“No, it isn’t.” He frowned. “It didn’t need to be. We’ll figure something out, won’t we, Eric?”
“Okay, that’s something that will have to be taken care of by the end of tomorrow,” I said. “That’s our goal: tomorrow. Everything that is outside needs to be finished no later than tomorrow afternoon. During the worst of the cloud, all of you will be isolated there, and us here. Emi and I packed up some food, and I want you to take more with you.”
“We won’t be coming here for dinners?” Amanda asked with sad eyes.
“Not for maybe a week. It might be okay to come across wearing masks and eye protection, I don’t know. I don’t think Jacob will take well to stuff on his face.” It was something both Jason and Amanda understood.
“So, we’ve got the chickens in their new home, but we still need the other bale of straw and their feed. I’ll do that tomorrow. Gas cans are on the enclosed deck for the generator. Amanda, did you fill the gas cans from Eric’s while you were filling the cars?”
“I filled the cans in the back of the old car. Were those the ones, Eric?”
“Yep, and I already moved them down to the generator area, Mom,” he replied.
“Excellent! I’m proud of all of you. We’ll start cleaning the rest of the fish in the morning, I’ve got enough done to get started on the canning.” I turned to John. “I need to make a quick run into town tonight and drop some things off at the Soup Kitchen.”
“More, Allex? Haven’t you done enough for them already?” he said in exasperation. “The more you do for them, the more they expect, you know.”
“You’re right, but when Eric and I went shopping, some of it was meant for them, I just haven’t had the time to take it over. We got four ten-pound bags of pasta: three for here and one for them. The kitchen gets just one, plus the large can of spaghetti sauce and a bag of rice. The rest is for us. We’ll need it all.” I could see he didn’t really agree with me, however, it was something he knew I was compelled to do.
“Help me load these few things up, John and then take a ride with me.” I turned to my sons. “You’ve still got some daylight left, will you two gut the fish? I’ll start canning when we get back.”
* * *
“Carolyn?” I called out, my voice echoing in the stillness of the empty Stone Soup Kitchen. “Where is everyone? I thought they would be moving the Kitchen?”
“Good evening, Allexa,” Carolyn said in a way too calm of a voice. “Walk with me, please. You, too John.” We set the boxes down on a table in the church basement and followed Pastor Carolyn as she started up the street toward Bradley’s Backyard. I don’t think I’d ever seen her look so… peaceful.
“What’s going on, Pastor?” I asked, reverting back to her title. “Why isn’t everyone getting ready?” We had been so busy at home, doing so many different things, I just couldn’t figure out why the town wasn’t doing the same.
“After that meeting this morning, we had another one at the church,” she gave me one of her famous beatific smiles. “The consensus is we will accept what comes.” She stopped. “Everyone is tired, Allexa. Tired of fighting, tired of running, tired of being frightened all the time. Oh, we’re not going to roll over and die, but what good will all this preparation be if the cloud misses us? Or even if it hits us?” Carolyn took my hand. “Everyone is grateful for what you’ve done, for all of your efforts and caring. Most are ready to let go and let God. You should try it sometime.”
I was bewildered. And I knew that there was nothing more for me to do there.
* * *
“It’s their choice, Allex,” John reminded me. “This is not something you can force on them, you know that.”
“Yes, John, you’re right. It’s just… I don’t know. I thought I knew these people, and I don’t, not at all.” I stood up and paced across the deck. I ran my hand down the tight sheet of plastic that now covered all the edges, sealing us in.
“Are they right and I’m wrong?”
“I don’t think it’s a matter of who’s right or who’s wrong, Allex. It comes back to them making a choice that is best for them. You and the boys are making the choice that is best for you.” John paused as if he had more to say.
“I know you, John, you have something to say, and I have a bad feeling that I’m not going to like it.” I sat back down on the wrought iron chair and took his big, rough hands in mine. “What is it?”
He pulled his hands free and rubbed them across his face and over his bald head. “I’ve watched how you and those two fine young men work together. You’re so close to them, and they adore you, you know. I envy you that. The three of you are so strong and you think alike. I can see Emilee taking after Eric in this.” He smiled. “Even Amanda has come around. She’s a good woman. All of you are survivors, and I think that’s what bothers you about the town. You feel like they are giving up.” John trailed his fingers down my cheek. “It saddens me that my daughter Christine isn’t as strong, Allex. She believes that the government will always be there; always take care of the big problems; won’t let anything happen to ‘the people’. I’ve failed her in that respect.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “I have to make a choice too, Allex. I have to see if I can reach my daughter, to protect her from what’s coming.”
I felt as if I’d been hit in the chest with a very large hammer.
“You’re leaving?” I squeaked out.
“I’ll be back, I promise. I have to try and get to her, bring her back here,” he said. “If I leave first thing in the morning, I could be in Indiana early on Friday. It’s a twenty-four hour drive, I’ve done it before.”
“John, the ash cloud… it could beat you there!”
“If it were your boys, you know you would try to save them.”
“Yes, I would.” I looked down at our hands, fingers entwined. A single tear escaped as I centered on being practical. “There are things to get ready for your trip, and I need to fill the canner with fish. Then let’s make the most of tonight.”
CHAPTER 28
July 19
We got up early to finish John’s travel preparations.
“I think it’s best if I left before Eric and Jason know I’m going. They’re not going to be happy with me,” John said quietly.
“Well, I’m not very happy with you either, but I’d be more worried about Emilee.” My lip quivered. I couldn’t help it. “It’s her birthday today, John, and she loves you.” The tears leaked down my cheek.
I had boiled a dozen eggs last night and they were well chilled now. I set them in a plastic baggie, and then into an old blue cooler, along with two loaves of bread and a couple cans of tuna, and a can opener. I had put two one gallon containers of water in the cooler first, one was frozen and would keep everything chilled for at least a day, and once thawed, John could drink it when the other gallon of water was gone. Then I filled a thermos with coffee.
“You might need to bribe your way through checkpoints, John,” I said and handed him the cash pouch. “And don’t leave the Beretta behind this time. Take an extra box of ammo, too. The road is going to be a dangerous place.”
“I have cash, you keep this.” He handed the pouch back to me. “I think I will take Beretta with me. Funny how I feel much safer with it.”
We stepped outside.
“I think I should take your old car,” John said.
“No, you take the new one. It’s more reliable and gets better gas mileage. Just make sure you bring it back to me.” I tried to smile, but it was difficult. We loaded an old sleeping bag, his duffle, the cooler and one extra can of gas into the hatch.
“This may seem strange, just trust me,” I said and handed him two packages of pantyhose, receiving a very quizzical look.
“There was a TV special years ago about when Mt. Saint Helen’s erupted in 1980. One of the issues the locals had to deal with concerning the constant rain of ash was that it kept plugging up the air filters in the vehicles. They solved it by stretchin
g pantyhose over the intake. The ash couldn’t get through the fine weave. If you get caught in the cloud John, put one of these on the car before the filter plugs.” I was trying very hard to stay calm, stay even, though I felt neither. “And here are three of the newer face masks. They also have an eye shield. Not only can the ash damage the lungs, it can also damage your eyes. There’s one for your trip down if needed and one for each of you to come back. And please be careful with your wrist, it’s far from healed.”
* * *
The car was fully packed and by six a.m. John was ready to leave. We stood awkwardly by the car, neither of us wanting to be the first to say goodbye.
“I want you to know I believe the town is wrong. I believe you, and I believe in you, Allex, and that’s why I have to do this,” John said.
“I don’t want you to go, John,” I choked out. “Please, don’t leave me, not again. I’m afraid if you leave this time I’ll never see you again.”
“I love you, Allex, but I have to.” He wrapped his arms around me, and held me for the longest time. “I’ll be back in a week, I promise.” He kissed me and drove away.
Ironically, he was dressed in jeans and his deep green hoodie, exactly what he was wearing when he left me last March.
* * *
I crawled back into bed and wrapped myself around his pillow, drowning myself in his scent, and wept until I was dry and numb. Then calm came over me and I knew John wasn’t coming back this time.
I had just finished showering and dressing for the second time this morning, when I heard the voices outside.
“Gosh, Mom, with your car gone we thought you’d gone somewhere or we would have been quieter,” Jason said with a sheepish grin. “Did John go somewhere?”
“Yes, he had something to do,” I dodged. “What’s on the agenda for today?” I asked as I looked at the two double batches, twenty-eight pints, of fish I had stayed up to can last night.
“I thought we should go over your list again and see if there’s anything we’ve missed,” Eric said. “I know we need to flip the cistern, and that should take no time at all. Then what?”
“We really need to get those fish cleaned,” I said. I set out some cups and poured freshly brewed coffee. Neither of the boys used sugar. Eric had taken a liking to some of Joshua’s fresh milk, so I set a small pitcher of it on the table. I picked my cup up and my hands trembled just a bit.
“Let’s take a walk around the house and yard. Maybe something that we’re forgetting will shout at us,” I suggested. I knew that I needed to keep moving, stay focused, or my thin veneer of control might shatter.
Behind the big metal barn, Jason quickly climbed the permanent wooden ladder that was attached to the cistern platform, so he could check the remaining water level.
“Stand back!” he shouted down at us, hefting up one side of the big cattle tank that served as the collection pool, pouring the remnants out over the edge. The few remaining gallons of rain water splashed heavily onto the ground. Using balance and counter-balance, Jason walked the tank backward and then lowered it, upside down.
“While I was up there, I noticed some blackberries ripening,” Jason said. “Maybe Emilee would like to pick some later, Eric. Give her something to do.”
It was becoming obvious to all of us that once we had done all we could, it would be difficult to just sit around and wait. We needed to stay busy. I doubted that would be a problem, at least for the next few days.
The three of us finished walking around the back side of the garden, through lush knee high weeds and undergrowth and then we passed under the fruit trees, laden with developing apples and cherries that likely would never ripen. Stopping at the house to replenish our coffee, we checked the list I had started yesterday.
“There’s still the other bale of straw to move and the metal can of chicken scratch. I didn’t get around to doing that yet, but I will,” I said, looking over the list. “And a birthday party to plan,” I smiled at Eric. “Has Emi mentioned what she might want for dinner?”
“Pizza is her favorite,” Eric grinned. “I think she understands that presents are going to be few if any. The attention might make up for it.”
“I still plan on giving her the Bobcat handgun, if that’s alright with you.”
“She’ll love it, Mom. Is there anything else we can do or give her?”
“Well, you can give her a box of ammo and the little holster that fits the gun. I used it as an ankle holster, though it’s adaptable to a belt.”
“Will John be back in time, Mom?” Eric asked, searching my face.
“No.”
I stood and moved to the door, my sons remained silent.
“Let’s check the greenhouse, see if anything strikes us there.” I was one step in front of the boys, when I turned. “Don had turned that old shed into a smoke house, didn’t he? Can you get it fired up? We should smoke some of this fish we have. I’ll can two more batches today, though I think over fifty jars of fish should be enough. Maybe Amanda and Emilee can help me clean the rest of them.”
“We need to bring in wood for both stoves!” I commented as we neared the new building and I saw the newly constructed woodshed. “Wait a minute… when did you two fill this wood-shed?” It had completely slipped my mind. I had called Keith for the delivery, and I didn’t remember seeing the pile of split wood. I know I had lots on my mind at the time, but it would have been hard to miss.
“Keith came by the morning of the mine accident,” Eric told me. “Jason and I got it all stacked before you got back. I paid Keith from the pouch. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Not at all,” I replied, bewildered that I hadn’t noticed this major chore being done. “Thank you for taking care of it.”
“Why do we need to bring in wood now, Mom? It’s July!” Jason said.
“If the temperatures drop significantly from the ash cloud blocking the sun, it’s going to get cold. I don’t want any of us out unless absolutely necessary. And that reminds me, we need to lower the tarps, too, to keep the ash off the wood.”
* * *
The greenhouse was crowded, and it was a good crowded. There was green tumbling from the hanging baskets and lots of green in the boxes as the plants acclimated to their new home. The chickens started up a welcoming clucking when we walked in. I threw them a handful of grain and they clustered around it, cackling in pleasure. Jason changed the water in the adult pen, while Eric watered the baby chicks in the other.
I sprinkled some pellets on the surface of the fish pond and smiled at the splashes the little fish made as they gobbled up the food. My eyes rested on the statue in the corner: the bearded gold miner, with water endlessly cascading over his sluice pan. I turned away, only to be confronted by my silent sons.
“What’s going on, Mom?” Eric asked first.
“Where did John go?” Jason asked next.
They weren’t going to let me slide on this. I sat down on the bench that surrounded the gurgling fish pond.
“He left. He went to Indiana to get his daughter. He said he’d be back in a week, and I have to believe that, though I have my doubts.”
Both boys just stood there, still silent. I have to remind myself to stop calling them boys; they are grown men with their own families.
“Well, Mom, you have us, and you know we aren’t going anywhere,” Eric said, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. We had a group hug that made me laugh.
“We haven’t done that since … I don’t remember,” I said.
“And don’t tell anyone, Mom, or we’ll lose our badass status!” Jason quipped.
I took a deep breath and looked at the two of them, so different yet so much alike. Jason, with his dark hair and green/brown eyes; Eric with his clear blue eyes and lighter hair that was now speckled with early gray; yet they were both hard working and compassionate men.
“You’re right, I have my family and that’s what counts the most. Now, let’s get the rest of this stuff done in case th
at damn cloud shows up early!”
“Mom, before we get started, I wanted to mention that while I was up turning the cistern, I saw several deer close by and moving, heading north, just like the birds,” Jason said. “I think Eric and I should take a few hours and do some hunting. A couple of deer hanging in the barn could really help out.”
“Excellent idea, just be back in time for Emi’s birthday dinner,” I reminded them. “Much of this I can do myself, if the girls will help gut the fish.”
* * *
We set up work with boards across two sawhorses near the outside faucet. One tub was set to the side to catch the heads and guts of the fish, while the other was partially filled with water to wash the gutted fish. We separated the fish by size. The largest would get smoked, the smallest set aside for us to eat in the next couple of days, and the rest would be canned.
Amanda really caught onto the method of filleting the fish with scales and those were the ones we would use for upcoming meals. The three of us worked quickly and efficiently, finishing our task in less than two hours, while Jacob quietly watched a cartoon movie.
As the next batch of fish pressure canned on the stove, I gazed out over the yard, my thoughts still in turmoil. John had left me again. Why didn’t I feel worse? I didn’t want to think that I was getting used to his abrupt departures, or maybe I was. Or maybe it was because at least I had some warning this time. Or maybe I was numb to it because I just didn’t care anymore. The disappointment, the pain, it was just too much to bear time and time again.
My eyes rested on the herb garden. Even with fresh herbs now in the greenhouse, I should harvest and dry what I could from the raised beds. They would just die in a few days anyway.
The Journal: Ash Fall Page 21