Paige informed me.

  I swallowed and then smiled before explaining, “I don’t want to know all your dirty details. Besides, I doubt I could handle them anyway, knowing you.”

  “Hey!” she started. “No, you’re probably right. Christian and I can get very naughty.”

  “Agh! Gross. Stop! Please no more,” I begged, lifting my shoulders up to block my ears from the offensive information.

  “Fine, but I still want my half of roommate gossip. Was he fantastic in bed? A long schlong?” Paige’s lips twisted into an evil curl at the ends, her eyes never leaving me.

  I reached down with a free hand, grabbed a throw pillow from the floor, and launched it at her head. She caught it in the air, hugging it close to her body as she began laughing wildly. “You’re terrible,” I informed her.

  “So it was tiny?” she continued.

  “Oh my God, no, nothing happened,” I insisted, continuing to eat my cereal.

  “No, I don’t accept that. There is no way you were out that late in that dress and nothing happened,” Paige argued. “Spill it.”