Blurred

by Tara Fuller

  “I’m not in the mood for a guessing game, Easton.”

  “Well, I’m not in the mood to get caught in the middle of the shitstorm you’ve just created, Anaya,” he hissed.

  Easton started to pace and I bit my lip to keep from snapping back. The serpent tattoo that covered the right side of his neck flashed, seeming angrier every second that he ignored his call. Black smoke rolled up from his scythe into the air around us. He was vibrating with the need to go. But he didn’t.

  “You don’t have to…” I started, but he held his hand up.

  “A shadow walker,” he said, his violet eyes cutting through the curtain of smoke between us. “It’s the only way he could’ve forced you into corporeality like that. That’s one of the reasons the guys upstairs and down go nuts if they get a whiff of one coming into existence.”

  I blinked at him, watching the golden glow from my eyes clash with the black smoke dueling for dominance in the small space between us. Dark and light. There didn’t seem to be an in-between anymore since Finn was gone.

  “A shadow walker?” I blinked at him, confused. Shadow walkers were rare. So rare, in fact, that I’d never seen one.

  “A soul caught between life and death. Straddling the line,” he said. “Think about it, Anaya. It makes sense. He was dead and you brought him back. This…” He stopped pacing and shook his head. “This is a real possibility.”

  “But Finn…he brought Emma back. She’s fine. I see her practically every day and she’s not dodging shadow demons at every turn. How could Cash be one?”

  Easton looked me over thoughtfully. “A shadow walker is born from a very old soul. One that’s been around a whole hell of a lot longer than Emma. Any idea how many times the Cash kid’s soul has been cycled through?”

  I rolled my eyes. “How would I know that?”

  “Can’t you tell?” Easton smoothed his palm over his blade as if to soothe it. “I can practically taste it. Stale. Bitter. You know?”

  “No, I don’t know,” I said. “Besides, I didn’t have much time with him. I didn’t even let him exit the body.”

  I pressed my lips together to hold the secrets in when a group of reapers walked by. One stopped and peered into the shadows, his golden eyes amused. Darius. Almighty, if there was one person I didn’t want to run into, it was him. There had been many who had tried to win my heart in the last thousand years, but Darius was the one who didn’t know when to quit. Easton must have sensed my body tensing from head to toe. He wrapped a heated arm around my waist and pulled me against him.

  “Gotta problem?” He narrowed his gaze at Darius.

  Darius’s jealous stare burned into me for a few seconds, his jaw clenched, setting his face into angry angles. He finally relaxed and shook his head, raking his fingers through his white-blond hair. “Come find me when you’re done slumming it, Anaya. I have a feeling you’ll be left wanting a little more when you’re done with that one.” He walked away laughing and I squeezed Easton’s arm to keep him in place.

  I let Easton’s arm singe me a minute more until I was sure we were alone, then pushed him away. “He’s not worth it.”

  Easton’s face twisted into a scowl. “I should shove my scythe up his ass.”

  I waved him off, and then curled my fingers back into a fist when bright sparks flew from them and landed on Easton’s black coat. “What should I do? Do you think this is why Balthazar has an interest in him?”

  “It would definitely make sense,” Easton said. “They are the only beings in existence that have the power to track down and capture the souls that are quick enough to escape their bodies before we can get to them. Both sides have been using them for years to poach the souls lost between worlds. The shadows could use him for anything from a food source to a recruiter. And as for Balthazar, he could have him bringing in lost souls in spades. Before they have a chance to transition into shadow or cause the kind of damage Maeve did when she tried to steal Emma’s body. If not for that, I could see him wanting him just to keep him out of the underworld’s hands. It still doesn’t explain why he’s having you keep him alive, though. Unless…”

  “Unless what?”

  “He could be testing him,” he said. “You and I both know there is no way a normal soul would have lasted this long in an expired body. They would have succumbed in hours. But this kid…”

  He wasn’t just lasting. He was setting some kind of record. I looked away to avoid Easton’s gaze. Balthazar wasn’t having me keep him alive as some kind of reward. He just wanted me to keep him out of the competition’s hands while he tested his little theory. After his needless torture was over, he wanted him for himself.

  Easton brushed off the sparks that were burrowing little holes into the arm of his duster. The threads burned black and red, like a bed of coals that had been raked over, before weaving together and repairing themselves before my eyes. “Just keep an eye on him for now. I’ll see what I can find out on my end. But if that’s what this is…” Easton’s gazed latched onto mine, pulling my fears out like a siphon and dumping them on the floor between us for the world to see. “If that’s what he is, this is only going to get worse.”

  I didn’t even want to think about what would happen if what Easton said was true. If my selfishness had changed this boy’s world forever. Made him a pawn in some game between the dark and light. I nodded and watched Easton melt into the swirling black abyss below him and whispered, “I know.”

  Chapter 9

  Cash

  Courage: Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.

  I folded my arms across my chest and glared at the framed motivational poster hanging on the waiting room wall. Only as deep as the mind allows, huh? Try telling that to someone who’s being stalked by bloodthirsty shadow demons. Dad elbowed me in the ribs.

  “Cash.”

  “What?” I jerked away and rubbed my side where he’d jabbed me. He used the People magazine he’d been flipping through to point at the man standing in front of us. “He called your name. You’re up.”

  Dr. Farber looked about Dad’s age, only Dad still had a full head of hair. This guy had scraps at best. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his pressed black slacks and plastered on a warm, fake smile for me. This was real. I was really here. In a freaking shrink’s office about to be analyzed by a dork wearing an argyle sweater vest.

  I groaned and stood up. I did not want to be here. He couldn’t help me with my problems, because my problems were real. They weren’t in my head. They were nightmares brought to life. Unless he had a voodoo priest back there who could negotiate with the dead, I didn’t see the point in this.

  “Nice to meet you, Cash.” Dr. Farber held his hand out. When I just looked at it, he dropped it to his side.

  “Are we going to do this or what?” I asked.

  I heard Dad stand behind me. “Cash!”

  Dr. Farber held his hands up. “No. No. I get it, Cash. This is the last place you want to be.” He stepped aside and held his arm out to lead the way into his office. “What do you say we get this over with?”

  I looked back at Dad. At the familiar you’re grounded look on his face, and sighed. “Okay.”

  Everything was wood in Dr. Farber’s office. Even the walls were wood paneling. Books, diplomas, and pictures of family broke up the darkness. I sank down into the burgundy leather couch and linked my fingers together in front of me.

  “I’m not lying down,” I said.

  Dr. Farber laughed and sat down in the chair across from me. “I wasn’t going to ask you to.”

  I nodded and bounced my fists in my knees.

  “Are you nervous?”

  “No.” Actually, yes. The thought of cracking myself open and letting some stranger see what was inside of me made me want to vomit. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was how Em had felt every time they’d put her through this bullshit. I leaned back into the plush sofa cushions and let my eyes scan the room for shadows. The only one I could find was t
he one the green floor lamp made when its light poured over me and splashed my outline across the big Oriental rug between us.

  “Funny T-shirt,” he said with a smile. “Did you wear that especially for me?”

  I glanced down at my shirt. I couldn’t even remember which one I’d pulled out of the hamper and thrown on. I almost laughed when I saw it. It was the white one with a gruesome-looking fake bloodstain in the side. On the front it said in big block letters, I’m fine.

  I looked up and sighed. “Pretty sure you’re not charging my dad a fortune to talk about my T-shirt collection.”

  “Fair enough. So, tell me about you, Cash.” He leaned back in his chair and clicked his pen.

  “I’m sure my dad’s already filled you in, so I don’t really know what you want me to say here.”

  “I want to hear it from you.”

  “I’m fine. There’s nothing to talk about.”

  Dr. Farber cleared his throat and set the pen down. “Okay. Why don’t we start with the fire.”

  “What about it?” I averted my eyes to the big, glossy, cherrywood desk behind him and tried to hold my eyes open. When I let them close there were flames. Smoke. Chaos.

  “Your father seems to think that’s when most of your problems started.”

  “So?” I asked. “Wouldn’t you be a little screwed up if you’d almost died in a fire? Does that make me crazy?” Not crazy. Just haunted. Though hunted would be a more appropriate term.

  “Let me ask you something.” He leaned forward and pushed his glasses up his nose. “Why did you go into the house that day? It was clearly dangerous. You could’ve waited for the fire department to show up.”

  I finally let him snag my gaze. “And what? Just let her die?”

  “Her?” Dr. Farber looked down at his notebook. “I assume you mean your neighbor.”

  I swallowed and looked out the window. “Her name’s Emma.”

  “Girlfriend?”

  “No.”

  “Do you want her to be?” he asked.

  I shook my head, feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. “No. No, of course not. Emma’s my best friend.”

  “Then why are the two of you estranged?”

  I laughed and slapped my hands over my knees. “How much did my dad tell you?”

  “Answer the question.”

  “We’re just going through a rough patch. That’s all,” I said. “Friends disagree sometimes. It’s not a big deal.”

  He scribbled something on his pad. “And it has nothing to do with the fact that she has a boyfriend now?”

  “No,” I said, my mind reeling with memories and feelings I didn’t want to deal with. He was fishing. And I could feel his hook in me, bringing it all up my throat. Hell, maybe it was just because she finally found a boyfriend and I was a jealous ass. Or maybe it was because I was dying and I couldn’t stop myself from thinking I’d pissed away the past eleven years with her and now I wasn’t going to get any more. “Okay. Maybe I used to think that someday…”

  I closed my eyes and groaned.

  “It’s okay, Cash,” he said softly. “Keep going.”

  “I used to think that later, maybe when I was done being stupid, and she was done being scared of everything… I thought that maybe we might end up there. Together.”

  He nodded and waited for me to go on. When I didn’t, he shifted gears.

  “What about other girls?” He cocked his head to the side to watch me. “Any other relationships?”

  I rubbed my palm over the back of my neck. There were too many discarded girls to count. What did Emma always call them? My “disposable girlfriends.” I felt so detached from that guy it was almost as if the old Cash didn’t exist anymore.

  “I’ve dated a lot of girls.” If you could call an evening in the back of my Bronco or on the sofa in my studio “dating.”

  “Anything serious?”

  I stared at my sneakers, feeling a little guilty. What I felt for her was beyond my control. Like it had always been there, just waiting for her to bring it out. “No.”

  Dr. Farber wrote something else on his pad. “Let’s talk about your mom.”

  I clenched my jaw and sat back. “There’s nothing to talk about. She’s not a part of my life.”

  “How old were you when she left?”

  “Six,” I said.

  “That must have been hard.”

  “Of course it was hard.” It would have been a lot harder if it hadn’t been for Em and her mom. They’d fed me when Dad forgot. Let me sleep over when he was still at work past dark and I was too scared to be alone. Em even insisted they take me on vacation with them every year. God…it was no wonder I clung to her like a freaking security blanket all these years. I didn’t really know how to survive without her.

  “Do you think that’s why you push people away?” he asked. “Are you afraid they’ll leave like your mom?”

  I leaned forward and met his gaze head on. “She left us. Left us to have a life with her yoga instructor. She left a six-year-old son without a letter or a phone call and never looked back. If that taught me anything, it’s that anybody is capable of anything. I’m careful with who I let in. There is nothing wrong with that.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with being cautious,” he said. “But from what I can tell, you are more than cautious. If the things your father tells me are true, you have alienated yourself. Pushed everyone you love away. The question is why? What has its claws into you so deep that you can’t let anyone else see what it is to help you?”

  As if his words had pulled it into the room, a shadow slithered through the air-conditioning vent in the ceiling. It looked like an oil slick sliding down the wall, before it took shape and hopped up onto the desk behind him.

  “Talk to me, Cash,” Dr. Farber said. “This is a safe place. I promise.”

  The shadow demon opened its mouth and hissed over his shoulder, sliding down to the arm of Dr. Farber’s chair. Fear pulsed in my stomach, my chest, my temples. I shook my head and stood up, ready to bolt.

  “No,” I said, retreating out of the room. “It’s really not.”

  Nowhere was safe anymore.

  Chapter 10

  Anaya

  I stared at Cash’s house, feeling so twisted inside I wanted to be sick. I’d never seen a place covered up in so much death. The brick looked bloodstained under the dying sunset. Shadows dripped from the awnings and splashed through the gutters in a mad dash to join the cloak of nightfall. The windows, shaded with toffee-colored curtains, glowed with light. That glow signified life. Life I was about to take away.

  I closed my fingers around the pretty pearl handle of my scythe. Its warmth melted through my fingertips and raced through my body like lava. It was almost time. I closed my eyes, unable to believe I was about to do this to him after everything I’d already done. After I’d looked him in the eyes and said I wouldn’t let anything hurt him.

  What a lie.

  I opened my eyes when I heard Finn’s familiar voice and realized he was standing on Cash’s walkway, headed for the front door with a cell phone in his hand. I allowed the sun’s warm rays to soak through me, fusing me together cell by cell until I knew I was visible to him.

  “Finn?”

  He stopped, a shocked look playing across his face before he shoved the phone in his back pocket and made his way toward me. His skin looked sun-kissed and his green eyes were warm and alive. Easton may have always looked like he was born from the night, but Finn always looked like he’d been dipped in summer. Especially now.

  “Being human agrees with you.” I smiled at him and looked back at the house.

  “You’re human too,” he said as he stood beside me, squinting at the sunset. “Dead. But still human.”

  I sighed and chewed on my bottom lip. My scythe was so warm it would’ve burned me if I’d been alive like Finn. I was stalling, and if I didn’t stop it was going to get me into trouble. “I wish I could be as optimistic as you.”

>   “You could be if you wanted.”

  “No.” I shook my head, feeling my braids snake across my shoulders. “I can’t. Not anymore. The afterlife may have turned out to be some sort of fairy tale for you, but it’s not like that for the rest of us. I’m still here. Taking life. Never giving it back.”

  “What’s wrong with you?” Finn narrowed his gaze at me. “You love your job. And what are you doing here anyway…”

  Finn’s gaze darted down to my hand, wrapped tightly around the scythe there. It burned between my fingers, making them glitter and glow. He frowned as he slowly made the connection. His eyes swung from the house to my hand and back again like a pendulum, until I could practically hear the pieces click into place inside his mind.

  “No.” It was only one word, but it spoke thousands. Finn stepped in front of me, blocking my view. “Not him, Anaya. Not after everything he’s already been through. It’ll kill Emma. Just give us some time to figure it out. Help us.”

  “For once, this doesn’t have anything to do with Emma,” I said, taking a deep breath. I didn’t need it, but the pressure in my lungs felt good. “I got a call. I’m doing my job.”

  Balthazar had made it very clear what would happen if I didn’t. It wasn’t worth the risk.

  “You don’t have to.”

  I turned my golden glare on him, letting his words swim around in my mind. If only they were the truth. I would have given anything. “Yes. I do.”

  I pushed past Finn and seeped through the brick, leaving the suffocating warmth of the oncoming summer behind me. The second I stepped into the empty hall, the scent of everything Cash hit me like a slap in the face. But this wasn’t just Cash. This was his father’s cologne. The scent of their dinner simmering on the stove. The smell of leather and cigars and the leftover scent of paint that followed Cash wherever he went. This was everything that made up his family. His life. There was so much more to him than that cold studio filled with portraits of the dead. I wondered if he’d ever see it. I doubted it after today.

  I drifted down the hall and stopped at Cash’s bedroom. Finn was banging on the front door. I just wanted to see him one more time before I broke everything all over again. I needed it. I let my fingertips linger on his white doorframe, waiting for him to emerge. Cash breezed through the doorway, pulling a T-shirt over his head. Reaching out, I let my fingers brush over his bare ribs just before the shirt covered them, then cursed myself for doing it. I knew I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t help it. I had to make him stop. Had to prolong this moment. Delay the inevitable. I just wanted him to have a few more seconds of peace. Cash stumbled to a stop, looking confused, and ran his hand over the very spot I’d grazed. He closed his eyes like he was trying to compose himself and then darted down the hall.