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Here for You

Page 25

by Wright, KC Ann


  My voice goes completely calm as I realize what I need to know. “How long?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I want to know the answer, Crystal. Could he have been the father?” I spit the question out at her.

  I stare at her. A minute goes by and that pretty much answers the question for me, but I need to hear her say it.

  “I was never pregnant. I made it up because I didn’t want to lose you.”

  The words are so unexpected and hit me with such force that I stumble back. She just took one of the greatest memories in my life and ripped it away. Again. The day I thought she lost the baby was devastating, but knowing those two months of my life when I thought I was going to be a father were not real is too much.

  It’s a full minute before I can find any words at all. “I don’t ever want to see your face again. Not only did you just take away one of the best moments of my life, but that night you tortured me with the guilt trip over nothing. And then my brother died because you wouldn’t let me go pick him up. Is that where Johnny found you? Were you fucking Anderson that night?”

  She doesn’t say anything. There are tears streaming down her face but at this point I don’t give a shit. How one person can destroy so much of my life is inconceivable to me. “Answer me!”

  She looks up at me. Mascara is running down her face, and she wipes her hand across her running nose. “I think so.”

  Holy shit. She doesn’t even remember where Johnny found her. I can’t think about the rest of what she said. I know Anderson drives a black SUV, but I’m not going there in my head right now. I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial Johnny.

  “Yeah?”

  “Someone better come up here and get this trash out of my room before I do something stupid.”

  “Hold on. I’ll be right there! Don’t do anything, Wills. Just take a deep breath and walk away from her. Get as far away as you can.”

  I can hear rustling, and I know he’s already on his way. I hear muffled voices, and I’m sure he has Quinn with him. I hang up the phone because I don’t want to hear them right now.

  “Wills, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I honestly didn’t. I was just so confused about what I really wanted, and I didn’t want to lose you.”

  “Shut up, Crystal!”

  My body is shaking, and I can’t control it. I don’t even know what’s causing it. I’m furious at her and trying not to do anything or even shout like I want to. Every time my brain tries to go to what she said, I shut it down. If I brought a monster into my life that ended up killing my brother, I would never forgive myself.

  I hear rapid banging on the door, and I move quickly to the front room. When I open the door, Johnny grabs me and throws me on the couch. He’s standing over me as he motions for Fonz to get Crystal. “Did you touch her?”

  I shake my head. As much as I hate her right now, I could never lay a hand on a woman. Never. But I appreciate him not taking any chances because I don’t trust myself right now. I’m afraid it wouldn’t take much more at this point for me to break my own cardinal rule.

  “You okay if I leave Quinn here with you?”

  I nod. I glance at her and she looks like she’s just seen a ghost. She’s pale and possibly shaking as badly as me right now. I’m not sure that she’s going to be any comfort to me, but at least I have no desire to lash out at her, so she feels safe. Anything is better than being alone because I don’t trust myself right now.

  “You sure, man?”

  “Yeah. I’ll be fine.” Johnny must be satisfied because he walks out the door following Fonz and Crystal. This is the second girl in my life that Fonz has had to carry in the last week. I’m sure he’s thinking real highly of his mentor right now.

  I drop my head in my hands. I don’t know if I want to scream, cry or just hope I stop breathing. So much has gone wrong in my life in the last couple of months, and Crystal was a big part of the wrong. I can’t even allow my thoughts to go to the knowledge that she might have had something to do with Jacob’s death. I don’t believe it’s a possibility, but I can’t even begin to face that until I’m in a different state of mind.

  Knowing that she was cheating on me before that night just makes everything hurt more. But knowing she lied about being pregnant is the ultimate betrayal. I never would have taken her back into my life to help her get better if I had known that.

  The cushion dips down next to me and I feel Quinn softly lay a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Wills. Do you want to talk about it?”

  I don’t say anything for a long moment. I’m not even sure what to say to Ash’s best friend. “How is she?”

  “Better, I guess.”

  I glance at her, but based on the look in her eyes I don’t believe her. “Quinn, I’m so sorry I hurt her. You’ll never understand how sorry I am.”

  She gives a slight nod and small smile. “I know you are. It’s just going to take time for her. What she felt can’t disappear overnight. You know?”

  “Do you think she’ll ever take me back?”

  Her smile drops and she looks down at the ground. “I honestly don’t know. I’ve never seen her like this. Maybe just give her a little more time.”

  “Will you tell me if Charlie is bothering her?”

  Quinn laughs. “She sent him away on a ‘special project,’ so he’s out of town for a while. Like a long while. She should be fine. Don’t worry. I’m watching her, and Johnny will back me up if needed.”

  I almost smile at the thought of Ash taking things into her own hands. But unfortunately there is not an ounce of happiness in me at this moment. I know I’m a grown man and a professional athlete, but I can’t help the tears that form. My life is shit, and the only thing that can possibly help would be Ash. Even just to see her smile would buy me another day worth living.

  Quinn must sense my shift because she puts her arm all the way around my shoulders and her other hand rests on my leg. “I know you miss her. I’m sorry you’re both in so much pain.”

  Together, we just sit there for a long time.

  Chapter 32

  Ashley

  Quinn sits down next to me and pulls me into her arms. I don’t resist because it feels comforting being held tight by her. She brushes the hair back from my face and rests her head on top of mine. I lie there and continue staring out at the ocean. The movement of the waves is soothing. The crashing waves are the only sound that can be heard and nothing is more peaceful than that.

  “How’re you doing, girl?”

  I shrug my shoulders. “Better.”

  “Yeah?”

  I nod my head against her. It’s been almost two weeks since I flew home from Chicago. I’ve worked from the beach house since Lizzy brought me here over a week ago. I’ve managed to get everything done from here, although Lizzy had to drive here twice last week. I will go back to the city tomorrow and work from home and the office when I can manage to go in. With Charlie out of the city, I don’t have as much concern about going into the office or even being at my own place.

  I needed this week to work in peace. No one bothers me here, and the week has helped me to lose some of the anger. The sadness is so heavy on my heart that I don’t think anything can ease it, but I hate feeling so angry and bitter. Cam had to do what he felt he needed to do. He had warned me, so I really don’t have the right to be angry. I hate that I allowed my heart to attach to him. I knew if I let myself fall in love with him that my heart would never completely let him go. And that’s where I am today.

  “Monica asked if she could come over and talk to you for a few minutes.”

  “Why?”

  “She said she has something she wants to share with you. Apparently there’s more behind what happened with Jacob, and she just wants to tell you. She promised she wouldn’t beg for you to forgive Cam.”

  “Do you believe her?”

  “Yeah. You know her, too. I think you can trust her.”

  I shrug my shoulders again. “Guess it’s
fine. How’s Cameron?”

  “Still cute as can be. I swear if I didn’t know Wills and Monica so well, I would say that Wills was actually the father.”

  “Quinn!”

  She laughs. “I know, I know. Of course he wouldn’t do that to his brother but, shit, the boy looks just like a miniature Wills.”

  For the first time in a long time, I smile with genuine happiness. Just picturing Cameron makes me happy. “When does she want to come over?”

  “Now.”

  I sit up pulling myself out of Quinn’s arms. “What if I had said no?”

  “I knew you wouldn’t. You’re too good of a person, Ash.”

  I roll my eyes at her. “Sucking up to me isn’t going to get you forgiveness.”

  She laughs. “I know, but a little flattery can go a long way. I’m going to run next door and tell her she can come over. I told her I’d keep an eye on Cameron.”

  I shake my head as she bounces down the stairs to the beach. I watch as she disappears up the back deck of the house next door. Gotta love my best friend. She’s going to try to get me back to normal if it’s the last thing she does. I watch as the sun slips behind the horizon, and I try to appreciate the beauty of the sunset. I wrap my blanket tighter around me as the breeze picks up.

  I hear her coming up the stairs but I don’t turn to watch her approach.

  “Ashley?”

  I can hear the nerves in her voice, and I don’t want to put her in the middle of all of this.

  “Hi. Have a seat.”

  She sits down in the same spot Cam sat the first night we met. I try to push the memory out of my head so the tears don’t start again.

  “I’m sorry to bother you, but I just felt there was something important you should know.”

  I pull a hand out of my blanket and place it on hers. “Monica, you’re always welcome over here. I’m not angry with you or Cameron.”

  Her mouth lifts up on one side, but it doesn’t appear to be out of happiness. “You may change your mind.”

  I close my eyes for just a moment. I don’t know if I can take any more drama. I’ve had enough to last me a lifetime. “I doubt it.” I manage to say, but I’m not sure if I even mean that.

  “I sat down with Cam a few days ago to tell him. I didn’t realize a big part of the reason he took Crystal back was because he felt he owed it to Jacob. I knew that Cam blamed himself for not picking Jacob up at the airport, but I guess I didn’t realize that he connected Crystal with all of it. You have to believe me that if I had known that was going on in his head, I would have sat down with him sooner. I feel like what happened between the two of you is my fault.”

  “Cam has no one to blame but himself. He made the choice, not you.”

  “I know, but I don’t think he would have blamed himself as much for Jacob’s death, and then maybe none of this would have happened. He would never have felt like he had to take her back.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  Monica takes in a deep breath, and I can see the tears in her eyes. I don’t know if this is how life is for everyone but there have been more tears and pain in my life over the last few weeks than I ever thought possible. I know everyone has problems, but I’m not sure this much pain should exist in one small group.

  “Have you ever had one of those days or one of those weeks where you feel like you just can’t do it anymore?” I nod. “Well, I had one of those, and believe me I never knew it could ruin the rest of my life. The reason why Jacob couldn’t make it to the Friday game was because I had thrown out the ‘d’ word at him. I told him if he went to that game that I was done. I was filing for divorce. I couldn’t take him traveling around the country to be at Cam’s side. We had a family and life, and I needed him too.

  “Cameron had been sick all week, and Jacob had been on the road with Cam. He stopped at home because the team had Thursday off, and I laid into him. I was exhausted with a sick child. I told him I couldn’t take it anymore, and he said Cam needed him too. He slept on the couch that night because I wouldn’t let him sleep in our room. I will forever regret that.”

  A chill runs through me as I realize Monica has it even worse than Cam. There is nothing, I mean nothing, I can do to try and ease her pain and regret. I slide over on the couch and pull her into my arms. “You have to try to remember the good times. Try not to focus on that one awful night.”

  She wipes the tears that are falling. “I do, but I hurt for Jacob so much that it eats me alive every day. My poor husband was standing on that sidewalk trying to support his brother, the guy he looked up to his entire life, and he didn’t know if he still had a life at home. It was my fault that he didn’t get into San Francisco that day for the game. Not that I think either one of us is to blame for Jacob’s death, but he wouldn’t have been on the street that night if I hadn’t forced him to change his schedule. I was too ashamed to tell Cam or his parents. I didn’t want them to know what a horrible wife I was.”

  “You had a bad week. That doesn’t make you a horrible wife. From what Cam has said, you two had a fantastic relationship. He said you were meant to be together from the first day you met in college.”

  I see a small smile form through the pain. “Yeah. He followed me around for a few weeks before he got up the courage to ask me out. We went out to dinner on our first date and I was hooked from that first night. He was a wonderful and caring man. He loved me with no reservations. And I still remember the look on his face when Cameron was born. He loved his son unconditionally from the first moment he laid eyes on him. He was mesmerized with him when he was a baby. He couldn’t believe Cameron was actually ours. Which is why it was cruel for me to use Cameron during the fight. Saying I wasn’t going to let him travel with him anymore.”

  There’s nothing I can say to make it hurt less so I gently sway with the rhythm of the waves hitting the shore. They aren’t really visible anymore except for the bit of white that comes in with each one.

  “I called their parents and told them earlier today.” I stiffen at the mention of them. “Yeah, they never gave Cam the support he should have had growing up. They were so concerned with making sure Jacob didn’t feel left out that they essentially ignored Cam’s needs. Jacob hated it, and he talked to them about it on more than one occasion. I heard some of those battles. Anyhow, I don’t think they meant to blame Cam for Jacob’s death, but they wanted to blame something. He was the easiest target for them. Cam doesn’t deserve to be blamed, and they know that now more than ever.”

  I look down at her. “I imagine that was difficult for you, but I’m sure Cam appreciates it.”

  “He has no idea. I was afraid he would tell me not to, so I didn’t tell him I was going to call. But they need to realize that by shutting Cam out, they are also missing time with their only grandchild. Cameron needs as much family in his life as he can have now that he lost his father.”

  “You know you’re always welcome to leave him with me if you want some alone time. No matter what’s going on with Cam and me, I’m here for you two.”

  “Thanks. You know he kicked Crystal out, right?”

  “Yeah. Quinn told me.”

  “He’s miserable without you. Even seeing Cameron hardly puts a smile on his face. He used to light up like Cameron was his entire world.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Well, I better get back over there before one of them is hanging from a ceiling fan, or worse. I think Quinn feels a little out of her element with Cameron.”

  I laugh. “Yep. She’s definitely just doing it to help you. Not sure if she will even have her own some day. There are only two things in this world that intimidate my dear friend. Kids and love.”

  “She seems to be getting a handle on both.”

  “I know, and I love it.”

  I stand up with her and give her a long hug. I watch as she makes her way back over to the house, and I wait at the railing until Quinn is heading back over. I meet her at the bottom of the stairs. “Let�
�s take a short walk down the beach.”

  “Sounds good.”

  • • •

  It’s Monday morning, and I’ve only been back at work an hour, but I want to go back to the shelter of my beach house. I still feel raw and vulnerable, which is making every interaction seem more intense. I’m going to be exhausted by the end of the day considering I need a break after only sixty minutes. I hear “Maneater” start playing on my cell, and I reach for it. At least talking to Quinn won’t wear me out.

  “Hey, Q. You know I think I may actually need to change my ring tone for you.” Silence. Wow, not even a chuckle from Quinn. Shit. I wonder if something happened with Johnny. “What’s wrong?”

  “They aren’t going to let him pitch tomorrow if he doesn’t pull out of his funk by game time.”

  “Ohh-kay. What do you want me to do about it?”

  “I don’t know. I just wanted you to know.”

  “Listen. I’m not going to run down to the ball park and have my heart ripped out and stomped on one more time just because the team needs to win a stupid World Series.”

  “Ash, I’m not saying you should. I promised you I would keep you updated. That’s it. I didn’t want you to find out after the fact and be pissed at me.”

  I sigh. “I get it.” I hear a knock on my door, and Lizzy pops her head in. “I have to go, Q. I’ll call you later.” I’m sure she’s pissed, but I can’t deal with that right now. I need a few minutes to let it sink in.

  “What’s up, Lizzy?”

  “Priority package just arrived from Larry.”

  “Perfect. Thanks.” I reach out to grab it from her. I feel her eyes on me as I start to open the envelope. “Yes?”

  “You heard, didn’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  Lizzy is smart and doesn’t say another word about it. She slips out of my office silently as I pull out the information from Larry. Of course I can’t concentrate on anything now. I would give anything to go back to the last day my head could function. I whip the package onto the credenza behind me.

  I stare at my phone for at least five minutes. My hands are shaking, but I’m going to make the phone call I’ve wanted to make since Saturday night.

 

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