Beloved

by Stella Cameron

  Saber dropped his arms and stood aside. He opened the door.

  “I only meant that you seemed to become quite overwrought when you thought—”

  “That will do, Ella. Don’t speak about something you don’t understand. I shall take you and Max home now.”

  “No, thank you.” Mortification at her own indiscretion made her spine tingle. “We came on horseback and shall return that way.”

  “Then I shall ride with you. It’s dangerous for you to be abroad alone at this hour.”

  She walked past him. “I wouldn’t dream of disturbing your routine further.”

  “You have no more idea about my routine than about any other part of my life.”

  “No,” she agreed tonelessly. “You are right. I know nothing about you, but I shall endeavor to learn.”

  They reached the top of the stairs and Ella started down, preserving what dignity she could by not running.

  Saber was right behind her. “I’ll return to Pall Mall in the morning. I hardly think my visit would be welcome now. Or will you encounter some difficulty upon your return, do you think? If so, I’ll come in with you, of course.”

  Ella gained the hall where Max stood, a wide grin on his boyishly handsome face. “I think Saber should come now, don’t you, Ellie?”

  “No,” she said, sweeping past him. “Not now. There is no need to make a fuss over this. More fuss than I have already made.” Shame overwhelmed her.

  “But—”

  “Bigun,” Saber said to the hovering servant. “I need my horse.”

  “At once, my lord,” Bigun said, scuttling toward the back of the house.

  “I’ve decided to see your parents now.” Saber had grabbed a cravat and coat and was hastily, and not very efficiently, tying the former. “There need be no mention of what you witnessed upstairs, young Max. You and Ella merely came for a visit at my invitation. You were present when I made my intentions clear to her.”

  Max saluted and pretended not to see Ella’s glare.

  “You have your life, Saber,” she told him. “Please know that I’m aware of my selfishness. I will not allow our liaison to interfere with the comfortable regimen you have evidently established.”

  “I assure you that there is no regimen that would interfere with my being a husband to you.”

  “Hush, Ella,” Max said. “You’ve got what you want, why be a widgeon about it now?”

  “I do not have what I want.” She covered her eyes, shamed by the tears that refused to be suppressed for long. “I have what I deserve.” The promise of a loveless marriage.

  “Women.” Saber pulled on his coat and snapped his shirt cuffs straight. “I shall never understand a single one of you.”

  “Neither shall I,” Max said.

  Ella scowled at her brother but addressed Saber. “No doubt you have had plenty of opportunities to be puzzled then, my lord. But I expect there are other females who make up for their lack of intellect in other ways.”

  “Not in my life, Ella. Not a single one.”

  She glanced at him and away again. “Ella?” His voice became softly, sweetly wheedling. “Look at me, Ella.”

  When she did, he smiled and came closer. “This may not have been the most romantic proposal in the world, but it will do, won’t it? After all, you did surprise me somewhat.”

  Ella wound the strings of her reticule around her fingers and nodded.

  “Of course you did,” Max said. “Admit it, Ella. A chap’s got to fess up to his part in things, y’know.”

  “I’m not a chap,” Ella told him indistinctly. In other circumstances she might be moved to giggle. “But you’re right. I did surprise Saber and I ought to take responsibility for it.”

  Saber stood over her. “Good. That’s fixed, then. Home now, then a morning call on your parents?”

  “Yes,” Max said. “Good idea, Saber. But I’ll make sure they’re warned to wait until you get there.”

  “Is that to your liking, Ella?” With a knuckle, Saber raised her chin. “We’ll deal with your demon together, you and I. And I am glad, my dear. What I told you about my feelings is true. There is no one but you. We shall do very well together.”

  Her heart lightened. After all, she had pushed him—not that a little pushing wouldn’t have been necessary at some time if she were to make him know how much he wanted her….

  “Very well.” Folding her fingers over his, she managed a wobbly smile. “We’ll do as you say.”

  She heard the sound of hoofs on cobbles outside, and Max opened the door. He had tethered his own horse and Ella’s nearby.

  Rather than a horse for Saber, a beautiful silver cabriolet pulled by two elegant grays drew up before the house. A particularly small Tiger in striped livery jumped from his platform at the rear and ran to assist the occupant of the carriage to the flagway.

  Dressed in a dark, swirling cloak trimmed with soft black fur, the female passenger tripped rapidly up the front steps, but stopped abruptly when she encountered Max framed in the open doorway.

  “Ah,” she exclaimed. “A new servant at last, Saber, darling? You took my advice. Really, Bigun could not be expected to continue to do everything.”

  Ella slowly replaced her hood. Saber slipped an arm around her shoulders.

  Countess Perruche’s coppery hair was unbound and flowed from beneath her hood. She sighed and then smiled at Saber. “I could not sleep, my love, and I knew that meant I should be with you.”

  “Margot, I don’t think—”

  “Ella,” the countess said, suddenly frowning. “I didn’t notice you. How nice to see you. Saber is comforting you, I see. He is a great comfort to all of his friends.”

  “I’m sure he is,” Ella said stiffly. She stepped from beneath Saber’s arm. “I’ll leave you two to enjoy each other.”

  “Ella, please,” Saber said. “This is not at all what it appears to be.”

  “Don’t let me drive you away,” Countess Perruche said. “Oh, my dear, you care very much for Saber, don’t you? I should have known as much at once. Please, you mustn’t think…Saber, explain to her that we are … She thinks we are other than, er … Ella, you must try to understand certain things.”

  Ella gripped Max’s arm and thrust him through the door and down the steps. “Don’t give it another thought, Countess,” she said. “I’m sure you and Lord Avenall have important business together. Our business can certainly wait. Sleep well.”

  When Max refused to help her mount her horse, she managed to haul herself into the saddle and ride away. Max caught up before she reached the corner.

  Max preceded Ella into the Pall Mall house. They entered through the old potting shed and used the back stairs, which had been all but forgotten for years.

  “Why did you do it?” Max said, breaking the silence he’d maintained all the way home. “Why did you rush away like that when Saber was ready to come tonight?”

  “Because he didn’t want to come,” she hissed. “Bosh! Of course he did. Sterling chap, Saber. Gad, those scars are impressive.”

  “And I suppose his ladybird is also impressive?”

  Max’s steps faltered. He turned to look down at Ella. “Ladybird? I thought she was some sort of friend.”

  Ella rolled her eyes. “Of course she was. Forget I mentioned it. Let’s get to our rooms, and get there quietly and quickly before the whole house comes down on us.”

  “Do you mean you think Countess Perruche is Saber’s—?”

  “Go on! Quickly!”

  “I say. She certainly is a luscious piece, isn’t she?” Frustration and hurt tore at Ella. “Isn’t she, though.”

  “Sort of the way it is, I suppose, isn’t it?” Max’s brows shot up. He turned quite pink. “I mean, isn’t it expected that a man of his class should—”

  “I don’t give a fig what’s expected.” She sniffed—too loudly. “I want to go to bed.”

  “Saber will probably get rid of her after—”

  “St
op it! If you think it’s all right to share one’s attentions with more than one woman, that’s your affair. I shall never be happy with such an arrangement.”

  “I don’t think that,” Max said hotly. “When I marry, it’ll be for love and there’ll be no one but her. And we’ll have children and they’ll never know want or worry, and…”

  Ella regarded him openmouthed. “And?”

  “Nothing.”

  “You are a dear brother and I adore you,” she told him gently. “Your wife will be very lucky and so will you, because you’ll choose someone wonderful. Now, hurry up before someone hears us.”

  A step behind Max, Ella emerged from the low doorway into an upper hallway. Cobwebs draped her hair and face. Brushing at the sticky threads, she crept rapidly in Max’s wake toward the stairs leading up to their rooms.

  “There you are.”

  She jumped and spun to see Great-Grandmama—in a voluminous, ruffled black robe and a nightcap—standing on the threshold of her boudoir.

  “Gad,” Max muttered. “That’s torn it.”

  “Come here,” Great-Grandmama said, entirely too pleasantly.

  Ella straightened her back, did her best to restore order to her hair, and walked resolutely to meet her fate. “Max need not be present,” she told Great-Grandmama. “He has no part in this.”

  “Dash it all, Ella,” her ungrateful sibling said. “I’m hardly a child, y’know. I did come home to look after you. And this is all my doing anyway.”

  “Brilliant,” Ella muttered under her breath.

  The dowager said, “Follow me, both of you. And be quick about it.”

  Max and Ella walked with the old lady into her sumptuous gilded boudoir. She shut the door and arranged herself on her chaise.

  “Come here,” she said. “Pull up those two little chairs and sit where I can see you plainly.”

  Max got the chairs. He and Ella sat on the Aubusson tapestry seats and folded their hands in their laps.

  When the old lady’s silent scrutiny had bored past Ella’s restraint, she said, “I’m sorry if we’ve caused you concern.”

  “Where have you been?” Great-Grandmama said as if Ella hadn’t spoken.

  “There’s no point in pursuing this,” Ella told her. “There’s every point. What do you say, Max?”

  “I don’t understand women.”

  “Oh,” the dowager said. “Such wisdom from one with exceedingly wide knowledge of the subject must mean that women are indeed inscrutable. Where have you and Ella been?”

  “I can’t tell you.”

  Ella slumped against the back of the chair. “Why prolong this? We’ve been to Saber’s.”

  She smiled! Great-Grandmama smiled as if she was vastly pleased about something.

  “I’ve told you the truth. My going there may have been a mistake. It was certainly folly and unforgivably presumptuous. I suppose you’ll want to tell Mama and Papa before they leave.”

  “Do you realize what time it is?”

  Ella frowned at Max, who shrugged. Sometimes Grandmama’s conversations were anything but linear.

  “Look at the window. It’s almost dawn.”

  A suggestion of gray light peeped through the draperies. “I didn’t realize it was quite that late,” Ella said, contrite. “You remained up because of us, didn’t you? I’m so sorry.”

  “I arose to see your Mama and Papa off on their journey. They decided to leave early, before you and Max were up.”

  Ella felt disoriented. “That silly Justine … Your mama was afraid she would be upset by the goodbyes. Actually, I’m being too kind. Struan is a sensible man. He knew she might make another ridiculous fuss about leaving you, so he did the wisest thing by bearing her away too early in the day for her to rouse you.”

  “Oh.” Ella rubbed at the space between her brows. Mama and Papa gone already, before they could learn that their daughter was to be married—to a man who’d chosen to sacrifice himself even though he did not want her.

  “So,” the dowager said. “What progress has been made?” Utter misery weighted Ella. Exhaustion made her ache. “Answer me,” Great-Grandmama demanded. “What have you accomplished?”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Ella responded, more sharply than she’d intended. “Forgive me. I’m tired. I don’t understand what question you are asking.”

  “Your progress? With Saber?”

  Ella stared at the dowager. Max made an odd sound, but Ella wouldn’t look at him.

  “I assume you went to see him to try to push the corkbrain into taking action.”

  “Action?” Ella said cautiously. “Action. Action. On the issue you went to see him about in the middle of the night.”

  “She knows,” Max said, heavy awe in his young voice. “How d’you suppose—?”

  “Hush, Max!”

  “Kindly allow me to decide who shall or shall not speak in my presence,” Great-Grandmama said. She pulled a red and gold silk blanket over her knees and tucked it about her waist. “It grows cold.”

  “You should be in bed.” Ella’s response was automatic. “I cannot imagine Papa and Mama leaving so early.”

  “I assure you that I do not tell lies.”

  “Quite,” Max said, sounding too old. “Quite,” Ella agreed. “And now we should—”

  “Now you should answer me. What—”

  “He asked her to marry him,” Max said in a rush. “He said he wanted to take care of her every need from now on and he asked her to marry him.”

  “Wonderful!” Great-Grandmama did the unthinkable. She clapped her hands together and she laughed. “Ah, I knew I could rely upon that silly boy to eventually realize what’s best for him. Oh, I am delighted. You will make an excellent couple. Good, fresh blood for the family. Saber’s mother was my only daughter, you know. But you’ll be the one to bring the new vitality into the line, Ella. Handsome children you’ll—”

  “I should have refused him.”

  “Don’t interrupt me. I said—”

  “I should have told Saber I would not marry him.” Great-Grandmama leaned slowly forward. She’d set her cane aside, but now the tip met the carpet between her feet once more. “What?”

  “He did not ask me willingly.”

  “Oh, yes he did,” Max blurted out. “He asked and asked, and she behaved like a perfect ninny. Women. I can’t imagine how we men put up with them. After—”

  “Shut up!” Ella ordered. “Stop interrupting everyone,” Great-Grandmama said, banging the cane against the carpet. “Let’s be calm.”

  “Everyone tells me to be calm,” Ella said through her teeth. “I am calm. He is impossible. Cold, bitter, vain, deluded. And he is also …” She thought better of mentioning Countess Perruche.

  “He is still being difficult, then?” The dowager’s lips formed a grim, thin line.

  “What do you mean, difficult?”

  “Refusing to admit he loves you.”

  Ella’s mouth fell open and she sucked in sharp breaths. Once more the dowager showed a rare smile. “He does love you, y’know. I could tell as much when I saw you together that day.”

  This was beyond all. “But you asked him to find me a husband.”

  “Only as a means of making certain the two of you spent a great deal of time together. But he loves you. And you love him. And I approve.”

  “Well, I’m not sure I do,” Ella said. “I wanted to be certain there was an opportunity for Saber to realize that he wants to marry you.”

  “But he doesn’t.”

  “I’ll send for him in the morning.”

  “I should probably tell him I don’t want to marry him after all.”

  “Probably,” Great-Grandmama said. “Please do not make fun of me.”

  “You’re right, Great-Grandmama,” Max said, and Ella saw him try to hide a grin. “They love each other.”

  “Which is exactly what I set out to accomplish.”

  “And you did,” Max said, sounding incredib
ly happy. “You’re an out-and-outer, Great-Grandmama, a brick.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Y ou look dreadful, Saber.”

  “Thank you, Grandmama.”

  “Do not”—his grandparent said, anchoring his hand to her breakfast table with a bony forefinger—“do not use your unpleasant wit upon me, young man.”

  He knew better than to provoke her further. “You sent for me and I came—despite the horrendous hour of the morning.”

  She peered at him and motioned an under-butler forward. “Kindly bring Lord Avenall some kidneys. He’s in need of having his blood strengthened. A glass of claret might also … No, after breakfast.”

  Saber said nothing as his plate was filled.

  “You were not asleep when my man arrived at your house,” Great-Grandmama said. “I questioned him, and he said he heard you in your study when that—that person you employ took my message to you.”

  Saber pushed a piece of kidney around his plate. “I fail to see the importance of whether or not I was asleep when your man came for me.”

  “If you weren’t asleep, it hardly matters that he came early, does it?”

  “I merely referred to civil behavior, Grandmama. Nothing more.”

  “Posh! I shall be the judge of what you were referring to.”

  He hadn’t slept at all. Margot’s comforting visit had been short, but his thoughts had remained with Ella. He’d watched the morning arrive and thought of her—couldn’t cease thinking of her.

  Ella needed him—his name, his protection. Once that was accomplished, he’d find a way to provide for her future. He could not trust another man to do what must be done.

  Unless he could move quickly to establish security for Ella, it might be too late. Too late because her persecutor might have found a way to intimidate her into hiding, or too late because he, Saber, had succumbed to the madness completely and been…

  “Are you listening to me, Saber?”

  Incarcerated.

  “Saber?”

  “I’m listening.” In the years since the attack, the years of his descent, deeper and deeper, into his dark other world, he had never as much as allowed himself to form the word that spelled his worst fear. Incarcerated. He had not even thought the word before.