Tipping Point

by Maisie Johansson

  “So, what’ll it be?” the guy asked, pulling out his card from his jeans pocket and waving to get the bartender’s attention.

  Rhetta thought for a moment. “How about one of those fancy gin cocktails this place is supposedly famous for?”

  The guy nodded and relayed her order to the guy behind the bar.

  “So,” he started whilst the guy mixed their drinks, “what’s your name, America?”

  Rhetta laughed. “It’s Rhetta.”

  “Rhetta? What’s that short for?”

  “Rhetta.”

  “Oh, sweet. Mind if I call you R?”

  Rhetta winced. Only her family and Caroline ever called her R. She liked that it was just for them. A private her that only they got to see. It felt too intimate coming out of this random guy’s mouth.

  “Actually yeah, I do. Sorry, but it’s Rhetta.”

  The guy held up his hands in apology. “Alright, Rhetta. I’m Sean.”

  Rhetta smiled and held out her hand. “Nice to meet you, Sean.”

  Sean laughed, but shook her hand nonetheless. “So, what has you over from the US? Or do you live here?”

  Rhetta didn’t feel like getting into her job. Guys tended to react in one of two ways. Either they patronised the hell out of her or they tried to impress her with every scrap of footballing knowledge they had until either they ran out of things to say or Rhetta ran out of patience. “Nope, just here for a week for work.”

  Sean grinned. “Sweet. You just over here with your work friends or is your guy over too?”

  Rhetta felt that little twinge of fear that she got every time she had to come out to someone new. She avoided it as much as possible, but she was trying to get better. Sam had promised that every time she came out to a stranger it would get a bit easier. She would care less about their reaction and feel more confident in who she was. For a while she had thought that he was lying, saying what she wanted to hear to make things easier for her. But lately, something had changed. When someone assumed that she was straight, she wanted to correct them, not hide in their assumptions. She supposed that it might have been the old adage of starting her life again now she had hit 30, but she thought that it might have a lot more to do with the ring on her finger. She felt it when she moved her hand, reassuring her like Caroline’s comforting hand on her hip. It gave her courage and reminded her that soon she would not just speak for herself anymore. And that was a thought heavy enough to lead her out of the shadows that she had so often hidden herself in.

  “My fiancée’s here too, but her and couple of our friends decided to stay in at the hotel tonight,” Rhetta explained. She swallowed and carried on, letting her use of pronouns tell her story for her. “I think she’s a little tired from all the travelling.”

  It was subtle, more Caroline’s style than Sam’s, but it suited her. It felt truer than anything else she could say and, she hoped, showed that her pride lay in Caroline.

  Sean’s eyes narrowed with confusion as his brain fought to make sense of what he’d just heard. His eyes did a quick scan up and down Rhetta’s body, as if looking for signs that he’d really just heard what he thought he’d heard.

  “Her name’s Caroline,” Rhetta continued, before the guy could say anything stupid.

  Sean’s eyes finally widened as he seemed to get it. “Oh, sweet.”

  Rhetta couldn’t help but laugh. Sean looked like someone had just stepped on his puppy.

  “I did tell you that it was just a drink,” she reminded him good naturedly.

  “Yeah, yeah. I know, I know.” Sean picked up his drink and downed it in one. “Trust me to try and pick up the only lesbian in this place.”

  Rhetta smiled but didn’t correct him on either account. “Don’t worry about it. Hey, let me get you another to repay the favour.”

  Sean nodded, still a little shell shocked. Rhetta felt sorry for him. He seemed like a nice guy. A little naive maybe, but nice enough. He looked over his shoulder to where Perinnel was giggling at one of Janine’s jokes and made an ‘O’ shape with his mouth. It wasn’t hard to tell that Perinnel and Janine weren’t a couple, but Rhetta was pretty sure that this guy suddenly thought he had them sussed. She couldn’t help but giggle.

  “They’re not a couple,” she laughed, and just as she said it, Charlie and Denise fell panting against the bar beside her.

  “Damn I need a drink,” Denise groaned.

  Charlie just laughed and poked her teasingly in the ribs. “What, can’t keep up with me anymore?”

  Denise grabbed the glass of water that Rhetta held out to her and downed it in one. Then she grabbed Charlie by the waist and dragged her giggling back onto the dance floor.

  Sean stared after them, his eyes wide.

  “They’re married,” Rhetta filled in.

  When Sean’s eyes widened again, she realised that whilst it was obvious to her that she meant that they were married to other people, it might not be heard that way. “Not to each other.”

  “But the one with the short hair, she was definitely gay, right?” Sean asked as if his whole world view depended on him being right.

  Rhetta nodded. “Yup.”

  “And the other one is..?”

  “Married to a guy.”

  Sean exhaled, relieved, and ordered another drink.

  * * *

  A loud knock at the door jolted Caroline from slumber. Her heart was pounding from being so suddenly woken and she did a quick sweep of the room to figure out where she was and what was happening. She remembered quickly that she was alone in her and Rhetta’s hotel room in London and that the showing of classic Jurassic Park movies had finally given way to the late night news.

  Slowly, Caroline padded across the room, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, and opened the door. She had expected to find Rhetta on the other side, fumbling with her keycard. Or maybe Farah returning from fetching snacks. She didn’t expect to find a distressed looking Rodney and a screaming toddler.

  “Oh, thank God!” Rodney exclaimed, quickly pushing passed Caroline and into the room. “You have no idea how many doors I’ve knocked on trying to find your room.”

  Caroline’s eyes narrowed against the noise emanating from Ryan’s mouth. The suddenness of so much noise was making her sleep addled brain scream with pain, but when Ryan took a broken breath, saw Caroline and reached out his little arms to her, she couldn’t not take him into her arms. Immediately his cries quietened, not disappearing completely, but softening enough that Caroline could finally think.

  “My room? What’s wrong?” Caroline asked quietly, stroking her hand over Ryan’s fine, blond hair to soothe him.

  Amy smiled wearily and thought about how lucky she was to be surrounded by so many amazing women.

  “Boxxy didn’t answer my text and I didn’t want to risk waking Zoe up by knocking on her door,” Amy explained, her eyes closing for a moment appreciatively at the peaceful silence. She was tired, so tired. Tired enough that she could have fallen asleep then and there, perched on the end of Caroline and Rhetta’s bed. When she grudgingly opened her eyes, she remembered why she was there. “Do you guys have a plug adaptor? I must have left mine in France and I can’t plug in Ryan’s nightlight without it. It plays a little song and projects the shapes of animals around the room. I’ve been trying for hours to get him to go to sleep without it, but he’s gotten himself all worked up and I couldn’t get him to stop crying.”

  “Poor little guy,” Caroline murmured as she pressed a soft kiss to the side of Ryan’s head, before turning and smiling sympathetically at Rodney. “And poor mamma too.”

  Amy was so relieved at Caroline’s kindness and the fact that Ryan had finally stopped crying that she wanted to cry. “Tell me about it.”

  Caroline’s smile widened and she made her way over to her side of the bed, unplugged her phone charger one handed and pulled off the adaptor. She handed it to Rodney.

  “You can keep it. Rhetta and I have another one between us, so we should b
e fine.” She turned to Ryan and bounced him a little on her hip when he started to fuss. “We can’t have this cutie and his mamma having sleepless nights now, can we?”

  Ryan giggled and hid his face in Caroline’s neck. It made Caroline smile brightly and she felt butterflies in her stomach at the thought of one day soothing her and Rhetta’s baby.

  “You’re a natural, you know that?” Amy chuckled as she pried a reluctant Ryan from Caroline’s arms. Rodney hugged Caroline tightly in thanks. “Rhetta is one lucky girl and, right now, so am I.”

  When she pulled back, she bounced Ryan in her arms. “Don’t you think, Ry?”

  He giggled and reached out to pat the tattoos on Caroline’s arm.

  “If you ever want a break, don’t hesitate to ask R and I to take him for a few hours,” Caroline offered, stroking Ryan’s super-soft hair one more time as they walked over to the door. “I can’t imagine how hard it must be doing all of this with a kid. Even with the team nannies to help in the day.”

  A sly smile came to Rodney’s lips. “Oh, I get it, you want to practice for when you and Rhetta have your own cutie, huh?”

  Caroline blushed again and scratched the back of her neck.

  Rodney chuckled. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to mention to Rhetta how much of a life saver you’ve been tonight. Get you a few extra brownie points.”

  And with a final wave, mom and baby strolled off down the corridor to their room, leaving Caroline feeling strangely content for someone who had been so rudely awoken.

  * * *

  After a few more drinks, Rhetta and Sean made their way back out onto the dancefloor. Right away he was dancing close, his arm around her waist as they moved to the music. Ai didn’t really mind. They had talked and laughed together for a while at the bar and she was pretty sure that he had gotten the message that the only kind of good time that he and Rhetta would be having would be the platonic kind.

  For a while, Vanessa and Natalie came and danced with them whilst Tamara and Fenton looked after their table. They danced as a three, Sean dropping back whilst the three women danced and laughed. Natalie teased Rhetta about her ‘hanger on’, but Rhetta just laughed and told her to be nice. Natalie stuck out her tongue at Rhetta and dragged Vanessa off to the bar to buy another round of drinks.

  As soon as they were gone, Sean’s arm wound around Rhetta’s waist from behind and he pulled her back against him. An unpleasant jolt passed through Rhetta’s body at the unexpected contact. It felt wrong. He was too close. His hand splayed on her left side was too familiar, too intimate. His body pressed up behind her made her stomach turn.

  “I thought that they would never leave,” he breathed in her ear.

  Alarmed, Rhetta took a step forward, trying to get out of his grasp. But as soon as she turned around to tell him that she was going back to her friends, his grasp around her waist tightened, holding her fast against him, and he was kissing her. Immediately, she brought her hands up to his chest and roughly pushed him away. His hold on her broke and he stumbled back, his face contorted with surprise at her strength and speed.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” She cried angrily, suddenly sober. She dragged her hand over her mouth to wipe away his touch, barely resisting the urge to spit.

  When he smiled smarmily and took a step towards her, she took a step back, her body automatically falling into the defensive stance that she had learned at self-defence classes in college.

  Before he could take another step, half the team was in his way. Denise got in his face and told him to get lost, or else. For a moment, Rhetta thought that he was going to argue, but then the team took a step forward, flanking Denise’s sides and making it very clear just how many of them stood between him and Rhetta.

  Rather than lose face, he laughed. “Forget it. Like I’d want to fuck a dyke anyway.”

  And then he was gone, just another body in the crowd.

  Rhetta’s breaths came short and uneven as she tried and failed to calm herself down. Her hands were shaking her heart beat too forcefully in her chest.

  Tamara’s hand slipped into hers, pulling Rhetta’s attention away from the spot where Sean had been stood. “Let’s get out of here.”

  They left the club as one, the girls closing protectively around her as they crossed the road to the taxi rank and split up into different cabs. Tamara led Rhetta into the first black cab and Denise, Vanessa and Carli piled in after her.

  “What’s this, the heavy squad?” Rhetta choked out with a humourless laugh, trying and failing to pretend that she was fine.

  Denise’s expression was hard. “We should have been looking out for you. We failed. I’m sorry, Morsten.”

  Rhetta shook her head. “It’s not your fault.”

  “We look out for each other. We stick together. We didn’t do that tonight. Denise’s right, we fucked up. It won’t happen again,” Carli said in that resolute voice that no one ever argued with.

  They had learned over the years – a group of girls travelling the world – that they needed to look out for each other. They needed each needed to be responsible for everyone else to make sure that no one was left behind. They were a team. It was what they did. It was what they had failed to do, scattered in that club.

  Vanessa stayed silent, perched stiffly on the fold down seat opposite Rhetta. She looked the way that Rhetta felt. Guilty. Foolish. Afraid that something worse could have happened. After a few minutes of silence, she finally turned to face Rhetta.

  “It’s my fault,” she said, knowing that she had broken the cardinal rule. “I should never have told you to dance with him. I shouldn’t have left you.”

  Rhetta shook her head, trying to reassure herself as much as Vanessa. “You didn’t know that he wouldn’t be able to take a hint, Nessa. I told him about Caro and that I definitely wasn’t interested in him, but apparently he didn’t care about that.”

  Carli rolled her eyes. “Asshole.”

  When they pulled up at the hotel, all the girls hugged Rhetta as they passed, all but Tamara who stood by Rhetta’s side, waiting for her to be ready to move.

  “Can - Can I stay with you tonight?” Rhetta finally asked, her gaze on her feet

  Tamara frowned. “What about Caro?”

  Rhetta shook her head, guilt churning in her stomach. “I can’t.”

  Tamara grabbed her by her arms and forced Rhetta too look at her. “Why the hell not, Rhetta? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Rhetta wanted to believe her, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that it wouldn’t have happened if she’d left the dancefloor with Vanessa or said no to his offer of a drink. Logically, she knew that Tamara was right, she hadn’t done anything wrong. But she still felt foolish, still felt like she had betrayed Caroline and that something that she did or said must have led Sean on.

  “Come on, Morsten. You know just as much as I do that Caro isn’t going to be mad at you for having a drink with a guy and dancing with him,” Tamara reasoned. “She trusts you. And you told him about Caro, right?”

  Rhetta nodded.

  “Then what are you worried about? Caro might be mad, but at him, not at you,” Tamara assured her. “She loves you, Rhetta. That woman thinks that the sun shines out of your ass.”

  A smile flickered and died on Rhetta’s lips. Caroline really did love her. “I know.”

  Tamara looped her arm through Rhetta’s and led her to the elevators. “And you know that she’ll panic if she wakes up in the morning and you’re not there.”

  Rhetta smiled again, stronger this time. “Yeah, she would.”

  “And knowing her, she’ll probably think that she’s done something wrong.”

  That was the last thing that Rhetta wanted. She hated that Caroline had insecurities, not matter how hard she tried to overcome them. She couldn’t stand the thought of Caroline thinking that she was mad at her when all she wanted to do was crawl into her arms at cry for having been so stupid. She knew that it was stupid to t
hink that Caroline could keep her safe from everything in the world, but that was how she felt when Caroline held her.

  “Plus, you and I both know that you won’t relax until you’re in her arms.”

  Rhetta smiled at how well Tamara knew her and pulled her into a hug.

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  “Don’t mention it. Just make sure that Caroline doesn’t kick all of our asses for not looking out for her girl,” Tamara joked as the elevator doors opened on their floor. “Now go be with your girl.”

  * * *

  Rhetta let herself into her hotel room as quietly as she could. Though she felt almost completely sober now, her movements were a little clumsy and if Caroline was asleep, then she didn’t want to wake her.

  But what greeted her wasn’t the cuteness of Caroline asleep in their bed, her hair played in messy waves around her, but the sight of Caroline sat up in bed, wide awake and reading by the light of her beside lamp.

  “Hey there smart girl,” Rhetta greeted softly. The feeling of safety and reassurance instantly spread through her tense body and she had to hold back the overwhelming desire to cry. “You’re up late.”

  Caroline looked up from her book and smiled excitedly at having Rhetta back home with her. She had been too absorbed in the latest Sweedish thriller to notice her fiancée come in.

  “I was asleep but I had a little visitor just before midnight. Or should I say visitors. So I thought that I may as well wait up for my beautiful fiancée to get home so that I could kiss her goodnight before she goes to sleep.”

  Warmed radiated through Rhetta’s body. She was so goddamned grateful to have Caroline in her life and she had never felt it more than she did in that moment.

  “Visitors?” she questioned as she busied herself with putting on her pyjamas.

  As Caroline explained the story of the lost plug adaptor, Rhetta sat opposite her on the foot of the bed, taking off her makeup and putting on her moisturiser. The routine and the sound of Caroline’s voice put the events of the night out of Rhetta’s mind for a few minutes. But when it was time to climb into bed, she hesitated. Caroline noticed and took her hand, rubbing her thumb over Rhetta’s warm skin.