by Martha Long
Gawd, Mammy! The pair a them are in threadbare order! I thought, starin wit me mouth open. Tha’s the all a them, but where’s my Ceily? An Mister Mullins an Delia?
I got a dig in the chin from an elbow as an aul one pushed in flattenin her arse against me face an makin me snort in a lungful of pissy frock.
‘There ye are, Aggie! Wha brings you?’ she said, slappin the shoulder of Aggie Flynn who knows everyone’s business.
Aggie squinted at her, then put the headscarf behind her ears te hear better. ‘I could ask you the same thing, Nelly Porter.’
‘Well!’ Nelly said. ‘I was just about te ask you is there any news. What’s happenin here?’
‘I’m sayin nothin,’ Aggie said, givin her gums a quick chew, then turnin her head away wit a sour look.
‘Ah go on, tell us!’ Nelly said, givin her a dig wit the elbow.
Aggie looked back an chewed on her gums starin, dyin te tell.
‘I’m listenin, go on! I won’t say a word,’ Nelly said, liftin the eyebrows an noddin the head te get her goin.
I opened me mouth leanin in wit Nelly, wantin te hear everythin.
Aggie snorted in a big breath then whispered it out, sayin, ‘As I said, Nelly, I’m sayin nothin, ye didn’t hear this from me!’ Then she looked up at Nelly, waitin.
‘Oh God no! Sure who would I tell?’
Satisfied, they leaned in closer pressin their heads an I moved wit them leanin me head inta the middle.
‘Did you not hear? The big push is on, this place is up fer grabs an they’re shiftin the young ones out today,’ said Aggie, then she eased in a big breath holdin it wit her nose pinched, an they stared at each other lookin very shocked but satisfied, because they had terrible news te talk about. Then she shook herself wrappin her arms under her big chest fer comfort, before sayin, ‘As we speak they’re in there now tryin te peel tha young one out, she’s hidin in the lavatory, the tilet!’
‘Go way!’ breathed Nelly, puffin in the breath an pullin back fer a better look.
‘Oh indeed! Barricaded herself inside, she has. An that’s not all! I heard she knocked the skull offa some poor unfortunate who tried te crawl in under the half door! Only tryin te help he was, missus! Destroyed he is! They have him laid out now in the saturated-wet, freezin-cold backyard waitin fer the ambulance! Catch his death a cold he will,’ complained Aggie, liftin her chest thinkin about it wit a very sour look.
‘Tut tut! Shockin! I never heard the like of it,’ keened Nelly.
‘Sure wha do ye expect? Bein dragged up an no man about te put manners on them!’ snorted Aggie.
‘Oh indeed! An tha little one is no better! Sure do ye know wha I just heard?’ moaned Nelly, gettin more shocked by the minute.
‘No, wha?’ Aggie gasped, even more shocked.
‘Well! See if you can beat this one! I heard tha holy little terror up an landed her foot on the—’
She looked around te see who was listenin an didn’t lower her eyes te spot me, then moved in closer te whisper. I moved in too, the more fer a better listen.
Aggie pulled her scarf back holdin out her ear te Nelly’s mouth wantin te miss nothin. Then we all dropped our mouths open an stopped breathin.
‘PRIVATES!’ Nelly screamed in a whisper, then took in an awful long breath holdin it in her nose gettin a terrible bad smell.
‘You mean between the legs?’ Aggie keened in a long moan droppin her eyes the length a Nelly, then shakin the head up an down te see if she was right.
Nelly slowly nodded back lookin crucified, sayin, ‘Poor man, only tryin te do his job he was. Sure did ye not see him get stretchered out be the police?’
‘Who? Do ye mean tha long skinny aul fella wearin the suit an the baldy head?’
‘The very same! Tha was the cruelty man, sure the only cruelty done was te him! Tha little divil knocked the bejaysus outa him!’
‘Go way did she? An the size of her, missus! Sure she’s tha little, one puff an ye’d blow her away! Sure, she can’t be no more than six year old!’
‘I’M NOT SIX! ME BIRTHDAY CAME! I’M SEVEN NOW!’ I roared, whippin me head from one te the other hittin me finger on me chest pointin at meself. ‘Did youse not know tha?’ I snorted, pointin at them now.
‘WHA? TALK A THE DEVIL! HAVE YOU BEEN STANDIN THERE LISTENIN TE OUR BUSINESS ALL A THIS TIME?’ Nelly screamed, grabbin a hold a me arm.
‘TALKIN A BUSINESS! But excuse me, missus, wha did I just hear the pair a you say?’
‘Who? You talkin te me?’ Nelly said, whippin herself around lettin go a me.
‘Yes, you!’ a big woman wit a red face an a huge chest said, foldin her arms, holdin them up, then stretchin her back chewin on the jaws. ‘The pair a ye’s! Wha did ye mean be sayin this house is up fer grabs? I’ll have you know it is no such thing! Because as we speak this minute my Delarosa’s name is goin down on the tenancy for this place! We slept all night out on the footpath waitin fer tha corporation te open its doors an we was the first in! So youse can put tha in yer bleedin pipe an smoke it!’
‘Here! Don’t be draggin me inta yer rows! I had nothin te do wit this! I only came in te see if anyone was in trouble!’ shouted Aggie, pushin her way out headin fer the door after gettin an awful fright.
‘Is tha right now? Well, for your information I had me name down as soon as Mary Carney was stretchered outa this place!’ snorted Nelly.
‘Well, youse are ALL wrong! Because I have it now on good authority my Annie Regina is gettin this place. We’re more entitled because we live in the neighbourhood,’ a squinty grey-haired aul one said, fixin a big brown overcoat wrappin it around her because it was too big an the buttons was missin.
‘Who are you?’ snorted Nelly. ‘An wha neighbourhood would tha be, may I ask?’
‘Four blocks as the crow flies I live!’ the grey aul one snorted, openin her mouth wide sayin it slowly.
Nelly opened her own mouth slowly, leavin it hangin an flared her nostrils like she gor a bad smell, then moaned out through her nose. ‘“As the crow flies,” she says. Bejaysus ye’re right there, missus, ye’d need wings te get where you are! Stuck out right in the arsehole a the country! Did ye get a lift here in the hay lorry?’
I stared then followed, turnin me head slowly, waitin fer the grey aul one.
‘As I said, neighbours!’ she sniffed, turnin the eye away gettin an even bigger smell herself.
‘Bejaysus! Ye’re not gettin my Delarosa’s house, talk like tha will get youse kilt! I’ll swing fer the pair a ye’s!’ the big woman suddenly exploded, grabbin Nelly’s hair in one hand an the grey aul one’s in the other, bangin their heads together.
The place erupted, I gor a mouthful of arse nearly knockin me teeth out an Nelly got pulled te the floor. People shouted, more hairs were pulled an fists flew wit feet sendin bodies flyin crowdin on top of the ones rollin around, an them tha wanted te scatter were bein pushed screamin an cryin like the Banshee. It didn’t stop the women buried under the heap, they rolled an snorted lashin out hands makin mincemeat tearin lumps tryin te kill each other.
Me world shattered. I danced up an down wit fright not knowin wha way te move, I gor a dig in the head an me mind went.
‘MAMMYEEE! CEILY!’ I wet me knickers an lost me rubber wellington boot as I got throwed on top an people walked on me pushin me down farther into a gap wit the killins an then I couldn’t breathe no more! No air, no air! Me hands is trapped, me legs is tight, I can’t kick! Me chest is burst they’re buryin me, I’m dyin. ‘No, Ma, don’t let them kill me!’ I heard meself whisperin inside me head.
Then there was a rumble like a voice talkin te me an somethin tuggin at me. Suddenly I was shiftin up, pulled, dragged and torn, squeezed up against hair, the greasy smell of cloth in me nose, me hand scrapin against rough coat, me face knocked against the hard leather sole of a shoe. I smell wet fish an hard bone – it’s someone’s open mouth wit teeth an tongue draggin across me eyebrow. I taste the salty skin of a scaly leg –
it’s soft an hairy an smells like piss. I’m movin faster now, then suddenly lifted. I feel hot air on me face an up me nose, light is pushin through me closed shut-tight eyes! I feel meself stranglin on me coat an someone pullin at me. Then I hear it – the voice again only louder.
‘COME ON! GET UP! GET OUT! GET MOVIN!’
I get tore up more, swung sideways dragged, then torn loose. All a me is movin now. I’m trailed over a heap of bodies, me eyes open but it’s a blur. Now I’m stood on me feet wit me head flyin dizzy, then pulled an dragged lashed inta people an torn through gaps till I’m standin on the road wit only a faraway roar left shoutin behind me. My ears are wringin an me chest is screamin, but I can hear the sudden quiet an feel the cold air on me face an see the dark winter night wit the stars up above shinin down. I’m alive!
I bend meself in half an open me mouth wide, then start te take breaths in an out a me nose an mouth, I go fast an hard! I can’t stop, I never will again get enough of this God’s holy air! I want te breathe fer the rest of me life an never stop. It feels lovely.
I stayed stooped over feelin me heart hammerin now wantin te slow down. Me red-hot face soaks up the cold damp air like it was thirsty fer a drink. For a while back there I was drownin – no air could get inta me because I was smothered an buried under bodies!
‘Come on! Keep goin, look! They’re comin out te get you!’
Me senses started te come to me an I heard the voice roarin at me. I looked up te see Sooty hoppin up an down wearin his priest’s hat an bangin his stick wantin us te get runnin. I followed his hand pointin at the door seein heads lookin an hands pointin, wit people makin te get to me. The door was jammed wit people fightin te get in an them tryin te get out, no one could shift. The footpath was crowded, jammed wit everyone shoutin over each other an lookin like they were havin great excitement. No one wanted te leave, to go an miss the best fight since the Black an Tans.
This all comes te me from an awful long distance. I can hear the roars but they’re comin from far away like me head was under water when I get me wash in the tin bath an me ma ducks me head drownin me.
I stood in the middle of the road an looked through the dark night over at the house where I was born. It was wide open now an people were pressed against the windas, they were tearin down the curtains, smashin into all our things, laughin, cryin an fightin, an all packed tight inta the four corners an walls of our house, even Mammy’s room. Tha’s my home, my house, me an Ceily’s, but now we have nothin no more. ‘Oh Ma, Mammy! Where are you? Come back to us, don’t stay wit God – he doesn’t need you! We do! I’m waitin on ye, Ma, you can’t be gone. You wouldn’t go away an leave us on our own. I’m goin te find you! I’m goin—’
Where will I go? The graveyard te tell her she has te come back now. No! I’m goin te Holy God’s house, the chapel, te tell God to help me find me mammy an bring her home. My mammy didn’t die, she wouldn’t let tha happen, she would even stand up to God! Are you mad? she would say te him. Will ye go on outa tha, sure haven’t I too much te do wit tryin te keep this pair together in body an soul, to wha? Be goin te heaven just to suit you?!
Yeah! I shook me head slowly, thinkin about this, there’s a mistake. Things happen tha childre don’t understand. Big people are always complain about tha when we want te know somethin an they don’t want te tell us. The body they sent from the hospidal only looks a bit like my ma, but it wasn’t her. Anyway, she wasn’t even sick the day I went te school an she never came home. Yeah, she’s just missin tha’s all, but I’m goin te find her. Then it hit me. The hospidal! Tha’s where she is! But wha one? There’s millions, an I don’t know me way.
Me heart slid down me chest an broke, I can’t get goin! Where are they? Which way will I go first? CEILY! She will know, an she’ll be delighted when she hears me good news! I’m not as stupid as she thinks!
I whipped me head back te the door seein them all packed tight around my house wit even more runnin in this direction – it’s everyone comin te make their way an mill inta my house. I can’t get in te get her there.
I know, I’ll fly around the back lane an get in the back door to the yard. Yeah an tha’s where they said Ceily was. She’s stuck out there hidin in the lavatory.
‘WAKE UP, YE DOZY GOBSHITE!’ Sooty roared, makin a sudden move, then crashin our heads together as the pair of us leapt te go at the same time.
‘My head! Ye banged me,’ I shouted, rubbin me forehead feelin a bump startin up.
‘Owww! Me teeth, me jaw! Ye blind-lookin mental eegit!’ he roared, rubbin an lookin te see was his teeth loose or any blood on his finger.
‘I’m not! You’re an eegit yerself an a robber! You robbed the priest’s hat an walkin stick! The devil’ll be after you!’ I snorted, turnin away te run an find Ceily.
‘Where you goin?’ he shouted, standin still an starin after me.
‘Mind yer own big business!’ I roared back.
‘So fuck off! An next time don’t expect me te dig you outa yer bleedin hole!’
‘Yeah, an fuck you too!’ I shouted back, feelin annoyed wit him an ragin wit God, an to hell wit the devil! I’m goin te curse like mad, an none a them is goin te stop or worry me! The no-good lot robbed my ma an hid her away from me. Me an Ceily! I hate everyone now I does … I do. Because they’re no good, they’re only out te get you when ye’re down! Me mammy often mutters tha to herself when she gets robbed by the coal- or milkman.
I slapped along in me one bare foot an wellington boot tryin not te slip on the shiny black cobblestones because they were wet from the cold night air, an as well, makin sure te stay in the middle a the road so nobody could grab me from outside the row a houses. I threw me eye over makin sure no one was lookin te get me, but they was all too busy lookin up the road watchin the fights goin on outside my house. I turned left at the end a the houses an rushed up the lane seein gate doors jumpin wit dogs barkin tryin te get out to take a bite outa me. Then I heard a thumpin noise wit slappin feet flyin up behind me. Me heart stopped an I came to a sudden standstill gettin ready te duck back an away from wha ever was after me.
5
‘YOU! WHA DO you want followin me?’ I roared, snortin back at Sooty comin to a sudden stop, then slide, to creep around me.
‘Nothin! I’m not after you! Have me own business, goin te me own house,’ he snorted, lookin like he was after me because he had nothin better te do.
‘Fuck off!’ I said, dyin te say tha word again an turnin te run on te me own gate at the end a the lane.
‘Yeah, an fuck bleedin you too!’ he shouted, ragin after me.
‘Oh yeah, an fuck …’ I couldn’t think a somethin better, ‘bleedin you too,’ I snorted.
‘An double fuck you, ye smelly shitty arsehole!’ he roared.
‘Oh ahh! Tha’s shockin curses! The devil will roast him in hell! Fuck the devil!’ I’m sayin tha because I don’t worry about him no more, he can roast me too, because I lost me mammy an tha hurts more.
I got close now an I could hear the shoutin an people arguin, wit everyone havin a different mind. I slowed down te listen, hopin te hear Ceily, or know wha’s happenin.
‘Didn’t I just tell ye tha?! You are repeatin me!’
‘No, these are me own words! I said to you—’ then it was lost as a scream came up.
‘Get yer hands offa me, you big brave hero wit yer molestin women an childre!’
‘Here, you! Don’t be molestin tha old woman!’
‘Who?! Me? Just wait a minute now, who are you callin old?’
‘Out! Move! Shift! Will you all get out of here or I’ll have the lot of you arrested!’
‘On wha charge, guard? An where’s yer army?’
‘Ah, God bless yer innocence, son, you must be just up from the country an you not even shavin yet! Jaysus, I’ve seen more fluffy hair on a babby’s arse than’s on your shiny face. You’re makin me laugh, guard! The state a you, against this lot? An here we have only the whole a Dublin now, found their wa
y te nest in this place.’
I stood starin lookin up at the wall hearin the noise roarin over the top, then looked down at the brown doorknob an back up at the latch. Me belly sank. I can’t reach the doorknob – it’s too high up. An I forgot, Mammy keeps it well locked, you need a key te get in, an anyway, there’s even a bolt across from the inside so ye can’t get in at all. She only opens it fer the coalman, tha’s te let him in an dump the bag a coal in the shed, we get tha every Friday when she gets paid. Yeah, the shed is just empty now, we got no more coal.
Then a picture flew inta me head, it was the last Friday when he came. It was rainy an dark outside, I was sittin on the floor by the roarin red-hot fire doin me schoolwork, but me belly was shoutin because it was waitin on me dinner. Then Mammy roared te me from the scullery te watch them sausages hoppin around in the fryin pan, then she came rushin in wearin her brown slippers wit the white fur around, an wiped her hands on her apron before reachin up te take down the toby jug wit the coalman’s money sittin inside. She keeps tha up on the mantelpiece wit all her money in it, tha’s te pay the rent te the corporation fer the house, an the money fer the milkman.
We could hear the coalman bangin on the back door, shoutin, ‘COAL! You in there, Missus Carney? Open up!’
‘Jaysus, he’ll take the door down,’ Mammy muttered, rushin back te get the key hangin on the wall behind the scullery door an then rushed out lettin in a big roarin cold wind splatterin rain on the oilcloth.
‘Bang tha door shut behind me, Lily love, an watch them sausages. An don’t touch any. I have them counted!’ she warned.
I slammed the door shut behind her an rushed te turn the brown sausages swimmin in the drippin left from the roast meat before they burned an turned black. I could see she already had made a big plate a chips an half a dozen eggs was left sittin in a bowl waitin te be fried. The smell was killin me. I wanted te grab one a them but I didn’t want te get caught. No, not when we’re havin me all-time favourite. Mammy is very strict, if she says don’t do somethin an ye do, then you end up wit only sausages an eggs. Tha’s wha happened te me one time. I had te sit an watch Ceily stuff her gob wit my share!