The Case of the Mystery Meat Loaf

by David Lewman

  “You mean the Locard Exchange Principle,” Hannah gently corrected.

  “Oh yeah,” Corey said, taking another bite of his apple. “It’s hard to remember stuff you learned when you were dead.”

  Hannah shifted on the hard floor. “I didn’t really mean we’d go out and investigate crimes all over town. I thought we’d stick to stuff that happens right here in Woodlands.”

  “You mean like who stole the chips from my lunch that time in third grade?” Corey said. “I’m still mad about that!”

  “You should probably let that go,” Hannah said.

  “But I had to eat my sandwich with no chips! No chips whatsoever! The criminal should be found and punished!”

  “Fine!” Hannah said. “I took them!”

  Corey was shocked. “Really?!”

  “No,” Hannah said. “I just think you should forget about one stupid bag of chips.”

  “I see,” Corey said. “So the mystery goes on. . . .”

  Ben tried again to get comfortable leaning on his backpack, but it was impossible. He stood up and paced around the hallway. “I suppose we could investigate school crimes. But even to do that we’d probably need some kind of permission or approval or something.”

  “Something like . . . an advisor!” Hannah cried. “If Club CSI got Miss Hodges to be our official advisor, we not only would be an official school club, we could also ask her questions about how to do our investigations.”

  “That’s a great idea!” Corey said. “But should we vote? I think clubs have a lot of voting.”

  “You may be thinking of student council,” Hannah said.

  “So we all agree: We’ll ask Miss Hodges to be our faculty advisor,” Ben said. “We could ask her after class tomorrow.”

  “Why don’t we ask her right now?” Corey said.

  “But it’s still lunch period,” Ben said. “We don’t even know where she is.”

  “I’ll tell you where she isn’t,” Corey said. “The cafeteria.”

  Although Corey was right, and Miss Hodges wasn’t in the cafeteria, she did happen to be discussing the cafeteria with Principal Inverno in his office. The principal was a friendly, middle-aged man who’d been doing his job long enough to know how important it was to keep all his teachers happy if possible. A lot of the time it wasn’t possible. But he kept trying.

  “I know I’m new here, Principal Inverno,” Miss Hodges said, “but I thought this was important enough that I wanted to talk to you about it right away.”

  Principal Inverno smiled. “That’s fine, Miss Hodges. I’m always open to hearing new ideas and suggestions. Now, what’s the problem with our cafeteria?”

  “It’s not so much the cafeteria as the food that is being served to the students,” Miss Hodges said.

  “You mean the food Mrs. Collins is serving?” he asked, surprised. “I’ve always found her cooking to be quite tasty. And the students seem to like it. Based on our food bills, they eat plenty of it,” he added, chuckling.

  Miss Hodges smiled and chose her words carefully. “I’m not saying the food doesn’t taste good. I’m sure it does, but then again, I haven’t eaten any of it.”

  Principal Inverno looked even more surprised. “I see,” he said. “Go on.”

  “When I looked at the choices being offered to the students at lunch yesterday for burger day, I was . . . dismayed,” she said. “There just didn’t seem to be any healthy choices. Burgers, hot dogs—no main dishes without red meat in them. No vegetarian options except french fries, and those aren’t very nutritious.” She paused for a moment and then went on. “And today was pizza day, with options like pepperoni pizza, sausage pizza . . . Do you see where I’m going with this?”

  The principal frowned. He knew Mrs. Collins well, and she was a woman with strong opinions. Very strong opinions. On the other hand, he had been reading more and more about the importance of serving students healthy meals. He knew Mrs. Collins used top-quality ingredients and prepared her food with great care, but perhaps that wasn’t enough.

  “Well,” he said cautiously, “what would you suggest?”

  “I was thinking that perhaps, as an experiment, we could try having one meatless lunch a week.”

  “But what would Mrs. Collins serve? Salad?” Principal Inverno didn’t think salad would go over very well with the students. Or Mrs. Collins, for that matter.

  “Well, I have a wonderful recipe for a meatless meat loaf. It’s really delicious,” Miss Hodges suggested hopefully. “I could pass it on to Mrs. Collins, and she could try it in place of her usual meat loaf. And then we could make the meatless lunch sound like a really special occasion, so the students would get onboard with the new menu.”

  The principal consulted the cafeteria meal calendar he kept on his bulletin board and nodded. “Next Monday is actually supposed to be meat loaf day,” he said excitedly. “We could call it ‘So Good You Won’t Even Miss the Meat, Meat Loaf Day’!”

  “That sounds terrific!” Miss Hodges said. In her enthusiasm, she spoke a little more loudly than she’d intended to.

  Out in the hallway, they heard Corey say, “That’s her! She’s in there!”

  Hannah, Ben, and Corey burst into the office. “Excuse us, Principal Inverno, but could we speak to Miss Hodges for a second?” Hannah asked, a little out of breath.

  The principal tried to look stern, but he was always happy when students were excited about talking to their teachers. “You really shouldn’t interrupt our meeting,” he said, “but luckily, we were just finishing up.”

  “You want to be our faculty advisor?” Corey blurted out.

  “We’re starting a club, Club CSI,” Ben explained.

  “We really like forensic science, and we thought it’d be cool to have our own extracurricular club,” Hannah added. “But we need an advisor.”

  Miss Hodges looked a little overwhelmed. Then she smiled. “I’d be honored,” she said.

  “Great!” Ben said. “Thank you!”

  “Oh, and just so you know,” Corey said, “the club has no officers. Kind of weird, I know. . . .”

  Principal Inverno stood up and smiled. “All right. Now that that’s settled, I’d like to get you three to give me your opinion on something.”

  “Okay,” Hannah said. “What is it?”

  “How does meatless meat loaf sound to you?”

  The three friends looked at one another, puzzled.

  The following week the students of Woodlands Junior High were surprised to see a new banner hanging above the entrance to the cafeteria. It announced, WELCOME TO “SO GOOD YOU WON’T EVEN MISS THE MEAT, MEAT LOAF DAY”! It was a long banner.

  As Ben, Corey, and Hannah headed in for lunch, they saw Miss Hodges and Principal Inverno by the entrance to the cafeteria, smiling and greeting students.

  “Welcome!” the principal said. “Please enjoy So Good You Won’t Even Miss the Meat, Meat Loaf Day!”

  “Should we give it a shot?” Ben asked Hannah and Corey.

  “Sure,” Hannah said. “I didn’t bring lunch, so I really don’t have any choice.”

  “Luckily, I’m starving,” Corey said, rubbing his stomach.

  “That’s not luck,” Hannah said. “That’s normal.”

  They went in and got trays. But before they could grab some food, Principal Inverno came in and asked for everyone’s attention.

  “Today is special,” he announced, “because here at Woodlands Junior High we’re starting something new in the cafeteria.” He turned to Miss Hodges.

  She said, “From now on the cafeteria is going to be offering healthier choices to you at lunchtime. I think you’ll find them not only nutritious, but also delicious.”

  Standing at the front of the food line, Ricky picked up a plate and sniffed it. “What is this?” he asked suspiciously.

  “Meat loaf!” the principal exclaimed.

  “Without meat in it,” Miss Hodges said proudly. “I gave my special recipe to your mother, and she pre
pared it.” She gestured toward Mrs. Collins. “It looks delicious!”

  The cafeteria supervisor managed to give a little nod. She did not look happy about being told what to cook, but the principal had insisted. (He’d also used a little flattery, telling Mrs. Collins she could make anything taste scrumptious.)

  “It looks perfect,” Miss Hodges said, again trying to placate Mrs. Collins.

  Meatless meat loaf didn’t sound all that appealing to the students, but everyone was hungry, so they lined up and received their plates with slices of meat loaf. Each slice had some brown gravy poured over it.

  After Hannah, Ben, and Corey sat down, Corey eyed his portion. “Call me crazy, but I believe meat loaf should be meat shaped into a loaf.”

  “This was shaped into a loaf,” Ben said. “But then it was sliced.”

  “Right,” Corey agreed. “But there’s no meat in it. How can it possibly be meat loaf?”

  “Well, think about it,” Hannah said. “There’s no ham in hamburger.”

  “There isn’t?” Corey said, pretending to be shocked.

  “Just try it,” Ben said. “Tell you what. We’ll all take the first bite together. On three. One, two . . .”

  All three balanced bites of meatless meat loaf on their forks.

  “Three!” They simultaneously popped the meat loaf into their mouths. Then they chewed. And swallowed.

  “Not bad,” Corey admitted. “Not bad at all.”

  “I like the gravy,” Hannah said.

  All around the cafeteria, nervous kids were trying the meatless meat loaf, and all around the cafeteria, kids were surprised to find that they liked it. And that it tasted like real meat loaf!

  Miss Hodges looked on, feeling triumphant. “See? It’s good, isn’t it?”

  Lots of kids nodded and gave their thumbs-up. Principal Inverno was thrilled.

  Behind the counter Mrs. Collins was scowling. And Hannah noticed that Ricky didn’t eat any meatless meat loaf at all.

  Still, in the eyes of Principal Inverno and Miss Hodges, So Good You Won’t Even Miss the Meat, Meat Loaf Day had been a resounding success.

  The day after, on the other hand . . .

  The next day, word spread quickly: A bunch of students had gotten sick to their stomachs after the meatless meat loaf lunch. Principal Inverno even had to go to the hospital for treatment!

  Everybody blamed the meatless meat loaf. Some of the parents were furious their children had eaten supposedly healthy food in the cafeteria and it had made them sick. What was going on at that school, anyway? What was in that meat loaf? Who was responsible for this disaster? If it was a school employee, he or she should be fired immediately!

  By second period everyone in school was talking about the attack of the meatless meat loaf, including Hannah, Ben, and Corey. Between classes, they shared what they’d heard other people saying.

  “Katie told me that a bunch of kids think this is all Miss Hodges’s fault,” Hannah said.

  “Why?” Corey asked, surprised.

  “Yeah, why would Miss Hodges poison her own meat loaf?” Ben asked. “That doesn’t make any sense. She wanted everyone to like the new healthy food.”

  “They think Miss Hodges is some kind of crazy health-food fanatic,” Hannah explained. “That she included some weird ingredient in her recipe that she thought was good for us, but it turned out to make some people sick. Or that she wanted to make us sick to teach us some kind of insane lesson.”

  “What kind of weird ingredient?” Corey asked, frowning.

  “I don’t know,” Hannah said. “Like some kind of rare mushroom or something, I guess.”

  Corey looked panicky. “You mean we ate some kind of bizarre mushroom? Maybe it’s going to make us sick too! Maybe it just takes longer on some people!” He put his hand on his forehead, trying to feel if he had a fever.

  “Calm down!” Hannah said. “That was just an example. And I really doubt Miss Hodges would put some sickening ingredient into her recipe. I’m pretty sure she said she’d made it before.”

  Corey stopped at a water fountain and then drank a bunch of water. He was secretly thinking water might help flush the toxins out of his system.

  “I don’t think it makes any sense that Miss Hodges did this,” Ben said firmly. “She strongly believes in eating a good, healthy diet.”

  “I totally agree,” Hannah said. “But she’s really worried about the whole thing. Katie also told me that someone overheard Miss Hodges talking on her cell phone, saying she was afraid she might lose her job over this.”

  “But then we wouldn’t have an advisor for Club CSI!” Corey exclaimed, then added, “And, of course, a teacher for forensic science.”

  “Miss Hodges isn’t the only person afraid of losing her job over this,” Ben said. “Mrs. Collins is worried too.”

  “She seems like a much more likely perp,” Corey said.

  “‘Perp?’” Hannah asked, smiling.

  “Short for ‘perpetrator,’” Corey explained.

  “Yeah, I know,” Hannah said. “I just didn’t know anyone had perpetrated a crime. It seems like the food poisoning could have been an accident.”

  “A very convenient accident,” Corey said, his voice full of suspicion. “Did you see how mad Mrs. Collins looked about having to make meatless meat loaf? Some people think she sabotaged the meat loaf because she didn’t want anyone telling her how to run her kitchen.”

  “Maybe,” Hannah said uncertainly. “I don’t know. Mrs. Collins is awfully proud of her cooking. Even if she were following a recipe she didn’t like, it seems like she’d try to do it perfectly.”

  “Everybody makes mistakes,” Ben pointed out. “And she’d never made meatless meat loaf before. Maybe she messed it up somehow.”

  “Or maybe,” Corey said quietly, looking around to see who might overhear him, “her son messed it up for her.”

  “Ricky?” Hannah asked.

  Corey nodded conspiratorially. “Think about it. He hates Miss Hodges. . . .”

  “I don’t know if he actually hates her,” Ben said.

  “Okay, well, strongly dislikes her. Didn’t you say he said he’d get rid of her by the end of the month?”

  Ben nodded, admitting Corey was right.

  “And even though he acts like a real tough guy,” Corey added, “he really loves his mom. If he thought Miss Hodges was being mean to his mom, he might try to do something about it. Like putting something in some meat loaf. His mom probably lets him go into the cafeteria’s kitchen whenever he wants to.”

  Ben still wasn’t sure Ricky was the culprit. “But wouldn’t he see that putting something in the meat loaf could potentially get his mom in trouble?”

  Corey shrugged. “Ricky’s no genius. Maybe he didn’t think it through. He just thought ruining the meat loaf would get Miss Hodges in trouble, and maybe even get her fired.”

  Hannah looked excited. “I just remembered something! Yesterday I noticed Ricky didn’t eat any of the meat loaf!”

  “That proves it!” Corey cried. “He is a guilty perp!”

  Ben held up his palms even though it made his heavy backpack slip off his shoulders. “Let’s not jump to conclusions. Before we accuse anyone of sabotaging the meat loaf, we should carefully examine the evidence.”

  “That’s a great idea!” Hannah said, excited.

  “What is?” asked Corey.

  “We should investigate this! It could be Club CSI’s first case!” She looked to the two guys for their agreement.

  But Ben and Corey weren’t sure. This whole meat loaf thing seemed like kind of a big deal. The whole school was in an uproar about it. Parents were mad. The principal was in the hospital. (Some kids said he was being operated on to have meat loaf removed from his stomach because it was stuck there, but that was just a rumor.) Miss Hodges’s job was on the line. So was Mrs. Collins’s. And if Ricky were behind the whole thing, who knew what he might do to anyone who poked around, investigating?

 
; Still, the whole point of Club CSI was to use forensic science to investigate crimes at Woodlands Junior High. And here was an unsolved crime, practically dropped onto their laps.

  “Okay,” Ben agreed. “It looks as though we’ve got our first case.”

  In forensic science class, students were dying to talk about the attack of the meatless meat loaf. But Miss Hodges firmly put a stop to all discussion of meat loaf and went ahead with the day’s lesson. For once she didn’t have to deal with Ricky’s interruptions. He stayed quiet and kept to himself.

  The students learned about preparing to investigate a crime scene. Miss Hodges showed them the essentials of a simple investigative kit: plastic gloves, camera, and evidence bags.

  She also taught them how to plan an investigation of a crime scene. “It’s important,” she stressed, “to assign each investigator a specific role. You need to be clear about who’s going to do what.”

  Then she had the students try different patterns of searching a crime scene. They divided the scene into zones and carefully searched each zone. They tried to follow a grid pattern. They also tried a spiral search pattern, starting at the outside of the scene and circling toward the center.

  Later that day the members of Club CSI met to start their investigation of the sickening meat loaf. “I think the first thing we should do is investigate the crime scene,” Hannah suggested.

  “That’s great,” Corey said. “But how are we going to look inside people’s stomachs?”

  “In this case,” Ben said, “the scene of the crime would be the place where the meat loaf was made—if there was a crime.”

  “Right,” Hannah agreed. “So we need to check out the cafeteria’s kitchen.”

  Corey jumped up, ready to go. “Okay, let’s go!”

  “Wait!” Ben said. “Miss Hodges said that before officers search a crime scene, they should have a plan for their search, like who’s going to do what.”

  “Right,” Corey said, sitting back down. “We might also need some equipment. We should put together a kit.”

  “That’s a great idea,” Hannah said.

  They decided they’d need rubber gloves, tweezers, plastic bags, labels, flashlights, and a camera. They talked about what they could borrow from home and what they might need to buy.