by K. L. Jessop
“I showered, that’s what’s different,” I joke.
She looks at me suspiciously, the deep blue in her eyes letting me know she’s on to me and that it’s only a matter of time before I’m quizzed. “Lucas Simmons start talking?”
I sit forward, amused as I take a gulp of my drink, keeping her waiting for my response. I decide to go all in with the headlines and deliver what I’ve been wanting to shout from the rooftops for weeks. “I’ve met someone. Her name is Tori, she’s a single mum to a little boy and has completely knocked me on my arse in the best way possible.”
Both Amelia and Rosa’s eyes widen in surprise, but it’s Amelia who shrieks. “Oh, my God! Are you serious? This is amazing!”
“I know, right? Bet you thought this day would never come.”
“I knew it would, I just didn’t think it would be so soon.”
I couldn’t agree more.
“You mean, I’ve come back here only to find out I’ve been made redundant and can no longer throw sexual puns at you?” Rosa adds. “Because if that’s the case then I don’t think this is amazing.”
I laugh, taking Rosa’s hand across the table and stroking my thumb over the back. “Rosa, my love. You will always be my number one. Just don’t tell Tori I said that.”
“Well, if you get bored, you know where to find me. And I’m happy for you really. You kids are finally learning to settle down.”
“I can’t believe this,” Amelia beams. “I’m so happy for you. What is she like?”
“She’s like fire and ink and full of character. She drives me crazy.”
Amelia squeezes my arm and smiles. “I can’t wait to meet her. Is she coming to Megan’s later? Does Megan know about her?”
“She sure does, and they get on great the few times we’ve all been together. And yes, you’ll see her later. I can’t wait for you to meet her.”
I can’t help the chuckle as I watch Tori flit around like a headless chicken as we stand outside my sister’s house. You would think she’s never met her by the way she’s fussing with Charlie and constantly brushing down the front of her dress like we are about to meet the queen.
“Will you please stop looking at me with amusement on your face. I’m really stressing the fuck out here.”
“Birdy, you’ve nothing to worry about. Megan and Andrew love you and everyone else will do too. Amelia is the nicest person I know and Marcus is one of the richest guys in the UK but a complete gentleman.” Her eyes lock on mine and it’s clear her nerves are all over the place.
“The richest guy in the UK?” She frowns and looks away from me before her words leave her breathlessly. “This Marcus guy does he—"
I place my lips on her forehead, cutting her off with a kiss to reassure her. “Stop stressing, you will be fine. You seriously have nothing to worry about.”
“So, you keep saying, but that doesn’t stop me feeling sick.” Suddenly she slaps my arm, her eyes wide. “Shit, I never thought of that either.”
I narrow my brows. “Thought of what?”
“Sick. What if Charlie overeats and throws up on her carpets?”
I burst out laughing, wrapping my arm around her neck and kissing her on the head once more. “I never head you down as an over-thinker. Stop stressing or the only one likely to puke is you.”
As we enter the house the first thing I do is order Megan to get Tori a drink. Once the girls are off and chatting about the shit that girls chat about, I can see Tori relax like I knew she would once she’s scanned the room. Looking around, I see that Marcus and Amelia haven’t arrived yet. “No Amelia?” I ask Andrew.
“Marcus text a while ago to say they are running late. Amelia fell asleep.” He thrusts a beer in my face. “Here, you look like you need it.”
“Thanks. I’ve had my ear bitten off for the last few hours about what she should wear to be respectful, what she wants to wear but doesn’t think it’s appropriate and what if she makes a complete idiot of herself.”
Andrew laughs as Jack joins us. “Why would Tori think that? She already knows most of us.”
“That’s what I said, but the last thirty minutes she’s hardly made any sense.”
“When do women ever make any sense?” Jack adds swigging his beer. “So, Andrew mentioned that Tori is the new girl from Scarlett’s. You kept that quiet you little prick.”
“Well, I knew with your dick being just as adventurous as mine I had to have some form of plan to have her stick with me and not find you,” I snort.
“Scared of the competition?”
“Dude, there’s no competition to begin with as I’ve already won.” I look over at Tori standing with Charlie on her hip, her legs on full show. “I mean, look at her.”
“How’s it going?” Jack asks.
“Great. This relationship thing isn’t that bad after all. You should try it. I’m sure Felicity would be thrilled.”
“Fuck off.”
As the evening begins to get into swing, and I introduce Tori to Jack and Felicity, Charlie settles down to sleep in the spare room after running wild around the house and playing dinosaurs with Andrew and Jack out on the balcony. The girls have not stopped giggling since we walked through the door and it’s refreshing to see how easily Tori has slipped into our group like she’s known them all for years. I don’t know why the hell she was so worried about coming. I’m not sure if it’s still down to people asking questions or just the general fact that she now has people in her life that care. I see her watching how others interact, a smile on her face when doing so and I’m also aware that she only tells people so much regarding her previous living conditions. I swirl the left-over beer in the bottom of my bottle as my parents come into my thoughts. I wondered what they will think of her when I take her to meet them. With any luck, they will love her just like these guys. I need them to love her because I’m falling fucking deeper the more time I spend with her.
“Hey, handsome,” she says, coming into the kitchen where I’m resting against the island, Megan and the others outside. She leans into me, kissing me briefly on the lips with a smile as I wrap my arm around her waist. “What are you doing all alone?”
As I catch the sparkle in her eyes, I suddenly need to have her closer. Cupping her chin with my hand, I pull her in and kiss the absolute hell out of her. Her arms tighten around my waist and I know her knees are weak. I really, fucking love kissing this woman. “You drive me crazy, Tori. I want to worship you every day and kiss you every hour.” I whisper against her skin and she sighs blissfully.
“You really need to stop doing and saying things like this when we’re amongst company.”
“It’s true.”
“So you say, but saying things like that in public is not appropriate if you are wanting a responsible reaction from me. So, save it for later.”
My low laugh beats against her lips. “Are you wet, Birdy?”
“You know I am, you animal.” She pushes off me. “I don’t know what’s worse, you with your sexy innuendoes or me flooding my knickers every time I look at you.”
I slap her arse with a chuckle. “You love my innuendoes.”
“Yes, and I also love my knickers.” We break our little intimacy as Jack and Megan enter the house. Filling up her glass, Tori gives me a little wink as there’s a knock on the door.
“I’ll be right back. I’m just going to check on Charlie.”
As she goes off down the hall, the King and Queen of Spring Rose arrive in the form of Marcus and Amelia. It’s been a month since everyone has seen them properly and that shows when Amelia and Megan are almost in tears when hugging the shit out of one another. I kiss Amelia on the cheek and step to Marcus, bringing him in for a slap on the back. The room is suddenly all filled with smiles and laughter, but the craze is cut dead with the sound of smashed glass hitting the floor behind us. Everyone stops, and I look over my shoulder to find a ghostly-looking Tori with liquid and cut-glass pooled around her feet staring right at us. The amoun
t of pain that is radiating from her guts me as her eyes fill with tears, and I’m three strides away from getting to her when Marcus pulls me back.
Then everything changes.
Chapter Eighteen
Victoria.
They say that at least once in your lifetime you’ll be visited by a ghost. Be it good or bad, you will encounter one. I never believed such bullshit as my mind is full of darkened haunts every day. Evil, twisted spirits creating chaos in my mind, preventing me from thinking clearly. I’ve lived with them ever since I was a little girl and today is no different. Only the man standing in front of me is not the bad spirit. He is the beautiful ghost I’ve longed to see all these years, but his presence brings nothing but pain. The memories. I feel every one of them draining the blood from my body and clouding me with an incredible weakness, my legs are trembling, my mouth dry as the years we spent together and the ones I faced alone slice through my stomach like hot blades. My shattered heart I was starting to believe could recover is now beating with crying pain as my mind flicks like an illustrated flipbook.
Memories of my stepfather and what he did.
My mother when I found her.
Marcus.
Foster care.
Living on the streets.
When the guys talked about their friend Marcus, I thought nothing of it. My mind only started to question things when Lucas mentioned of his friend’s wealth, but even then, I tried not to believe where my thoughts had taken me. Now there is so much pain burning through my veins it’s unbearable. This can’t be real. I’m waiting and willing myself to wake up and realise that this is just a twisted dream and that my beautiful friend is an illusion of my desperate mind, but I know I won’t because all I ever see is what that night entailed and the result that came after.
Marcus is here.
In this room.
Back in my life.
He’s every bit of the handsome man I always knew he would turn out to be: broad shoulders, a confidence he’s never lost and chestnut eyes that always made me feel safe. The emotional expression of shock and surprise that’s just crossed his face makes my stomach ache. This is real. He’s realised who I am and his eyes glisten as though nothing has changed, no matter how many years have passed.
I can’t breathe.
“Victoria?” He steps a little closer and my stomach rolls, bile builds at the back of my throat, my skin aflame with anxiety. I want to run and throw my arms around him like I always used to, but at the same time, I want to slap him hard for all the hurt I've felt all these years, and for the extra devastation he caused when he betrayed me.
This pain is still so real, so raw. My hands itch and my nails dig into the palms, trying to prevent the familiar craving from taking over my body—a craving I shouldn’t be considering. A craving that will make everything stop. That’s what cocaine and pills did for me, it made everything shut down. It helped me breathe. But I can’t let that happen. I can’t go down that road and let my recovery be jeopardised by a ghost.
“Victoria?” he says again as if he needed a validation that what he said was right. Confusion knits his brows before they rise in recognition. “Oh my, God. It is you. What are you—”
“Don't!” I raise my hands in panic, stopping him as he steps forward. “Don't come any closer.”
I’m trembling, every inch of my body burning. I can’t think straight. Everyone is watching me and I’m finding it a struggle to stay upright.
Why is he here? He shouldn’t be here.
“Victoria… it's me.”
Another step nearer.
“I know who you are, Marcus, but I don't want you any closer.” It hurts just to say his name but the look on his face from my words is worse. The hurt and misunderstanding in his eyes are agonising but nothing he feels right now will ever match the scars that line my heart. He ignores my request and with every step he takes, anguish thickens in my stomach, my throat a solid ache with the emotion that’s on the brink.
“What are you… When did you come back? When did you come home?”
Home.
Another tear in my heart.
I can’t breathe.
“Wait a minute, you’re Victoria?” Megan says. “As in who you’ve been trying to find, Marcus?”
“Yes,” he says so openly and with pride, not taking his eyes away.
Has he been looking for me all this time? Has he thought about me?
Oh, God.
With a glance at the door, the urge to run is extreme, but it’s soon blocked with my tower of strength as though he’s read my very thought.
I flick my eyes to him, and for a split second, he eases the distress. Only that’s quickly gone when he nods, signalling me to stay. My eyes fill with tears and his cloud with remorse.
“I can’t do this,” I whisper, swiping a stray tear away.
Marcus is trying to read me—trying to work out what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling like he always used to do when we where kids. With just one look he would know my thoughts, my wishes, my dreams, but not this time. Too many years have passed and I’m no longer that little girl who would run to him when I was scared. I’m no longer that little girl who had so many hopes and dreams. Because that little girl has been suppressed so deeply inside, the dark corners of her broken soul are still crying to be set free.
“I’ve been looking for you, Victoria,” he says with a little smile. His arms open as though he’s waiting for me to fall in them. “I’ve never stopped looking for you since the day you left.”
Hot, and angry, I’m filled with both rage and revelation, all the while everyone else in the room watching us like we’re the soap series they’ve been waiting for all week because it ended on a climax and this is the showdown.
“How thoughtful of you!” I bite, any strength I had to be nice suddenly gone. I need to go. I need to get away from him because I can’t think straight and all I see when I look at him is my mother lying on the floor with wide, lifeless eyes. All I can think about are the sirens and blue lights that blinded me when the police found me under the bridge when I was alone and scared after losing both my mum and my best friend in a matter of days because he was planning on moving away. And the look of glee in his father’s eyes when the authorities finally placed me in the back of the police car because that meant I was no longer his problem and his son could get on with his life.
My world had turned into an abyss faster than I knew what was happening. Why couldn’t he have come back and looked for me before? Why couldn’t he have taken me with him?
“I’ve looked for you ever since I left, Victoria, I swear, but I always came up with nothing.”
“That tends to happen when someone doesn’t want to be found!” Each response is sharp, but with every one I give, the fucker doesn’t back down. I don’t want it to be this way. He was my best friend and I loved him, I always have, but I can’t stand this pain that’s crippling me.
“How are you? Where have you been? When did you get back?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Well can we a least go somewhere and talk for a bit?”
“No. I have nothing to say!” With every word that leaves my lips, the anger inside bubbles it’s way to the surface. He holds my stare, wetness now in his eyes. I can tell this is killing him, and a part of me doesn’t want him to feel this way, but he left me behind when he promised he would never let me go.
“That’s not true; it’s been years—years of me looking and now you’re here. You are right in front of me and I want to know everything.” The desperation and frustration in his voice are too much and everything closes in.
Shaking my head with closed eyes, I swipe another tear away, loathing this sudden weakness in emotion. “You can’t.”
“Please,” he pleads. “Please. Just five minutes.”
“I said no! I have nothing to say to you. Not anymore.”
And that’s all it takes for him to crack and for my rage to pour out of me.<
br />
“Jesus Christ, Victoria, what the fuck is wrong with you? You disappear after all these years and you don’t even have the decency to give me five minutes and explain why?”
Everyone in this damn fucking bay knows why I had to leave, why I was taken. What makes him so different?
“What do you want me to explain, Marcus?”
“You can start by explaining what the hell has happened to you because the person in front of me is not the girl I used to know!”
Is he for fucking real?
I laugh in disbelief that he’s even asked that question when he knows of the upbringing I had. I step towards him, not caring about the distance I tried to put between us as my words become grey. “You know what happened to me, but do you want to know what happened to me after? I grew up, Marcus, a lot faster then I should have. I’ve seen things I shouldn’t, I’ve done things I’m far from proud of and have been in situations that to this very day suffocate me like you wouldn’t believe! I know what this is. I know what you are trying to do but you can’t protect me like you once did, Marcus. You can’t just walk back into my life and act like nothing has fucking changed!”
“I’ve not walked back into your life, Victoria, you’ve walked back into mine.” Every step he takes, I feel physically drained as I tried to hold on to what little strength I have left. “All I’ve ever wanted to do was keep you safe and do right by you, Victoria.”
I jab my fingers at my chest and yell. “I've needed to be kept safe in the last thirteen years since leaving, Marcus. Where the fuck were you then?”
“That’s not fair!” We’re almost chest to chest as he looks down at me. I’ve nowhere to go and I suddenly feel incredibly small. His eyes widen with anger, distress. It’s not his fault my stepfather beat me. It’s not his fault my mother is dead, but he’s the only one that keeps those memories alive, and that’s what I need to run from. “You never gave me a chance. Everything changed. I went away for five days, Victoria. Five! A trip I had no choice of because my parents were looking for a new house. And when I came back everything had fucking changed, and you were gone.”