Operation_Bug Spray

by Isaac Hooke

  TJ squeezed inside via the slit in the back area. The white suit hung flat on him, with folds of fabric drooping down his chest and arm areas.

  When TJ was in place, Bender applied tape and sealed the slit. TJ looked out from the faceplate of the hood, which was made of thin pieces of glass glued together: with tools from the medkit, Rade and Shaw had chiseled off the individual panes from the interior surfaces of different windows throughout the protective environment.

  TJ fumbled with the fanny pack, but had trouble fitting his bulky gloves through the slit in the side.

  “I’m kinda getting a bit light-headed here,” TJ said, his voice coming over the Implant comm band. “Can someone activate the O2 for me?”

  Tahoe reached inside the fanny pack and opened the oxygen valve.

  There was no change in the suit shape—it still clung loosely to TJ’s form.

  Rade heard the telltale hisses of air leakage. It sounded like several deflating balloons.

  “Got a few leaks,” Tahoe said.

  “On it!” Bender frantically applied tape, obviously wanting to conserve as much of the oxygen as possible.

  “I thought you tested for leaks already?” Fret said.

  “As much as we could without actually wearing it,” Tahoe said.

  The drooping folds abruptly bulged outward as the suit filled out.

  Bender stepped back to observe his handiwork. “And you’re trying to tell me sewing is a woman’s job? Ha!”

  “I’m so turned on by men who can sew, Bender,” Shaw said.

  “Aw shucks, thanks baby,” Bender said, grinning widely. He must have noticed the angry look Rade was giving him because the smile quickly left his face and Bender pretended to be fascinated by something on the ceiling.

  Rade gazed into TJ’s faceplate. “What’s my name?”

  As part of a test to ensure that the oxygen balance was correct in the pressurized environment of the suit, Rade and TJ had agreed upon a specific set of questions that had to be asked and properly answered before TJ went on the EVA.

  “You’re Rade Galaal,” TJ said. “Also known as Rage. Or Boss.”

  “Where are we?” Rade said.

  “Stranded in the middle of nowhere on some backwater, uninhabitable world,” TJ said.

  “Recite your orders,” Rade said.

  “As soon as I’ve gained control of the shuttle, I’m to instruct the AI to park next to the airlock. Or I’ll do it myself if the AI is unrecoverable. If I can’t move the shuttle because of engine damage or other issues, I’ll try to beam out a distress signal. Then I’ll come back in here and strip out of this suit before I suffocate. All within twenty-five minutes.”

  “He’s good,” Rade said.

  “You know, without the usual sonic injection in my hand to acclimate me to the internal environment, I should really wait an hour before going out there,” TJ said.

  “You don’t have an hour!” Rade said.

  “I know.” TJ entered the airlock. “Wish me luck.”

  It sealed behind him and the tense waiting began.

  TJ kept the team apprised of his status from the moment he left the airlock to when he interfaced with the AI core. He had trouble opening the access panel underneath the fuselage with his bulky gloves, and he almost tore the suit. But finally he got it.

  TJ confirmed that the shuttle was still fully operational and capable of taking them into orbit. Constellation scan data stored in the shuttle’s memory core indicated they were in the Glieus 82 system, probably on the moon of a gas giant. The system had a small human outpost on the third planet, with a fully stocked space station, and two Gates that led out of the system.

  It was a relief the system was inhabited, at least.

  The minutes ticked past and TJ finished restoring the AI with only a few moments to spare. The shuttle sent out a distress signal and landed next to the protective environment’s airlock. TJ entered that airlock and shut it behind him.

  When the air vented and the inner hatch opened, TJ stumbled inside. He was fumbling with the tape at his back.

  Rade and Tahoe dashed forward and ripped it open, tearing the suit off TJ’s upper body.

  TJ was panting.

  “You all right?” Rade asked him.

  TJ smiled. “Man, that was fun.”

  According to the atmospheric analysis, while the air was unbreathable, the pressure was similar to Earth at three thousand meters. And it wouldn’t be toxic to their skin unless they were exposed for longer than a minute. All they had to do was hold their breath, shut their eyes, walk through the airlock, up the open shuttle ramp, take their seats, and instruct the AI to close the ramp via the remote interface. The shuttle would cycle out the toxic air in thirty seconds, and then they could take off.

  The airlock wasn’t big enough to fit them all inside at once, however, so they’d have to expose the entire protective environment.

  “All right, line up for explosive decompression,” Rade said.

  They formed two human chains on either side of the airlock. Rade stood at the front of the first, Tahoe the second. Shaw was just behind Rade. She had placed her hands on his shoulders, as had the others behind her in the chain. Tahoe’s group was similarly linked.

  “Twenty seconds or longer to feel our way to our seats, ten seconds to close the ramp, and thirty seconds to cycle the air,” Fret said. “Sixty seconds at best. Maybe eighty at worst. Gonna be rough.”

  “You all trained in the navy,” Rade said. “All of you. Each of you used to be able to hold your breath for two minutes.”

  “Not anymore!” Fret said.

  Rade would have trouble himself.

  “Too bad for you,” Bender taunted Fret. “Gotta love natural selection. But if you’re weeded out, don’t you worry, I’ll plant a tree in your honor.”

  “Aw, that’s mighty kind of you,” Fret said.

  “I never said what kind of tree,” Bender said.

  “Oh yeah?” Fret said. “What kind of tree will you plant in my honor?”

  “A shittamwood tree, of course,” Bender said.

  “Ah. Thanks.”

  “And I’ll personally fertilize it, too,” Bender said. “You know shittamwood needs a special kind of fertilizin’, right? I’ll go to a turkey buffet and load up on cranberries, turkey and filling, and then take a mighty fine turkey-cranberry dump. Just for you. Because I’m good like that. Shittin’ on the shittamwood, wooyah!”

  “Okay, Bender,” Rade said. “If you’re done?”

  “Sorry, Boss,” Bender said. “Yes, I’m done. We can do the mission now.”

  “Not exactly a mission…” Manic said. “Just a little dash across a toxic atmosphere.”

  Rade glared at Manic, who promptly gazed down at his feet.

  “On three,” Rade said.

  “One.”

  “Two.”

  “Three.”

  “Now, TJ.”

  Rade took a deep breath as TJ blew the airlock door via the remote interface. The air gushed past. They had been careful to secure everything that wasn’t bolted down—it wouldn’t do to be knocked out by debris during the unprotected EVA.

  Rade shut his eyes and didn’t fight the flow of air, instead allowing the suction to aid his forward motion. He dashed through the airlock, feeling the slight drag of Shaw’s hands on his shoulders. The slope of the ramp soon hit his boots.

  He entered the cabin, felt his way forward until he had found the edge of the furthest chair, and then tapped Shaw to indicate he had reached it. He sat down and reached to the side to confirm she had done the same beside him. She gripped his arm in confirmation.

  Rade continued to hold his breath as he waited for the other team members to stomp up the ramp. His overhead map was still visible with his eyes closed, thanks to his Implant, and he watched as all of the Argonauts made it safely inside. TJ would be remotely instructing the shuttle to close the ramp, any time now.

  Sure enough, he heard the hum as the ramp
began to lift. The cabin shook when the door finally thudded shut entirely.

  The shuttle announced in a pleasant male voice: “Beginning air cycling. Please hold.”

  Thirty more seconds.

  Rade was already having trouble. As was Shaw, apparently: she squeezed his hand tighter.

  He heard the tapping of feet throughout the cabin as other Argonauts struggled to hold their breath through the remaining seconds.

  “Please hold,” the shuttle said.

  Rade was tempted to peek through his lids, but resisted the urge. His own foot started tapping up and down of its own accord.

  “Please hold,” the shuttle said.

  I can’t do it!

  You can!

  You can.

  “Please hold,” the shuttle said.

  With his free fingers, Rade gripped his cargo pants and scrunched the fabric tightly, harder than he would have allowed himself to squeeze Shaw’s palm, which he still gripped in his other hand.

  Stars dotted the darkness on the inside of his eyelid. Rade really felt like he was going to explode; he decided he was going to give in, going to breathe that tainted air, to hell with whatever effects it had on his lungs, when finally the shuttle announced in its pleasant male voice: “Air cycling complete.”

  Rade opened his eyes and exhaled the useless air he had held in his lungs. Then he inhaled in a loud, ragged wheeze. He exhaled and inhaled repeatedly like that, struggling for air, feeling like he was dying, like he couldn’t get enough.

  Around him, the whole crew was doing the same.

  The stars marring his vision slowly began to fade, and his breathing became calmer. He took a moment to survey his brothers. He was relieved that everybody had survived unscathed.

  He glanced at Shaw; she was wearing a relieved, thankful expression.

  “Woohoo!” Bender said when he had caught his breath. He was still panting, however. “That’s what I’m talking about!”

  “The hell... you saying?” Manic said, also gasping. “That had to be... the worst... seventy seconds of my life!”

  “Speak for yourself, you little bitch!” Bender said. “Nothing like holding one’s breath to feel alive!”

  “Seventy-five,” Lui wheezed. “Not seventy. I counted down.”

  “Well I set a timer... on my Implant,” Manic said. “So you’re wrong!”

  “Now you know how it felt like for me,” TJ said, his breathing ragged. “The last few moments of my first EVA.”

  Fret seemed to have trouble opening his eyes. He was blinking rapidly, with tears streaming down his cheeks.

  “You okay, Fret?” Rade asked. He was still gasping a bit himself.

  “Yeah boss,” Fret said. “These aren’t tears of joy or anything. Well actually, maybe they partly are. Cuz, well, this is embarrassing, but I accidentally opened my eyes. Man, that stung!”

  Bender erupted in a loud chortle. “You moron! Why’d you go and do that? Opened his eyes. It’s like, we specifically told you not to, because the environment is toxic, but noooo, you gots to go and look. I guess I know the feeling... when I opened my eyes while doing your sister, just for curiosity’s sake, you know, my eyes, well they were sore for days afterward!”

  “Curious Bender, the curious little monkey…” Manic sang.

  “Wait, you did my sister?” Fret said.

  “Only like three times,” Bender said. “Gross thing was, she called out your name every time.”

  “That is gross,” Manic said.

  “Did she really call out my name?” Fret said.

  “I bet it was because she had her eyes closed, too,” Manic said. “Didn’t want to believe it was Bender she was doing.”

  “Nah, I’m just messing with you,” Bender said. “I didn’t do your sister. Tough love, you know?”

  “That makes no sense,” Tahoe said. “But I don’t care at the moment.” He laughed. “We survived.”

  His laughter was contagious, and Rade couldn’t help but join in. “Damn it, we did. We should have died, we should have never escaped, but here we are. Emerging from an impossible situation. Once again.”

  “We did it,” Shaw said, she nestled her head against Rade’s upper arm. “We actually did it.”

  “Did you ever doubt us?” Fret said. He seemed to be blinking less now. “We’re the Argonauts! Impossible situations are our specialty.”

  “Zhidao, if you’re watching this now, we’re coming for you, you sick bastard,” Rade said.

  “You can lick my balls Zhidao!” Manic said.

  “Living up to your name as always, huh Man Lick?” Bender said.

  “He meant lick his pussy!” Fret said, sniggering.

  “So that’s what you call it,” Bender said. “I knew it!”

  Rade took a deep breath and rested his head against Shaw’s. He closed his eyes and continued to grip her hand in his.

  She pulled away to kiss him on the cheek.

  “We’ll save them,” she said softly into his ear. “The twins.”

  “I know.” Rade opened his eyes. “With all these great men, how can we fail?”

  “I’m so glad you’re still at my side,” Shaw said. “If Zhidao had taken you, too, I don’t think I could handle it.”

  “Nor could I, believe me.” He kissed her back, but this time on the lips, lovingly. The first kiss they had exchanged in days.

  “Woohoo!” Bender said. “We gots us some nasty sloppy PDA going on! My favorite! Mm-hmm! Get nasty!”

  Rade pulled away from Shaw and grinned. Maybe a bit sheepishly. But only slightly. These were his men. And he was damn proud of them in that moment.

  “Shuttle, take us into orbit,” Rade said.

  “Yes Boss,” the shuttle’s AI replied.

  nine

  Rade had the shuttle head for the closest space station after reaching orbit. “We’re going to have to rent a ship.”

  “And if there aren’t any available at the station?” Tahoe said.

  “We’ll wait,” Rade said. Though he was well aware that the clock was still ticking on the twins. Five days had passed since they awoke on the barren moon. That meant the twins had twenty-five days left until their stasis pods incinerated them. Assuming Zhidao was actually telling the truth and he hadn’t killed the twins already.

  “Do we have the funds to buy passage?” Shaw asked.

  Rade shook his head. He’d been relying exclusively on Surus to pay the bills each month. Any excess in his account he had always given to the men as a bonus. “We’re going to have to borrow from the bank.”

  “How are we going to get a loan without the Argonaut for collateral?” Shaw asked.

  “We’ll get a loan,” Rade said. “The interest won’t be pretty, however.”

  Bender rubbed his eyes. “Man, we’re in deep doodoo now aren’t we? Manic, you’re going to have to rent out your body. I’ll be your pimp.”

  “Yeah, all right,” Manic said. “Let’s do it.”

  Bender’s face lit up. “Really?”

  “Ah, no,” Manic said. “I’m not really prostitute material.”

  “Coulda fooled me!” Bender said. “With that face like a woman’s and that fine ass of yours…”

  “You think Manic has a fine ass?” Fret asked.

  “What?” Bender scowled at Fret. “Shut up, skinny bitch. Of course not. I’m mocking the Man Licker.”

  “Oh, carry on,” Fret said.

  “I don’t need your approval,” Bender said. “In fact, I think I’m done.”

  “Got a ship incoming,” the shuttle’s AI interrupted. “Direct intercept course. About five hundred million kilometers away.”

  “Tell me about this ship,” Rade said.

  “I’ve been tracking it since it emerged from the Gate an hour ago,” the shuttle replied. “It only turned toward us a few moments ago.”

  “Have you been able to determine the class from its thermal signature?” Rade asked.

  “It appears to be a Cutlass,”
the AI said.

  “A Cutlass,” Lui said. “Is it a pirate?”

  “It bears no pirate markings,” the shuttle said. “I believe it is a merchant vessel of some kind.”

  Shaw nodded her head. “Merchants use Cutlass vessels, too. Mostly for their speed and mobility.”

  “Plus it packs a powerful offensive punch,” Tahoe added. “The perfect ship for the merchant who doesn’t want to hire a mercenary escort.”

  “Puts people like you and me out of business,” Manic said.

  “We’re not mercenaries,” Rade said. “We’re security consultants.”

  “That’s what I meant,” Manic said.

  “Sure you did, girly bro,” Bender told him. “You’re lucky we don’t boot your mercenary ass off our ship.”

  “You can try…” Manic said.

  “I’m receiving a transmission from the ship,” the shuttle said. “Voice only. Would you like me to put it up?”

  “Go ahead,” Rade said. “Let’s hear it.”

  “Well now, here’s a sight you don’t see everyday,” a familiar voice came over the comm a moment later. “Seven ex-MOTHs packed together like sardines in a Dragonfly, with one ex-Navy thrown into the mix. I’m guessing the ex-Navy is the boss. She always was the only one the chief ever followed.”

  Shaw furrowed her brow. “I know that voice.”

  “We all know it,” Fret said.

  “Shh!” Bender said. “Don’t tell her. Let’s see if she gets it!”

  Shaw frowned, seeming lost in thought. Then she glanced at Rade: “Isn’t that… Snakeoil?”

  RADE STEPPED DOWN the ramp to find Snakeoil waiting for him. The short man was as muscular as ever. Perhaps even more so, now that he had retired and didn’t have the grueling demands of MOTH missions to strip away his muscle mass.

  Rade hugged his old friend immediately.

  Rade found himself at a sudden loss for words when he pulled away. Snakeoil was tearing up. Rade himself was starting to get emotional, but thankfully the Argonauts saved him.

  Bender and Manic dashed past and hugged Snakeoil at the same time.

  “You little bitch!” Bender said.