by K. L. Jessop
“Is that even a thing?”
“Where Lucas is concerned, yes. I swear if I wore a dress he’d be after me.”
I laugh out loud, slapping him on the shoulder. “Oh my God, I’ve missed you.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Victoria
I wake from my slumber to the warm early rays of the sun on my face and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore from the open window. Even being back all this time, I still can’t get used to the ocean’s sounds when I wake. I take the opportunity to feel every inch of my body inside and out, working up from my toes to my head, from the pit of my stomach to the depth of my heart. For the first time in as long as I can remember, my body feels light and free and my heart is full of so much love. I feel like a completely different person, and although I’m still trying to find out who the real Victoria Foster is, I don’t care how long it takes because if I keep feeling this feeling, I’ll happily wait forever.
Hearing the soft voices of my boys in the kitchen, I creep out of bed, put on Lucas’s shirt and lean over the breakfast bar, watching them as they have their backs to me. Lucas is helping Charlie make breakfast—a challenge he takes on of his own accord and one that continually has me smiling with how fast their bond is developing.
“Dis?” Charlie asks him, squatting down on top of the worktop in only his vest and nappy, a child’s cutlery knife in his hand as a plate of toast is placed in front of him.
“That, little man, is your toast, and we are going to make it taste really good. Now, have you got your knife?”
Charlie nods, still crouching but taking a little step to the side like he’s a penguin. Lucas reaches out, making sure he doesn’t fall while my heart is suddenly in my throat. Why is it only women that see the potential safety hazard with kids?
“Ok, now you need to get some jam. Can you put your knife in there?” He demonstrates to Charlie. My son’s attempt goes like I expected, the knife goes into the jar, but the removal of the jam comes out in a flick, catapulting it up in the air for a sticky dollop to hit the counter. Lucas chuckles and I have to cover my own giggle, not wanting to disturb them.
“Uh oh,” he says pointing and looking at Lucas. I smile at his new word, thinking about how far he’s come since his extra support at Nursery with the speech and language therapist.
“That’s okay, little guy. We can clean that up after. Now put it on your toast? That’s right. Just like that. Good job.”
“More?” Charlie beams.
“You can add more if you want. We’ll just play it down to Mummy if you’re sick.”
“Mama.”
“Shall we make some breakfast for Mummy too?” He reaches over to place some more bread in the toaster as Charlie watches him. I can’t stop smiling at the two of them. Lucas kisses my baby on the head and happy tears fill my eyes—tears born of knowing that no matter what happens in life, I’ll always have these new memories that are slowly taking away the bad ones. But it’s what Lucas says next that has my heart soaring. “We need to look after Mummy, don’t we? We need to always take care of her because she is very special, and we need to make sure we show her that because I don’t think she realises just how special she is to us. So, we need to show her every day and keep that smile glowing back.” Charlie looks up at him with a smile as though he completely understands everything he’s just said. “And then there’s you, little man. You are everything to her, which means you are everything to me. Lucas is going to make sure we have so much fun together, and I’ll teach you things that Mummy can’t or that she may sometimes struggle with. And the more we help you learn, the stronger you will grow. How does that sound?”
I round the counter and go up behind him, sliding my hands up the front of his chest to hold him against me. And the words I was worried about expressing leave me with ease. “I love you, Lucas.”
I feel him freeze, his heart suddenly beating fast under my hand. He takes Charlie and places him on his hip and turns, wrapping his arm around me. There’s a sparkle in his ocean eyes, awe in his features, as he whispers. “What did you just say?”
I smile, lacing my fingers in the feather ends of his hair. “I said I love you and I never thought I’d ever get the opportunity to say that. When I first saw you, I knew then you had already captured me, and I fought back as best I could because I didn’t like the feelings you brought. But you’ve changed everything I ever believed, and everything I ever knew. You’ve made me breathe easy, caused the tornado of butterflies in my stomach to take flight whenever you look at me and made me realise what love feels like. Right now, I couldn’t be happier. I want you to be my happy ever after because a life without you in it wouldn’t be worth living.”
“Tori…”
“I mean it, Lucas. For years, I’ve been drowning in darkness and demons—and in some ways I still am—but you've changed that and continue to do so. You've given me light, you've given me love and you've given me my life back. I wasn’t supposed to want you, and I wasn’t supposed to need you, but everything that I’ve become is because of you. I’ve been saved by you.”
He tucks my hair behind my ear with a smile. “My heart knew it belonged to you from the moment I found you. You have stormed into my life so unexpectedly and took every ounce of control I had. I love you unconditionally and will protect you every hour of each day and with every beat my heart gives, even if I die trying. It’s not just you that’s been saved, Birdy: you make my life more vibrant each day and this little guy here brightens my world just as much.”
“Thank you for making me brave.”
When he kisses me, I pull him closer towards me, showing him how much I want this, how much we both need this because everything I said is true. Suddenly two little hands pat our cheeks and we both laugh from Charlie’s wet kiss that has invaded our embrace. I break the connection and turn to my son. “Good morning, gorgeous. Are we ignoring you?” Charlie nods, pointing behind him. “Wow, have you been making breakfast?”
I take him from Lucas and kiss his cheek, turning towards his toast that’s practically holding together with an inch of its life because it’s been torn apart with a knife and sticky fingers. “Wow look what you did,” I say, full of enthusiasm and excitement. “You made yourself breakfast?”
“He did an excellent job. He puts my cutlery skills to shame,” Lucas teases.
Sitting Charlie on the floor next to my bed, I place his plate between his legs so he can eat breakfast before heading back to the kitchen and prepare myself and Lucas a coffee. My body begins to heat with the wandering eyes that are on me. I decide to play him at his own game, placing my hair up in a messy bun so his shirt that barely covers my bare backside rises. I’m rewarded with a growl before he grabs my wrist and draws me towards him, lifting me up onto the worktop before crashing his mouth to mine with a kiss that takes my breath away.
“What was that for?” I breathe.
Behind the brightness of his eyes, he looks exhausted, like everything has been drawn out of him after revealing everything bad that consumed him the other night. But even though that’s there, I can see the weight that has been lifted.
“Move in with me.”
“Wait, what?” I pull back, but he only increases the pressure of his hold.
“You heard.”
“You… you want us to move in?” Anxiety fills my stomach and I shake my head. “I’m not sure, Lucas. What if it’s too soon?”
His hands slip up my shirt. “Tori, you’ve just told me that you love me.”
“I know, and I do, but…”
“But what?”
“What if this is all moving too fast?”
“Again, you’ve just told me you love me,” he grins. “What if this is the direction we’re meant to be heading in? Tori, you’ve turned my world upside down and changed my life so fast I never saw you coming. But I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I want you in my life. I want you both in it. It doesn’t have to be right away. I can wa
it until you’re ready.”
He’s right. The only direction I’ve travelled since coming back here is towards him. “We can’t move in right away: Lucy has to be in on this to make sure she has no concerns. And there will be paperwork and inspections to go ahead first, given my history.”
“That’s fine. Arrange to meet her and get things moving.” He kisses my nose and I link my arms around his neck. “So, is that a yes?”
“It’s a most definitely maybe.”
“Thank you. And no matter what Lucy says, I want you both at mine tonight so I can cook.”
“Slamming a pizza in the oven isn’t really cooking, babe.”
“I’ll have you know, that I can make an excellent spaghetti bolognese that will have your mouth watering like crazy.”
I grin, tilting my head towards Charlie. “I think this one’s a keeper, Charlie Bear.”
His response is a nod as he stuffs another slice of jammy toast into his mouth.
“Admit it, you’d be lost without me.”
“I would, but I’ll still bring the takeout menus just to be on the safe side.” I squeal when he pinches my waist.
“Watch your lip, Ms Foster.”
“I’d rather you kiss it.” And he does, snaking his hands around to cup my breasts. I sigh into him but push him away from me, hopping off the counter to finish making our drinks, knowing that if I stay any longer I won’t be able to fight him off that easily. “So, what are the plans today?”
“Beach party.”
I raise my eyebrows at him when a big smile spreads across his face. “Is that something that’s suddenly just popped into your head?”
“No, Marcus text me earlier. Everyone is meeting up at the beach because it’s the holiday weekend. I thought we’d go too? It will be fun.”
“Everyone?” An unexpected role of nerves hits my stomach. As if he knows of my distress, Lucas takes my hand, kissing my fingertips before entwining our fingers. Other than Marcus, I haven’t seen anyone since my little outburst the other night at Megan’s.
“You will be fine.”
“I don’t want the sympathy looks I’m going to get.”
“Babe, you announced to the whole room your mother was murdered and you were the one that found her. People aren’t just going to ignore that as though it was never heard. That being said, none of them are going to judge either. Stop stressing.”
I sigh into him. “I know, you’re right.”
“I’m always right.” He taps me on the backside and I yelp, causing Charlie to look up and laugh at us. “Now go get ready. I want this sexy arse of yours in a bikini in ten minutes.
“Ready… Go!” Marcus beams at Charlie as they chase the waves, running towards them as they slowly draw out and then running back in as the water crashes. The ache in my cheeks from my smile hasn’t stopped since we got here. We are at Marble's Cove and everyone is great with Charlie and have treated me no differently to what Lucas said they would. Hot and cold pizza has been our menu along with chips for Charlie. The weather has been overcast up until about an hour ago and now sunshine has graced us. Laughter has been the stream of music throughout the day, and I’m having the best time ever. Rosa has joined us too and is no different with me than I remember: just as elegant and full of sass with a figure I’d kill to have at that age. She is stunning. With an emotional reunion and a thousand apologies from her over the way I fled this place all that time ago, we soon put the past behind us and sit chatting about our boys.
“Is he tiring you out yet?” I laugh as I shout to Marcus who’s looking like he could flop over any minute.
“He’s got so much energy.”
“Takes after his mother.”
“They look like they are getting on just fine,” Amelia says joining me at the shoreline along with Rosa. Amelia is such a sweet and caring woman and my friend truly has found a beauty.
“I knew they would,” Rosa adds as Marcus makes his way back with Charlie in his arms. “My boy takes after me when it comes to looking after others.”
“It’s still hard to believe that a few months ago I only had Charlie and he had me. Now we have Lucas who I’m crazy about, my best friend back in my life and a group of people that look out for each other and have included us as if you’ve known us for years.”
Amelia looks back over her shoulder to Megan, Andrew, Jack, Felicity and Lucas all laughing and joking. “It’s something about this place that brings everyone together. We are each other’s family no matter what.”
“Lucas often says that you and Marcus are the heart of this place: the King and Queen of Spring Rose.”
“Marcus is the key to the place, not me. He just has this passion and drive that makes people love him. If it weren’t for him, none of us would have the friendships we do and the connections we individually share with Spring Rose Bay. All of this is him.”
“I agree with Lucas,” Rosa says turning back towards Lucas and Jack who are now heading towards us with their surfboards, Marcus now standing with us.
“Rosa, you’ll agree with anything Lucas says,” Amelia smiles.
“And why wouldn’t I darling? Just look at him. All muscle and tattoos, it’s enough to make an old lady giddy and desirable.”
“Mum, a woman of your age shouldn’t be thinking stuff like that,” Marcus says, trying to sound disapproving, but I know he’s joking.
“Marcus, believe it or not but a woman in her late fifties isn’t too old to have an orgasm.”
“Mum!”
“What dear? Have I given you inappropriate images now?”
“Oh my God, just stop, please!”
Amelia and I are giggling like little school girls listening to the two of them while Marcus has his hands over his ears like a child in distress.
“Seems I need to keep an eye on you then when you’re around my man,” I add, arching an eyebrow at Rosa.
She leans closer to me, sliding her sunglasses down her nose. “Seriously, you might have to. If I were twenty years younger, I’d be wrestling you on this very beach to win him. I mean, Jesus, Victoria, just look at those abs. Is he fiercely hot in the bedroom?”
My insides squeeze, my grin answerable. “He’s fiercely hot in and out of the bedroom,” I murmur.
“Oh, sweet Jesus. I knew it.”
“Everything okay, ladies?” Lucas asks. “Rosa, you’re looking a bit flushed there.”
“I suddenly need a brandy.”
“She needs a bloody straight jacket,” Marcus replies.
“Talking of straight jackets, Tori could use one right now as I’m about to take Charlie for his first surf.” Lucas looks at me with a wicked grin and my heart is suddenly in my mouth, my stomach in knots.
I thought Charlie experiencing the water would get easier, but it doesn’t. “Oh my God.”
“He’ll be fine, babe,” Megan says now joining us along with Andrew and Felicity as if this next performance is the one everyone has been waiting for.
“It’s not like he hasn’t been in before,” Jack adds. “The only difference this time is he’s taking him out deeper.”
“Jack, dude, I don’t think you’re helping,” Felicity replies.
Lucas takes my waist, pulling me into the side of him and kissing my hair. “We won’t be out that deep, the little guy only needs the small waves. I must warn you though, he does need to go under in order to get used to it. But I promise I will look after him.”
“I know you will; I just can’t help but stress.”
He kisses me lightly on the lips and leaves before I change my mind. As soon as my boy see’s Lucas approach he’s clapping his chubby little hands and squealing with excitement as he takes hold of him. Heading down to the shore, I can already tell without hearing that Lucas is talking Charlie through the safety of the water when riding the waves, even though he’ll not understand a single word. My heart is a mixture of contentment and sadness: proud of the fact Lucas has come so far in his journey that troubled him a
nd a little sad at how fast my baby is growing.
“I can’t breathe,” I whisper to myself.
Lucas sit’s Charlie on the board as they enter the water and I close my eyes unable to watch. I never wanted my fear to rub off on Charlie, but this feeling in my stomach is absolute torture. Lucas often says that in order to become friends with the water, I have to learn to relax, but how can I when I have nothing but fear for it.
“Vic, not only do you need to open your eyes, you need to let go of your breath. He’s having a great time and you’re missing it,” Marcus whispers in my ear. “He’s already gone under and got back up.” I open my eyes at the sound of Charlie’s giggle and my nerves begin to ease. Lucas is holding him up with one hand whilst Jack is beside them for extra guidance. My smile is wide as I watch through glassed eyes. He’s doing exactly what he said: he’s teaching him the things that I can’t. But most importantly he’s proving to me that my son’s childhood will never be like mine.
“Look at him. He loves it,” Rosa says nudging me. Noticing my emotions, she slips off her shades with eyes full of concern. “Oh sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
I shake my head and smile. “I just feel incredibly lucky.”
Taking my hand, she gives it a light squeeze. “Victoria, you deserve everything and more. Everything happens for a reason and your reason is right out there holding your child as if he is his own. You have changed him, and he has you.”
“None of this was ever meant to happen. I was meant to come back and give the best life I could for my son, but it seems that I’m getting that too.”
“Start enjoying life. It’s your time to rise sweet girl.”
I smile, looking back at my boys and loving the ease and freedom I feel. “I intend to. Nothing is going to stop me now.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Lucas.
“It’s kinda sad that all of Tori’s personal belongings consist of five boxes,” Megan says as I kick my front door closed with the last box from the car. In the months that have passed since Tori’s return to the bay, the support network of friends she now has around her and the clarification from myself that Tori and Charlie are everything I want, Lucy feels that Raven Bird no longer needs to be on a program. However, that doesn’t mean Tori can’t access them if she feels like she’s slipping down the road of self-destruction.