Todd brought his lips to my cheek and kissed away the salty liquid. "You're so fucking stubborn." He gave me a boyish grin. "Lily, you can't make my choices for me. Being without you these past three months was… it was a living hell. All I ever wanted was to be someone's somebody, and when you left, I thought it was happening again. I thought I was being discarded. But then I realized I let you go, I didn't fight to show you that you were wrong, and I'm so fucking sorry. But—"
"Don't, this isn't—"
"Let me finish?" I bit my lip and let him continue. "But I don't want to be with just anyone. I tried to feel for Emma — she told me she cared about me, but she wasn't you. I love you, Lily. You are where I begin and end."
His words encompassed me in a slow embrace. I let my mouth connect with his again, his lips demanding that I let him in, and I complied. The peppermint flavor of his tongue mixed with his familiar scent brought me where I'd longed to be. The kiss became intense; his hands grasped at my backside lifting me up slightly. He broke from my mouth and took a deep breath. "Come home with me, Lily." The brown of his eyes darkened with desire. "You belong with me… you belong on a stage, not in a classroom. Come home with me, baby."
Everything about what he said was true. Music was my life, and Todd was my heart.
My lips brushed along the spot just below his ear as I whispered, "Yes."
"Yeah?" he pulled away just enough to search my face. His face split into a brilliant smile, his dimple showed proudly as he soaked in the word.
I nodded and said it again. "Yes."
"Hell yeah." He smacked me on the butt, and I jumped.
"You're ridiculous." My grin was wide as I bit my lip in order not to laugh.
"Yeah, but you fucking love it." He took my hand in his our fingers laced together.
I did. There were so many things in my life that had gone wrong, so many obstacles I had to face, but loving him was never one of them. The love I had for him tried so many times to break through to me, but I had shoved it down and attempted to hide from it. Not anymore, I wasn't going to deny myself the look Todd was giving me right now. I was no longer going to deny his touch and how it brought me home, the chance to watch him be a father, or the love we both shared for each other. This man had taken root, and I couldn't wait to be overtaken by everything that we could be… together.
"Stay with me tonight? We can figure out everything else tomorrow. I don't want to be without you tonight." The cocky grin Todd wore had fallen — the mask gone — leaving him exposed.
"I don't want to be without you again, either." I squeezed his hand in mine.
"Let's get out of here then."
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
Todd
LILY MOANED AS MY LIPS PULLED at the sensitive flesh, her hips bucked and I grasped them to keep her still. She swore and gripped my hair in her hands. "Please, Todd…" I increased the pressure, and her entire body started to quake. I smiled against her as she came intensely. I let her breathing slow and watched as she licked her lips, her cheeks were pink, and her skin glistened. She looked at me with hooded eyes, the blue flecks burst with need.
We had been lost inside each other for the past twelve hours. It was our way, and I didn't hesitate to take her again, to fill her with all I had. I let myself slide gradually into her again, taking pleasure in each inch of her body. She pulled me deeper still — every movement, every second, every fucking breath this woman gave me, she let me possess her, love her, take every little bit, and mark it as mine. Lily arched her back allowing my hands to guide her body, letting me work myself into her. My hips rocked faster as I climbed higher to the edge. Lily began to constrict around me, and my muscles strained as I released, my control gone. My body collapsed, and I fell to her side, my head rested on her breast, her tropical smell that I missed so much was stronger from the heat that our bodies had created.
"I love you so much." I could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke; her fingers ran through my hair causing me to shudder.
I pulled up onto my forearm so I could see Lily's face. My index finger trailed down the slope of her nose, down her chin, and between her breasts. I watched in awe as her flesh puckered in goose bumps behind the finger. My hand stopped at her belly and rested against the soft skin. "You were made for me. Nobody, baby, nobody owns me like you do. You've given me everything tonight. You let me take back what I'd lost. In you, Lily… inside you is where I reside, don't ever forget that."
A tear trickled down her cheek. She bit her plump bottom lip before she blew out a breath. "You're my king, Todd. You rule this heart more than you'll ever know." Her bright eyes locked with mine as I brought my mouth to hers. Lily had given me her loyalty and her love. The two things I thought I would never have. I wasn't sure where we went from here, but I knew in each other we could find the way. Our love could heal us slowly and make us feel valuable again. We belonged to each other — Lily was my one true thing, and I was hers.
EPILOGUE
Todd
Two months later
SAILOR AND MOLLY WIGGLED THEIR TINY bodies to the music. Lily's laughter interrupted her singing as she brought her hand up to her mouth to hide her smile.
"Keep going. This is so cute," Cam called out to me as I strummed the chords to "If You're Happy And You Know It".
Lily continued to sing through her giggles. Her laughter was like a damn lightning bolt to my chest. She made me so happy. We were down in Elizabeth and Sawyer's basement playing with the kids until dinner was ready. Today was going to be special — to everyone else this was just another Sunday dinner at the Bryant's, but I knew what was coming.
Molly clapped her hands as the song finished. Just as I put the guitar down, she ran over to me and jumped into my arms. "Hey, baby girl, was that fun?" She was out of breath, and her cheeks were flushed. I gave her a quick peck on the nose.
"Dat was, Daddy." She rubbed her palms across my beard like she always did; her nose crinkled, and she giggled.
"I think it's growing on her, baby." Lily lifted up on her toes and kissed me on the lips lingering long enough to get my heart racing.
Molly put her arms out for Lily just as Elizabeth called downstairs for dinner. "Here, honey, let me take her." Molly easily slid into Lily's arms. Cam grabbed Sailor, and we all headed upstairs.
Cam handed Sailor to Lizzie, and the girls moved in front of me toward the kitchen. My anxiety rose as my brother fell behind with a questioning look.
"You ready?" Colby asked, his brow dipped as he looked at me with uneasy eyes.
"No, but this is how we planned it, right." I stared at him warily.
"You boys coming to dinner, or are you having girl talk." Seth's snarky laugh was irritating.
"Don't be a dick. You know today is the big day." Colby shoved Seth in the shoulder.
Seth just laughed again and headed into the kitchen. I took a deep breath. "Go ahead. I'll be in in a second." I gave my brother a tight smile.
"Don't be freaked, this is a good thing." He patted me on the shoulder and left me alone to gather my thoughts.
I heard the laughter spill from the kitchen. My friends, my family, the girl I loved, my Molly, we were all about to see another change, another move forward, and I was so overwhelmed with expectation for all that could be. I inhaled deeply and shook my head warding off the last bit of worry. Strong hands clasped my shoulders from behind.
"You headed in, brother?" Sawyer's low voice startled me.
"Yeah, let's eat, man."
We were halfway finished with dinner when Colby gave me a pointed look. I gave him a small nod, letting him know I was ready. Colby stood and cleared his throat nervously while everyone in the room fell silent.
"I'd like to say something if that's okay?" Colby looked over at Sawyer, who nodded for him to continue. Sawyer's lips twitched, suppressing a smile. He was too perceptive. "Cammie, we've been through so much together these past few years. We fight with passion, but we love with just as much fire." C
am's eyes started to shine with unshed tears. Lily reached over and squeezed my hand as she bounced Molly on her knee. "After watching Todd go after what he wanted, watching him and Lily take back what was theirs, it got me thinking. Babe, I don't ever want to fight with another person." The room erupted in soft laughter. Cam bit her cheek, and my smile grew. My baby brother deserved so much, and Cam was like a sister to me, only now it would finally be official. Colby looked at me giving me my cue. "Cammie, will you do me the honor of becoming my sister… finally." She laughed, but her laughter was cut short when Colby kneeled down on both knees. He whispered in her ear, and she blushed.
"Marry me, baby? Make an honest man out of me. Be mine for all time?" He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring I'd helped him purchase last week. It was a modest ring, but Cam would love it. She wasn't flashy, and, by how her eyes widened, I think we did well.
"Of course, I will." Colby stood and scooped his fiancée into his arms, and I couldn't be prouder of my little brother than I was now. He was taking what was his and deserved nothing less.
Everyone took their turn congratulating the happy couple before they left. Colby and Cam ducked out early to celebrate their engagement. I was cleaning up the last of the dinner dishes when Seth came into the kitchen. "I'm going head, man. See you and Lily later?"
"We've gotta drop Molly off, then we'll be heading home. You going to your dad's?"
He let his gaze fall to his feet. "No, he's gone on business. I'm going over to see Tiff. I told her I'd maybe let her give me some new ink. Let her practice. She was offered a job at that new tattoo shop, Magnolia's."
"Tiff?" Seth didn't have friends that were women. Lily and Liz were as close as it came, and they were off limits sexually speaking. But Tiffany, she was single, and, as far as Seth was concerned, probably fresh meat. "No way, don't shit where I eat, man."
Seth raised his chin and locked his steel blue eyes on mine. His posture tensed. "Go to hell. I'd never fuck, Tiffany."
I gave him a disbelieving look. "No?"
He gave me a sideways smirk. "She's not my type." Anything with tits and two legs was Seth's type. "Just helping out a friend, Todd, remember… I'm very helpful." He smacked my shoulder and smiled widely.
"Yeah, yeah, just don't—"
"Trust me, I won't… see ya later." He turned to leave and almost ran into Lily. "Hey, Hellcat, keep an eye on that one. He's a nosey bastard."
"Um, okay." She giggled and gave me a questioning look. I shrugged my shoulders. "He's so weird, but I kind of love him."
I wiped my hands on the dishtowel as Lily snaked her arms around my waist. "Oh yeah, why's that? Should I be jealous?" My lips gently kissed the top of her head.
"He snapped you out of it and gave you that final shove out the door. Without him, we might not have ever had our chance." She looked up at me with sentiment. She was partially right.
"Seth did give me a swift kick in the ass, but I would have eventually done what was right. I'm telling you, Lily, I was dying a slow, cold death without you." I gave her a self-assured grin.
She swatted at my chest. "I'm serious."
"So am I." I let my hands fall to her ass, and I pulled her firmly against me. "You and I apart, it doesn't make any sense. We would've found each other again, because this…" I placed my lips to hers. "…and this…" I moved my hand to her face. "…This is all I ever wanted, and it was only a matter of time before I figured that out on my own." She lifted up on her toes and kissed me with sincere lips.
There wasn't a doubt in my mind that she would one day be my wife, that we would one day make a child of our own, give Molly a little brother or sister. I could see our path lined out before us, and I was ready… ready for her… ready for us.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING this little story. Todd and Lily are so close to my heart. I wanted this story to feel real, and, like Still Life, I infused a large portion of who I am within these characters. I hope as you read you find a little piece of you as well.
I'd like to thank my miraculous husband. Evan, you're my king and you rule this heart more than you'll ever know. Thank you for the late nights, the sleep-ins, and keeping our children fed and mostly clean. I'm nothing without you.
To my munchkins. Griffin, Meghan, and Kellen, you guys are my light and love. Thank you for being just down right awesome.
To my Instagram AJ's Crew… I can't even find words to explain how blessed I am to have you in my life. Thank you for constantly talking me down off that ledge, for your immense support, for loving these men like they were your own. For making edits like crazy and overall just being rock star females in general. #cyclesisters4Life @bookobsessedgirl (Anna) @book_ish_life(Lisa) @sucker_for_books (Jellie) @mg_herrera (Maria) @midnightowl80 (Narine) @btus_biggest_fann (Lacey) @73jem (Jo) and @mt.reads (Michelle). Only ever you gals… only ever you.
To my beta team…You ladies are more than just readers… you're my life line! Cynthia A. Rodriguez, Beth LeMilliere, Maria Macdonald, Anna Alonso, KE Osborn, Giovanna Cruz, Sarah Symonds, Lisa Wilson, Michelle Trzecinski, Heather Bennett and Sasha Safdiah you ladies are my world. You make and break me each day. Your support and pure love for reading make you the best beta team a girl can have. You guys are my friends, but aren't afraid to tell me "Hey, this is shit." Yes… you have made me cry… but that's your job, keeping it real, and I love every one of you for it.
Maria and Beth, you guys are my British soul sisters. Cynthia, I am so damn lucky you gave me that review, and we became friends. I aspire to be a writer as glorious as you. Anna, I love that you and I are basically the same person; you get me. You are such a good friend, and I am honored to know you. Michelle, thanks for always being there for me. It means the world. Your loyalty and love are felt deeply! Sasha, you know all my dirty secrets… and I love it! I can't imagine not knowing you; my life would be lacking color that's for sure. Lisa, you are such a good friend and such a blessing, and I'm never going to be able to not use emoji's from this point forward because of you. May Gandy be with you. Kim, thank you for keeping me on point, and I can only hope to accomplish as much as you have. You're a rock star, never forget that. Sarah, get in the damn cave. I'm grateful every day that you took a chance on me. Giovanna… thank you for passionately loving my guys. You are the female version of Todd, and one day I will big squish hug you. Heather, I know betas are supposed to be readers and not cheerleaders, but who cares, you are the captain girl!
Tiffany Ly, my first love. Thank you for giving me the world.
To all my Instagram family, I wish I could name you all. Thank you for your endless support; reposts, edits videos — just loving my stories and giving me a chance. I will always try to personally thank you for all you do for me. You guys are the best!
Thank you to all of family and friends for putting up with my incessant phone use, my lack of real world dialogue in general, and for supporting me no matter what. Morgan Karpus, you especially had my back during Still Water. Thank you for your feedback and weekly dates.
Kathleen Payne… You seriously have made me a better author, and I can't find enough words to express how truly thankful I am for you, for our friendship. Besides… I'd use too many commas, and you told me to keep this shit short.
Amy Senethavilay, thank you for keeping my characters true and genuine, for seeing my vision so clearly, and for making my story better. Thank you so much for your gentle hand and "red ink." I'm better for it…
Kaylene Osborn, thank you for being a real friend and keeping me sane. You are like a second mother to me, and I love ya chick.
Emma Mack, you are my glitter goddess. I can't wait for you to be on American soil.
Martha Cothron aka Diva Does 4 Good you are my life coach.
HUGE thank you to Nathan Van Dyken and everyone at Blue Tulip.
Last but not least… Tracey-Lee, this book is dedicated to you. You're my shining light, girl. You're with me every night in the cave; you feel these
characters like I do, and I'm a better writer for it. Oz better be prepared for the tears I will shed when I see your lovely face for reals. You're beyond incredible.
Okay, I was told to keep this short….
THANK YOU
You know if you're in my life that I am grateful for you.
Still Surviving
PROLOGUE
Seth
THE COLD SEEPED THROUGH MY BONES; the streetlight was brightly shining through the sheets of rain. The tears, I couldn't handle them anymore. This life was full of shit, full of disgusting promises — promises I couldn't keep. She looked up at me with bright, hazel, doe eyes; her shiny black hair, now soaked, lay limp against her cheeks and shoulders; her dark green shirt clung to her breasts. Fuck she was beautiful. She was everything, and I was… nothing. I was darkness… sickness… I couldn't corrupt her like the others. She was too good for my brand of love, my black heart. I watched the chill creep into her flesh, the goose bumps splayed across her arm as the heat left her body. We were so close. I should reach out and warm her, comfort her, tell her what she wants to hear, but I'm her shadow and this can never be.
The deep pink of her lips paled as they trembled; I couldn't watch her suffer much longer. The slight green tint of her hazel eyes blurred as they filled with more tears. "Why?" she asked, the voice so familiar to me — the voice of fear, of rejection, of the never-ending inevitability of failure.
She shivered, and I couldn't let her dangle on that ledge any longer. The rain beat against my back as I rested my forehead against hers, my hands grasped at the back of her head cradling her even closer. My heart was heavily beating inside my ribcage, my veins full of the poison of love; this fucking girl had infected me, and I had to let her go. I was her shadow, meant to follow, always stalking behind, never truly there in the present, always a half a step behind — it was safe to admire from afar.
"I'm not who you think I am." My whisper sounded false to me. She knew me, better than anyone would ever know me, but this had to stop here. She'd never understand who I was deep down, my flame… my light blew out a long time ago.
Still Water Page 26