by Ellie Fox
Rho sat there and smirked, making me want to keep looking at that gorgeous face. “It’s just a ripped button,” he said. “Stop freaking out!”
“Easy for you to say,” I murmured.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Was I ready to go down that road? “Just… I feel like you don’t understand the gravity of the situation sometimes,” I blurted out. “You act like this is no big deal because you’re not the one who has to suffer. You’ll just go home to Brandon and live your life and I’ll be stuck with Marcus.”
“This Brandon thing is bothering you,” Rho said. “Adam, I told you. If you want I could kick him out right now! Tell him to leave.”
“Why would you do that to him? That’s horrible! What if tries to hurt himself again?”
“I can’t keep staying because I’m afraid of what he’ll do. He’ll have to learn.”
“Then you shouldn’t have taken him in. If you didn’t care about him, why’d you let him think he had a chance?”
“If it bothers you this much, I’ll set him up someplace nice. I’ll even get Jace and Liam to keep an eye on him. I think Brandon likes them. Pretty sure Liam has a tiny crush on him too.”
“I can’t just leave Marcus.”
“God, are you still going to keep doing this?”
“You don’t understand. He’s going to kill us both if he finds out about us!”
“Let me deal with that.”
“Rho,” I said. “We have to do it but not like this. Figure something out. I don’t know just run away together. I don’t care where we end up as long it's with you and not with him!”
He walked over to me. “Adam, there’s nothing I want more. I’ll think of something.”
I kissed him because I couldn’t stop thinking I would have to leave now.
“You can wear my shirt,” he said.
“It won’t fit.”
“Well do you want a shirt that doesn’t fit or one that’s ripped?”
“I can’t go in front of Marcus parading around in your clothes, he’s not an idiot. I’ll have to buy something on the way.”
“Good. Then we can stop for dinner.”
I felt uncomfortable saying no to him, but I didn’t have a choice. “I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“It’s late. I should go—”
He grabbed me by the shoulders. “Tell me.”
I didn’t know how to say the next words. But Rho was stubborn. “I’m not allowed to have meals without him.”
That really made him angry. “He tells you when you can eat?”
“He wants to have meals with me, that’s all.”
“Fuck all that. You’re having dinner with me.”
“It's late, Rho. I can’t… I have to go back. Please. Eating somewhere in public, with you, don’t you get how dangerous that is?”
“What do you want me to say?”
I kissed him even harder this time. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Adam, that’s why I can’t be without you. I don’t know how long I can keep doing this… meeting in secret, lying to everyone, not being able to enjoy happiness.”
“At least you don’t have to fuck him and sleep in the same bed.”
“Adam!”
“Calm down, okay? Please. Just… let’s just be smarter about it. Now let me go.”
“Okay, but not before you tell me when we can see each other next?”
I thought about it for a while. “Marcus is going to New Jersey on Tuesday, I guess we can do something then.”
“I won’t see you for three whole days?”
I hugged him and really squeezed. He was hugging me back with just as much fervor.
“Take me away, Rho. Even if he finds us, even if it’s for a day, I want to live life on my terms, and not being Marcus’s slave!”
He pulled away and kissed me. “I will, Adam. We’ll be out of this hell soon, I know. Then we can do whatever we want.”
“Just… one more thing.”
“What?”
“Don’t break up with Brandon,” I suggested. “You know Marcus, he overanalyzes everything. If he knows Brandon and you aren’t together, he’ll start getting suspicious. I don’t want that kind of stress right now.”
“You know Jace was saying the other day that Brandon might be a setup,” Rho said.
“Set up?”
“Jace kept claiming he knows Brandon from somewhere, and then the other day he remembered. He saw Brandon and Marcus in the club this one time, a long time ago. He said Brandon was crying and messed up and Marcus was just being a jerk to him. He didn’t understand what was going on, but now, after knowing about Marcus, he thinks Marcus might have planted him.”
His words really surprised me. I had concerns of course. I started to see the whole game. I just didn’t know if Brandon was a willing pawn like Ian or an unwilling one like me. Should I say it aloud to Rho? Or should I keep it in for now, so Rho doesn’t do anything stupid?
“Look. Brandon is not the problem here. We can handle him. But we can’t kick him out. You understand that, right? Please tell me you’re not going to do anything rash! Let him stay. Just until we figure things out. Don’t dump him.”
“Fine!” Rho reluctantly agreed.
But I had tons of stuff going through my head. I slid on my jacket and hurried out of the room before I found myself unable to do so.
ADAM
PRESENT DAY
Travis’s fist left a metallic taste in my mouth and I fell to the gym floor, losing my balance. The smug grin on the rugged face of the tall and heavily built bodyguard made me feel like shit. My body was heating up from the exertion and my legs were starting to cramp. I was drenched, and the floor was wet in places from the dripping sweat on our bodies. The sweat had even managed to drench the wrap around my knuckles and my boxing shorts. We’d been at it for hours. Everything felt like it was happening in slow motion.
“Get up, Adam!” Travis said, panting, looming over me and I could tell he was tired as well. The hits were not as swift or as precise anymore. “I’m not done kicking your ass!”
Without giving any thought to the pain, I got back up and went back in stance, my wrapped knuckles ready to charge at him, but before I reached his face, I felt something slipping under my feet and before I knew it, I was back on the ground, groaning from the pain caused by my back hitting the same hardened spot on the ring. Not only had I lost my balance but my back was in bad shape now. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t been able to deliver a single hit. It was starting to gnaw at me.
Travis laughed and held out his hand. “Get up.”
Anger and humiliation coursed through me, and I rejected his help, got up without his assistance. I walked toward the bench where I poured all the water from my bottle over my head to cool off. I felt a little better but still, a deep sense of shame lingered within me.
“Don’t be a sore loser!” Travis grabbed his water and drank until it was finished.
“All I’ve done is lost,” I said miserably. “I wasn’t able to hit you once! You managed to bring me to the floor every fucking time!”
“Sure, I did,” Travis said. “You fall, Adam. But you always get right back up, kid. You don’t quit. That takes balls. That’s where your strength lies, you just need to harness that power.”
“Oh yes, I’m great at falling,” I scoffed. “Hey, that can be my signature move! It will come in handy when Sergei's men come for me with their knives and their smuggled weapons!”
He looked at me and this time there was no snark or ridicule. “You want to go from level one fighting skills to level forty fighting skills in one week, that’s not going to happen. You see all these trained martial arts guys over there? They didn’t become black belts in the first week of training!”
“I don’t have time.”
“That’s why you have me, Adam. You’re not defenseless.”
“And I appreciate that but I just… I need
to be able to… fend for me.”
“And you will, Adam. It will take time. But you’ll get there.”
“Let’s go back,” I said, feeling better and a bit rested after the talk.
“Adam, we’ve been at it for hours. You could injure yourself. Then you won’t be able to train, does that sound like a good idea?”
“Fine,” I said, giving up. “Let’s go grab dinner I’m starving.”
“I’m sure getting your ass kicked must be exhausting!”
I flipped him, but he just started grinning again. And then something must have caught his eye. “Um, Adam, you might want to turn to your left.”
I didn’t understand at first until I saw him. Fuck. I was simultaneously angry and glad. I wondered if there was time to run but he saw me.
Travis nudged me. “Do you want me to make up some emergency?”
“No,” I replied as discreetly as I could manage when I saw him walking right up.
“You’re here,” Rho said, obviously surprised to see me.
“Is it really that big of a stretch to see me working out?” I tried to keep it light. Nothing to worry about. I could deal with an awkward encounter with the man who made my legs feel like Jell-O.
He ignored me and shook hands with Travis. “Good to see you again,” he said. “I’ve seen you in the ring, I think you have serious talent.”
“Thanks,” Travis was obviously flattered.
“You two know each other?” I asked, mildly curious.
“Well, yes. We’ve been coming here forever,” Travis said.
Rho turned to me. “Its good to see you.”
I tried to form a sentence together. “Yeah. You too.”
“Why weren’t you picking up my phone?” Just like Rho to be blunt.
Travis placed a hand on my shoulder and answered from my side. “A lot’s been going on,” he said. “I’m sure he meant to call you back.”
Rho looked concerned. “Anything I should be worried about?”
“Its nothing,” I finally spoke up. “Just you know how work gets sometimes.”
He wasn’t convinced. “Right.”
Before I could intervene, Travis turned to Rho. “We were going to celebrate my unmatched victory today by stuffing ourselves with an obscene amount of booze and carbs,” he said. “You should come.”
Rho looked at me. He didn’t bother to ask if I was okay with that. I waited. Do the polite thing, Rho, don’t come. I wasn’t surprised when Rho winked at me. “I could go for obscene booze and carbs, I’m in!”
Perfect.
Getting your ass kicked… check.
Feeling like literal shit… check.
Awkward moment with the man who is absolutely the love of your life but who also scares you a bit… check.
Feeling Rho’s hand on your butt when you’re walking to the locker room… check.
Watching Rho’s butt get in the shower stalls and pretend not to see it and hiding a huge boner while you shower next to him… check.
If this day got any more awkward it would win an Emmy for Best Comedy.
“I’ll go get the car,” Travis said when we were showered and ready to leave.
“We’ll be right down,” I said and felt Rho sneaking up next to me. Travis left, and Rho grabbed my arm and pulled me aside, slammed me against a wall. Before I knew it, his mouth was on mine, and I was being kissed like this was the end of the world and the fate of humanity rested on our seed for some reason.
When he broke off, I was breathless.
“I missed you,” Rho said.
“I missed you too.”
“It doesn’t feel that way. You’re evasive, you don’t return my calls. You’re constantly trying to find ways to ditch me.”
“Rho, I get that I can be a little… but… I’m not trying to ditch you. I’m just… I’m trying to find my balance.”
“And you feel like you can’t do that with me?”
I truly had no response. “Rho—”
“Adam, let me help you. If you want to find your balance or your way, you can do it with me. You’re not alone anymore, you’re not helpless.”
“I am alone.” I don’t know what possessed me to say that. It was a ridiculous move. Stupid and ill-advised. Talk about opening a can of worms and eating it.
He looked hurt. “Is that supposed to make me feel better about us?”
I don’t think he understood my loneliness. I don’t think he wanted to see me suffer, and suffering is all I was then. I didn’t know how to get that through to him.
“I need time,” I said. “I just… I need to work some stuff out.”
“How much time?”
I don’t know. How much time will it take for me to get over the guilt of cheating on you?
“Can’t we just take it slow?”
“Slow?” he said. “No, Adam, we can’t take it slow. You’re taking the whole grieving widow thing way too seriously!”
“I’m not grieving!”
At least not Marcus.
“Are you sure?” he said. “Because sometimes people get Stockholm syndrome…”
“Rho, I don’t love Marcus, for fuck sake!”
“No,” he said, grabbing my face in his hands. “Because you love me.”
I felt like everything around me was made of smoke and all the people. The minute I fell in love with them and started to believe they were real, the smoke would dissipate into nothing and I would be alone again and even more hurt.
Rho was stubborn as always. “I know you think I’m some kind of illusion,” he said. “That the minute you start putting your trust in me, everything will suddenly blow up in your face and the apocalypse will befall us, and giant, Android cockroaches will raid the earth for human remains.”
Despite myself, I started to laugh. I wasn’t even drunk.
Rho looked amused.
He intertwined the fingers of his hand with mine and lifted it up to our faces. He kept it held up high for a good few minutes, all the while gazing at me. “See?” he said. “The world is still intact. The only giant cockroach is that weirdo who’s been stalking you with his eyes since we got out of the shower, and the fate of mankind doesn’t rest in our hands.”
I knew he was going to kiss me again when an annoying cough broke the trance. Rho reluctantly turned to the woman who stood there watching our exchange. She wasn’t alone. Fuck. In our ridiculous sappiness, we had failed to notice the people who had come to this establishment to work out in peace and we had just loaded our drama on all of them and they were not amused.
Rho smiled at everyone in general and took my hand, leading me toward the exit. We were both laughing as we made our way to the stairs and started walking to the ground floor. By the time we were out of the building, Travis had brought the SUV around and was waiting for us.
“You two look like you just blew up a government building for fun and scored bagfuls of thigh fat to make designer soap,” Travis said when I got in the passenger side next to him and Rho got in the back.
“Travis,” I said. “I’m fine with suffering through your ridiculous sense of humor but do you have to bore our guest?”
“Just because you lack culture doesn’t mean everyone else does too, Adam,” Travis quipped. He turned to Rho. “Any particular place you’d like to go?”
Rho thought about it. “I don’t care as long as it’s the kind of food that’s guaranteed to give me a stroke.”
Travis sighed audibly. “Man after my own heart!”
I switched on the radio.
Perfect by Ed Sheeran came on. God, could this day get any sappier! But when I stole a glance at Rho, he was staring right back at me with that look. You know the one. Your body feels like it’s about to melt, the butterflies in your tummy start doing cartwheels, words leave you so you’re a left a bumbling, stuttering, mess. The look that you think about when you go to bed at night, that stays with you when you wake up the morning and find yourself smiling for no reason. That look.
Fuck, I was failing miserably at this whole taking some time to work things out routine.
Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight
RHO
PRESENT DAY
Adam wasn’t picking up the phone and it made me anxious.
I debated going over, but it just seemed like he wanted space. I didn’t want to force myself on him.
I spent a restless night in bed.
But the next morning, Adam called before I could get to the bathroom. He seemed to be in good spirits. It perked me up as well and he suggested we go get breakfast.
“Why don’t you come over?” I said. “And I make you breakfast in bed?”
“Well, there’s a slight problem with that,” he said.
“What kind of problem?”
“That you don’t know how to cook?”
“See, you don’t understand. I’m a strategic planner, Adam. I’m inviting you over, hoping that the bed part, will be good enough for you to forget about the breakfast part. You see where I’m going with this?”
There was silence on the other end. “Adam?”
“I’m fine… it’s just… been a while since we talked that way.”
“So? Will you come for no breakfast in bed?”
“I’m thinking it might be a good idea.”
“Great. I’ll be waiting.”
“Rho?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t shave.”
I couldn’t stop grinning. My face was starting to hurt. “Are you sure you want to go home with bruises?”
He laughed. “Maybe.”
Your home. The words still didn’t feel right. His home was with me, not with Marcus. But so far, I had failed to convince Adam. I knew if I kept my cool, if I proved he could trust me again, he would start warming up to the idea of living together. Yesterday, he had seemed so far away. Today, it no longer felt that way. We still had a chance. I know. It was nice to know he was starting to go back to his former self again. If it was up to me, I would have gotten us far away from everything. All the hatred, all the struggle, all the fighting.