Playing Hearts
Page 13
“Oh, Mab!” said Jack, with a hitch in his breath that just came short of a dry sob. “You have no idea how glad I am that you didn’t kill me!”
I threw my arms around him, dizzy with relief, because it hadn’t occurred to me how much it would matter if Jack was suddenly no longer in my life– cowardice, self-conceit, and all. It was easier to hug him if I sat in his lap, so I did, my face pressed into his collar. I heard him say: “As enjoyable as this is, Mab, I have to say that I feel a little at a disadvantage. If you’re at liberty to embrace me I would appreciate the same freedom. I’d also like to mention the glass shard that is at present lodged in my collar.”
I choked on a laugh, because it was so like Jack. “Sorry,” I said, standing. “I’ll untie you.”
“There’s no need to get off my lap,” he protested. “I merely wish to have the use of my hands. I’m sure you could have untied them from there.”
“You told me to kill you,” I said, circling the chair to inspect the knots that tied his hands.
He craned his head to follow me and said: “Yes, and don’t expect me ever to do it aga–”
I’m not sure when—or even if—I decided to kiss him. Maybe it was just to shut him up. I don’t know. But I kissed him; and when I let go Jack said in a rather strained kind of voice: “Mab, I would really appreciate the use of my hands right now.”
“I know,” I said. “That’s why I did that before I untied you.”
“Untie me at once!”
“No,” I said, sitting on the floor by his chair. “Not until you’re sensible.”
I did untie him at some stage. It made sense to get out of the Mirror Hall, after all, and the chair the sharks had tied him to didn’t have wheels. By the time I did untie him, Jack was looking narrow-eyed and dangerous, and I wasn’t quite sure if I was relieved or disappointed that he didn’t repay my kiss in kind. He did hold my hand as we carefully made our way between mirror shards, but since his hands were still slightly shaking I thought it was likely that he simply needed the comfort.
When we were outside on the steps we sat down. It seemed easier than standing to wait for Hatter and Hare, who would no doubt soon be here; and Sir Blanc, who would be here a lot more quickly. If Jack was shivering, well, so was I. I didn’t object when he put his arm around me again, and this time he didn’t check first to make sure I wouldn’t punch him.
“It’s your fault after all,” said Jack. We were standing together in the ruins of the Heart Castle, roughly where the Queen’s curio room had once been but at a considerably lower altitude. We hadn’t been far apart since Hatter, Hare, and Sir Blanc retrieved us from the shattered Mirror Hall. Mostly that was because Hatter and Hare had spouted and shouted and gone slightly more mad than usual, but a small part was also Sir Blanc’s insistence that I should be sent back to Australia. I didn’t hold it against him: after all, he was only trying to look after me and Underland both as best he knew. And as far as he knew, I didn’t belong in Underland– not really. Jack didn’t share his feelings and stayed as close to me as possible, suspicious that Sir Blanc would try to send me back when no one was paying attention. Or maybe he was just afraid I’d go back on my own. Whatever the reason, we spent most of our time together. What with all the shouting and mess, however, we hadn’t had much time to actually talk, and when Jack had suggested a trip to the routed Heart Castle, I agreed with a flattering swiftness.
“I was quite happy being selfish and rich, actually,” he added, now. “And now look at me! Prince of a pile of ruins!”
“You’re not prince of anything,” I told him, grinning. “We abolished the monarchy, remember? You helped.”
“Yes, and that’s your fault, too. The effects of a good woman on a man, etc, etc.”
“You can’t expect me to believe that I’m ‘the woman who changed you’!”
Jack looked distinctly rueful. “Oh, yes and no, Mab: yes and no!”
I wasn’t inclined to let him get away with it. “It’s a bit stereotypical, though, isn’t it? You’re usually more original.”
“I say no,” said Jack evenly; “Because no matter how much I l– no matter how fond of you I am, if it had just been a matter of showing you that I was a better man than I am, well, I could have put on a reasonably good show. Credit me with a little intelligence, Mab! I didn’t change to try and please you.”
I couldn’t help it. I laughed. “Prosaic of you, Jack! You’re supposed to admit to all kinds of wrongs and to go down on bended knee before me!”
“If I thought that would work, I would have tried it.”
“No you wouldn’t,” I said, still grinning. “You’d wrinkle your trousers.”
“The yes,” continued Jack, repressively; “No, do shut up, Mab! I’m baring my soul, which is a lot more important than creasing my trousers! I said yes because you’re the one who made me see myself. At least, I saw myself through your eyes, and I didn’t particularly like what I saw. Since I’m going to have to live with myself whether or not you ever marry me, I thought the best thing to do would be to change.”
“Just like that?”
“Well, not exactly. It was a lot easier to decide than to do, so if I occasionally relapse you’ll have to forgive me.”
“Oh, I will, will I?”
“Mab, I’m trying to tell you that I love you!”
The world froze around me, then kaleidoscoped. “What? Wait, what?”
“You can’t have failed to notice it!” Jack protested. “I’ve been following you around like a stray puppy since last year!”
I opened and closed my mouth several times before I said: “I thought you were just being annoying! How was I supposed to know that you were in love with me?”
“I tried to kiss you multiple times,” said Jack, becoming firm. “There’s no excuse for you, Mab! I’d also like to point out that when a man tells you he loves you, you’re supposed to reply in kind. You’re not supposed to look stunned. Or as if you’re about to run away, for that matter. It’s highly insulting.”
“But I don’t know if I love you!” I protested. “I’ve never so much as gone out with another man! I’ve always been around you! If it comes to that, the most I can say about you is that I got used to you.”
“May I remind you that you kissed me, Mab? Twice, if my memory serves me correctly.”
“That’s true,” I said fairly. It was also true that when I’d kissed him it had been with the single, searing thought in my head that I didn’t think I could have borne it if he had died that day. It occurred to me that I might be a little fonder of Jack than I knew. “And I do like your nose.”
Jack blinked. “You like...my nose?”
“It’s so aristocratic!” I explained. “All right, all right; maybe I’m fond of you. Maybe.”
“I can work with that,” said Jack. “You won’t expect me to dress like Hatter, will you? I really can’t be expected to wear motley.”
“I suppose I can put up with the pointy shoes,” I said. “And now that you’re not wearing red you look rather nice.”
“Well, I suppose that’s something,” said Jack. “I ask because I’ll be twenty-five in a month or two, and I’m afraid that I haven’t quite impressed upon you the extent of our blood bond.”
I fixed him with a glare. “What exactly does that mean?”
“I might have under-represented the influence it has while we’re both in Underland.”
“Jack!”
“There’s nothing at all to worry about,” said Jack irrepressibly. “Just make sure that you’re good and in love with me by then, and it won’t matter. But if you notice, by and by, that you find me irresistible, don’t blame me!”
“And by irresistible you mean–”
“Exactly,” nodded Jack. “Physically bound to me until we tie the knot. I’m sure it won’t be as inconvenient as it sounds.”
“What if I’m not– not fond enough of you by then?”
“Oh, don’t worry,” said Jac
k, gazing down at me with such an expression in his eyes that I couldn’t look away; “I fully intend to make sure that by then you’re as much in love with me as I am with you.”
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