Beautiful to Me

by E. L. Tenenbaum

  I looked to Cigny and Callan, who’d since floated up to either of my elbows. They looked back with one of their silent shrugs, more curious than afraid, I suspect, because I was the one the squids were after.

  “Now?” I asked stupidly.

  The squids actually gave me a warm smile. “She did hope to speak with you as soon as possible,” the first one replied.

  “If it’s convenient, of course,” the second chimed in.

  Convenient? What in the seven seas was going on? For the most part, we knew Tatiana wasn’t really all that evil, but that didn’t mean I was eager to speak with her, and in her lair no less. Or that I would ever say so to two of the nicest, politest sea creatures I had ever met.

  “All right,” I agreed, stamping my fate with those two simple words.

  “Delightful!” the first squid exclaimed.

  “If you will follow us,” began the second. “And would your friends like to join? Your talk with Tatiana must be private, though.”

  I didn’t need to look to know the answer to their generous offer. “It’ll just be me,” I said, and gave my friends a silent, terrified goodbye as I swam after the squids.

  The sea witch’s lair wasn’t what I’d expected, though that shouldn’t have surprised me considering the two wonderful squids I’d just met. The whole swim there they kept up a lively conversation, sharing of their knowledge of the ocean and gladly answering any question I managed to force out. They made for very nice company, something I never thought possible to say about a squid.

  Still, their company was not enough to hide the darkness of the sands we were soon traveling over. We’d left behind the colorful reefs and fish and followed the ocean floor as it dropped deeper and deeper into darkness. Had the squids not been so brightly colored, had they not glowed brighter and brighter, I would have surely lost my way. I have no idea how Sienna made the trip to Tatiana alone.

  Soon enough, the ground leveled out and we passed over large sections of lifeless sand. Here and there branches of ocean brambles yawned toward me, intending to catch me as I swam safely beyond their reach. The ground bubbled in odd places, the overall effect one most befitting a cunning, evil sea witch.

  However, once we passed all that and came upon the lair tucked like a cave into the ocean floor, the main door opened and let loose a burst of golden light. Upon entering, I quickly saw that everything inside Tatiana’s home was in direct opposition to the murky depths just outside it. Aside from the vibrant colors of the furniture, walls, and decorations, dozens of squids in all sizes and colors drifted along the ceiling, a live tangle of streamers that brought life to the lair with its very presence.

  The squids brought me before Tatiana, who upon seeing the still bewildered expression on my face let out a merry laugh.

  “Shocked, my dear?” she asked kindly. “All that glumness outside is really just to keep nosy creatures away. There’s no end to the amount of bother than can come with having so much magic. This way, only the most determined and desperate of souls make it through.”

  My face must have changed from one look of shock to another, because Tatiana laughed again and quickly reassured me, “I didn’t specifically mean you, dear,” though her studied gaze led me to believe she saw more of me than I wished. “Yet you are unfortunate in your own way,” she bluntly added.

  I wasn’t sure what to say, what to even think, so I kept quiet. I supposed I should have been honored at some level that the sea witch had personally requested my presence, but the things she’d said so far, the way she looked at me then, only increased my stifling anxiety.

  “Snack?” she offered without missing a beat. “Please do say yes,” she pleaded, “no one ever does.”

  I didn’t exactly say yes, but I did take the proffered plate. This seemed to make the witch happy, so I vowed to hold onto it until I left. Maybe it would keep me in her good graces, though I had no idea what was coming or I would’ve dropped it and immediately fled.

  Tatiana settled herself on a lovely couch of ivory clams and motioned for me to take a seat on any of the wonderful furnishings across from her. I sat hesitantly, warmed by my reception, but still uneasy about being there. I was used to authority and a good enough mermaid to never be unexpectedly caught by it. My parents were also powerful enough to offer me an instant layer of protection should I ever need it, the rest came from never doing anything to threaten my anonymity.

  “Word has leaked about the little bargain I made with the young princess,” Tatiana began without introduction. “Though I did advise her against it.”

  I nodded dumbly. Surely she knew how much the decision pained the kingdom, though I really hoped her mentioning it didn’t have anything to do with me specifically. As if that was even possible.

  I was hovering just over my seat, right behind a little table I didn’t bother noticing until Tatiana looked down at something resting upon it. She studied it a moment before raising a finger and beckoning me over. Hesitantly, I inched toward her, and when the top of the table was in view, I was finally able to see what she was looking at. Rather, who she was looking at.

  Set into the table was a giant pearl shined to reflection. Except, it wasn’t herself she was seeing, but a richly furnished room in a castle certainly not under the sea. Tatiana continued watching in silence and I took this as an indication that she wanted me to see whatever was unfolding in the scrying pearl with her. I inched closer still, until my head was just opposite the sea witch’s, loose strands of my black hair floating impudently toward her icy blue ones. The scene playing out before us was upside down for me, but that didn’t matter. I was able to see it all too clearly.

  The pearl was showing us the prince’s palace on land. I knew because I instantly recognized his ink-dark hair and his rather handsome face. The room he was in must have been within his personal chambers, because his shirt collar hung open loosely and his overall demeanor was too relaxed. He sat in a chair, legs splayed out before him, when suddenly he jumped up and turned toward someone or something in the room. He became very animated then, and a few seconds later disappeared from sight. While he was gone, a man with thick brown hair stepped into view, someone young and noble, possibly a peer or steward of sorts.

  The prince soon returned, buttoning up his jacket, his collar already fixed, an elbow pressing a notebook to his side. He walked out with the young man, not once looking right or left to indicate that anyone else was in the room. I wouldn’t have even thought of it had Sienna herself not appeared just behind the prince as he was leaving. She was wearing a loose green dress, the material fluttering about her bare feet like the wind that tickles the sea, leaving ripples of laughter in its wake. Her hand was raised after her darling prince, as if asking him not to leave her behind. But the prince didn’t notice, and Sienna couldn’t call after him for she’d given her tongue as payment for her legs.

  For several beats we watched Sienna looking forlornly after the prince, her face a mixture of infatuation and desperation, desire and frustration. Then, all her emotions melted away and a serene smile overtook her face. The image in the pearl followed as she turned from the room and entered the prince’s bedchamber, making straight for his closet, which she flung open to swoon over his clothes in unimpeded delight. She caressed his jackets, his shirts, his pants, before pulling out one rather finely made green jacket with gold trimming and epaulets on either shoulder. Sienna pressed her face into the material and even we could see how her back heaved with her deep inhale. She held out either sleeve and swayed about the room, the belle of an imaginary ball, her smile never fading, her grace as wonderful as ever to behold.

  It was absolutely horrible, absolutely sickening to see.

  I tried to steady myself with a nibble of food and nearly gagged; it was disgusting. Who made this? Didn’t the witch have enough magic to bake something comforting, or at least edible?

  “And so Sienna has gotten her legs and lives in her prince’s palace, and I daresay she is quite happ
y indeed,” the sea witch remarked into the silence.

  The image in the pearl swirled before vanishing completely. I didn’t pull back right away, too shocked by what I’d seen. This is what Sienna had wanted? This was how she expected to find a soul, fawning over a prince who hardly noticed her? What had she been thinking, was thinking still? Why trade her life of privilege for a life of neglect? Had he known, had he seen this, King Trident would raise waves to the height of Heaven itself and wipe out the prince’s home. The sea witch looked at me expectantly.

  Taking her cue, I managed to push out, “Why are you showing this to me?”

  “Ah, that is the question, isn’t it?” Tatiana replied.

  She fell into silent reverie, studying me intently, both looking into and beyond me.

  “Since her arrival at the palace, Sienna has had a most coveted place at the prince’s side,” Tatiana finally explained, “though not in a way at all befitting a princess of the sea. It was the prince who found Sienna the morning she traded her tail for legs, found her painfully ascending the steps to his palace. Quite obviously, he found her to be the most beautiful creature he’d ever set eyes upon, and he’s adopted her as his own since.”

  “I’m not quite certain I understand,” I hesitated to interject.

  Tatiana slowly shook her head. “Sienna will hardly leave the prince’s side, and it’s at the point that he lets her sleep on a mat just outside his door like a pet hound. Sienna, of course, is infatuated with him, though he sees her as just another someone who happened to appear at his doorstep.”

  “How can the prince be blamed for this?” I asked, naturally defensive, though perhaps a little too much as I didn’t really know anything about him. Yet.

  Tatiana simply continued with, “Usually, I don’t meddle in the affairs of those I bargain with, but I fear I must step in this time. If unlike the others you haven’t allowed yourself to forget, then remember that not long ago Sienna was the most treasured of King Trident’s daughters. You’ll also agree that this behavior toward her is quite unacceptable, made all the worse because she is allowing it. Were the king to somehow find out about this, he would declare war against land and unleash the full fury of the sea upon it. The only way to protect this innocent human is to save her.”

  “But the prince cannot be blamed for this,” I repeated.

  “Then the king cannot find out,” Tatiana rejoined. “A war against land is most inadvisable. No good can come of it.”

  “You aim to stop it?” I asked, surprised that she even cared.

  “I’m not entirely without heart,” she smiled.

  Tatiana explained the conditions of the bargain she’d made with Sienna then assured me she would nullify it if Sienna would agree to return home. “I’m afraid, my dear, that you are the only one I can trust to save her,” she added.

  “M-M-Me?” I stammered.

  “You.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I watched you save the prince, watched you bring him to shore, breaking to the surface before your fifteenth birthday. I watched it all while Sienna and her sisters sang.”

  “I-I don’t understand.”

  “Sienna must be made to see that the foolish notion of a life with a human, even a prince, will never come to pass.”

  “And I can do this?” I questioned. I was under no delusions of just how I measured up against other mermaids.

  Tatiana pursed her lips. “Asking another of the princesses is out of the question. Aside from them, you know Sienna best, you are familiar with nobility and palace life, plus you generously extended compassion to a human showing you understand the value of life. You must persuade her to come home.”

  “And give up all she’s ever dreamed of,” I pointed out. “You said she was happy.”

  “Yes, yes, but at too high a cost,” Tatiana countered. “The prince will not see her the way she wishes him to. She will die and her father will blame the humans for his daughter’s own folly.”

  “You can’t really know that,” I was bold enough to argue. Then again, I was bargaining for my own life now.

  The sea witch dipped her ice-capped head in a motion that indicated I shouldn’t doubt her certainty.

  “And yet, I am to persuade her.” And stop a war, I added to myself.

  Again, the head dip.

  “I don’t understand.” I glanced significantly at my body.

  “Well, you needn’t,” Tatiana said. “You’re who’ve I’ve got, so you’re who I’ll send. I trust you’re intelligent enough to figure it out from there.”

  To her credit, she didn’t grimace, though even she couldn’t hide the way she instantly pressed her lips together. And just like that, the truth of it was out. Tatiana hadn’t specially chosen me for any other reason than because she thought I would be the only one willing, or foolish, enough to chase after Sienna. The rest of Merdom had already signed off on her. Nobody would ask any questions if I suddenly disappeared, too. If they even noticed.

  “I see,” was all I said.

  “Please,” Tatiana actually asked, “please consider it. I’ll even offer a reward, an act of magic without a price, if that will help your considerations.”

  I shook my head absently. What could she offer me? To make me beautiful? To make me noticed? Was that really worth risking myself for?

  Distracted, I took another small nibble of my “snack”. It was still disgusting. This was definitely why everyone cautioned against consuming anything offered by the sea witch. Did she make this stuff or did the squids? Ew.

  I turned my thoughts back to the reason I’d been summoned. I wasn’t flattered by anything Tatiana had said to me; rather, I felt slighted by the general insinuation in her having chosen me. Still, what choice did I really have? I was supposed to be there for the princess, that was my life’s directive at the palace, and she desperately needed me now. I also wasn’t eager to find out what would happen if King Trident knew I’d refused to help or decided to flood the land with the sea. Something like that had only happened once before, and that was by Heaven’s decree. I doubted King Trident could do it and get away with it, especially for something as petty as a choice his daughter made, quite willingly, too. No, a war would not end well for either side.

  I finally nodded my agreement much to the sea witch’s delight. If I was the only one she could send, then I must be certain to succeed. As it would turn out, I would succeed much more thoroughly than either of us imagined possible.

  “Excellent.” Tatiana beamed at me, seeming genuinely pleased.

  I was still highly uncertain about all this, but truth be told, my life underwater wasn’t exactly something that couldn’t be interrupted, especially for a little bit of excitement. I wasn’t thrilled about borrowing a pair of legs and walking about on land—the prospect wasn’t something that appealed to me, not the way it did to Sienna—so going to live another life for a while felt like a chore, some menial labor necessary to do right by my king and kingdom. I was frightened and apprehensive, uncertain how my life above water could possibly yield results any different from my unremarkable one in it. I was misguided enough then to believe that such a change wouldn’t permanently affect my life. I even dared hope that such a service would improve my standing once I returned to the sea.

  “What must I do?” I asked carefully.

  “I will prepare a draught, which you will not drink until I tell you, when and where I want. Then your tail will disappear and in its stead will be a very reliable pair of legs.”

  The change in the description of my legs from Sienna’s wasn’t lost on me. Just to be certain, I asked, “My face and form will remain the same?”

  “The rest of you will remain the same,” the sea witch confirmed, “aside from your tail, you will remain yourself.”

  Suddenly the entire prospect became even less appealing.

  “At first, you will be in great pain and every step will feel as if you’re stepping on tiny, sharp knives,” Tatiana continued
. “However, by the time you are steady and comfortable on your feet, you’ll hardly feel them at all.”

  “For how long must I remain human?” I wanted to know.

  The sea witch gave me a mysterious smile. “Once you succeed,” she paused significantly, “you may change back whenever you so choose. Merely submerge yourself in the sea and wish it, then you may name your reward.”

  “What if I don’t want a reward when I return?” I challenged. “What if I only want to remain a mermaid forever, no matter how human I seem?”

  Tatiana nodded agreeably. “If that be your condition, I’m both glad and relieved to make it so. You’ll lose your tail and have the appearance of a human yet retain your voice and your magic. I suppose you’ll seem a magical, like a faery, to the humans,” she mused. “Is that all right?”

  I nodded in return, her words reassurance enough. Even now, I don’t think I can be blamed for believing there wouldn’t be cause for me not to immediately wish my tail back. My life may have been unexceptional, but I was happy to be a mermaid. Looking back from the surety of the future, I can’t think of more than a handful of times I actually wished to return to the sea once I left it. Even in those moments, the feeling was more a symptom of nostalgia than sincere desire. However, despite all these years alone, I never regretted hanging on to my true self.

  “If we are agreed,” Tatiana concluded, “then you may go. My messengers will bring you the draught when the time comes.”

  I thanked the sea witch for her hospitality, then left her to her colored squids and scrying pearl before I could change my mind. The same two squids guided me much of the way back through the murkiness, then pointed me in the right direction to finish on my own once back in lighter seas. I swam away rather quickly, but not before I caught the echo of the sea witch’s rich voice in that barren, forsaken land, the memory of which makes me shudder still today.

  “A most unfortunate soul indeed.”

  Sienna…or me?