Doctor, Soldier, Daddy (The Doctors MacDowell Book 1)

by Caro Carson

  “I’ve always known there was someone before I met Amina, another soldier who was killed in action. She didn’t cheat on me the way you’re thinking.”

  Kendry drew in a shaky breath. “Then what does this other man have to do with Sam?”

  Jamie’s voice remained steady, that of a man who gave commands during crisis, but the anguish in his eyes was unmistakable. “Haven’t you noticed, Kendry? Sam looks nothing like me.”

  “He must look like Amina.”

  “He’s supposed to be premature, but he’s hitting all his milestones on time. I had no doubts, none whatsoever, throughout the pregnancy. None during those first six months in Germany. But lately, the possibility that Amina was already pregnant when I met her has been getting harder and harder to ignore.”

  “You said there was no adoption in Afghanistan. Even if Sam isn’t biologically yours, you would never send him back there.”

  Jamie pressed his hand over hers, keeping it near his heart. “I’ve got a lawyer who specializes in immigration, but we’re in uncharted territory. There’s never been a case like this. I was supposed to bring that packet to the embassy in person, for example. We had to get a judge to rule for an exception on that. I’ve got to make that original packet suffice. Anything to prevent a DNA test, in case my suspicion is right. I can’t let Sam be deported to Afghanistan.”

  Deflated from the rush of anger that apparently hadn’t been called for, Kendry pulled her hands back and leaned forward, resting her arms on her knees, letting her hair hide her face. “When were you going to tell me all this?”

  “Never.” The wooden bench shifted as Jamie stood again, ready to take action, although there was none to take. “The embassy would acknowledge Sam’s birth, and I’d never tell you there was a chance Sam wasn’t really mine.”

  Another leaf was plucked, crumpled, tossed. “Sam is mine. He is, damn it, in every way that counts.”

  Kendry shut her eyes at the fierce pain in his voice. Losing Sam would devastate her, but she was afraid it would destroy Jamie. Afraid, because anything that caused Jamie pain would hurt her, too.

  She loved him. He’d married her for horribly practical reasons, but she’d married him because she loved him.

  So she lifted her head and shook her hair back. “What can I do to help, Jamie?”

  His hand froze in midair. The leaf he’d been reaching for dangled, brilliant orange, on its branch, and then Jamie was down on one knee before her, so close the she had to widen her knees to give his body room.

  “How can you help?” he repeated, as if he hadn’t heard her right. His hands were in her hair as he lifted her face and kissed her forehead, her cheek and then, a pause. He kissed her other cheek. “I don’t deserve you, Kendry. My God, you should be furious with me.”

  “For what?” If her voice shook, it was because she had so much Jamie, so close. He was big, vital, startling her with his hands in her hair and his kisses on her face.

  “I asked you to help me care for Sam. I told you it wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t tell you every possibility.”

  “Jamie.” She smoothed back a piece of his hair, something she’d only done once before, on the concrete floor of a garage. “No one knows every possibility when they get married. I promised ‘for better or worse,’ and that’s that.”

  Jamie’s eyes lowered as he focused on her mouth.

  He’s going to kiss me.

  But he didn’t. He closed his eyes briefly, then took her hands in his as he settled back on his haunches. With their hands clasped and their heads bowed, they might have looked to any passersby like they were praying.

  He touched his forehead to their clasped hands. “We may go broke paying legal fees, even on a doctor’s salary.”

  “Been there, done that. Could do it again.” She wanted to lighten the mood, at least a little, so she sighed with deliberately theatrical loudness. “But I warn you, it sucks.”

  Jamie chuckled and lifted his head. “Kendry MacDowell, I love—” He stopped, but kept his half smile in place. “I love the way you make me smile.”

  He came to his feet, so Kendry stood, too, trying not to wish that he’d finished his sentence differently.

  Jamie picked up the paging device and pulled her to his side as they headed back toward the waiting room, walking in sync.

  Her husband valued her more than ever, but this wasn’t what Kendry had wished for. Not at all.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Ten days later, Jamie’s wait was over. He came home from just another day of work on an unremarkable November evening. He walked into the kitchen to find Kendry sitting at the table, feeding Sam his dinner. Sam now ate jars of baby food with great gusto as he recovered rapidly from his palate repair.

  “You got a package from a law firm. It came by private courier.” Kendry sounded breathless as she gestured with the baby spoon to a flat, plastic document case on the table.

  Sam tracked the movement of the spoon with his entire body, keeping his mouth wide open, all his attention on the food that had taken a detour away from him. It was a classic, comical baby moment.

  My God, they are precious. Perfect. I want this in my life.

  Jamie looked at the courier case. For eleven months, during a rushed exit from Afghanistan, a frustrating series of nannies and doctors in Germany and the relatively peaceful routine of life in Texas, Jamie had worked and waited, battled and prayed, for one document to arrive from the State Department.

  He picked up the plastic case. Inside, he’d find out if the embassy had demanded further proof of paternity.

  I could lose it all.

  He was a trained soldier, a physician who handled trauma. He didn’t hesitate to break the seal and remove the papers inside, no matter how tragic the news could be. No matter how tight the knot in his gut.

  “What is it? What does it say?” Kendry’s attention was riveted on Jamie, the spoon in her hand frozen in midair.

  Sam thunked his heels against his high chair and babbled a string of indignant consonants at the spoon. Jamie felt a smile tug at the corner of his mouth and the center of his heart. Still standing, he placed the paper he wanted Kendry to see on the table, took the spoon from her hand and fed Sam some mushy peas.

  Kendry picked up the certificate, a work of art in shades of blue, which trembled in her hand. “This is it. ‘Consular Report of Birth Abroad of a Citizen of the United States of America.’ Jamie, you did it.”

  Jamie scraped peas off Sam’s chin with the soft spoon and gave his son a second chance at them.

  “This calls for champagne,” Kendry said. “You’re home free now. Passports, Social Security numbers...”

  Jamie let her words rush over him in a soothing cascade.

  “Isn’t it icing on the cake that you got this news now? The premiere is the day after tomorrow. You’ll be able to tell the film crew that their trip to Kabul was worth it. Do we have champagne in the house?”

  Sam was hungry, mouth open and ready for more. He could eat so easily now, less than two weeks after the operation. The difference was astounding. Sometimes a person only realized how bad something had been once it got better.

  Jamie slipped a plain business envelope from the case into his back pocket and handed Kendry the spoon. “I’m going to get some air.”

  He watched Kendry’s smile fade.

  It’s not you. You’re perfect.

  “I need a moment.” He slapped the light switch for the outdoor lighting as he slid open the glass door and walked onto the back deck. He stood at the railing and looked over the lawn, nearly an acre that sloped gently away from the house, ending at a creek that served as the property line.

  Jamie had bought this house because of the backyard. He’d thought it the ideal place to raise a boy. The creek was shallow e
nough to wade in, full of rocks to build dams. The lawn was sloped just enough to give a young football player some downhill speed if he tried to dodge a dad who had to run uphill to catch him.

  But had Jamie stood next to the real estate agent and dreamed of playing ball with another man’s son?

  He took the envelope out of his pocket and set it on the deck railing. From the moment the ugly suspicion had whispered in his head, he’d told himself it didn’t matter. Amina’s past lover was dead and buried. Jamie had been the one to support her during the pregnancy. Someone had to raise Sam. Someone had to love Sam, forever, and Jamie was honored to be that man.

  That damned DVD.

  Jamie had known who the man was the moment the camera had shown Amina speaking to him. The documentary was careful not to show any of the women interacting with men in a manner that strict Afghanis could label as improper, but as Jamie had watched Amina speaking across the expanse of a table with a man identified as Corporal Anthony Schroeder, he’d known. There’d been something in Amina’s smile, a look in her eyes that Jamie recognized, because she had loved him, also, after that corporal had died.

  Jamie unfolded the report. Because of that DVD, the dead man had a face. A name. And now, according to the private investigator Jamie had asked his lawyer to employ, Corporal Schroeder had a grave in South Carolina, two grieving parents and a sister. A family who might want their dead son’s living, breathing baby.

  My baby, damn it. Amina wouldn’t have deceived me.

  Amina might not have known. She would have only been weeks along. Maybe days. This Schroeder guy had died not knowing. His family had no idea.

  Through the glass door, Jamie saw Kendry lift Sam out of his high chair and swing him high, celebrating the supposed safety of his citizenship.

  Kendry had forgiven Jamie everything so far. She’d accepted all his terms and done all the compromising, but she was a woman of definite standards and proven strength. She didn’t need him to build a good life for herself. He didn’t think she’d stay with him if he gave their child away.

  Life without Kendry?

  God, no. He needed her. She was quick to forgive, eager to be happy. She was his best friend. His sanity.

  Sam laughed at the woman who’d become the center of his world. Kendry, the beautiful woman with the long legs who spun in circles on his kitchen tiles, was the woman Sam had chosen. The woman Jamie was falling in love with. Hard.

  Jamie was probably Sam’s biological father. There was no need to ever find out for certain. No one except he knew the Schroeder family might be missing out on a grandchild. He crumpled the report in his fist and hurled it into the darkness.

  Eventually, the sliding glass door slid open with barely a sound. “Is everything okay out here?”

  Jamie clenched the porch rail.

  “I know you’re a soldier, but it is kind of chilly and you’ve been out here for a while.” Kendry draped the blanket from his bed around his shoulders.

  “Thank you,” he said, the weight of her kindness heavy on his shoulders. “Where’s Sam?”

  “He’s in his play saucer. I can see him from here.” Kendry leaned her backside against the railing, facing him. “Did you lose a patient today? You’re looking pretty grim.”

  “I had some thinking to do.”

  She tugged a corner of the blanket over his forearm. “I forget that every success with Sam must remind you that Amina is gone. But you’ve done right by her child. That will help, I think, if you give it time. You’ve jumped through a million hoops—or maybe you’ve pushed them all out of the way—and you’ve kept Sam safe.”

  “Don’t make me out to be a hero. Please.” He took the blanket off his shoulders and wrapped it around hers. “I’m not as good as you think I am. You’re going to hate me, Kendry, but I need to get that DNA test.”

  “But why? You love that baby.” The grief in Kendry’s cry and the stricken look on her face made Jamie wrap his arms around her without thinking. As if he, the source of her pain, could also soothe it away.

  He spoke into the warmth of her hair. “That DVD changed everything. I can’t stop thinking that it could just as easily have been me. I could’ve been the one Amina loved first. I could’ve driven over that IED and died.”

  “Don’t say such a thing.” Kendry clutched him tightly, and he loved her all the more for hating the thought of him dead. He hated himself for what he was about to put her through.

  “If I’d died, how would my family have welcomed the news that I’d left a child behind? I’ve been so narrow-minded, doing everything to keep Sam. It never occurred to me I might be denying another man’s family the chance to know their son’s child.”

  He was damn near close to sobbing. Damn close, but Kendry sobbed for him. He pressed his cheek against her hair.

  “I have to order that DNA test. I’m so sorry, but I have to do it.”

  She stayed in his arms for longer than he would have expected, but finally, she stepped back. “You said you weren’t the man I thought you were, but, Jamie, you are exactly that man. You have the courage to do the right thing, even if it hurts you.”

  He didn’t deserve her. Even now, Kendry could see something worthwhile in him. “I don’t know what I’d do if—”

  “Don’t worry about that yet. Maybe never.”

  Jamie let her silence him. He’d started to say he didn’t know what he’d do if he lost her, but it wasn’t the time to be placing more burdens on her. It was enough that she loved Sam. He had no right to expect her to love the man who was about to take a step that could cause them all unimaginable pain.

  * * *

  In the morning, they went together to a private lab that ran DNA tests. The lab tech casually informed them that the results could be ready in as little as twenty-four hours. They might get the news the day of the documentary’s showing.

  Kendry and Jamie agreed the timing was good. If Sam was not related to Jamie, they could confirm with the crew that Corporal Schroeder and Amina had been a couple. Jamie was going on a hunch, and they couldn’t ask the surviving Schroeders to take a DNA test without knowing for certain.

  She and Jamie agreed that if Schroeder wasn’t the man, they needed to get the right name from the film crew. Everything was discussed politely and logically, calmly and rationally, from morning to evening.

  By midnight, Kendry was exhausted from the strain of suppressing her emotions. She was sick with sympathy for what Jamie had to be feeling. She was scared to death that Sam would lose the only parent he’d known.

  She was selfishly, oh, so selfishly, worried about herself. The reasons Jamie had married her were disappearing, one by one. Sam’s health challenges were all but gone. He’d sailed through his two surgeries. He was eating and crawling now, babbling up a storm and didn’t need any kind of extra therapy. The embassy had recognized Sam’s citizenship. Jamie’s military commitment was nearly over. They’d made it through two drill weekends, and he only had four more to go.

  She’d be completely unnecessary four months from now. If this DNA test came out badly, she wouldn’t even have that long before Jamie notified the family in South Carolina.

  She didn’t want to lose this new life she lived. She’d learned to be content with what she had, and what she had was the regard of a good man. If that man never stopped mourning his lover, then so be it. She’d thought they were moving toward something more, reading too much into each kiss, but that had been foolish of her. She had his friendship. They loved Sam. It was enough.

  Sam was rustling around in his crib, so Kendry tiptoed down the dark hallway to his open door. She sucked in a whispered “oh” at the sight of Jamie’s bare back, golden in the soft nightlight. He was bending over the crib, shirtless, as he’d been that first weekend. This time, she was wearing proper pink pajamas instead of Jamie’s T-shi
rt, but he...dear God...he was still a picture of male strength.

  Her eyes drank in his smooth skin, stretched over defined muscles that tapered in a delicious symmetry down to the low waistband of his loose flannel pants. Her entire body woke, responding to the sight. She felt warm, and her pajama top felt too heavy against her skin. Her own muscles felt the need to stretch and move, to wrap themselves around the male heat of Jamie.

  He was humming quietly to his son as he rubbed his back. She watched them for a while, her two guys, one sleeping, one soothing. If the sight of Jamie made Kendry’s mouth water and her body ache, then the sound of him humming to a baby made her heart no longer her own.

  I could lose everything tomorrow. If Sam belongs to another family, then Jamie doesn’t need me, not even for four more months.

  Jamie straightened and turned toward her. Their eyes met immediately, as if he’d known she’d be there.

  I’d be losing something before I really had it. And she really wanted it. There was no denying that.

  His joined her in the hallway, shutting the bedroom door behind him. In a husky whisper, he said, “He’s sleeping.”

  She drew in a breath, deliberately controlled, but the scent of warm, clean man undid her. She wanted to press herself against that bare chest. She wanted to be comforted, to be held. She wanted to be made love to.

  “You couldn’t sleep, either?” Jamie spoke quietly, standing so close that she could feel his body heat.

  Kendry lifted her chin to look at him. “Too bad you can’t rub my back and put me to bed, too.”

  She saw his eyes narrow, his gaze sharpen, studying her to see if she’d meant it the way it sounded. She didn’t look away.

  Jamie literally turned her away. Taking her by the shoulders, he turned her to face the wall, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he brushed her hair aside, exposing her neck, and started kneading her shoulders. His strong hands made her feel weak as her muscle tightness was released with firm strokes. She touched the wall with her fingertips to steady herself.